Thought Picnic: I think I need therapy

The rough seas of life

Beneath this sometimes affable and suave exterior is a man, flesh and blood, emotional, sentimental, feeling and affected, much as he can be objective, logical, clinical and almost unaffected.

The battles that rage in the mind between the obvious circumstances and the crazy optimism waiting to erupt out to overwhelm the issues that encircle, you wonder.

You wonder do you have the strength to weather the storms; do you have the resolve to stand the test of the times?

These times have to be temporary or all hope is lost, but what length of time is enough for a man to endure?

The edges of time

Before the fears envelop you, that reinforcement rises from within like a niggling awaiting the time to persuade you that the fight is really in you and many a time you have met with seemingly dire situations and come through.

But the time that dulls the pain is also the time that chisels at those things that make you confident, able and extrovert in the things that make up your force of personality.

That is the time that you realise you might be vulnerable, the issue of mortality is in the background though every indication is one’s health is holding up really fine.

I think I need therapy

It was 11 years ago that I found that chatting to an occupational psychotherapist might just give some perspective on my situation which was assumed to be suffering a mid-life crisis 10 years early.

I think I need to chat to a professional, I need to get a lot of stuff off my chest, I need to talk, in other words, I need therapy – the question is …

Drawing blood for good news

Preparing for a date

In two weeks I return for my 6^th quarterly check-up at hospital, it has become a routine of expectation and consideration.

Before the appointment, at least 2 weeks before seeing my consultant I have to go in and give blood for tests, the results of which would become the basis of our discussions amongst other things when I see my consultant then.

It was quite a sunny day though deceptively cold, the mercury will not rise above 7 Celsius as the forecasts go so a scarf and gloves are important apparel as I had decided to ride to the hospital.

The process

Amazingly, there is always a long queue of people waiting to have their blood tested, all with forms and checkboxes that determine which tests need to be done.

We arrive, pick up a ticket and wait to be registered, at registration the hospital card is scanned and the nurse looks through the forms and keys in the tests that then produce labels that indicate the number of vials of blood to be taken and what colour the vials are.

I would have thought it would be easier to have a special scanner read the forms and produce the labels, but I suppose I have to give the nurses the benefit of doubt that they are eagle-eyed enough to ensure all the necessary inputs are keyed in.

Today, they were to take 7 vials of blood with 4 different colours which I think means the sets of tests to be conducted on the blood given.

Drawing blood

Considering the number of times I have been pricked with needles for medical purposes, it just never gets easier to watch the needle go beneath the skin in search of a vein.

In fact, I cannot bear to watch it at all; after the tourniquet is put on the upper arm and I clench my fist to allow for a victim vein to show up, I look away as I feel the needle prick my skin and wonder how I can remain so cool about it when I should get hysterical and implacable, screaming blue-murder as if I have gone mental.

I somehow comfort myself, rationalising that it would soon be over and I would either get up from the exercise or slump into a fainting spell, the latter would be the height of histrionics and I know I can do melodrama if given the opportunity.

The blood-sucking contraption is easy, once the needle is in; the low-pressure vial is plugged into the receptacle and that draws the blood till it fills up. Once the vial is detached the receptacle has a valve-stop mechanism that keeps blood from spilling as each successive receptacle is plugged in and unplugged until all the required vials are filled.

For each vial, after it is unplugged the nurse gives it a see-saw shake, not violent but gentle and at the end, labels are stuck on vials.

Meanwhile, the needle is removed and the blood stopped with some cotton wool and tape that could pass for waxing tape especially if your arms are a bit hairy.

Naturally, it is expected you have enough clotting agent in your blood to seal the needle puncture after a few minutes.

My expectations of good change

It two weeks however, my expectations are high with the hope of seeing a more resilient immune system that would allow me to come off some of the pills I ingest every day.

The pills are not necessarily a matter of life and death, they are just a fact of life, a routine and part of the day, something you live with without much fuss having learnt to handle the side-effects well that they no more matter than much anymore.

The catholic pastor was not about and I somehow felt this was one of those times that I really needed someone to chat to about the things that ail me and bother me.

Well, I suppose, I might just book an appointment to see him in a few weeks, probably after I have learnt of the story of my bloods.

NaijaLeaks: A Speaker so disgracefully indiscreet

NaijaLeaks another torrent

If we thought the Nigerian version of WikiLeaks (NaijaLeaks) had stopped like a case of a plumbing mishap, we were met with another seemingly shocking exclusive released as a teaser by the 234Next.com newspaper yesterday.

As we discussed the issue on Twitter, it did not dawn on us that the exclusive being announced was sourced pre-emptively from WikiLeaks where the Speaker of the Nigerian House of Representatives had met with the then US Ambassador to Nigeria, Robin Sanders in 2009 to discuss a number of topics that included electoral reform, the fight against corruption, the presidency and the then recently conducted rerun of elections.

Once again, there are sensational and headline grabbing points that jump out of the cables [1] which I believe would be covered extensively by other newspapers and blogs, there are more pertinent issues however that inform the quality of these cables.

If we were under any illusion about the job description of an ambassador only being the representative of a country and its interests to another, we might have missed out the additional work being done that in non-diplomatic terms really is espionage, spying, subterfuge, suborning and eliciting information from the powerful and in the know whose egos when adequately massaged will reveal almost unprintable material.

The Speaker’s Weakness

The Speaker it was suggested had become a confidant of the President leading the Ambassador to expect to glean a lot from the meeting but it appears she was not prepared for all that she heard.

Certain elements of the Speaker’s character were described in the cable, it would appear that not only was he a speaker, he was a talker and garrulous at that; I having seen him on the BBC HardTalk programme; he does appear smug too.

The Speaker, the cable avers is known for his gregariousness, reading through the cable, this was offered hardly in praise but more in derogation that the Ambassador was keen to take advantage of. The precursor to the meeting suggests he was sometimes elusive but certainly ego-driven.

Gregarious generally means being sociable which is a good trait of politicians; it also means the seeking and enjoying the company of others – in the presence of other powerful people or those who accord the person a sense of importance, this trait can lead to delusions of grandeur, exaggerations, assuming airs, indiscretions and worse as the cable refers to rumours of his abuse of power.

A man full of himself

As a senior politician, he had opinions that he freely shared about every issue he was asked about but there seemed to be a wide gulf between his actions and his good intentions which was evidenced in his suggesting receiving inputs about electoral reform from civil society but had not to that time when asked consulted with civil society.

In fact, it was the Ambassador that informed him of which organisations to consult with and she offered to facilitate forums about such matters; this considering he was supposed to be a high-ranking representative of self-same people he should have consulted before.

The ambassador observed “Changing his entire body posture” and this must have been the Speaker getting quite comfortable to be as indiscrete as one fully inebriated or as one tweet suggested, he succumbed to the effects of administered truth serum.

There are many instances where the cable suggests the Speaker lead and helped the Ambassador further her inquiry as the cable used phrases as “Given that Bankole had opened the door”, “taking the queue (sic, that should have been cue) and implication on board”; it appears the Speaker could not exercise restraint as he claimed, he stated, he added, he lamented, he agreed, he said and it is doubtful that he can at the revelations of this cable suggest he was quoted out of context – he appeared to be in his full garrulous element exhibiting all gregarious traits bordering on a Williams Syndrome trait; the unusually cheerful demeanour and ease with strangers.

She gets more than she expects

The Ambassador [2] comes with glowing credentials that make for her ability to tease information out of Nigerians with ease, with degrees in international relations and having held sensitive policy advisory positions in the US government, she had every making of an interrogator handing you a glass of wine with a smile whilst getting all she planned to get out of you.

Everyone who seems to have conversed with her appears to have been too forthcoming for comfort, however, having massaged the ego of the Speaker the revelations in this cable are not only scandalous but call into question the whole democratic experiment in Nigeria as one hardly representative of the people, the fight against corruption being one of personal vendettas and gaining pecuniary advantage, that electoral reform might not produce the real dividends of free and fair elections, that the justice system had been completely suborned and money shielded criminals from prosecution.

Not a pretty picture of the Speaker of the House of Representatives who cannot keep his mouth shut and definitely not a pretty one of Nigeria’s immediate future.

Sources

[1] 234next.com | Wikileaks CABLE: 'Supreme Court Bribe'

[2] Robin R. Sanders - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Thought Picnic: Debunking the myth of the man of God

Always a man first

Two very recent news stories should hopefully get Nigerian thinking about the “Man of God” syndrome that fill them with a vague dread of the supernatural as they abrogate their personal intellectual responsibility and sink into placid docility when interacting with such people.

Yesterday, we read of the sad news that an internationally renowned church leader had admitted sexual offences [1] one of sexually molesting a boy of 14 and another of sexually assaulting a 21-year old man.

I had written previously that the sexually molested as children face an almost insurmountable obstacle to bringing forward their accusations and making such allegations stick, in the case of the older man, the force of authority might well have numbed him into submission.

The myth of infallibility

In both cases, it can be argued that the victims only found the means of levelling these accusations after they left the congregation of the accused.

I do appreciate in the many heated conversations I had on Facebook on this matter, what was passing for giving the church leader the benefit of doubt was really disbelief that this could have happened and every other reason for this situation was thrown into the discussion but the fact that child sexual abuse is a problem that we are shy and reticent to address.

This ranged from the victims being completely invisible, through the “Man of God” being falsely accused to suggesting that institutional racism was still prevalent in the UK police establishment.

Now that the “Man of God” has admitted the offences, it was still interesting to read that some still had more concern for his ministry and congregation and very little mention was made of the victims of his abuse.

The need for earned trust

In the other story, a businesswoman had accused a pastor of defrauding her [2] of a large sum of money and that case is now in court.

I find it incredible that this lady being business savvy as she was broke every business logic known to good business deals by paying money upfront for services she was to provide just because she was advised that the new business partner she had acquired was a “respectable Man of God.”

In fact, I would dare say, a fool and their money are soon parted because it is unlikely that she built her business on being this stupid by not doing due diligence on the people she was dealing with and ensuring her side of the deal was fully protected before committing to the deal.

These are people like us

The epithet of “Man of God” should not be a blind-siding impediment to seeing as one status on Facebook averred, every “Man of God” is a man first and then has a vocation that is of God, if that is really that case.

The man is not superhuman, whilst being held to higher standards of principle and virtue, they are not infallible and they have not by reason of being “Men of God” suddenly metamorphosed from man to God.

They are like you and I, flesh and blood, filled with the same kind of desires and frailties; maybe with a bit more self-control, restraint and appreciation of the weight of responsibility that we have but they do not in that setting acquire extra heads, more limbs and perform feats of superhuman prowess like comic heroes.

We should believe the best of everyone, especially those that minister but with all the trust we repose in such people there is nothing wrong in verifying that trust, ascertaining they as individuals are of impeccable character and that they have earned the status accorded them not by the blanket “Man of God” moniker but by reason of building the particular relationships of trust that we do in our everyday lives with other people.

Character matters more than vocation

It is time we looked beyond people who used God to gain confidence, whose usage of God is to short-circuit the deep scrutiny they should be subjected to as we think attending the same religious entity or adhering to similar belief systems automatically means they are perfect and we allow the slightest doubt or premonition to go without research and justification.

We ignore that little voice to our peril and come a cropper because as the businesswoman has done and one can only imagine how much she would have dealt with her conscience and struggled with her faith before she took up the courage to report her business partners which included a respectable man of God to the law.

We need to search out the character of these people, the basic virtues of truth, honesty, integrity, probity and references from others who already exhibit such good virtues must always matter, first and always.

The hold of superstition

The inordinate fear of challenging “men of God” must come from our animist backgrounds, being schooled in superstition we learnt of the instant retribution of animist gods for breaking rules or breaching taboos, we have not carried this notion of instant retribution to monotheistic gods and their “so-called” representatives allowing our numbness and stupidity before such people to be taken for humility and respect.

If we place men far above where they are in their humanity, mortality and frailty, we only have ourselves to blame for not separating the man from God and seeing the man first, then the God in the man, if that really be the case.

It does not mean every “Man of God” is a crook, but every one of them is first human and then godly, the humanity never changes to deity – Not in this world, if there ever was such a hope.

It is time to break the myth of the “Man of God” and it starts with using our heads and intellect in dealing with people as everyday ordinary people.

Sources

[1] International preacher Odulele admits sex offences - Channel 4 News

[2] Woman accuses pastor of N6.6m fraud | Daily Times Nigeria

The legacy of Homophobia overtaking a ministry and the gospel

Court in controversy

In February, I watched an edition of CNN’s Open Court programme that deals with the sport of tennis covering events and personalities.

[This blog has a very religious tone to it for detail and context.]

One feature of the programme was titled “Where are they now?” and this time Margaret Court [1] was featured who is the most celebrated winner of grand slams with 62 to her name, a record that is most unlikely to be broken in the foreseeable future.

She now resides in Perth, Australia, a minister of the gospel with a Pentecostal leaning as the video showed a church service where she was presiding, ministering and preaching.

So, I decided to do a search for her full biography and was lead to her Wikipedia entry [2] where apart from the general historical background and the records she had broken there were main topics about her faith and her views about homosexuality with stridently fundamentalist views that span at least a 12-year period.

Whilst to members of her congregation she might be respected, honoured and revered, this seemingly inconsequential issue might well have closed the doors of her chapel to people who in terms of the purposes of the gospel one would think she should be ministering to.

A vile gospel

The sad issue here is people have a religious ministry and inadvertently when engaged in social discourse lack savvy that they end up preaching what essentially is a Gospel of Condemnation.

It then begs the question as to what ministers of the gospel want to be known for; controversy that thrives on wedge issues and moralises to galvanise those already in the tent or that gospel most representative of the ministry of Jesus Christ that opened doors to those who would normally not fit in the moral framework of the “holier than thou.”

The erstwhile Anglican Primate of Nigeria, Archbishop Peter Akinola [3] would be at pains to get the truth of the gospel to the hearing of others because the last years of his blessed ministry were overtaken by a virulent and vicious homophobic message that accelerated schism within the church alienating many.

The Archbishop obviously and honestly thought he was on the right path but between the causes of homosexuality and homophobia in Africa, one can aver that the latter is more unAfrican than the former.

Slamming the doors

The new Anglican Primate of Nigeria, the Most Revd N.D. Okoh was on pastoral visit to the UK and when confronted with this matter seemed to have taken on the mantle of his predecessor with a double portion of that poisonous anointing.

These were his words [4], “Let me say this; the Anglican Church in Nigeria, emphatically does not accept gay people. Our bible is against it, the word of God is against it. Gay or lesbianism or whatever… it is like saying we condone drug users. What we offer them is repentance and deliverance from that evil spirit. Do not come here to tell me about grace; what grace? We will never accept it.”

This view is interesting because if gay people will not be accepted, they will not have access to the gospel that offers them the supposed condition the archbishop wants them to attain.

The question then is what gospel he professes to preach because it offers no peace, no light, no hope, no encouragement and really no Christ.

I can understand that the most difficult gospel vocation is loving one’s enemies and if homophobia were defined in terms of a type of enmity, wherefore is the love?

No respect for others

The archbishop newly in this role has already painted himself out of the corner of glad tidings to the declaration of war on a section of those his gospel if it were good and wholesome, imitating the gospel of the word of God who need to hear better than all this vitriol.

A new low in African homophobia [5] fuelled and fostered by “so-called” preachers of the gospel was displayed in January at the funeral of David Kato, the Ugandan LGBT activist who was bludgeoned to death at his home.

In what was supposed to be a solemn, sad and reflective occasion allowing for people to bury the unfortunate man with some dignity and respect, a pastor seized the microphone and began an unseemly homophobic and hateful attack on the dead and the audience.

Whilst the situation was retrieved eventually to commit the departed to the ground, very few religious leaders condemned this affront to everything good and wholesome even if it were not a religious setting – this barbarity of the gospel needs to stop.

Return to the examples you so profess

Going back to the Nigerian Archbishop; if he were to live in the historical times of the bible he would condemn the fact that the Israelite spies allowed themselves to consult and be hidden by Rahab the harlot [6] when they visited Jericho.

King David [7] would have had no recourse than to be a convicted murderer sent to the gallows for committing adultery with Bathsheba and scheming the inadvertent death of her husband in battle, depriving us of Psalm 51.

Surely, no matter how thirsty he was, Jesus should not in the 4^th chapter of John have been talking to the Samaritan woman [8] in the first place, then to learn that she had had 5 husbands does not bear thinking of, but this same woman was that one who announced the coming of the prophet to her townsfolk.

As for the woman caught [9] in the act of adultery, the archbishop would have thrown the first stone and repented long after she was dead. It is unlikely he would have had the Christ-like compassion to say to her, “Neither do I condemn thee, go and sin no more.”

The Church in Corinth was as sexually depraved [10] as you could get a congregation and it was to them that Apostle Paul wrote the epistle about love in 1^st Corinthians 13 [11] and gave information about the miraculous workings of the gifts of the Holy Spirit in 1^st Corinthians 14 [12].

The gospel and this other gospel

I think grace was at work, compassion mattered and love allowed for God in his dealings with man to overlook a lot to draw them close to the message of the gospel He had for them.

The legacy people have of their ministry would endure long after they are gone, some ministers would have to look at how their message which may not be ministering to the needs of a wider society with attitudes and views so diametrically opposed to the church, because it is to those same people that the gospel really needs to be preached and they will not hear a word of it if the reputation that precedes the preacher is that of condemnation.

I dare say as in the epistle to the Galatians, they preach another gospel [13].

Sources

[1] YouTube - Margaret Court, record holder in tennis

[2] Margaret Court - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[3] Peter Akinola - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[4] New Archbishop of Nigeria Anglican Church declares support for homophobia « Justice for Gay Africans Society

[5] Violence Erupts at Kato Funeral | News | The Advocate

[6] Bible Story about Rahab Helping the Spies

[7] Story of David and Bathsheba for Kids

[8] Jesus and Samaritan Woman

[9] Jesus and the Woman Taken in Adultery

[10] 1 Corinthians 5:1 It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that does not occur even among pagans: A man has his father's wife.

[11] I Corinthians 13 - Passage Lookup - New International Version, ©2011 - BibleGateway.com

[12] 1 Corinthians 14 - Passage Lookup - New International Version, ©2011 - BibleGateway.com

[13] Galatians 1:8 But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let him be eternally condemned!

Thought Picnic: Analysing the Cultism in our Religion

Between religions and cults

An article titled When Does a Religion Become a Cult? [1] In the Wall Street Journal inspired this blog and whilst the main thrust of the write-up offered the signs that make religious cults evident, there was a possibility that certain of those perspectives were not necessarily all-encompassing.

Being on expert on the subject I have however witnessed first-hand people who have joined up to religious organisations seeking some solution to life’s problems and ended up becoming people with altered personalities, narrowed views of life, extreme fundamentals and spewing out doctrinal teachings that border on blasphemy to evident apostasy looking like new revelation.

Effective Controls

It is instructive that analysts of cult phenomena suggest a number of criteria that define cults as behaviour control, information control, thought control and emotional control. Beyond this are two other categories defined as financial control and extreme leadership.

What apparently indicates as control is different for different cultures and one can suggest that in open and freer societies the elements of control are probably more obvious and directly impacting on the adherents of such cult followings.

In this sense, one could be deluded into thinking that cults rarely exist in African cultures because the controlling forces do not appear to be enforced in a seemingly policed environment rather people tend to abdicate the free moral agency they have and submit themselves to the controlling influence of their leaders and then flock together with the false sense of safety in community.

Indirect but controlling nonetheless

There are many elements of behaviour control masquerading as religious creeds with interminably long lists of dos and don’ts of with absurd logic pandering to ancient rites that have long been superseded by modern ways that are conveniently ignored.

Information control usually presents as doctrinal diktat breeding anti-social forms of extremist and intolerant attitudes encouraged by the laziness of congregations to review criticisms no matter how constructive those views might be.

With a plaint and fawning audience, thought control is easy, people who are brought up in patriarchal societies might not be disposed to inquisitiveness or questioning the basis of the tenets they adhere to. There is a self-censorship in place that automatically kicks-in when a “Man of God” speaks, acts or commands as some vague dread of the supernatural instils the fear that allows for bling-followership and no critical assessment of the circumstances the person is in.

The aspect of emotional control is easy, as humility is confused with accepting humiliation and the guilt complex is exacerbated by painting scenarios that leave adherent apparently eternally grateful for the succour the leadership appears to provide.

In the pocket of the mind

Financial control is almost as innocuous as it is diabolical, holy texts are trotted out to convince, persuade, cajole, tease and in the extreme defraud as people are first convinced of a monetary key to blessing and almost compelled from the pulpit to give everything to the point of pain; whilst mind-control is quite difficult to assess, the beholden are already taken.

The religious leader regaled in the best flaunts this luxurious appearance as something to aspire to but only available through deeper financial commitment as hopes and desires are played and teased with the eventual promise of success which is almost within grasp – the spur is captivating to keep the people striving. The message gets perverted to “Use God and Love Money”.

By which time extreme leadership does not look that extreme any more, people who have willingly and freely associated that they have been subsumed and the leader either by design or unwittingly earns a cult following of almost sycophancy at some presumed closeness to God.

The slide to a cult

In any event, very little needs to be done to exercise absolute control as varying degrees of control as pertains to the earlier criteria could have inadvertently created a self-sustaining cult environment, the participants so completely oblivious of the fact that they have also stuck so close to a commune they cannot cut loose.

The sad thing is many are already in cults thinking they are fervent followers of some religion, the distinction between the terms almost impossible to distinguish. The analysts however conclude that every coercive religious group harbours the telltale trait of untoward secrecy – however, secrecy might well be hidden in everyday language, a lot being said but a dog whistle to those who know.

If members experience impediments in relationships, ideas or travel and the group’s finances are suspect and non-transparent, one might just say, following the money will just take you deep into the grotto of a cult.

Sources

[1] Mitch Horowitz: When Does a Religion Become a Cult? - WSJ.com

Childhood: Defanged by Misadventure

Taking a poor call

That evening my mobile phone rang and no caller identification was shown apart from the nondescript Unknown. The time of the day allowed for me to take the call but I heard nothing from the other end as my patience began to wane with each subsequent “Hello”

In typical Akin fashion, I rang off the call with, “If you are not ready to talk, I am breaking off this call.” A few minutes later, the phone rang again and I noticed that the indicator bars for signal strength are low signifying a possible poor connection, I was prepared to be a bit more patient and I finally got to hear who was calling and I rang off promising to call back when I return home in about 30 minutes.

My friend was curious about the calls and I said, she is the reason my dentition is the way it is. Without the backstory he immediately jumped to the conclusion that a girl had knocked out my teeth with all the connotations it entails.

I failed to get a word in edgeways as to the how and the why, I knew he would eventually find out and I should expect a call the moment he reads this blog.

The wheelbarrow tyre fell off

It was an evening of horseplay and pranks as we played in the corridor that linked our bedroom to the bathroom, a door to the left lead to the dining room and further up to the right was the door to my father’s bedroom, at the end of the corridor; straight ahead was the toilet, to the right was the door to my auntie’s bedroom and to the left was the bathroom.

We started at the end closest to our bedroom, my hands on the floor, she lifted up my legs in was to be a wheelbarrow walk, I had probably just moved my hands like leg strides twice when my arms appeared to give maybe because I was not keeping up with the speed of being pushed.

So, I fell forward, my front teeth hitting the floor and the damage was two pieces of enamel that could no more be put together again like a Humpty-Dumpty mishap. It was painful, I cried but there was nothing that could be done to rectify the situation.

Had this happened 6 months before, I probably would have had the luxury of a shark, my milk teeth would have been shed for the permanent ones, I had no such luck and that was the beginning of my disfigurement.

Marked for life

Six months after the accident, I was in such great pain that I had to visit the dentist. In the 70s the drills were very much like spinning pneumatic hammers, I was marked for life as the pulp was replaced with cement fillings and they took on a light marroonish colour.

That was the way I looked and I should have let it be until I was cajoled into doing some major work on them when I got to England, the contraption lasted about 8 years and since then it has been a complete mess that would require major reconstructive surgery.

It really does not bother me even though it could be rather unsightly, but in the scheme of things between Hollywood Teeth and dealing with cancer, I know where my priorities are; I was just defanged by misadventure.