Thought Picnic: A world without bad religion

Giving womenfolk their dues

I am coming to the conclusion that the absence of religion sometimes makes for a more egalitarian society.

This is one of my Thought Picnics where I wonder about the place of women in our societies and how more secularised settings have allowed for women to become considerable and worthy contributors to society.

I remember my grandmothers who were known by their trades and businesswomen in their own right – it is customary for women from my tribal background to have a trade and to get out and do something worthwhile.

Insert an interpretation of some religious import and suddenly they have to be housewives, they have to be chaperoned, their dignity is being diminished and their honour is being tarnished.

The role of women in my family

Society cannot gain the full benefit of womenfolk if they have to live under such strident settings – I do not see any of my grandmothers having lost the respect or adulation they had in society for striving to better themselves or the lot of their children, instead their status was enhanced.

My father in particular would say he owes the foundation of his education that has now made him an accountant of 40 years standing to his grandmother, she was the one who raised the money and means to see him through early school until he latched onto what eventually became his career pursuits.

Those seeming inconsequential acts of yore bred a whole culture of mentoring that my father embarked on encouraging many to see the benefits of academic pursuits for life improvement over other endeavours.

My paternal grandfather was Muslim, his wife was Christian, but they ran their home in a very pragmatic rather than dogmatic setup allowed for each other to rear children who went on to be self-sufficient and in many ways successful.

This, I must say was in spite of religion rather than because of it.

Where women have lead gloriously

If religious influences took root in many places we would not benefit from the qualities of women we have had in our history, Christianity, for instance does not allow for women to be priests or be in leadership but we have had queens, presidents, prime ministers and women in supposedly Christian countries in many roles of leadership and expertise where the influence of religion has been insignificant.

In other religiously inclined countries, we would never have had Benazir Bhutto in Pakistan, the Bandranaikes in Sri Lanka, Golda Meir in Israel, and many more women in power in Muslim Indonesia and Bangladesh, in the Philipines or in South America today.

The chauvinist might say that the woman’s place is in the kitchen but that person is poorer for the greater benefits of womanhood and their abilities left untapped and unexploited because of narrow-minded views.

Women have more to give

It is unimaginable how much women can mean to the Middle-Eastern and near Asian countries if they are allowed to be the best they can in the pursuit of happiness and in their contributions to society.

A number of issues in the news recently has brought this into focus, there was a clip from a film where a lady in a singing competition decided to dance. A man suggested the dancing was unnecessary and another suggested she be killed for that.

Pray, where in our human psyche do we switch off the urge to dance and merry when singing?

Only an atrocious dogmatic schooling can create a reaction like that, I know of no cultural environment before the influence of bizarre interpretations of religion where dancing is so much of a sacrilegious activity that it should exact capital punishment.

Women have feelings to be respected

Even so, there was another instance where a man who had left his wife for some activity he called Jihad send a short message text to his wife divorcing her. When the wife took the matter to court, the religious clergy judges in the court upheld the divorce.

It begs the question where a religion portends to protect the honour of women but has no consideration for the feelings of the woman or the psychological effect of apathetic actions of men on their wives or womenfolk.

If the court was amenable to the feelings of the man who wanted a divorce, why could it not be more so to the feelings of the woman who had been divorced unceremoniously that the man should be have been censured?

There is no civility talk less of civilisation in that kind of thinking, it plays to the point that religion is serving no beneficial purpose to the preservation of our humanity and the promotion of compassion.

The same bizarre rules that allow the man to divorce his wife in the most insensitive way confers the most insurmountable hurdles on the wife, if she, for all sorts of reasons wanted a divorce.

It is possible that without religion, the woman would have greater respect, the partners in a marriage would understand the symbiosis of interdependency that nothing would be taken for granted by either party.

Woman should stand side-by-side

The woman would stand side-by-side with man rather than under or behind.

In fact, there is an unhealthy dynamic that confuses womenfolk for wife, whilst a woman might eventually be the wife of someone; it does not give every man the right of husband over every woman – married or unmarried.

Men should be protecting the honour and dignity of their wives no doubt, and definitely that of other women, but they have no business determining the life, lifestyle and status of women with whom they have no relationship – it makes men busybodies to assume they have a right to determine what women in general should do in society.

Religion and dishonourable men

Then, in Pakistan, for the quelling of revolt in one region the government offered the religious zealots carte blanche to introduce Sharia Law in exchange for the zealots giving up their weaponry and insurgency.

The zealots reneged on their part of the deal and they supposedly are followers of a religion that supposedly has very high moral values.

The situation to me is simple, for some, God is up there and we are down here, if we cannot be transparently trustworthy and honest with each other so as to honour deals we have made with each other down here, you cannot honestly suggest you are doing God’s bidding without reneging on many essential but difficult part of the deals made with God.

The Taliban which in effect means student or scholar do not seem to be scholarly in their understanding or interpretation of the books they profess to underpin their faith – each strand only seems to seek to find a darker side to humanity and suffering with supposed justice that seems to shock more and more. They have become inveterate sadists who take pleasure in beheadings, executions, amputations and floggings under the guise of some strict religious guidance and tutelage.

Shock and horror religion

Creating adherence through shock and fear is not religion; it is cultist, degenerative and rotten, it is even worse to suggest that this is done in the name of a higher being because I do not believe that our purpose on earth is to gain ascendancy through to destruction of others not like us or the ultimate domination of others we have imposed ourselves on.

Rather, our walk in life should be one of example and persuasion through our interaction with each other, any other means is just so inherently evil and usually is not subject to secular scrutiny that can commend or praise its results.

Interpretation might be the problem

Maybe what I what I really mean is the absence of the abuse and malpractice of religion through self-serving interpretation makes for a better society.

Because, once again, the purpose of religion should be in the service of humanity, bringing out the best of each of us to allow all of us to live together in harmony – anything short of that is NOT religion and those who profess views inimical to that purpose are not in any way religious.

They might have a creed but it is ungodly, they might have a goal but it is evil, they might have an agenda but not for humanity, they might have deals but they are dishonourable and they bring no succour to the lives of the people they portend to lead.

A new intolerance

We need to become intolerant of views and ideas predicated on religion that destroy our sense of humanity from laws, to suicide bombings through religious wars that impose untold suffering on innocent people – those things are patently not God’s purpose and we need to boldly challenge attributions to God which are clearly not serving humanity.

That should be the litmus test, if it serves humanity, confers dignity on all, frees people to become the best they can be and promotes an egalitarian sense of contribution and entitlement, it is probably of God, if those purposes fall short, they should be questioned, sanctioned and abrogated – forthwith.

Whose balls? A Carry On

Balls of Stress

About 15 years ago, a friend gave me a box of Chinese Stress Balls which made jingling sounds as you rolled them around in your hands.

Somehow, when I have brought the balls out at work which for all sorts of reasons can be atmospherically stressful, people have allowed themselves the liberty of double entendre bordering on the lewd and not far off from smut.

The best form of stress relief might be to be able to land a ball square on the forehead of an obnoxious colleague and take the glee of a good hit, well, we are all civilised now and that would be unacceptable – I am not a violent man.

However, talk and exchanges seem to end up in some sort of communal stress relief where political correctness is abandoned for a while as laughter or red faces result from inadvertent commentary.

As I walked into an office that had a colleague I had worked with years before, he said, “Akin, you’ve had those balls a long time.” I was surprised when I replied, everyman has balls for a lifetime to which another retorted, “but not everyman plays with them as gingerly as that.”

I was speechless as laughter ensued.

Carry on the balls

However, the best sound of balls I have heard in fact comes from Carry On, Columbus [1] where the European wayfarers on getting to the Carribean shores tugged at the golden earrings of the chief in exchange for dull European tat.

The chief was not amused as he derided their effrontery with a very condescending – Balls!

Much as I enjoyed watching the Carry On [2] genre which today is fashionably Non-PC, it represented light-hearted English comedy infused with shocking double entendre, parody, puns and slap-stick.

Last week, the eponymous producer of the genre that comprised a collection of 30 films died at 95, he at one time was the mainstay of British film industry.

Mr. Peter Rogers [3], was almost parsimonious to a fault as his low budget films indicated that actors were poorly paid, but if any of the actors did need a springboard for their careers, there was no doubt that they had opportunity if they so desired.

He did say he would “do anything for my actors except pay them”. As he offered low salaries for a share of the profits that the actors' agents unwisely declined, he treated himself to a new Rolls-Royce every year – shrewd, I say and proof that the genre did sell.

Without balls to speak your mind

Now, we are in the age of enlightenment, but through the 70s and 80s Nigerian television was flooded with dastardly but entertaining English humour that would hardly pass the censorious and easily offended today as Mind Your Language [4], Love Thy Neighbour [5], Rising Damp [6], Mixed Blessings [7] and The Many Wives of Patrick [8].

I enjoyed watching all of them as they were quite well written and nothing compared to the outrageous smut that considers high shock factor as humour – I cannot stand The Office or Little Britain, they are for me, just impossible to watch without making me cringe – they will not be referenced here, Oh! No!

Anyway, gone are those days when humour could excite your imagination, but now that the producer is dead, I would not be surprised if there were a Carry On revival with some young producer and director giving it the title – Carry On Stiff, depending on if it were dead or aroused.

Sources

[1] Carry On Columbus - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[2] Carry On (series) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[3] Peter Rogers - Telegraph

[4] Mind Your Language - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[5] Love Thy Neighbour - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[6] Rising Damp - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[7] BFI Screenonline: Mixed Blessings (1978-80)

[8] The Many Wives Of Patrick (Summary)

Nigeria: Why Candidates Fail Our Examinations - WAEC

I am usually amused when I view the search words of visitors to my blog and find some seeking WAEC questions for one subject or the other. They usually end up on my blog Nigeria: WAEC Exam leaks are unacceptable. [1]

Now, these searches might be innocent, just of people seeking examples of past questions in their subjects of interest but a news story for the first time highlighted an issue I have been at pains to discuss for a while.

In The PM News, with the by-line, ’Why Candidates Fail Our Examinations’—WAEC [2], the West African Examinations Council tries to explain with some interesting reasons that I would tackle below.

There were mass failures from the examinations taken in November/December 2008 and the council lists the following issues

Unpreparedness for examinations

As far as the Council was concerned the standard of the examinations have not changed over the last few years but the attitude of students has changed. Maybe the examiners have become more stringent in their marking but the lack of preparation is quite plausible.

A good example of how that pervades the whole Nigerian system was when ballot papers for an election taking place on Saturday were still in South Africa on Friday. The National Electoral Commissioner believing all the papers would reach polling station in a country that has poor transportation and logistics.

There are too many examples of how preparation is not passed down in example and practice for the youth to strive to, we procrastinate and then hope that we can allow God’s will to correct our folly and in the process earn a miracle of success – no, it is a recipe for failure.

Poor grammatical expression

English is the business language of Nigeria, it is the glue of Nigerianness, it then behoves any Nigerian who wants to express the unity of that entity to master the language of that entity.

It is also the language of education and though for a majority it is not their mother tongue, there is no other alternative to expression when sitting examinations.

As I wrote in A malaise of inexactitudes [3], the Idea la need context is not sufficient for communicating ideas that are reviewed in answers to examination questions.

My mother was a WAEC examiner for 30 years and sometimes she read out answers to some Commerce questions and we all drew a blank, it was just impossible to understand what the candidate was trying to say before she had to read a grovelling appeal to be lenient in marking the same paper.

How much time can an examiner spend on divining the mind of the candidate through telepathy or clairvoyance before deciding that the answer is not catered for in the marking scheme and red-lines the whole stuff leading to a failure?

Failure to expatiate on points

I found this interesting, because Nigerians are generally given to the verbose rather than the precise. The questions have an intent derived from a syllabus that is public domain, the objectives indicated in the syllabus gives general guidance on what should be learnt and understood to tackle an examination offered by an institution.

Questions are phrased in such a way as to determine if the candidate has grasped those elements can relate those ideas in the context of their understanding.

If the candidate has no grasp of what is being asked, it is unlikely they would be able to expatiate on the points they list and hence show that they have mastered the topic.

A marking scheme might score for mentions but the better marks are in the detail that accompanies the mentions.

Misinterpretation of questions

This, I can very well agree with, first, it is a matter of comprehension – if the candidate has done the required study and understood the subject onto whether the student has the wherewithal to tackle questions that probe that knowledge.

Attention is paramount; the need to read the question more than twice and note clearly what points are required to be answered cannot be overstressed.

I am afraid to say that many do not pay close attention to the question and go off on a tangent doing their own thing but not fulfilling the main requirement.

Misinterpretation of questions - Doing your own questions

For instance, just over a week ago, I set a test on months in the Yoruba language which only 2 people tried. In the process, one commenter published the right answers to the questions for public viewing, destroying the need for the test and others published their own answers to questions that were not part of the test.

For any examiner, it would be annoying and really a bloody waste of time if they have to read through a diatribe only to find that it was completely irrelevant. It is a Nigerian malaise, I am afraid, because it also appears in comments to blogs.

On the sudden death of the wife of a Pentecostal church leader in Nigeria, I thought I was going to read she died at 75 only to read she died at 57. I was quite shocked at the death and then at the circumstances with the testimony of power in Christianity and the question of healing.

Unfortunately, I failed to excite intellectual discourse as it got subsumed in emotive, sentiment and hysterical fawning – basically, I was not supposed to as that question.

Illegible handwriting

We might write for ourselves, but when others have to read our writing it must not end up being an advanced course of deciphering cryptographic inscription.

I really feel for examiners who have to indulge in crude graphology to determine what the candidate is trying to say.

The fact is, writing is also a mode of expression, poor handwriting is poor expression, it is strange how after the writing lessons we have in primary school we end up with writing no better than animal tracks in the bush.

In my view, I think writing classes should continue into the early years of secondary school because once writing develops its personality and character, it can be impossible to adapt and change for legibility.

Wasting of time on unnecessary preambles

That probably speaks for itself, it would be different if I could say that it is an element of intellectual arrogance creating blinding ignorance but I have to ditch the word intellectual. People are wont to showing their knowledge without necessarily addressing the issue itself.

It is a waste of time on the part of the candidate, it wastes the time of the examiner and basically, it is just a waste of time.

Preambles? If only we really had to time to read through all that too, you are answering questions in examinations that have a set time in which to tackle the required questions.

Poor diagrams

We are not being asked to be artist but candidates striving to be scientists who can only make doodles are on to a failure. Diagrams require a bit of practice, lines that need to be straight should be, curves need to be regular and there is a world of difference between a diagram and a sketch.

Read wide

The last paragraph reads, “tasking candidates to read novels and newspapers”. You don’t say? That would mean there would be no time for the Bible, as if many read that to any level of understanding or comprehension.

Chxta [4] my blogging friend has many a time lamented the fact that many do not read. Reading expands horizons, creates inquisitive minds necessary to ask to the right questions and obtain good answers.

It helps people participate in intelligent debate and hones expression in ways that being spoon-fed doctrines, traditions and customs cannot begin to do.

Ask questions too

But then, we are averse to asking questions because our paternalistic society considers asking questions a sign of disrespect. It was interesting that in secondary school; very few of us did not see teachers as demigods, unapproachable and fiercely evil.

Religiously, we consign everything to God’s will, though I do wonder if we really do know God’s will but use our fear to enquire borne of our human relationships as indication of disrespectfulness to God if we were to dare to ask questions of God.

My frustration on the question I asked about healing for today was fully vented when I asked for a Gamaliel [5] to step up to the conversation; I was already fed up of listening to the Sons of Sceva. [6]

In fact, that is why in a very religious Nigeria many fail in a lot of their endeavours because they tackle issues like the Sons of Sceva rather than a learned Gamaliel, we need to approach these things with a sense of authority which comes from preparation, understanding and application. If God put a brain in man, it must be there for a purpose – Use it.

Sources

[1] Nigeria: WAEC Exam leaks are unacceptable [akinblog.nl]

[2] The PM News - Nigeria’s leading evening newspaper - ‘Why Candidates Fail Our Examinations’—WAEC

[3] Thought Picnic: A malaise of inexactitudes [akin.blog-city.com]

[4] Chxta's World

[5] Gamaliel - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[6] Sons of Sceva: Spiritual authority and warfare

We will see us in Geneva

Genf, it is

Geneva [1] had us for Easter this year and it was a beautiful break with the weather being fine, sunny and clement. I was meeting up with my good friend of 25 years for a long weekend.

The journey to Geneva was a long train ride from Amsterdam to Basel on the German Deutsche Bahn ICE [2] trains and then a change to the Swiss railways ICN [3] train to Geneva.

The journey which should have been just under 3 hours took almost 5 hours because someone now realizing he was not Superman had jumped in front of a train – I saw a covering and possibly some entrails – I averted my gaze before I took too much in as I let out a guttural urgh!

The trains, the views

One thing I have always liked about train journeys is that it takes you through places neither cars nor planes venture as you view nature sculpted by God or man through forests, overlooking rivers, viewing mountains and hills, not to forget the lakes – and Switzerland [4] has quite a few.

From Basel to Geneva, I took quite a few pictures from train we probably traveled the whole length of Lake Neuchâtel which was as picturesque as you will find on a sunny day, it just went on and on.

For a country were 4 languages are spoken, it is important not to be lost in the Babel of city names, because Geneva is Genf in German, but I had to be careful to realize that Lausanne was definitely not Lucerne in another language and Fribourg in Switzerland is not Freiburg in Germany.

Geneva, I like

For an international city, Geneva is both interesting and almost boring, there is a lot to see about nature, in which case, it is the Lake Geneva, the International Red Cross Museum was closed for the Easter period and one can be fascinated by the United Nations buildings.

Strangely, when we enquired of the hotel reception at Hotel Rotary Geneva, none had much to say for Geneva, we were advised to go to Nyon or Veyrier.

We walked out into town, visited by the lake, avoided the spray of the great fountain [5] and hopped on the mini train ride that talked about features around the lake until we got to the Flower Clock [6] in the English Garden which apparently has the longest second-hand in the world.

Then we went out to the Veyrier border with France and up the cable car to The Salève [7] where the views are breathtaking and paragliders seek their thrills, it was interesting to note that depending on the wind paragliders do not necessarily go down, there was one a good 200 metres above his starting point at one time.

A trip in Lausanne on Sunday was fun, we might not be back in Switzerland soon, but I share the memories of my visit in this slideshow – Enjoy!

Slideshow – Geneva – April 2009 - Flickr

Sources

[1] Geneva - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[2] Intercity-Express - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[3] SBB-CFF-FFS RABDe 500 - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[4] The map of Switzerland

[5] Geneva Tourism - Discovering Geneva - Water Fountain

[6] Geneva Tourism - Discovering Geneva - Flower Clock

[7] Geneva Tourism - Excursion by Cable Car

Note: We will see us is a typical German-speakers’ error in English which means I will meet you.

Nigeria: Surely not a wobbly president

Insights from afar

It is interesting that the Economist should take an interest in the leadership of Nigeria under President Umaru Yar’Adua with a table of contents reference of “A wobbly president.” [1]

Now, much as the Economist has never impugned the character of this man, it has never been effusive in praise of his leadership abilities, their commentary can also light the fuse of perceptions that can trigger catastrophic consequences for Nigeria.

A progressive governor

However, they do relate some interesting insights that we as Nigerians have been unable to elicit about our president from the installation of a chronic kidney ailment unit at a local hospital in his home state Katsina where he was governor to his rather persistent cough.

Obviously, these might just be circumstantial; the people of Katsina State might well be predisposed to kidney ailments and the governor has been progressive in providing a healthcare solution; his publicity machine and the ministers tell us that the President is in rude health but one questions why photographers have been asked to desist from taking close-up photographs in Abuja.

The issue of close-up photographs is interesting because we generally fancy ourselves as fantastic discerners of condition by sight; people are quick to notice trimness that they automatically presume to be as a result of severe illness – Mr. Yar’Adua is hardly the quintessential pot-bellied Nigerian politician fattened on the largesse of corrupt enrichment.

What is at stake?

The concerns for Mr. Yar’Adua’s health are however well beyond the personal circumstances of the man himself to what it means for Nigeria.

If indeed he does have as serious a health issue as we are made to believe, the concerted opinion is that he might not serve the two terms he was selected to serve by the dominant political party through the Machiavellian machinations of the erstwhile President Obasanjo.

Already, people are on tenterhooks about the economic consequences of Mr. Yar’Adua having to depart for all sorts of reasons, as one financier opined, “all bets are off” for a spiral in what people already consider would be seriously difficult times.

The gentleman’s agreement

The political consequences are yet unfathomable for the reason that leadership in Nigeria is determined and apportioned in what the Economist has suggested is a pendulum swing alternating from North to South of a brokered “gentlemen’s agreement to allow the ungentlemanly feasting on the country’s billions of dollars of stolen and mismanaged oil resources.”

Constitutionally, if God forbid, Mr. Yar’Adua does vacate his perch of leadership, the vice-President Goodluck Jonathan would have the good luck of taking the reins but what luck that would be for Nigeria is worrisome because the North would consider it their right to retain power regardless of constitutional and democratic mandate for 2 terms of government just as the South already has had.

This is all speculative but to be forewarned is to be forearmed, as Mr. Jonathan is from the volatile and ruinous Niger Delta region in the South, one cannot begin to appreciate what might need to be done to avoid a debilitating political crisis that could lead to the flight of all that is good from Nigeria just because snouts need to gather at the trough.

Begin with the truth

The injustice Nigeria suffers from this situation that is becoming seriously untenable is that the President has not been honest, transparent, forthright and forthcoming about his health which means his capacity is undermined with the feeling that others might be holding the real reins of power than the probably “comatose” figurehead.

As long as he breathes and one hopes he is well, healthy and full of health, things would trundle along but there is very little that can be done if something rather unfortunate happens; that truth cannot be concealed for long and God help us.

In the end, to avert the speculative, the President should come clean and to avert the disastrous the ultra-religious Nigerians should call on their gods for a miracle healing hand to bless the kidneys of our dear President and heal them all any ailment.

What Nigeria surely can ill afford is a wobbly president, not today, not at any time.

Sources

[1] Nigeria's wobbly president | What if the president goes? | The Economist

Shopping down the wire

I flew British Midland

I think it was April 1995 when I went online through Compuserve and bought an air ticket from British Midland to Amsterdam from London on the aptly named http://iflyBritishMidland.com website.

Since then I have bought books, goods, and electronics online without much worry, though a good friend did inform me over the weekend that he was a victim of credit card fraud but thankfully his bank was alert enough to see the irregularities and contact him to repudiate transactions made in his name by some other unauthorised person.

Assumptions clouding alertness

However, recently, I have been wondering if Internet Shopping is anymore the fun it used to be where you had choices, options and the flexibility of not having to explain yourself too many times to get something done.

I noticed that when I book air tickets on the KLM site, if it was towards the end of the month there was the possibility that the return date would be presented as month hence even though one just wanted a couple of days.

For instance, I wanted to travel on the 26th and return on the 29th, it was when I was checking in online that I found that the 29th return date was a month hence rather than the same month.

This has happened to me to before and I have to pay for another full fare ticket to correct the mistake, this time my ticket was flexible, I could change it if I wanted.

Fewer choices on the Internet

In fact, I would think if I had bought the ticket at a counter, it would be nigh on impossible to end up with the wrong return date, the teller would probably have asked if I really wanted to spend 34 days away instead of 3 – Methinks this kind of logic is necessary on the website.

The ticket was flexible which meant I could change it, but using the Internet facility for ticket alteration offered to charge me the full whack for the ticket, however, when I made a phone call to customer services, the change was effected without additional charge – what relief.

Ich bin leider

Then, using the flexibility of being able to book journeys between countries which the German Railways bahn.de site offers as opposed to the rigidity of other country railway sites, I booked a ticket to Geneva.

The site could not offer me a price but I got an acknowledgement of my request, usually, when an air ticket is booked, you get a confirmation of the request, a confirmation of the order and the cost of the transaction in minutes, you get that with hotels too.

German efficiency went up the creek for that, for days, I heard or saw nothing for 8 days, I had to call customer services, meanwhile earlier in the day I had emailed them to determine if my tickets would be sent.

I was informed they were sent that very day, but it took the best part of 4 working days for the tickets to traverse the humongous cavern between Germany and the Netherlands.

I was none the wiser about the cost of the ticket or whether it had really been sorted for the intervening period.

Schrecklicher Kundendienst

A reply arrived which simply said if I did not get the tickets before the day of travel, I should buy the tickets on the day of travel and then ask for a reimbursement.

These people still deliver 21 days to deliver my tickets and had already given up on giving me any service – I was gobsmacked – I was travelling around Easter, I might not get a seat and the tickets might cost twice over for a 12 hour journey – at which point I really regretted not going to a ticket counter, queuing up for maybe an hour and arranging my travel over 30 minutes for a booking fee.

I gave up on trying to remonstrate and waited – eventually the tickets arrived like I said, but there was much lost in customer service that could only be termed deplorable and beyond the pale.

Press the flesh

I doubt if I would be quick to book certain things on the Internet soon again, the need for human interaction with the warts and foibles might just be what one needs.

Surely, do your research and help the teller along with the information required for your transaction but keep your credit card in your pocket when sat behind that inanimate screen and take a walk down to the shop, the store or the ticket counter and make social conversation.

Obviously, when I said what is 2 inches between friends to the assistant the other day when trying to buy a television and talking about size, you should have seen his face go bright red, I would suppose he was adding colour to the conversation – the things that go on in people’s minds, unspeakable.

You cannot call computers stupid, but it is strange what you can call human beings when you have the right temperament.

April in Yoruba is?

My tongue is not of my mother

I have had this song going on in my head for days an aide memoir for the months of the year in Yoruba. Yoruba is my mother’s tongue but it is not my mothertongue, I did not start to speak Yoruba with any level of quality till I was almost 10.

I had mostly spoken English and my accent was somewhere between a Brummie accent (thankfully, I have lost that trait) from the West Midlands in the UK and the corruption that comes with growing up in a mixed society in Nigeria.

My Nigerian friends thought my accent was foreign whilst my English friends though it was foreign, the other nationalities of Chinese, Japanese and Romanian because I do remember Maya who prevented me from coming first so many time just knew I was born abroad.

Horrible Yoruba lessons

In fact, there were people who from the time we returned to Nigeria addressed me as the Omo Ilu Oyinbo - The child of the white man’s land.

I eventually learnt Yoruba but never enough to make a decent passing grade in secondary school, the Yoruba teacher was a cross between Marquis de Sade and a witch, she was wicked, shrill, and nasty; she punished us in ways that would make the torture revelations we hear of today sound like tiddlywinks.

I have been away from Nigeria a long time but many would say the standard and quality of my Yoruba speaking is good, I use proverbs and sayings and can crack jokes.

Who are the Yoruba?

More recently, I have been concerned about where Yoruba is going as a language, culture and heritage, I was taken aback when it took a couple of Cubans to make me aware of the richness of the Yoruba culture that remains vibrant in Cuban through Lukumi and in Brazil through Candoble.

Just as the history and traditions of the Greeks are exemplified in their mythologies that they have not given up for new religions, that of the Yoruba is in their traditions and animist mythologies that have been labeled inherently evil by strange religions that have left us bereft of our roots and bequeathed a heritage that is neither Middle-Eastern nor American - I suggest brand of convoluted Islamo-Churchianity with a Nigerian slant.

The months quiz

One of the things you learn with a new language is the calendar months of the year, Yoruba has those too and the song going on in my head has been that of the Yoruba months of the year, my classmate Goke taught me, I have the memory of an elephant.

I have created a quiz mainly directed at the Yorubas to list the months of the year.

Yoruba months of the year - Quiz

Do not rush off to Wikipedia seeking help until you have completed the quiz, even a good bit of that information is totally wrong, like there are 4 days in a week, 7 weeks in a month and 93 weeks in a year, never use Wikipedia as an authoritative source.

Are you as Yoruba as you think you are or is your rudimentary Yoruba deceiving you into thinking you can really conduct a decent conversation entirely in Yoruba?

Please leave comments in the blog, if you are inclined to. Thanks!