We feel what you said and did
“I've learned
that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but
people will never forget how you made them feel.” Maya Angelou
The quote above is
often attributed to Maya Angelou and I will take it as that. In many of my
blogs, I have written about storytelling, the telling of our own stories and
some stories that were once taboo of generations before us and never given
voice to then have somewhat become acceptable narratives in our own
recollections.
When it comes to the
stories regarding our parents and the relationships, we had that became the
broad template of our lives and lifestyles, we could be a little shy of going
into much detail. Out of respect, out of the need to heal, out of the necessity
not to air one’s dirty linen, or out of honouring them.
Sophistication out of
humanity
Yet, some of these
factors allow our parents to get away with the reprehensible because they are not
made to face up to what they said that hurt, or what they did that harmed, but
especially how they made us feel out of their actions or inactions that now defines
the kind of relationships we have with them today.
None of this is to
castigate our parents, far be it from us, we have through strife, adversity,
pain, and privation learnt sophistication. The sophistication that allows us to
act out our humanity and kindness regardless of the personalities whose words
and deeds have left indelible marks in our lives. We can be formed by these
experiences and yet not be defined by the negative things they were at the time
meant to portend.
Forgiving after
dealing
We can be quite
forgiving, but that must not be used as the instrument to forget without
addressing the matters boldly, directly and without dissimulation. My father
will say, let bygones be bygones, that is convenient for him. However, that
bygone is a significant source of the present, a forming instrument of life and
experience, an influence of such magnitude as to be a principal actor in my own
story, even if it is not in theirs.
What he dismissed
then was what was significantly altering the course of my life in ways I could
never have thought would happen, when it looked like tomorrow was too far to
have a feel of any reality. Those tomorrows became years and decades, and each
of those events of how I was made to feel are my story.
Protecting our
interests
We are not softies
for overlooking much of what a lesser person would seek to avenge or punish, I
hope we raise ourselves to a higher plain and have the grace to recognise that
providence has given us the capability to teach a better way.
Many things are
temporal, including life, that we need to be careful that when we are no more
around to sort things out, we will be remembered for the good we said and did,
such that people will protect our interests, memories, kith and kin with just
as much passion as if we were around to address them ourselves.
When the stories are
told, they are about us, the ideas, the events and the people that contributed
to the experience and everyone whether they like that narrative or not has
inadvertently contributed to it, we are the people who will never forget how
you made us feel.
