The significant others
I have had two
significant relationships amongst the many others altogether coming to just
about 11 years. The first which was for love lasted 7 years, the second, some 6
years later was out of necessity for companionship.
In chatting to a
friend just over a week ago, I reviewed elements of mine in relation to his. In
his case, a one-time quite fervent partnership suddenly took an unfortunate
turn that in terms affected most of us that knew them, maybe not as much as the
parties involved but nonetheless it was quite unsettling.
A love unmade
Then there was one
other in-between those two that was intense in its spark but never ignited a
fire, it was one where my head was never engaged in the affairs of the heart
that it brought much hurt and heartache, we made plans we never saw through, we
made promises we never kept and in the end we parted company too long that when
I thought to rekindle it, the kindling had gone – death had whisked my love
away.
Somehow, that
break-up of a relationship that barely existed over a span of 6 years of
somewhat unrequited love affected me the most, I had to get well before I had
the time to grieve and that took the best part of a year before I made peace
with myself and my loss, but for the memories that could have been if we did
work at it.
The foibles we suffer
That last
relationship was as unequal as they come in background, means and status but it
brought with it amazing insight, exposure to things I never before considered
important and adventure that brought a smile every time.
We parted company
in the pique of unnecessary jealousy, I might have been a tad insensitive but
everything I did to convey assurances where the offence was more of the other
than myself just seemed to accentuate a sense of lower self-esteem in the other
– there wasn’t much we could do.
I have striven to
keep the friendship of all those I have met, but it is their prerogative to
withdraw their friendship if they so wish, I will not hold it against them – life
is just too short to live it in grudge.
Just like that
A year after that
break-up, the friendship was rekindled, not for a relationship but just for
that good company we once had and it came in very useful when in my greatest
time of need, there was help, there was company and there was presence.
However, one
evening without notice, the door slammed and it was 8 months before we saw each
other again, people can only be what they want to be. I am not perfect and
though I have lived a good deal of my life a single man, the much I have learnt
about relationships, the need for them and the lack of need for them leaves me
with the conviction that they are needed and needed so much.
Definitely maybe
There will be a
time when the stories of each relationship will be told in the detail that each
deserves from the fleeting to the involved, the ones that connected and the
others that brought me to people I will rather not be in company of, all
ensconced in my memory where every time we’ve said goodbye I have either died a
little or lived a little more.
In the midst of
learning much of what I do not want in the next relationship that the list has
literally obliterated what I should need in a relationship, the bigger lesson
of relationships and companionships that matters to all social beings and has
been studied in primates that it got me even more concerned about my singleness
is – all good companionships have a complementing and complimenting effect that
you can never create for yourself out of singular means or access.
Therein comes my
desire to cultivate something new, the reality is, it is not you might think,
even I should be allowed an element of mystique whilst matchmakers can keep
their matches in the matchbox, I know the kind of fires I want to light. Thank
you.
