Madoff's made off, with your money

My money morphs to Beano

I was hardly 16 when this man accosted me and told me all sorts of tales that I came under his spell, the superstitious programming I had been subjected to through my early years took root and I was about to do anything.

As he took me into his confidence, I put my money in newspaper wrapping to be blessed and not to be opened till I got home. I had been told I should not travel or I would come upon a mishap, just as I knew I was to travel – it all worked on me.

By the time I came to, my blessed money was a Beano comic, unfortunately, I lost my sense of humour that I did not read the comic but ripped it up seriously angry with myself. Thankfully, I had some other money in another pocket, it made the difference between getting home to cry earlier or a 10 kilometre walk.

Lessons learnt

Yes, I was a victim of a confidence trickster or rather I was a silly fool, just young, thick and stupid – what I took away from that experience is what mattered; I will not be accosted by strangers, they have to keep up with my pace or fall away; I do not respond to calls in the street that do not refer to me directly by name - cat calls are for cats, in my view and I do not listen to beggar’s stories, I give and move on.

There is more, but you really have to have a story to get me dishing out my money for a blessing or some get rich quick scheme.

Selling skills not goods

When I moved to the UK there were friends who wanted me to join their communities of fantastic business opportunities as they renamed pyramid selling to multi-level marketing, I really have never been taken by dollar-sign eyes; I stick to my knitting – I know Information Technology and keep doing Information Technology, it has done well for me, that is what I am an expert in.

Everyone else thinks they are some budding businessman and entrepreneur, in Nigeria especially, rather than concentrate on their professional skills and develop that to a niche expertise, they all want to be bosses, they all want to sell and make lots of money.

I told my multi-level marketing friends, I would not do the business but I could sell them my computer expertise, no, they wanted that service for free, what mattered most was to get my money – well, I learnt long ago, they would get none of it – I’ll rather have a paltry sum of money in a rolling lottery than be fleeced by con artists pretending to be business gurus.

Impeccable credentials for fraud

Move over to another end of the spectrum and there is a man with all the accolades, they all think he has the Midas touch but he is as touching as the Artful Dodger.

He was the chairman of Nasdaq, they do not come with a better reputation and pedigree, people were almost begging to get into his fund which was minting money like it was the bank of the universe for those who got in first.

In fact, it was a humongous Ponzi scheme, but who would believe that a man whose reputation underpins the kind of trust we repose in financial settings was involved in what should be the forte of confidence tricksters at street corners?

It must be cunning if not genius bordering on the most malevolent to trade on the impeccable credentials of holding an office of great financial responsibility to run a Ponzi scheme, knowing that people would be flocking in with money in the quest for greedy and atrocious profits – never let it be said that big fools and their big money have been mightily parted forever – Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Boo! Hoo! Hoo!

The numbers are mind-boggling

The damage has been done to the tune of $50 billion and every reputable name in the business of making money seems to have been conned and fleeced making my Beano comic a more rewarding return on investment.

The punishment would hardly fit the crime, he has been bailed to the tune of $10 million, he might go to jail for 20 years and probably be fined $5 million for flittering away $50 billion – anyone who has a heart might well better start having a heart attack – Bernard Madoff [1] has made off with your money and methinks nobody will help you get it back.

Suddenly, I feel glad I met the confidence trickster those many years ago because I am neither impressed with mediocrity nor sophistication, when it comes to my money; I am careful about what I am willing to lose and always have something set aside never to be left home and dry.

My commiserations! One time in your life you get done by a confidence trickster, hopefully it is early and not by very much.

Source

[1] BBC NEWS | Business | Banks hit worldwide by US 'fraud'

This diva don't do encores

Don’t make me over

Dionne Warwick [1] knows the way to Amsterdam; I was out tonight to see her in concert. The supporting act was something that sounded like Tiara, a lady with a band of 3, a strong voice and a good warm up act.

The lighting must have been done by a sub-par supporting act lighting technician, I hardly saw her face, most of the time she was a silhouette, I feared, I did fear, I had to Say a little prayer.

She got to her version of the yellow brick road and left with grateful applause.

Are you there?

The concert paraphernalia was poor with a stingy store attendant who would not display his wares but only allow the viewing of just 2 items at a time. Imagine, out of the body of work the gracious lady had done, only 2 albums were on sale.

I expected to see concert material like books, lyrics and other things about Dionne Warwick and her work with Hal David [2] and Burt Bacarach [3], it was obvious we wanted to see her but the concert organizers were like bit-part amateurs oblivious of the stature of the star entertaining – That was a shame.

I wait now for Dionne as I once again make it easy on myself.

Always something there to remind me

She came on and made us all at ease, we could sing along, dance, clap and just appreciate and she ran through a repertoire of tunes – Walk on by on to Anyone who had a heart so stone cold that You’ll never get to Heaven so much so I’ll never fall in love again without first sending a Message to Michael.

This Girl’s in love with you even I wonder why that I Say a little prayer for you which was sung as a duet with the drummer who we eventually learnt through an introduction that sounded like a besotted lover's words to be her eldest son and what a beautiful voice he had. Dionne suggested she had brought that song that was dear to her heart into the 21^st Century.

Alfie was always a Heartbreaker and then we got into Brazil mood where we had the best advertisement for Brazil we had to be absolutely compelled to move something in syncopation or else we were long gone – a medley of Brazil songs you had to dance.

Trains and Boats and Planes

We all know but Do you know the way to San Jose in a salsa kind of theme after that hearing I knew I’ll never love this way again even if we know What the world needs now, it is the Christmas season and to see Dionne in the flesh we beckoned to that call O come all ye faithful to have Chestnuts roasting on an open fire.

In the end, we knew That’s what friends are for, a long session, a duet with interesting banter with her son as he praised his mum by saying he learnt from the best before quipping about being from a tough household that had mum mimicking a silly child – all good fun as it all came to an end.

A standing ovation and we clapped till our hands were red and worn, hollered till we were hoarse, little did we know we were about to see mega-diva, she doesn’t do encores – her prerogative, we just assumed she would come out to do more, if she did, then she would not be a diva, I suppose.

A good night in the end, I enjoyed watching the couples, male and female, male and male, female and female all caressing each other and we the singles were left singling, inkling for all the love in the world – she did not sing this. In any event she is a class act almost beyond compare.

Sources

[1] Dionne Warwick - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[2] Hal David - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[3] Burt Bacharach - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Note

All the titles of the songs she sang in order appear in bold italics in the text of the blog apart from the three pertaining to Brazil, one of which I was familiar with as a popular Brazilian signature sound but I cannot give a name.

Dragging the Christmas tree home

Forest of East Amsterdam

The rat race for Christmas has begun and nowhere is it as evident as at the flower shop just outside my apartment tower round the front towards the supermarket.

Every Yuletide, I run the gauntlet of a survivor terrain, a forest of Christmas trees arrive like a stage set for Macbeth [alluding to the prophecy that Macbeth would rule till the forest moved to his castle] and each year the activity gains in sophistication, and it is brisk business.

First it was the netting used to pack the flailing branches into some compact tree baggage – adequate description fails me – then, people worried about how to pot the tree; so there was the cross stand on which to mount the tree.

Taking a trick stand

The new innovation is a metal foot lever stand which seems to be reusable, there would be many an erect Christmas tree standing proud in homes this year and the inventors would be laughing all the way to the bank.

The stand is just so gimmicky and smacks of gadgetry, typical of anyone getting there for a tree and ending up with a complete sawmill, you just see it and your mind works overtime about how lovely it looks, how neat the idea is, you have parted with your money long before you get home and realise you should have asked for a user manual – Ha! Ha! Ha!

The family with kids and papoose in tow arrive and end up with a 2-metre height Christmas tree which would never fit in the car boot but they probably will snap the tree in two and glue it together again back at home, this is where duct tape comes into its own.

Christmas tree transport

The versatility of the bicycle is tested to its limits as I was forced to stand and watch how the bicycle would be used to cart away the tree, they succeeded but I wondered about it all.

Just then the baby was kicked out of the papoose for a more important passenger and that is not to say of the number of 50s-era design prams that had another road test for the Christmas tree.

With the credit crunch leaving us clenching our teeth in reactive pain for the cost of everything and our ability to meet the cost, I thought a shorter Christmas tree might have sufficed, but I leave bedecking the tree with baubles to the sophisticated and initiative of those who would do well and excel.

Palm trees for Christmas kisses

I have never been persuaded of a Christmas tree, in fact, long ago I had a good long-distance lover’s tiff on the need to get one, and we each had Christmas in separate places in the end.

Since I would not be around to take the Christmas tree down after the 12^th day of Christmas, I have a good enough excuse doing without one – they usually end up in the neighbourhood bonfire at the New Year.

I would be having palm trees to hug for Christmas, hopefully I would not end up under a mistletoe bush, I have kissed too many frogs already, I need the kiss of life.

Feeling like a Saturday morning

The daily grind

I am amazed at how I do Saturday, here I am, someone who has to be up at 6:21 AM precisely or thereabouts after hitting the snooze button a few times.

In fact, it is not so much a snooze button because I have to deftly select the 5 minutes reminder from a list of reminders on a smart phone – you then ask, if I could do that, maybe I should just get out of bed and get on with it.

I eventually do and I am out of the door somewhere between 6:55 AM and 7:05 AM with the view to catch the 7:22 AM to Arnhem so as to be picked up by taxi at 8:38 AM from the station to my office.

Five days a week, a routine unfolds like clockwork; I sometimes do not need the alarm to wake me up such that if it sounds after I am up and about, I am quite annoyed by the thing. In fact, I also have the alarm set for 1:20 AM on Tuesday morning to watch Ellery Queen [1] on BBC2.

Saturday is lay low

Then Saturday arrives and my body clock turns off, though I am up early, the duvet keeps me confined like in a strait jacket and the comfort of more slumber allows me to laze for another few hours.

I might be inspired to get up and blog if something strange comes up on television, but most of those blogs end up on the scrapheap of the unpublished – inspiration nipped in the bud by the desire to laze even more than engage in some cerebral gymnastics.

No itchy feet for so long

Suddenly, it is noon and the day is fast becoming history like yesterday is gone, I have to get out of bed, make breakfast at 13:00, then wonder about what to do during the day – a bit of shopping and all that, I cannot believe I have spent the last 3 months of weekends in the Netherlands.

I am prepared to stay in the Netherlands until I go off on holiday in just about 10 days, where I might just settle into 18 Saturday days - even then, I need to get out.

By golly, what I really do on Saturdays could make a boring vegetable of me – got to get out somehow and do something different and I probably would when it gets to Sunday.

Source

[1] Ellery Queen - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

To Victor Yagba

Basic analysis of a scam letter

Every once in a while I receive one of these amusing letters from Africa offering grand opportunities to make money or engage in some nefarious business activity.

At one time, I sent the email to the Nigerian Embassy in the hope that it would be investigated by our anti-graft agencies but I soon realised that the ambassador was more interested in painting us all in the worst light than tackling issues that besmirch the good name of Nigeria.

Anyway this email arrived this morning and I felt I needed to analyse the matter just to highlight how and why this is a scam and why it would be criminal to engage in any business with people who send you letters like this.

My comments appear in brackets inline in blue within the document.

The address

From Victor Yagba

[Maybe I would have been more impressed if it had come from the office of Victor Yagba but one should not pass judgement so soon and early in the reading of the letter]

Private and Confidential

Abidjan - Côte d'Ivoire.

My Dearest One,

[My Dearest One? A long lost beau or someone who does not know how to address a formal letter and hopes that flattery would butter up the dormant fool in me to part with my money]

It is my pleasure to contact you for a business venture which I and my junoir sister, Intend to establish in your country. Though I have not met with you before but I believe, one has to risk confiding in someone to succeed sometimes in life.

[In my country? He probably does not know what country I am in, besides, if you had not met me before, you cannot be so familiar with me and address me as dearest. I do not want to be kept in confidence by complete strangers but I think there is something fishy here.

Do you not have a spell checker to ensure that your junoir sister is properly represented as junior in your quest – in fact the correct usage is younger sister, not junior sister.]

Whose confidence

I am Victor Yagba, the only son of late Chief Fredrick Yagba, from Sierra Leone in west africa. My sources of your contact gave me the courage and confidence to rely on you.

[Nice to meet you Victor Yagba, I do not know you nor your father and none of my Sierra-Leonean friends would have offered my details to you for anything.

At least we have the courtesy to first contact a person before handing over their detail – it is just the honest and decent thing to do. West Africa could do with initial capital letters. You might have courage and confidence but that is a two-way street, have you wondered if I would have any courage or confidence in you? If I had any confidence it would in thinking you are a confidence trickster.

In the end, no respectable contact of mine that really knows me would ever give up my details to anyone without first informing me and obtaining my permission. Why did they not take up your offer and rather passed you on to me?

However, let us hear your story.]

Show me the money

There is this amount of FIFTEEN Million US Dollars ($15.000.000.00) which my late father deposited with a BANK in Abidjan Capital city of Cote d'Ivoire which he wanted to used for his political ambition in our Country before he was assassinated.

[I am sorry your father was assassinated but why would he put money for his political ambitions in another country other than the one in which he is planning to contest?

I am really surprised that he could have invested this money in some other worthwhile cause rather than in African politics, it probably suggests that the source of this wealth is unauditable or ill-gotten – interesting man your father was.

If he was that rich I am also surprised he was not able to hire good enough security detail to protect him and also how did he make such rotten enemies that they could only get even by killing him.

If you were to lay your hands on this money, what is to say those assassins would not come after you and in fact, they might also come after me.

It is a lot of money by any standards and enough for anyone to kill for given the right circumstances.]

Parent crook with crooked children

Now I and my junior sister have decided to invest this money in your country or anywhere safe enough outside Africa for security and political reasons.

[My younger sister and I have decided, well, have you?

If your father was investing in politics, I wonder where you and your sister might have acquired your business acumen from.

Your stupid father should have written a decent will and testament to take care of you in his afterlife, I would suppose he died intestate and there is probably a dirty scramble for his wealth.

I would even suggest you probably could not get your hands on the more tangible assets of your father having been edged out by other heavyweights that you are not going after this fantasy amount in some non-descript account in Cote d’Ivoire.

If you legitimately had access to this money, there would be no reason to engage a third-party to move it around.]

Investing in loss leaders

We want you to help us claim and receive this money which will be transferred to your safe bank account avoid any traces of the funds and to enable you plan for the investment in your Country. I will like to invest part of the money into these three investments in your Country but, if there is any other business that is better than my suggestion, I will be very glad to follow your advice.

1). Real estate

2). The transport industry

3). Five star hotel

[This is where you really show that you think I am an idiot or you are just plain stupid. Where have you been in the world in the last 18 months? Who is investing in real estate anywhere in the world today?

House prices are falling, commercial property is cheap as dirt, everyone is offloading their portfolios, even Dubai is slowing down on their fantastic developments.

Transport industry, like one of those ramshackle buses in Sierra Leone or what really? Road haulage, do you have any idea of what it takes to run a logistics business because that is what road haulage is all about and now with a paltry $15 million?]

You will not build a decent 1-star hotel with $15 million if you wanted one that would make you any money – the tourist industry is suffering already and in other places the prices have fallen so much it is impossible to be competitive.]

3 million smackeroonies

If you can be of an assistance to us we will be pleased to offer to you 20% Of the total fund while the balance will be invested by you. I await your soonest response.

[I can be of great assistance, find a good cliff in Sierra Leone and take a good running jump off it, make sure there are rocks below, you do not want to live through this tale again.

20% of the total fund is $3 million and I was almost tempted but if only you were just a little smart and knew what you were talking about, you might have had a chance. In fact, I do not get involved with shady unknown people for anything.

I’ll make you a better deal, I’ll take 100% of the total fund and have you and your sister committed to a sanatorium and corrective institution where hopefully in time you might become responsible members of society.

Now, I would have liked to reply but I cannot find a return address, looks like I have been blind-copied or something sinister so a public response might just suffice.]

Respectfully yours,

[I have no respect for you, your mission and your father or your ilk – you guys make me sick.]

Victor Yagba

[Finally, is this you on the 419 Scam [1] site? They say your message is an orphan scam, no wonder I cannot respond – I suppose that puts paid to this criminal scheme – Woe betide you and your kin.]

Source

http://www.419scam.org/emails/2008-09/04/00496214.2.htm