Petition: Death release him!

Clicking to save the world

Quite recently, I have become rather concerned about the insidiousness of online petitions and their power to force issues onto the agenda demanding serious action.

The whole idea that we can at our keyboards and click our way to world peace and the Nirvana we have also dreamt possible and attainable is now so trendy, it is beginning to lose its purpose.

Now, I have signed a few online petitions, even gone out on protests to back what I am petitioning for, however, I am not one to sign all petitions that land in my mailbox for whatever cause, no matter how serious and endearing that cause might be to others more fully persuaded of that cause.

To be persuaded

I need to be persuaded and engaged, I need to see the goal and understand the need, it is important that we see what is achievable and what is just following the crowd.

Yet, there are causes that I will support because they are close to my heart, those to do with rights, with children, with justice when deserved and the last one I felt so strongly about was the petition to Selfridges Manchester to remove the anti-homeless and reprehensible studs they installed on the low-lying ledges of their shop windows.

However, three recent petitions have got up my nose that seem to tend towards malevolence than beneficence.

An adjunct to justice?

The petition against Ched Evans who having been convicted of rape and having served his sentence was not allowed to return to his footballing career because some people did not think he had served his punishment enough. Besides going to prison and his still protesting his innocence, the petitioners who amassed in their hundreds of thousands creating a wall of online protest that appeared to force the hand of more reasonable people unwilling the challenge public opinion.

What is uncomfortably insidious about this development is where the petitions appear to tag on an extra punishment beyond the justice system, the keyboard warriors completely abstracted from reality, yet effective in their petitioning numbers. You wonder, when is a punishment or a crime effectively served if petitions can grant unregulated public opinion the ability to impose new sanctions?

Like reality television, the power of the subjective and emotional without clear access to the facts has now become part of our daily life, and much as it is helping some people, it can also dramatically ruin lives too.

Entertainment trumps the punch

The second petition that is giving me great concern is the one imploring the BBC to rescind the suspension of Jeremy Clarkson who co-hosts the Top Gear show.

I am no fan of Jeremy Clarkson, his manner, his attitude or his activities much as his antics can be entertaining and still be a pitiful display of boorish kidulthood. There are reasons why the BBC chose to take the very dramatic action of suspending their ‘Golden Goose’ as Top Gear is probably the most syndicated television show in the world.

Like many who have signed the petition and the keyboard warriors are close to a million, we all do not have access to the facts and detail of what prompted the suspension. The said ‘fracas’ suggests Jeremy Clarkson allegedly attacked his television show producer for not providing the refreshment or food he wanted.

Consider the producer, for once

Jeremy Clarkson is a lumbering creature and no one can explain what the producer might have felt in terror or humiliation at being ‘attacked’ for not doing what was expected of him. The dispute could have been handled in a more gentlemanly manner if Jeremy Clarkson were ever a gentleman, and I have never been convinced he ever was.

Yet, for the popularity of his show, the producer has become inconsequent and a nonentity, whilst Jeremy Clarkson is to be excused and forgiven the actions that led to his suspension, because our entertainment matters more to us than the minor act of a probable fist connecting to the body of another lowly person who brings no glee into our well-adjusted lives. According to the petitioners and the following is global.

As a consequence, the producer might become a pariah and even lose his job because it is attached to the now suspended Top Gear show. Is there any justice in this world?

Death release him

Which brings me to the last petition and there is not much I can say to the fact that Sir Terry Pratchett died on the 12^th of March, 2015 after almost eight years of suffering from Alzheimer’s disease.

Over 21,000 have signed a petition asking Death to give Sir Terry Pratchett back, I guess that is a petition I can sign up to, seeing we are coming into the Easter season. Honestly! That is what the petition craze has become.

Thought Picnic: Unlatched from Slumber

False premises

Deep in sleep, one is suddenly awoken by the opening of the door as if a child playing prankster has run by tugging at the handle to annoy you.

You wake up startled expecting to see the child sheepishly come by, half-contrite, half-satisfied for doing the reprehensible to us but the comprehensible to them.

Then your mind gets subjective and you prepare to bound out of bed and deliver a severe warning just stoking the limits of absolute rage but you restrain yourself as the door is closed once again for you to settle into slumber.

Possible remedies

Not too long afterwards, it happens again, then again and again, over days as it becomes unclear as to whether the door is possessed or the child is more possessed but ones peace is held all the same giving the benefit of doubt that there might well be something else at play. Meanwhile, the child is scolded by someone else as one settles into the satisfaction that it will not happen again.

Another remedy to this little inconvenience is to either lock the door or close the window because a spark of scientific thinking suggests when the wind blows and pressure is reduced in the room the door apparently flings open, but why one did not just ascertain that once and for all is left to the laziness of mind.

Reasons arising

Then purposely the door was closed and it did not seem to have the clicking sound that suggests the door was properly closed, why does one have to manipulate the handle to close the door? We were close to why the problem existed but not the reason yet, subconsciously, one put it down to bad workmanship and left it at that.

This afternoon, the reason with all its ramifications became evident, the lock was put in wrongly so the bevel of the catch that ensured the door was properly closed and caught off the fitting of the door frame was facing the wrong way.

Doors to dummies

Mortice Lockset courtesy of HomeTips

Let us get really technical here, we can all learn something from this little but seemingly inconsequential matter. One needs a lockset to lock a door, the example above is a Mortice (UK) lockset. The lock body goes in the body of the door itself where you will attach the handle or knob. Accompanying the lock body is the strike plate which can be a rigid fitting to the door frame or cut into the door frame.

The strike plate holes take the latch bolt to close the door and the deadbolt to lock the door. In some cases the door handle is immobile usually on the exterior which means the door only needs to be slammed shut for it to be locked requiring a key to open the door. The lock system can be built into the latch assembly, thereby, not needing a deadbolt, those are all aesthetics but they all could determine how secure the lock will be.

The latch bolt is bevelled allowing for the door to be shut easily but it catches against the strike plate so that the door cannot be pulled open except by turning the handle or knob or by using a key.

In this case, the bevelled side of the latch bolt was not catching against the strike plate meaning the door can be pulled open or like I described earlier, the wind could just do it for it.

Determine why every time

I could have saved myself the subjectiveness of causation by immediate observation and inquiry rather than let my mind wander off into conjecture, assuming a premise that has now been proved to be totally wrong.

The many times we have allowed the subjective to becloud better judgement derived from applying ourselves to the task of acquiring knowledge by keen observation and the logic that allows one to make complete sense of how and why things happen.

For therein lies the smarts; being inquisitive, precocious, questioning and challenging of situations brings knowledge that cannot be contemned, because your thinking, sentiment and discernment will be based on data and facts. Doing it immediately makes you even smarter, we need to have the presence of mind to think this way.

The Naija Bruises of Reply All

Object to the subject

Never has an objective assessment of a situation garnered outrageous subjectivity than when I have had the fortune of expressing an opinion amongst fellow Nigerians.

It would appear the issues of basic netiquette are beyond the comprehension of seemingly knowledgeable people, I wanted out faster than a bullet leaves a gun.

I had written about the use of the Reply All button in a forum where I have had the unfortunate circumstance to find reluctant membership, in which I also offered possible alternatives to accommodate that type of content.

The forum coordinator had announced that a few new persons had joined the community, that was fine by me, but before the cock could crow the first time, 10 emails had arrived in my mailbox, people echoing the welcome greetings to everyone rather than the just the particular new entrants.

True African SPAM

I must have missed something in my upbringing, as I learnt later on; it is in the true African tradition to receive unsolicited email which in the West would be called SPAM.

It was impossible to keep the focus on that issue, by the time I knew it; I was mired in sycophantic acquiescence, dribbled over with the spittle of contrived disappointment and dispossessed of my Nigerian heritage because I dared to challenge an unacceptable convention.

Then, someone said I was bringing Nigeria into disrepute, I had to read over all that I had written, between and over the lines and could find nothing to corroborate that inspired waffle.

Informed consent is a cardinal principle

The issue still is; I was co-opted into that forum because someone just assumed I would want to participate in the forum without seeking my consent; one comment read that as a goodwill gesture.

Where have these people been? Organisations cannot just co-opt you without an opt-in which includes informed consent even if their surveys indicate you might be interested in their products – that principle applies regardless of if it is a village forum or a sophisticated gentlemen’s club.

Read my script upside-down

In the end, I asked for my name to be expunged from their records and mailing lists – for which I received a few brick-bats, I did not say for once that my mother-tongue is in fact English – there is a possibility that what I was conveying in language – tone, context and syntax – was lost in translation - my foible - I say what I mean.

Anytime you are tempted to Reply All, just think about what is actionable about your email and if it is relevant to that audience.

I would talk of this no more, one is utterly miffed and certainly not amused.