A willing rapscallion averse to chopping onions

Chop! Chop!

The onion is a versatile vegetable that always makes an appearance in my cooking. The processing of the onion is, however, a fraught process of looking for convenience over tearing eyes when chopping them.

By the time I got the chopping of onions down to an art, I was walking down Oxford Street in London and at one of the entrances to Selfridge’s a man was demonstrating the use of a mandolin. This was long before we had a QVC television channel where someone told you everything you could do with a saucer, absent of the teacup. I watched it happen.

Perfecting the chops

We exchanged £15 for a mandolin and that was probably that last time I chopped onions with a knife for a very long time. I just never found any more fun in manually chopping onions, whilst using a mandolin allowed me to prepare onions I could use for days, by chopping large quantities and keeping the rest in the fridge.

That also presented a few other issues, the onions that were not chopped, kept in the larder for weeks either shrivelled or began to bud, if I had a garden, I should have planted the budding onions. Along with the ones that took on the rot, they all ended up in the bin. I was wasting onions.

Yet, I do like fresh scallions or spring onions, I would readily chop them, but they are never good after a day of storage.

Outsourcing the chopping

Then, the other day, I was in my local and saw a pack of prepared vegetables Diced Onion going for a song. To that point, my life of chopping onions became a closed chapter. Where I could not find prepared vegetables, I was the very last resort if I could find no one to help me out. In Cape Town, Brian readily offered that service. I remember when I asked Kola, he came to some harm whilst using the mandolin or the knife, I think.

My quest for conveniently pre-prepared onions have not ended though, as in the ethnic shop, a few weeks ago, I found large bags of Crispy Fried Onions, I bought two, though what I would want flour, salt and oil in my onions before use in cooking somewhat escapes me. The only advantage is I do not have to freeze it like I do the Diced Onion or see the budding of fresh bulbs.

Now, some might dismiss this all as being lazy, I guess there are times you do not want to be bothered with certain things. Chopping onions is, for now, something I can do without.

Thought Picnic: The onion of truths

The anatomy of onions

It is all there in the blog he always tells friends and the other day a friend hinted that the information there is probably much clearer than interactive issues on the matters on which he opines conversationally, personal or peripheral.

Like onions, one peels into the structure to the core, the story and essence is all contained in this awkward journal that is already in its seventh year.

More of that self is revealed in what has lately been an avalanche of full disclosure and as the tide runs out some swimmers are suddenly going to be running for cover with the revelation that they had been swimming naked.

Peeling into the truth

It does not matter anymore because it would be learnt and there can only be great sympathy for those who cannot handle that truth.

The truth is more like an onion too, on the surface it has a skin and as it is peeled away you get to the detail, cut it for use and your eyes begin to water – irritation, sadness, joy or just plain emotion – leave the onion alone and the truth remains hidden; sometimes, it is best not to handle a truth that can be so volatile.

Knowledge is there and it is shared in a jumble or as a lucky-dip, someone always has something to take away, if you are not in the position of each of the 6 blind men’s perspective of the elephant, you do not yet have an elephant as a seeing man would know.

For those who had been allowed to know it was known that one might be fruitful in some other ways but never multiply in a particular way for years – the burden of concealing this fact exacerbates the desires of others to force the matter.

Deep in the onion

Every seeming palliative method has been deployed without much success but a continued and persistent pressure for adaptation and conformation clouds the focus that no one knows we are now at the core of the onion, the nuclear core is in view and the bitter truth explodes in the face of eyes ready to stream down with rivers of salt tasting waters – it cannot be done and let it no more depend on luck.

Talking of taste, the onion appears to do wonders to any dish, the dishes served in the blog are really the a la carte of a life being lived which might not have your best needs on the menu by which time it is safer to walk out of the restaurant before a bout of food poisoning becomes the lesson to trust instincts rather than tastes.

If there were to be a guidance certificate as a safety precaution to administering large doses of the truth or the usage of too many onions in the dish, it would be to never ask questions for answers you might not be ready for; before you get that far, if you must dice the onion, wear some goggles.