Unrefined
The thoughts in
this blog are still unravelling, the words working into a framework and yet
without a clear indication of what the structure will be. One of those ones.
Friends
I was speaking to a
friend of 27 years standing yesterday [The use of 'standing' is more Nigerian-English parlance for stress and emphasis in speech.], and I mean a friend, one who just about knows enough of my deep secrets to keep them safe regardless of what happens to us or between us.
Yes, I have that
kind of friendship and only three people stand in the place, the stature, the
element and the knowledge of what is the I of me. I cherish them for they are
the winds beneath my feeble wings.
Struggles
As we conversed, I
told him of the many things I have been doing to match up; interviews I have
attended and stuttered in, stumbled through or flunked badly, seemed to reveal personal
inadequacies of knowledge, depth, ability or experience, many of which I was
struggling to fix or patch up with limited success – I’ve been running out.
Out of steam, out of
ideas and still juggling balls of doubts and fears in the swirling winds of
worry and anxiety, this all requires an intervention.
The intervention
came in the words of my friend, he reminded me that there is no job I have ever
embarked on, no matter how challenging that I have not performed well in – that
is true.
Chance
There are jobs where at interview I have been promoted to a higher role for the depth of knowledge or wealth of experience I had, but not in that particular activity or use of certain sets of tools in the job specification, I found favour and they were favourable towards me.
Whilst ability is
important, my friend indicated that I may not or will not get through on ability alone and
what matters might come down to likeability, favourability, maybe personality
or amiableness.
Chance is opportunity and timing meeting at the point of access and before me is an open door where many before have been closed.
Faith
I remember my toughest battles and realise that I have thrived the most when I have let go. Buoyed on my faith and my beliefs, the times when I was weakest facing death are when I have accepted where I am to gain strength to move on and live.
Therefore, my friend was saying to my hearing words I have spoken to my many friends in their own difficult times, a healthy form of plagiarism, considering my recent blogs. For the biggest battle is in the mind and then in the mind-set – shift those mind-sets and things begin to shift, the sense of being overwhelmed lifts for you to latch onto the possibility of overcoming.
I must live full of
gratitude and thankfulness for the many things that have become my story.
If
I was caught in a
battle of personal ifs making me
inadequate for challenges where I should use the divine knows to take me beyond my learnt and limiting limitations.
“If I could, I
would, BUT I am, I can, I do, I will, I excel.” The 'BUT' in that quote is my struggle;
it is the bridge most difficult to cross.
Whereas, that same
bridge is sure, is strong and is built to withstand all influences, the first
step and the next step, one after the other to the other side – I can, I have
to regain the belief I can and go to do.
Favour
Favour and mercy – Finding approval of those who have the power to decide might partly result from your ability, but it is rarely as objective as that. The liking people might have towards you is the difference between being presentable, which is what you can do, and being acceptable which is their prerogative.
For those who
believe, the variable that is not in your power to control is the one that
either finds you helpless or the one where your prayer is to find favour and in
finding favour you gain entry.
Trust
Know to commit,
know to pray, and know to trust, for the one that trusts will find the wind
that lifts beyond fears, doubts and anxieties to excel in courageous exploits.
I am a man of
faith, I trust in God, where I have been weakest and unable to produce but realised
that He is my rock, the fall is never to the ground to shatter into smithereens
but into loving arms of assurance – He has got my back and this journey; I will
come through with a better story. That is the power of hope above despair.
Thank you, God. “Lo,
I come (in the volume of the book it is written of me, to do they will, O God).”
Hebrews 10:7
There is a destiny
to fulfil written to a script of assurances and promises, never inadequacies;
that understanding is what I must gain and appreciate better. I am loved; I
should begin to love myself more.
