Nigeria: And the Oscar goes to Kemebradikumo Daniel Pondei

The art of the ill

I have watched the implausible incredulity of Nollywood, the Nigerian film industry version of Hollywood. The trite storylines of repetitive histrionics and melodrama that taxes your willing suspension of belief to the extreme. What people might not believe is how it is art that imitates life, that what you might term impossible or improbable in saner climes is everyday occurrence in Nigeria.

One such episode I could not ignore happened earlier today, when Prof Kemebradikumo Daniel Pondei, the acting Director-General of the Niger Delta Development Commission (NDDC) appeared before a Nigerian House of Assembly Committee to face questioning on his stewardship of the agency he heads.

Now, we are led to believe he might have been indisposed but against doctor’s orders honoured the invitation to appear. That is beside the point. The live feed to the event simply shows that under the assault of interrogation, the professor suddenly took ill.

NDDC Acting DG Prof Kemebradikumo Pondei appeared to have fainted during probe by House Committee pic.twitter.com/jwgRraiFG8

— BellaNaija (@bellanaija) July 20, 2020

First aid originality

He appeared stunted and slumped over the table before when heroic members of the House came to his aid if that is what you may call it after observation. I can find not medical terms for any of the actions taken. The tugging of his shoulders from behind was not anything like the Heimlich Manoeuvre, not that he was choking on anything that needed dislodging from his throat.

The person who approached him from the front, appeared to be contemplating with great hesitation whether he was going administer the kiss of life through mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, but he could have had all fingers in the professor’s mouth trying to prise it ajar.

Now, miraculously, the intervention, either of discomfort or palliative urging appears to have revived the professor who from what I observed was starry-eyed and lifting his arms as if to dislodge the hands from his suffering buccal cavity. The spontaneity of the intervention made for an engaging global audience with intrigue. The professor did not die. Hallelujah!

Feeble bandits on account

Which brings me to the thought of how many influential people caught in embezzlement, malfeasance, fraud or misappropriation fearlessly and unassailably aggrandise themselves with moneys in their care with impunity and reckless abandon, when brought to account appear to fail in heart and health with the suddenness of some divine affliction.

One would not suggest it is a ploy, but too many in times past have been given the benefit of the doubt and much latitude to request and obtain leave from the courts to seek medical attention abroad. That avenue is trammelled by the Coronavirus pandemic.

Yet, I would be remiss in the duty of acknowledgement and appreciation if Prof Kemebradikumo Daniel Pondei; and don’t twist your tongue on his first name, it flows with effortless ease off the tongue, is not considered for an outstanding prize for a live-action award of extraordinary artistic talent rarely seen in highly accomplished professional actors.

Professor Kemebradikumo Daniel Pondei of Nigeria, please, step forward for the honours. A standing ovation is deserved.

Nigeria: Senator frogjumps her back wall

A new interest in Nollywood

I am no particular fan of Nollywood, though in the 70s we got caught up in aspects of Bollywood and Sinowood (Bruce Lee, the noises and the kicks), neither do I watch much Hollywood, the last time I was in a cinema was just about a year ago.

I must however say that some scripts, which are inadvertently appearing as news from Nigeria, are looking like we would be getting a major blockbuster very soon starring the thespian qualities of the histrionic Senator Iyabo Obasanjo-Bello at her most melodramatic – I am enthralled.

Senator Obasanjo-Bello happens to be the daughter of the erstwhile President of Nigeria, and it seems she is getting embroiled in every kind of shady deal, which brings the name of Nigeria and the “office” of an elected representative into disrepute.

Cleared but not really cleared

Recently, the Nigerian Senate cleared their own from culpability in the squander of funds from the Ministry of Health; she happens to be the Chairperson of the Senate Committee on Health.

We have been told that 10 million Naira was given to the Senate Committee for a junket retreat in Ghana. The Director of Administrator in the Ministry of Health, Dr. H. B. Oyedepo who has been talking to the EFCC says it was 20 million Naira – so there is a little business of searching out the real truth and why the doubling or the halving of the money.

The great and desperate escape

Anyway, the EFCC have been after the powerful senator and on a visit to her home to invite her to appreciate the comforts of the commission, news reaches us that she made for the back garden and scaled her wall to escape those menacing EFCC clutches.

The senator would contend that she is no fugitive and we are being regaled with a sob story that she is now afraid for her life.

I’ll tell you this much, if I ran to my backdoor and scaled the wall of my garden, not only would I be afraid for my life, I would be in danger of losing it with a 7-storey plunge.

I cannot believe that such a highly placed politician who has been besmirched with claims of corruption and is protesting her innocence would resort to such desperate measures usually reminiscent of illegal overstaying refugees trying to escape the capture of immigration agents.

Her father’s daughter

The senator has form and she goes on the defensive by claiming, “There's a very huge anti-Obasanjo sentiment in the country now and honestly the behaviour is not normal.”

I could almost sympathise but the truth about the matter is simple, I know that many of us hold our family names in such esteem that we would be all too reluctant to be involved in anything that would bring shame to the family.

That inclination comes from a life of honesty, rectitude, integrity and pride instilled in us by our parents, which would have been instilled in them by a culture that could not countenance the concept of being brought to shame. We hold those values dear, no matter where we are in this world, the few who stray sometimes completely lose their way and end up foul of the law.

Some of the children of President Obasanjo do not seem to have been privileged to acquire this kind of parental guidance, the Obasanjo presidential term seems to be a litany of entrenched corruption, smoke screens of fighting corruption and the complete abuse of process.

A coward exposed

The example of Iyabo Obasanjo-Bello shows that she has followed after the abuse of power rather than the desire to maintain a reputable family name, which others would do by keeping a low profile.

She now feels she is a victim of harassment; that is just so pathetic – she would make us believe she has done nothing wrong - whilst she has peddled influence with impunity and she is now reaping the results in being wanted by the anti-graft agency for a number of questionable activities. Unfortunately, daddy does not seem to be able to pull the strings to exculpate his daughter.

What is most revealing about this saga is this, having been involved in a number of shady deals and transactions; she is unable to face the music and consequences of her actions. This is typical of people who have gained power through nepotism and abuse of process such that they know nothing of the responsibility they are given and when the going gets tough they are crybaby cowards.

If this does not sound like the makings of a Nollywood thriller, I challenge you to come up with a better plot.