Wednesday 1 April 2009

Only till noon and no further

So rapid a folly

As we fulminate and castigate the rebranding Nigeria exercise the invisible website of the Nigeria: Good People, Great Nation campaign makes a disappearance worthy of the greatest magic trick and truly this day must it be found in our deepest imaginary thoughts as we are taken on a subliminal journey of no particular destination. Good dreams, Great fantasies.

Success has come, President Go-Slow has moved into the fast lane and the power crises has left people crying for joy as the turbines in Kainji roar into patriotic action and deliver power 25/8 non-stop to the oil lantern burning in my village in Ogun State. Good power, Great darkness.

O for a play, Sir

The militants have joined the campaign and rebranded themselves; Good militants, Great commotion the Delta in the region has now become mathematical, it is the difference between the haves and the have-nots, but the ex-military generals have been demoted to captains of oil boats, maybe it is a case of Good oil, Great slipperiness.

No doubt, we have to cut down the rate of maternal mortality, indeed we do, so the House of Assembly has diverted its gaze from the issue of gay marriage that sailed through the legislature unanimously that Bishop Akinola even blessed the first couple to be joined in unholy matrimony; their attention is on promulgating a law to ban pregnancies altogether, condoms should worn on the ring finger. Good marriage, Great barrenness.

Yaps fail drool

Meanwhile, in recognition of the hard times and contrition for their hedonism, the Redeemed Christian Church organization decided on the side of great charity to donate the services of their newly acquired aircraft to the services of airlift the asylum seekers who have many a time drowned in the Mediterranean Sea. It is just so unAfrican to travel by rickety boat, fly instead. Good plane, Great airs.

Since they have landing rights all around the world, they can also take the message of Nigeria’s great rebranding to the global village and proclaim the new rich Nigerian clergy; One would abide no gay and the other would levitate from clay. Good show, Great buffoonery.

Is a day for poll

Just as America is beginning to consider the lesser dominance of the Dollar, the Naira is becoming the reserve currency of Africa and Nigeria has just been invited to the G-21 meeting, you could have fooled me; I thought it was the G-20. Good G-20, Great G-21

The brand Nigeria is getting better than Aspirin for pain, the Hoover for cleaning, The Kelvinator for coolness and Google for a search of the right way to do things – I am almost impressed, but hey! Wasn’t the ex-President put on trial the other day on hard talk as he explored all the potentials that Nigeria had to be a rich country, a prosperous country, a leading country and a democratic country? Good country, Great potential.

Proofs lay laid

No mention is made of corruption because the EFCC has wiped it would with a few arrests and fines, elections count because the INEC produces the numbers, and 419 letters have gone one better, they are now 420 and you must finish reading the letters before 4:30.

Did I say the President has moved into the fast lane? Well, he now has 4 kidneys – read this all before noon. Anagrams are pain.

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