Really Not In My Local Shop Again

It’s a storm out there

The credit crisis and all that emanates from it has been like a storm outside, buffeting my enclosure but not really affecting me that much.

The only time I felt the force of the storm was in my mortgage interest rate which went up a whopping 50% in November 2006 – I have more or less absorbed that effect after the shock of discovering what extra had to go to fund that increase.

Awakened to nostalgic liveliness

However, I had been noticing its more drastic effects on others and no place was it more evident than at the irregular haunt of the African Store at the entrance of the Amsterdam Central Station metro.

The Nigerian lady from the East of Nigeria sold goods and wares mainly from West Africa catering for nostalgic requirements of Diaspora from the real hair of long dead people through bleaching creams to food stuffs.

For me, it was the yam tubers, the hot chilli powders, the stock fish or dried fish, melon seeds for stew, plantains, palm oil and loaves of solid Caribbean bread.

A few other things were familiar to my Nigerian eye which I bought as impulse allowed.

Beyond that, there was the banter which allowed me to use Pidgin English though at times it was impossible for me to find the appropriate parlance that I had to revert to English proper.

All mothers for younger

I could well remember one conversation where after her 50^th birthday celebrations her mother intimated that she had celebrated the landmark year a lot too early than she should have.

It lead to the conclusion that even though she had children in their 20s and a daughter who is a madam in her own right, her mother might well be celebrating her 40^th in Nigeria whilst having a daughter who was already 50 in Europe.

Nobody wants to grow old and how difficult it can be for a parent to suddenly realise that their child has reached a certain age meaning they have reached a rather more certain older age in the process.

All closed for business

Over the last few weeks I had noticed that the store arrangement had taken on a lighter feel, the goods were more spaced out and no new products were coming in – I felt the times were affecting business but my shock of that effect was confirmed yesterday when I descended the steps to get some goods – the shop had closed and it had been completely evacuated.

I no more had an easy to access local shop which brought me down to a new realisation that friends of mine had set up an online shop to cater for things you will not find in your local shop with the aptly named Not in my local shop [1] moniker. Alas, that site is no more online – I need to make a call and find out what is going on.

The only choice I have is to rely only on the British goods store across the road from Sarphati Park – this is a crunch that is far from pleasurable to all concerned.

Sources

Not In My Local Shop – Site down

Unbelievable returns might mask a Ponzi Scheme

Another fraud?

The news that Sir Allen Stanford [1] has been charged with the massive investment fraud [2] should ring alarm bells for many who have investments in arrangements with uncharacteristic returns that are not reflected in the market in general.

Only a few months ago, Bernard Madoff was caught or rather acquiesced in running a large investment scheme [3] that apparently amounts to a Ponzi scheme [4] that might cost investors well over $50 billion.

Taken by the takers

There is no doubt that certain personalities with larger than life portfolios have blindsided regulators all around the world, offering better than normal rewards for investments from investors who believed they belonged to an exclusive club of market makers where they have the inside on how to make serious money.

Many [5] have swooned at the genius and spell of these Midas moguls who seemed to have turned lumps of investment coal into gold and diamonds returns.

Early results and persuasion compel their customers to pour more of their fortunes into these investment vehicles built on the promise of unbelievable profits – the returns should have been unbelievable but many believed and desired beyond all to be involved.

The England and Wales Cricket Board were suckered into this grandiose circle [6] of wealthy patronage as they negotiated with Sir Allen for the big money stakes of Twenty20 Cricket [7] tournaments against the Stanford Superstars.

Can you get out now?

I do not know if people already roped into many yet undiscovered schemes have the ability now to withdraw their funds but the warning signs should be clear – any investment offering returns way higher that what you can get on the market without discernable competitive peer comparisons is probably suspect.

Just like the pyramid schemes of old took on new names like Multi-Level Marketing [8] or Network Marketing whilst still operating as the original scams, those amazing investment returns of today can be found in fancifully renamed High Yield Investment Programmes [9] which are essentially bare-faced Ponzi Schemes fronted by seemingly successful, flamboyant, respectable looking people fully integrated in community activities.

Parted from ones money

All appearances of propriety are deceptive and almost Machiavellian in nature, people have been seduced and cajoled but in the end have willingly allowed themselves to be lead by the nose to the point where that they are about to lose more than they can afford to lose.

If I have not made this warning clear enough, people should start examining their investments most especially in African capital markets, the global economic crisis is definitely going to expose how unsustainable these returns have been from the very first day they were conceived and marketed as the Holy Grail of mega investment returns – if your money is not in your mattress it is probably already out of reach.

If a word were enough for the wise, the unkindest lesson to be learnt could be summed up in realising that a fool and his money are soon parted – one would rather not be that fool.

Sources

[1] Allen Stanford - Wikipedia, the free encyclopaedia

[2] FT.com / Companies / Financials - SEC charges Stanford with fraud

[3] FT.com / UK - Madoff agrees not to contest Ponzi civil charges

[4] Ponzi scheme - Wikipedia, the free encyclopaedia

[5] List of investors in Bernard L. Madoff Securities - Wikipedia, the free encyclopaedia

[6] BBC SPORT | Cricket | England | ECB suspends talks with Stanford

[7] Twenty20 - Wikipedia, the free encyclopaedia

[8] Multi-level marketing - Wikipedia, the free encyclopaedia

[9] High-yield investment program - Wikipedia, the free encyclopaedia

HYIP Monitor - The Best High Yield Investment Programs Rating Service

Ten Big Lies of Multi-Level Marketing

List of multi-level marketing companies - Wikipedia, the free encyclopaedia

The 10 Nastiest Ponzi Schemes Ever | Business Pundit

Strategies for avoiding Madoff-like Ponzi schemes -- Newsday.com

Thought Picnic: Kids having kids

Break a bottle or two

Just consider a situation where a parent walked into a vintage wines shop where the average price of a bottle was for instance $2,000, just to satisfy their curiosity. Having in tow a toddler or even an adolescent child who then decides to try juggling bottles of Chateau Lafite 1954 as he saw on a cocktail demonstration on television.

Or maybe just a crockery shop where the child just takes plates off the shelf without care or concern, I would assume the parent would exercise authority with a firm caution and possible reprimand knowing that the damage caused by the child would be exacted in penalties against them.

The proud father at 13

My Though Picnic revolves around parent, child, responsibility and consequences.

The news looked interesting enough, a 13-year old boy in the UK had just become a father, the picture that appeared in the papers had father looking not a day over 9 and mother who is 15 looking like his really big sister and daughter born after the bird and the bees moved off the trees into some serious reality.

Apparently, the girl fell pregnant after having sex with her boyfriend – but the pictures also showed how girls who mature earlier than boys made this look like a family photo of siblings rather than parents and child.

An ancestry almost vile

The grandparents of the new born baby who have no discernable income apart from that of the lowly paid paternal grandfather makes the story all the more saddening and visiting an indictment on what our society has become.

None of the grandparents are in a normal family setting, all divorced and separated; something was definitely missing in the early education of the new parents.

First of all is the matter of consequence – sex between kids barely adolescent can produce, wait for it – A PREGNANCY. Then the matter of responsibility, what do these kids know of fending for themselves before ending up with a child?

Then being from broken homes with jobless separated parents on welfare, this piece of news generates more odium than should be accorded the little bundle of joy that is the result of a complete breakdown of responsibility.

Responsibility and consequence

It is very much like a few broken bottles or plates in the shops visited by the parents with their child only that now in the case of a teenage pregnancy and baby the parents are not being held accountable to the point of exacting costs and penalties.

There is no telling that if I were to engage in a business transaction that needed financing the source of finance would enquire of my ability to maintain payments through all sorts verification and authentication.

With the news of the single mother of six children living in a 3-bedroom apartment with her parents now having octuplets through in-vitro fertilisation treatment the question of affordability following responsibility cannot be overlooked.

Affording your children

People should just not have children beyond their ability to offer a good environment for upbringing without relying on charity or welfare. For many, the birth of a child might be a divine gift but the fact is God did not engage in the act of copulation and it required the human-being to adopt a suitable kind of contraception.

There is a case for society creating a means-testing approach to having children just as people are not allowed to drink, drive or vote until they reach a certain age.

Where those societal checks cannot be implemented and enforced then there should be a case of age-related contraceptive neutering – not so much for removing the organs but making the potency of the usage of those organs ineffective until an age of responsibility has been reached.

Time-limited impotence vaccine

Perish the thought that this kind of sexual-organ docility can be introduced through an infant vaccine which wears off as the person approaches 18.

Beyond this, the matter of the 15 year old mother gives cause for concern where her mother allowed her boyfriends to spend the night with her at home – so much so that the 13 year old boy is now asking for a DNA test as proof of paternity because the girl had apparently been offering pleasures to many a man.

At which point I could have fainted with incredulity but this is no time for moralising the matter there is a lot at stack for them, for society and the media-feeding frenzy that now has the grandparents salivating with the thought of making money of the back of this seeming societal tragedy.

No abortion? Then pay up

My biggest wagging finger would however go to the good-intentioned organisations of religious atrocity whose dogmatic adherence to the cult of life abhorring abortion never goes beyond lip service.

Until those organisations really wade into the matter of their principled positions of non-abortion by offering viable and usable care and support through counselling, parental guidance and monetary commitment their noise is piffle and they are hypocrites of the highest order.

No good at all

There is nothing of societal good in having children who cannot fend for themselves having children of their own where even their parents are not effective and beneficial contributors in the society where they belong.

It all lends a lie to the whole moral debate on these matters which can be summarised as follows – parents should provide good sex education to their kids; kids should not be experimenting with sex; if they are then they should have easy access to contraception; kids having kids is just not on and where there is no clear evidence as to how the child would have a life of comfort better than that of those who brought it into the world – adoption is an option whilst abortion should not be ruled out.

Basically, this is serious business, no boy should be proud of being a father at 13, no girl of 15 should be proud of having slept around that the owner of the pregnancy is in dispute, no parent should be seen to be encouraging these kinds of liaisons and no new-born child should be assaulted with the irresponsibility that pervades this sorry tale.

The innocent party to this tale are the child and the octuplets – if only for all that is good in this world they be extricated from the madness into which they have been born which calls for a cold hard look and what is becoming rabid news material but a sad reflection on our sense of responsibility.

Note:

Thought Picnics are a series of random thoughts where thinking the unthinkable becomes part of the conversation to excite debate.

Nigeria: The telling silliness of silly tellers

Remittances abroad

The issue of money remittances to Nigeria should be an easy task, at least when I do it from here.

Before, I used the MoneyGram [1] services through the GWK outlets but just about a year ago the MoneyGram services were replaced by Western Union [2].

Having been away from Nigeria for so long, I did not know that everyone now had a national identity card – the MoneyGram service did not have that requirement; however the Western union service did.

I had to pull a completed transaction and first enquire of the recipient about having an identity card before completing transaction somewhere else.

Checking the transaction I made yesterday (12/02/2009) against what MoneyGram would have offered me, MoneyGram offers a considerably better exchange rate of about 4% more and 18% less commission. Slightly obfuscated text - ( Begin - MoneyGram rate 188.47 €200 + €9.99 = NGN 37,694.76 WesternUnion rate 180.14 €200 + €11 = NGN 36,027.60 - End )

The process

Now, all I have to show is my Western Union card and they can retrieve my details and enquire if the last recipient would be the same recipient for this transaction.

After showing my identification papers, the transaction is complete with me now thinking it is best to convert directly from Euros to Naira rather than using the intermediary of the US Dollar.

In fact, I have noticed how far the Naira has fallen from about EUR 1.00 = NGN 140 in November 2008 to EUR 1.00 = NGN 180, basically, that is greater than 20%, it is a lot.

Once the transaction is concluded on the sender’s end the recipient should receive just three pieces of information, the MTCN number, the amount payable and the answer to the test question.

There is a quality of multifactor authentication in this simple transaction and that should be it – the recipient should be able to present an identification document that matches the names to the person, the MTCN number and answer the test question.

Asking for the moon

Unfortunately, that simple task is now completely beyond the capabilities of the tellers in the banks.

On one occasion they were asking for the address of the sender and his date of birth – it is of no significance to the transaction, in fact, the recipient called me from Nigeria and switched on his speakerphone as I rubbished the stupidity of it all.

Again, if the slip already has the conversion determined by the sender, it should not then been converted again to benefit the issuer – one ends up twice charged and robbed blind just because they are in a position to frustrate the deal.

I was also surprised to learn that the form the recipient has to fill in requires that the recipient state both the question and the answer.

Well, what is the point of having the recipient state the question? Though it helps ascertain full communication between the sender and the recipient, it could well have been someone picking up the detail and using it.

Knowledge not recitation

The whole point behind requiring the recipient to answer the question correctly is to offer the teller the ability to vary the wording of the question to still arrive at the right answer – it is supposed to be a memory/knowledge thing not a recital.

But again, it reminds me of the educational system that pervaded my secondary school and tertiary education years in Nigeria – people wanted you ability to regurgitate what you were told rather than express an understanding through comprehension of what you had learnt.

The only parallel to that is requiring the interpreter of dreams to tell you both the dream and its interpretation – whilst having such is skill is legendary, the purpose of sending money home is not to hone the skills of soothsayer recipients but to hope that the business end of the transaction is stress-free, friendly and done with a sense of service and comportment.

Sources

[1] MoneyGram International

[2] Western Union

Caught between Paraskavedekatriaphobia and Cryophobia

Not Friday the 13th

Somehow, we all suffer from various degrees of paraskavedekatriaphobia [1] and for people who have computers, we have been told to fear the worst and keep our computers switched off – the reach of superstition cannot be ignored no matter how much technology we have around us.

33 years ago when Friday the 13^th was in February, General Murtala Ramat Mohammed [2] the Head of State of Nigeria was assassinated, he was only 37, in a bloody coup that failed and gave rise to first tenure in office of General Olusegun Obasanjo [3].

I knew exactly where I was on that day, I was down South in Sagamu living with my great aunt’s family as I prepared for common entrance examinations into secondary school – we were at play outside when someone came round to announce the event – we had no television then and heard it all on the radio.

I can live with history as well as contemporary events, but I think we have run into an outrageous celebration in the Netherlands.

No jumpers for cold hearts

The Carbon “Nazis” have hijacked the 13^th of February 2009 and named it Warme Truiendag [4] this translates to Warm Pullover Day.

It is 0ºC in Amsterdam and -1ºC in Arnhem [It is snowing, in fact] where I am working today and some smart climate change advocate has come up with the idea that I should wear something warmer so that the office can be converted into mini tundra.

Really, if I wanted live in Scandinavia and cavort with Santa Claus and his reindeers, I would go up there to freeze my crown jewels but spare me the Eskimo fashion in the Netherlands.

Indeed, we all have to do our bit for climate change but not at the risk of hypothermia that shivers my timbers to the point that life is stilled as if I were in cryogenic repose.

It is national cooling

So the email that came with this announcement encourages us to do our part by wearing a pullover, lowering the thermostat which saves 7% energy per degree Centigrade and we should eke out an economical day.

So, our participatory and enthusiastic management have turned down the thermostat by 2 degrees for today and asked what suggestions and plans we have to help keep our jumpers, cardigans and pullovers from looking like granny had a colour rush knitting the mittens, we might even win a pair of woollen earplugs.

Friday the 13^th is definitely going to be a cold day – Brrgh!

Sources

[1] Friday the 13th - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[2] Murtala Mohammed - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[3] Olusegun Obasanjo - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[4] warme truiendag

The Phobia List

Nigeria: Courts give Diaspora the vote

Voting from abroad

The force of African Diaspora is gaining momentum beyond the nostalgic urge to be involved in aid, development or the ability to rant and rave from the comfort of our existence abroad.

The courts are ruling in favour of the growing community of concerned, relevant and patriotic citizens who want to be enfranchised and participate in the democratic process of their home countries.

Just 2 weeks ago, a court in Nigeria ruled that Nigerians abroad be allowed to vote [1] in Nigerian elections without the need to return home and now today in South Africa another court has ruled that South Africans abroad be given the opportunity to vote [2] from abroad too.

The parliament in South Korea [3] last week gave the South Korean Diaspora the right to vote reflecting a constitutional court ruling in 2007.

Already, many might think this might become a logistical nightmare for African countries especially in situations where consular offices can be inefficient, lethargic and sometimes corrupt – those consulates now need to polish up their act for this serious responsibility.

Where should the votes count?

It represents a challenge too to national electoral commissions who now have to properly reconcile returns that represent the express will of those who have voted from abroad in relation to where they want their votes to count.

The Americans have for some time had the ability to register and vote from abroad [4], and this usually a while before the real election takes place at home, but they have structured systems that allow for records of the last place of residence to be the focal point of where the vote would matter.

I think the Diaspora vote should count in a national pool of votes for national office rather than state, assembly or local elections - when abroad, I hope we identify more as Nigerians than tribal cohorts.

I am Nigerian, Period!

Chatting earlier this evening about issues in Nigeria, I heard a rumour that the one “progressive” governor had apparently displaced a connurbation of non-indigenous citizens from another state and seemingly asked the state governor of the displaced to provide opportunities to allow them return home.

I would hope there is no truth to that rumour – Nigerians should be able to create enterprise anywhere in the country without let, hindrance or indigenous affinity.

Our affiliation to Nigeria both at home and abroad has to move beyond that of what ones home state is; for instance, my formative years in Nigeria were spent in the North in North-Central State (Kaduna) and Benue Plateau State (Jos).

The real Nigeria

Then we had 12 states and if my memory serves me well, Abba Kyari was the governor in Kaduna and Joseph Gomwalk was the governor in Jos respectively – this was the early to mid 70s.

When my father was persuaded to defer a fully sponsored MBA programme to retain his position as Chief Accountant at the Amalgamated Tin Mines of Nigeria, it was a case of Nigerians occupying positions of responsibility and authority not one of a Northerner or Southerner filling some absurd quota.

I went to primary school is a truly international community that when the Head of State (Yakubu Gowon) took guests up to his homestead in Pankskin, we all trooped out – European, Asian, African and anywhere else to wave flags and sing the national anthem.

I cannot remember any time where I was asked what state I came from, I was just Nigerian, living in Nigeria and enjoying the beauty of Nigeria.

Being a Nigerian

My mother, speaks all the three major languages of Nigeria fluently, she can pass for indigenous Igbo or Hausa even though she is Yoruba – she was known as Hajiya to her students when we were up North.

In short, it is time to return to the entity of association called a Nigeria that stands in brotherhood regardless of the fact that tribe and tongue differ, in a paraphrased version of our old national anthem [5] we should begin to obey the call of Nigeria rather than hearken to the beating drums of our village clans in the our current national anthem.

I have enjoyed meeting Nigerians abroad but get annoyed with questions of where I am from, I wish my Hausa were as fluent as my mother’s then it would have been nice to have a Yoruba name and agitate as a Hausa man.

The force of Diaspora for change

This is what I hope the enfranchising the Diaspora would do; eliminate the tribal affiliations that paralyse our political and economic development thereby forcing people to adopt a national identity rather than the primitive clan instinct that unscrupulous politicians try to exploit to devastating effect.

It should begin to diminish the federal character model that allows for there to be many pools of people from the excessive state framework yielding too few talent pools of expertise, competence and dedication to public service.

It should make the political process begin to recognise that the Diaspora have just as much a stake in nation building as those back at home and ensure that the quality of political campaigning is improved considerably allowing for more freedom and exchange of information.

We are for all intents and purposes unwittingly ambassadors who have been given the opportunity to ensure the criminals who seize power through usurping political office cannot attain respectability on the back of Nigerians who cannot voice their dissent effectively.

We, in Diaspora have a duty to begin to project the circumstances that make us believe things could be better in our home countries in the way we appreciate political discourse and governance – it is an opportunity to work for change and be part of change. We should ensure this enfranchisement is not hijacked by malevolent forces and those who have an agenda inimical to Nigerian progress as a whole.

Nigeria, we hail thee – Arise! O Compatriots – we have the vote.

Sources

[1] Court grants Nigerians abroad leave to vote

[2] Citizens abroad have right to vote: South Africa: Politics: News24

[3] SKorea grants overseas citizens voting rights - Taiwan News Online

[4] VoteFromAbroad.org : Voter Registration Wizard

[5] The Nigerian National Anthems - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia