Thought Picnic: Realising there is more to do

I am tired

As I walked to the restaurant to retrieve part of the incomplete order that I discovered after returning home yesterday, I had a feeling wash over me in thoughts I strive not to entertain when they visit in moments that are not as good as they can be.

I am tired, it tells me, as weariness and fatigue creep in, like I have done all I need to do, and I am ready to rest from all of it. For, after all, the bother is rarely and never that of the departed but of those that remain.

To matter or not at all

Earlier in the day, I read of a farmer whose coffin-bearing hearse was driven past the farm he once owned to see his cows for the last time. I wondered, to whose particular benefit that was apart from the performative gesture that could be as emotional as it could be totally meaningless.

Then as I pondered on this and the fact that that there is much to live for, a lady walks into the restaurant to first thank the waiter for his kindness towards her sister some months before as she fell ill, that sister sadly has been in hospital for weeks with a yet to be confirmed cancer diagnosis. The lady was somewhat resigned to the situation as she was invited for a discussion with her sister’s consultant who was not a bearer of good news.

As beacons of hope

I found myself comforting the lady as she began to cry, the concern for her sister all too evident and the feeling that they are alone in this ordeal. Indeed, she needed some space and time to come to terms with what was ahead and also gather the kind of strength and support to give her sister in this very impossibly difficult time.

Then I, an example of a cancer survivor cannot afford to be tired when there are people to comfort and encourage as they walk through essentially their own valleys of the shadow of death or have to face death itself. We cannot then give up in ourselves where we can give some sense of hope beyond despair. We do not exist for ourselves alone and with that in mind, we need to hold firm and face what is ahead to get through to the other end.

Exhausted as I feel attending to issues for myself and others who at times feel we draw from inexhaustible reserves of resolve and determination even when we absorb what should be batted away. I guess I just need some time to be human and vulnerable, as it is a part of living or otherwise.