Nigeria: The man speaks on the domestic violence death

Facing some tough choices

Last week, I lamented the impunity of domestic violence [1] and how we so easily acquiesce to the strictures of atrocious customs, appalling traditions and as one person averred religious obligations to accept and tolerate incidences of violence in failing marriages.

Our penchant for patching together the unworkable to save face and maintain status in society despite the fact that the community is fully aware of the deteriorating situation is just beyond belief.

Those who decide to do the radical and put an end to loveless wedlock might well face ostracism from all sectors of communities in which that have heretofore tried to save face as in their religious circles and extended family systems with the children bearing part of the brunt of the failure of their parents to work out the unworkable.

Having heard many sides of the story of the husband who allegedly stabbed and butchered his wife to death, the man himself has apparently given his version of the story [2].

What a tale

As incredible and almost unbelievable as the story sounds in reading one fears that an objective assessment of the clear facts, evidence and possible forensic analysis if available would be lost to superstitiously subjective acceptance of the implausible because we feel more comfortable with the suspension of reason where we can be blindsided with religious validation of improbable acts.

The man who many a time held the upper hand in the brutalisation of his wife suddenly casts himself as helpless and powerless against what he first describes as “the handiwork of spiritual wickedness in high places in operation.” Excerpted from Ephesians 6:12 (King James Version)

The invocation of a part of a verse of the Pauline epistles suddenly has us a captive audience literally hypnotised to take in everything else he has to say, we lose our alertness and soundness of mind that would immediately dispute silliness as we are held in trawl of those who can find scriptural justification for their dastardly acts.

The plot thickens

Having opened the door to our silly minds, we are fed a torrent of a statement that would find a classic plot in a Nollywood movie, what should be repeated verbatim.

“If I tell you that I can fully grasps (sic) what happened that day then I will be lying, but that day my wife was not the Titi I know , she was possessed by a demon , she became stronger and wild and she stabbed me on my left hand, before I could stop her, she went on to stab me in the stomach, and all over my chest and when I tried to wrestle the knife from her I ended up being slashed on my right palm; as I was trying to get help, my wife had gone on to stab herself several times; unfortunately, she is dead and cannot talk about the incident.”

With the dead wife cast as possessed of demon and beyond the control of any reason in her attack of her husband she denied us the ever so sympathetic inclination we as hearers of this tale might have had to exorcism the horrible demon that overcame her in harming first herself and then committing suicide.

The victim become culpable

For all the bizarre beliefs that we allow ourselves to accommodate, we would never hear the demon come forward to confess that it successfully acquired the person and ability of the wife to perpetrate such evil.

However, as the story develops, we have been absorbed into the world of the man as victim with a demonic wife whose reputation is now to receive the battering that would completely shift our sympathies from the wife to the husband.

He had a calling to be a man of God, he was betrothed to another woman, then this woman’s friend apparently bewitched him and for all his spiritual restraint fell into temptation that lead to premarital sex. The woman took in and having snared him with responsibility for the pregnancy he did the honourable thing of marrying her.

At which point we are already hugging the man in our hearts, believing him in our minds and speaking the most atrocious things about the woman cast as demonic and an ensnaring evil Jezebel of easy virtue.

The rest of the gruesome detail that lead to the death of the wife puts Steven King’s horror stories in the dust.

We love this man

Our sympathies for the man should become genuinely apathetic to the woman and our empathy grows for him with words to the effect.

“I love my wife, the truth is that my wife and I quarrelled a lot and the marriage was hell, I would have divorced her but the Bible passage that says that God hates divorce kept stopping me and I also thought of my daughter.”

This was a man giving all consideration to his religious obligations and faith and the need to keep the family unit going even though it was hell.

“If I had known, I would have divorced her a long time maybe I would not be in this mess today , my advice to young men is that they should hold on to God , they should not allow any lady or family pressure to lure them into marriage with pregnancy and they should divorce their wives if they have irreconcilable differences in their marriages and then ask God for forgiveness; it is better that way than ending in this mess as I am, I have learnt my lessons the hard way and I know God will vindicate me, because I did not kill my wife.”

Breaking this down, the man lacked prescience to realise that things might get really nasty, then he assumes the role of prelate dispensing advice to other men of who might fall prey to women of easy virtue as if there is no responsibility for men to resist temptation when presented with such a situation – presumably there is no presence of mind to find scripture to militate against “sin” but the very presence of many for exculpation and the shirking of blame.

It is now expedient to consider divorce in the midst of irreconcilable differences and God might well be called as witness for the defence and delivering the coup de grace – “I did not kill my wife.”

Surely, this is incredible

Where we should have had the presence of mind to assess the facts of the case and review all that must have lead to this tragedy we have been bamboozled with atrocious claims, improbable circumstances and unbelievable trash masquerading as some spiritual warfare where the wife already a victim of sorts from domestic violence, might well have been a victim again of murder and then a victim of defamation; probably brought on by her seductive charms but nonetheless completed by the man’s lack of self-control, honesty and honour.

It would have been easy to just discard the story as one of a coward not ready to face up to his crimes but for some of the comments that appeared beneath the news story which for all intents and purposes makes one worry about the way we are easily cajoled by the manipulation and misinterpretation of religious text to suit selfish ends.

Hearing the people

A sampling of the comments from men and women alike quite interesting to read.

“… We wrestle not against flesh and blood so what happened to him might have been an attack or maybe he actually did it but only God has the final say.” (Male)

“Hello Pat, it’s not really gd (good) to judge pple (people) like dat (that), ohhhh (O) yes we r (are) woman (women) I understand but am (I’m) very sure dis (this) man is speaking d (the) truth.” (Female)

“In fact most of these so called fast lane men/women pretending to be Christians/pastors whereas they are agents of Satan operating in sheep’s clothing.” (Female)

“The guy must be watching a lot of Nigerian movies ... he's acting or recounting one!” (Male)

“Yours is the best bent on this fantasy! I couldn't help but laugh.” (Male)

“How can a lady that jumped on you as soon as you enter(ed) her room with a knife in hand have locked all the door(s), thus preventing your escape?” (Male)

“Something tells me God must have created women to annoy men. Even if you are to rot in jail, speak out. Killing your wife was unjustifiable but what happen. We are waiting for Godot.” (Male)

“...and there folks, is the OTHER side of the story... interesting that it sounds plausible.” (Male)

“Super story indeed. So who do we believe now? Unfortunately, the woman is not alive to recount her own side of the story. Too bad. God help us.” (Female)

“Basil my brother, how you dey? HE IS A DEVIL FROM THE PIT OF HELL. This is one case of domestic violence that we must see to a logical conclusion. The Nigerian version of the OJ Simpson case.” (Female)

Any hope for justice?

This is just a cross-section of comments that number about 150 which makes one feel that the man could plead to a reduced homicide or man-slaughter charge with diminished responsibility we the legal authorities buy this cock and bull of a story.

For all that is unknown about what lead to the death of this man’s wife, his story must for all intents of objectivity be the least plausible, the most unacceptable and just unbelievable; the question would then be if the wife and their daughter have any hope of getting justice in Nigeria.

Backtracking to the point of seeing the man as innocent until proven guilty, it is not the man's story that bothers me; it is the readiness for many to believe the story that might put justice beyond the reach of those who deserve it.

Sources

[1] Nigeria: Facing down the impunity of domestic violence

[2] 234Next.com - Murder suspect denies killing wife

Nigeria: Facing down the impunity of domestic violence

The story on Twitter

When this news filtered through the Nigerian Twitter folk yesterday I was not curious enough to determine what they were talking about. Somehow, my curiosity is not as piqued if certain news stories seem to derive from a rumour mill without credible sources but one must say that certain bits of news might well debut on Twitter long before the news organs pick it up.

What was a bit disconcerting about it was the tweets reported a very heinous and grievous crime that should have had the police all over it and addressing the matter but the neither the police nor the newspapers appeared to be moved to cover the issue.

Today however, one newspaper picked up the story which was full of uncorroborated sources, anonymous comments and disinterested parties along with an indolent comatose police force in bureaucratic inertia. [The news piece.]

Circumstance to tragedy

The substance of the news story is that a somewhat lovely marriage had run into serious difficulty with the husband having lost his job and his wife now the sole breadwinner, it had developed the staple of generally accepted domestic violence which culminated in the man stabbing his wife to death on his 30^th birthday and turning fugitive since then.

This subject is still very raw and emotive but it needs to be addressed in some ways that begins to question our so-called sentimental and traditional values about marriage, roles and perceptions about decisions that society still moralises on but never appears to help ameliorate.

Reading through the news story, one can understand that difficulty of a man in the Nigerian setting being unable to provide for his family, but it is not the end of the world, however, because the notion of love is predicated in the concept of material provision the inability to provide is psychologically presumed to be the emasculation of the man.

The impunity of domestic violence

The tendency which seemed to read like the usual Nigerian template was for the man to try to assert a form of authority within the household to ensure that the wife does not in his thinking get big beyond her boots, despite her selfless, longsuffering and patient work of trying to keep the family unit going as smooth as possible.

The man resorted to serious domestic violence as the news story avers that neighbours have before heard screams as a result of their altercation. Sadly, domestic violence is condoned, accepted, tolerated and allowed to flourish with impunity; there are very few cases where such acts of actual or grievous bodily harm to the spouse get to the point where it is criminalised.

This situation is unacceptable, it is unconscionable and deplorable, when a relationship gets physical it is probably irretrievable regardless of the hopes and aspirations for that relationship, if the so-called love is expressed in terror and violence it has become torment and regardless of the good intentions of counsellors, religious adherence or traditional constraints; it is time for the vulnerable to extricate themselves from a developing disaster that could as this case shows, end up in murder.

A developing crisis

A spouse does not just murder their partner on the spur of the moment, it most definitely started from some very basic disagreement that escalated into intemperate verbal abuse and on to the first hit that lead to the beatings, the brutalisation of the partner and it was just a matter of time before it resulted the murder.

It then begs the question if we have so condoned the domestic violence with placation and entreaty, persuasion and useless scriptural coercion why we should now be shocked with the husband’s murder of his wife.

It is an unforgiveable excuse to suggest that we never expected it to get that bad; the news story suggests the lady was reaching out and even if not as explicit, she was crying out for help but constrained by atrocious traditional values that condemn people to loveless, violent marriages for the sake of the children.

The sake of the children

We forget that the children are individuals; they probably would prefer to live in peaceful environments of single-parenthood than in the turmoil and “stable” environment a marriage breaking down with all the physical violence and the absence of love they observe amongst their parents.

Children are not idiots and there is very little they can be shielded from, my memory of disputes between my parents is keen; the voices, the images, the terror, the fear and I know there are many who as children experienced so much in their homes and now try to blank out those memories knowing full well that if that cycle is repeating itself, they are kicking against the goads subjecting their children to the same torments they once suffered.

For the sake of the children, they deserve better, the sentiment should change from that which this unfortunate victim expressed; if the home has no love, the child whose views are never taken into loving consideration needs to be where love is assured even if the parents have to part ways – no marriage is made in heaven, it has to work on earth and if it is not working, it really is NOT working.

Break up and move on

If all and any of the traditional or professional methods of conflict resolution fail to make the home a refuge of love, safety and peace for all concerned, the pragmatic solution is for the people to go their separate ways and find ways of rebuilding their shattered lives than remain in such a setting that creates this tragedy of finality.

That is not to say that certain disputes have not found reconciliation but at what cost, over how much time and for to what end?

Just as the Levitical sacrifices of old have become irrelevant, we cannot continue to sacrifice ourselves on the altars of tradition, custom, creed, law, norms, diktat or marriage – all these structures were made for man and not the other way round – as the Great Teacher did say, for all the significance the religious people placed on the Sabbath; Sabbath was made for man and not man for the Sabbath – it applies to a lot of unnecessary situations we allow ourselves to be subject to.

The aftermath is saddening

The need for justice crying from the highest towers must not be stifled, the apparently supine and indolent police need to be on this case questioning all the interested and acquainted parties to this sad situation and one can only wonder how much worse it would be for the toddler who would eventually learn that her father killed her mother in a domestic dispute just because the sentiments of tradition dictated that a child should be brought up in a place where the father and mother live together even though their cohabitation was at best untenable.

We need to speak up about domestic violence the moment it starts and condemn it before it gets extreme, stem it before it escalates and really, if they cannot live together without beating themselves up we should not be clueless and dumb; the love has long departed and whatever they have is being held together by the bizarre marriage of sadism and masochism, if there were a better way of describing the matter.

A message to my children yet unborn

They want for what I don’t

For some people it is probably very bad news, in my case, it might just keep me out of trouble.

Each time I talk to my loved ones there is this expectancy for procreation, the need to carry the family name forward which fortunately is being sired with excellence by my brother without any quibbles from me.

Somehow, there are people who think my happiness would be so fulfilled when I become a father or in other cases I have to daintily sidestep the clamour for “regular” relationships which some people just think would work out because they are supposed to.

A life without a wife

My recent illness has made it all the more a bugbear, how wonderful it would have been to have a wife said he for times when one cannot help oneself – well, how wonderful indeed but that just does not happen to be my life.

To have a prospect of marriage to any selected person depicted as a necessary evil just makes one revolt against the evil and attack the need to have any evil necessary in ones life.

Suddenly, one has some information to put paid to this matter, maybe my specialist really should have discussed this with me before recommending the treatment I received but at the time the most important thing for me was getting well not getting hitched.

At 44, surely if that was something I was so interested in, I would definitely have done it just as I do not see my not being able to drive the most enfeebling handicap to have befallen my most fortunate soul.

Chemotherapy stops multiplication

So, having decided not to conform to the norm by living a life too painful for my comfort and debilitating for the person who is made to suffer the partnership for the sake of pleasing others, this piece of news is so welcome that it might well buy me some peace on the subject other people cannot seem to leave alone.

It is really the last bit of stress I need on my mind, apparently, the course of chemotherapy I had does radically impair fertility and there is a possibility that I may not be able to sire children.

No, I do not cry, neither do I jump in elation but I will not start running round clinics looking for signs of extraterrestrial life in my sperm and committing another person’s life to the anxiety of a rapidly ticking biological clock.

To Mini-me

The message to my children yet unborn is do not queue up in my docket for your visa into earth, the border control office does not exist and no plans are being made to create one for that purpose.

The fact is, I do not want children, I do not need children and basically the knowledge that I may not be able to produce children might just put paid to all the influences and inferences that endlessly bother me.

If I did have a garden like this seasonal time offers, I know the cup from which I would drink to stay in the life in which I have so become accustomed and love.

Thought Picnic: A world without bad religion

Giving womenfolk their dues

I am coming to the conclusion that the absence of religion sometimes makes for a more egalitarian society.

This is one of my Thought Picnics where I wonder about the place of women in our societies and how more secularised settings have allowed for women to become considerable and worthy contributors to society.

I remember my grandmothers who were known by their trades and businesswomen in their own right – it is customary for women from my tribal background to have a trade and to get out and do something worthwhile.

Insert an interpretation of some religious import and suddenly they have to be housewives, they have to be chaperoned, their dignity is being diminished and their honour is being tarnished.

The role of women in my family

Society cannot gain the full benefit of womenfolk if they have to live under such strident settings – I do not see any of my grandmothers having lost the respect or adulation they had in society for striving to better themselves or the lot of their children, instead their status was enhanced.

My father in particular would say he owes the foundation of his education that has now made him an accountant of 40 years standing to his grandmother, she was the one who raised the money and means to see him through early school until he latched onto what eventually became his career pursuits.

Those seeming inconsequential acts of yore bred a whole culture of mentoring that my father embarked on encouraging many to see the benefits of academic pursuits for life improvement over other endeavours.

My paternal grandfather was Muslim, his wife was Christian, but they ran their home in a very pragmatic rather than dogmatic setup allowed for each other to rear children who went on to be self-sufficient and in many ways successful.

This, I must say was in spite of religion rather than because of it.

Where women have lead gloriously

If religious influences took root in many places we would not benefit from the qualities of women we have had in our history, Christianity, for instance does not allow for women to be priests or be in leadership but we have had queens, presidents, prime ministers and women in supposedly Christian countries in many roles of leadership and expertise where the influence of religion has been insignificant.

In other religiously inclined countries, we would never have had Benazir Bhutto in Pakistan, the Bandranaikes in Sri Lanka, Golda Meir in Israel, and many more women in power in Muslim Indonesia and Bangladesh, in the Philipines or in South America today.

The chauvinist might say that the woman’s place is in the kitchen but that person is poorer for the greater benefits of womanhood and their abilities left untapped and unexploited because of narrow-minded views.

Women have more to give

It is unimaginable how much women can mean to the Middle-Eastern and near Asian countries if they are allowed to be the best they can in the pursuit of happiness and in their contributions to society.

A number of issues in the news recently has brought this into focus, there was a clip from a film where a lady in a singing competition decided to dance. A man suggested the dancing was unnecessary and another suggested she be killed for that.

Pray, where in our human psyche do we switch off the urge to dance and merry when singing?

Only an atrocious dogmatic schooling can create a reaction like that, I know of no cultural environment before the influence of bizarre interpretations of religion where dancing is so much of a sacrilegious activity that it should exact capital punishment.

Women have feelings to be respected

Even so, there was another instance where a man who had left his wife for some activity he called Jihad send a short message text to his wife divorcing her. When the wife took the matter to court, the religious clergy judges in the court upheld the divorce.

It begs the question where a religion portends to protect the honour of women but has no consideration for the feelings of the woman or the psychological effect of apathetic actions of men on their wives or womenfolk.

If the court was amenable to the feelings of the man who wanted a divorce, why could it not be more so to the feelings of the woman who had been divorced unceremoniously that the man should be have been censured?

There is no civility talk less of civilisation in that kind of thinking, it plays to the point that religion is serving no beneficial purpose to the preservation of our humanity and the promotion of compassion.

The same bizarre rules that allow the man to divorce his wife in the most insensitive way confers the most insurmountable hurdles on the wife, if she, for all sorts of reasons wanted a divorce.

It is possible that without religion, the woman would have greater respect, the partners in a marriage would understand the symbiosis of interdependency that nothing would be taken for granted by either party.

Woman should stand side-by-side

The woman would stand side-by-side with man rather than under or behind.

In fact, there is an unhealthy dynamic that confuses womenfolk for wife, whilst a woman might eventually be the wife of someone; it does not give every man the right of husband over every woman – married or unmarried.

Men should be protecting the honour and dignity of their wives no doubt, and definitely that of other women, but they have no business determining the life, lifestyle and status of women with whom they have no relationship – it makes men busybodies to assume they have a right to determine what women in general should do in society.

Religion and dishonourable men

Then, in Pakistan, for the quelling of revolt in one region the government offered the religious zealots carte blanche to introduce Sharia Law in exchange for the zealots giving up their weaponry and insurgency.

The zealots reneged on their part of the deal and they supposedly are followers of a religion that supposedly has very high moral values.

The situation to me is simple, for some, God is up there and we are down here, if we cannot be transparently trustworthy and honest with each other so as to honour deals we have made with each other down here, you cannot honestly suggest you are doing God’s bidding without reneging on many essential but difficult part of the deals made with God.

The Taliban which in effect means student or scholar do not seem to be scholarly in their understanding or interpretation of the books they profess to underpin their faith – each strand only seems to seek to find a darker side to humanity and suffering with supposed justice that seems to shock more and more. They have become inveterate sadists who take pleasure in beheadings, executions, amputations and floggings under the guise of some strict religious guidance and tutelage.

Shock and horror religion

Creating adherence through shock and fear is not religion; it is cultist, degenerative and rotten, it is even worse to suggest that this is done in the name of a higher being because I do not believe that our purpose on earth is to gain ascendancy through to destruction of others not like us or the ultimate domination of others we have imposed ourselves on.

Rather, our walk in life should be one of example and persuasion through our interaction with each other, any other means is just so inherently evil and usually is not subject to secular scrutiny that can commend or praise its results.

Interpretation might be the problem

Maybe what I what I really mean is the absence of the abuse and malpractice of religion through self-serving interpretation makes for a better society.

Because, once again, the purpose of religion should be in the service of humanity, bringing out the best of each of us to allow all of us to live together in harmony – anything short of that is NOT religion and those who profess views inimical to that purpose are not in any way religious.

They might have a creed but it is ungodly, they might have a goal but it is evil, they might have an agenda but not for humanity, they might have deals but they are dishonourable and they bring no succour to the lives of the people they portend to lead.

A new intolerance

We need to become intolerant of views and ideas predicated on religion that destroy our sense of humanity from laws, to suicide bombings through religious wars that impose untold suffering on innocent people – those things are patently not God’s purpose and we need to boldly challenge attributions to God which are clearly not serving humanity.

That should be the litmus test, if it serves humanity, confers dignity on all, frees people to become the best they can be and promotes an egalitarian sense of contribution and entitlement, it is probably of God, if those purposes fall short, they should be questioned, sanctioned and abrogated – forthwith.

In Nigeria, can wives make independent choices?

PDP, an unruly party

Once again, a rather inauspicious news report catches my eye and exposes an issue of social significance that it elicits commentary.

Nigeria’s ruling party, the People’s Democratic Party (PDP) is an enigma; it has a way of gathering a storm to create a Force-10 gale, the impending hurricane accompanies a tsunami and everything else tumbles to a full magnitude earthquake – all this in a cracked teapot.

Sometimes, I wonder which organ gathers the most news inches; the government of Nigeria which should too busy solving Nigeria’s problems to be distracted by frivolities or the overwhelmingly disconcerting in-fighting that consumes the party that produced the leaders, such that they have no time to do Nigeria’s business.

Split down the dining table

In Enugu State, rival factions have dug-in to face-off each other; one camp being that of the current state governor, Mr. Sullivan Chime and the other being that of the former state governor, Senator Chimaroke Nnamani – I would name each camp for the chief protagonists.

There is nothing unusual about this development, if Nigerian politicians cannot be involved in intra-party conflict, they get bored; they are born to be in difference, in dissent, in disagreement, disruptive, in dissimulation and add to that, be held in disdain and hounded into disgrace.

What makes this worthy of commentary is this intra-party has hit the smallest unit of assumed Nigerian responsibility – a husband and wife have ended up in different camps – The husband is a member of the Enugu State House of Assembly as Hon. Tony Chigbo in the Chime camp and the wife; Mrs. Ngozi Chigbo is listed as the Financial Secretary of the Nnamani camp.

Any vibrant marriage should allow for the traditional marital bliss whilst being able to discuss ideas, especially professional and political ones where the partners might have differences of opinion – that, I would think is a marriage in maturity.

The sway of Unreconstructed Male Chauvinists

However, in what is a throw-back to the patriarchal hegemony that refuses to recognise the possibility of women having differences of opinion from their husbands and even worse, expecting the wife to be devoid of the intellectual capacity to make informed choices that are not dictated and commanded by her husband, the man finds himself fighting for both his honour and his marriage.

There probably is no reason for wives to discuss their political allegiances with their husbands but a mention can maybe avoid embarrassment if they end up on opposite ends.

My wife should be subject

The man declares that he did not know that his wife was associated with the Nnamani camp – below the scrutiny of essential news coverage, the unreconstructed male chauvinists (UMCs) would contend that the man has no control of his house that he does not know what his wife is up to.

He then says he is opposed to his wife’s participation in the Nnamani camp, but the instructive part is that the UMCs are not calling Mrs. Chigbo to persuade her but are putting pressure on the husband to call his wife to order.

Most definitely because, if I were to afford myself the broadest generalisation I could aver, men are schooled and traditionally expected to present their wives as beauty companions but really treat them as pseudo-slaves without rights, independence of thought and sometimes means – they are supposed to be constant supplicants to their husbands who then give them status in society – they must be subject to the broadest purview and authority of the husband.

This is a deep thing, but we have all bought into this concept and women have found themselves subsumed into what is the “norm”

Do wives have rights?

Obviously, societal pressure leads him to say, “I vehemently disapprove of her association with any other political grouping or faction outside the mainstream state PDP led by the State Governor, Mr Sullivan Chime.” Read, I am her husband, she has no right to have an alternative political allegiance.

It would be a while before we find men who would proudly promote their wives to be the best they could ever be without thinking they are in competition – the emancipated man would have said, my wife and I can have disagreements, but that is no one’s business – we have a strong marriage that thrives on mutual respect.

Meanwhile, no one bothers to contact the wife and interview her for her independent opinion, because the society we have does not reckon a married woman should be given that level of courtesy and respect.

That is the way things still are in many places.

The veil amongst Christians

The head scarf debate

As we settle into what would be a debate for a long time in the West about head scarves, veils, the hijab, coverings and exposures, I remember quite poignantly that this debate has been around for quite a while.

Some 20-something years ago, this debate was going around in evangelical circles, this was not just contentious but frustrating that what was so explicitly discussed in the Bible still left some selecting what they wanted to believe to support their prejudices.

Not, only so, people of other religions also select portions of biblical scripture to support their views completely out of context of the truth that was being portrayed.

Selecting Bible choice cuts

In the Bible, 1 Corinthians 11:3-16 (King James Version), gives the complete low-down on this issue, but it would take an open mind and fresh eyes to appreciate the context and direction of this passage.

The keys to this discourse are in verses 3 and 16, but the 3^rd verse usually gets misunderstood and the 16^th verse conveniently left out of the discourse for reasons I can never understand.

I would take particular verses and break them down for the purposes of furthering this debate, there are other meanings with regards to relationships in here, which I would not cover, but I would clearly contextualise because it is used to foster abuse.

Separating every man from the husband

3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

What we need to note here is the article and possession, it says the head of every man is Christ, however, NOT that the head of every woman is man.

The woman using the definite article pertains to a single woman in relationship to a man, her husband. Every man anywhere cannot just lord it over any woman, he can only do that, in a relationship that is a marriage.

In another blog, on the more emotive issue of wife-battering, I covered how the husband has to be as selfless as Christ to be able to exercise any kind of authority where they believe themselves to masters of their homes and be able to throw their weight around the place.

What is clear is a woman outside the relationship of marriage automatically has Christ as her head, when she has her man, the dynamic of headship changes to her husband.

It is a difficult one, but man in general consists first of male and female; in this case, there is no conferment of the complete servitude of the female sex to any to every man born on earth – it would be illogical.

Traditions and customs might support this dynamic of making all women in society less of the male, but it is not supported in Christianity to give man husband-status to every woman except his truly wedded wife.

Who covers whom?

4 Every man praying or prophesying, having his head covered, dishonoureth his head.

Here, it is clear that this refers to man as male.

5 But every woman that prayeth or prophesieth with her head uncovered dishonoureth her head: for that is even all one as if she were shaven.

This uses every woman, but the possibility of two heads, if unmarried, her head is Christ and if married her head is her husband – NOT every man.

6 For if the woman be not covered, let her also be shorn: but if it be a shame for a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be covered.

If a woman would not cover her head, she should shave, but if shaving is considered a shame, she should then cover her head.

7 For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man.

Once again, the definite article is here, the woman (wife) is the glory of the man (husband). We do not go around presenting every woman as our wife, rather, there is one woman who takes that pride of place, and we adorn her and present her with pride and honour her with love and devotion.

8 For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man.

9 Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.

This takes us back to the Adam and Eve story, where Eve was crafted from the rib of Adam as his helper and companion. The definite article also features here – the man (husband) and the woman (wife).

The woman’s prerogative

10 For this cause ought the woman to have power on her head because of the angels.

Now, this fouls up every authority man tries to exercise over the woman because it says it is the prerogative of the woman to decide on whether to cover her head or not. There is no duty of man to impose this on the woman.

This is usually read as the man ought to have power of the head of every woman and force them to appear in a wifely role or subservient role.

For many, the Scripture ENDS here, reading any further is too inconvenient.

Co-dependence of the sexes and equality

11 Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.

12 For as the woman is of the man, even so is the man also by the woman; but all things of God.

Equality in the church and equality before God, so where did all this male domination come from?

So, no one would like to read beyond verse 10 because to serious home truths break down the male domination fortress.

13 Judge in yourselves: is it comely that a woman pray unto God uncovered?

Well, this is question of traditions and customs; there are places where women can be covered and others where woman do not get covered – debate.

The long hair day

14 Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him?

Touché – men with long hair have no say in this matter, they need to deal with their issues.

15 But if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her: for her hair is given her for a covering.

Oh! Apostle Paul does begin to complicate issues by clarifying them. There is a separation between the head and the hair introduced from verse 14 and the reference is now to long hair.

It appears, if a woman has long hair, she already has a covering for her head – it is a no-brainer that hair does grow out of the head - she does not need an artificial covering like a scarf.

Well, why do we have all this fuss about scarves when the hair already covers the head?

16 But if any man seem to be contentious, we have no such custom, neither the churches of God.

If this becomes a contentious topic, drop it, we have not taken on any traditions or customs of head covering, hair covering or even male domination – it is not the way of the church.

And all the men say … Amen!