Thought Picnic: Returnee Woes

This is pain

There is an interesting aspect of being a returnee that is quite uncomfortable and disconcerting. When you return home from another country after so many years away, the only thing you probably have is your identity and not much else.

The process of reintegration is being fraught by rules that do not seem to have exceptions. Resettlement is not easy and planning it depends on how you are able to leave where you were to where you want to be and the attendant responsibilities that come with it.

Soul destroyers

In my case, I am caught in a Catch-22 situation that is growing ridiculous by the day. Normally, on arrival in the UK one is to register as looking for work. My experience of the literally soul-destroying concept of being told you are not doing enough to find work that you are matched to jobs that demand nothing of you than to demean and depress you from over 20 years ago was job not what I needed at this time.

Recently, I read of the experience of a PhD holder expected to do menial jobs and not considered to be utilising his job-searching time productively if he was researching and preparing for interviews belying an inferior and pedestrian system in the UK whereas in the Netherlands they fully appreciated your skills and offered help and advice to job-seekers to help them flourish in what they really do know how to do.

Hitting the ground running

I arrived on a Friday and took temporary accommodation with a relation, by Sunday, I had obtained a mobile phone SIM and a new phone number that allowed me to update my CV with an address and number – enough to give it some freshness.

On Monday, I was getting calls and by Tuesday the inquiries were gaining traction that I landed an interview on Thursday after which I was offered a job, what had to follow were mere formalities – terms, contract and other essential personal details.

Proving an improbable

No one on entering a country within days is able to provide a proof of address in that country without exceptional circumstances to that effect. The social services will only consider a returnee habitually resident in the UK only after 3 months of arrival, before which that have no obligations though asylum seekers in dire need seem to get prompt attention.

I could not open a bank account without a proof of address and the company that was supposed to handle my payroll then said they will not release payments for my work until I could prove where I lived, however, I cannot claim many of the official documents like utility bills, job centre correspondence or government agency letters when I am in temporary residence still trying to find my feet.

Exceptionally unique circumstances

In essence, even though I am ready, able and engaged to contribute my bit to society, I am being treated like a homeless man, my independent streak to just get up and do not appreciated and there does not seem to be some exception to cater for people with my kind of unique circumstances.

The unintended consequence of anti-money laundering laws are hitting on honest and innocent persons ready to earn a living but frustrated by the system. Meanwhile, we read of looters of African treasuries washing their ill-gotten wealth through British banks with amazingly breath-taking ease.

Do something

I have put the onus back on my employer and Payroll Company, having offered my identification and met with their personnel, they know what I will be earning and it is unlikely that with the contracts I have signed with both, I can at the same time be an agent of money laundering at their behest.

What is required is a bit of common sense and intuitiveness on their part to validate my existence and facilitate my reintegration.

When I moved to the Netherlands over a decade ago, my employer stood as surety guaranteeing the necessity I had for opening a bank account and consequently securing rental property – that is what I am asking of them – the emails will go back and forth until I have gotten them to stand and stand tall on my behalf. I should not be agonising about these things, I want to concentrate on my new job and perform excellently in what I know to do.

Thought Picnic: Homing in on relocation turmoil

An apparent suddenness of circumstances

As the day nears the seriousness of the situation gets even more acute, not even two weeks ago would I have considered I would be making this momentous and life-changing decision.

In some cases, I doubt I am ready for it at all, it is looking like a classic case of being guided or even forced by circumstances rather than creating the circumstances in which you want to control all the events and issues around you – it is a very unfamiliar place.

However, in the last two years I have been in the most unfamiliar places of vulnerability, disease, lack and apparent lack of direction. It would appear there is an agenda only that it is scheduling the chaos that swirls around me without my having the control of the matters it presents.

Questions to ask

The countdown now is 11 days to my new job in England and I have to ask myself if I am asking the right questions and thereby getting answers to the things that should be managed, under control and sorted out.

There is no doubt that any move is stressful and disrupting, some friends have seen it as a new beginning too; I seem to have the 180 degree gaze of the extremes of the best and worst of the situation because I am in the centre of it all.

That question is how do you package a 20 year existence into a kind of storage whilst you find your feet, find your level and find your grounding in a new environment?

As I attempt to distance myself from the rut of it all to hopefully have an unbiased view of the matter, I recognise that the job opportunities seemed to be showing up more in the UK that in the Netherlands and I was pitching for those offers as they came.

A foreigner of sorts

The fact is, though I am a UK citizen with all the eligibility of working back at “home”, my home for the last 11 and more years has been in the Netherlands and essentially I am being employed by a global company to take up a permanent role away from my current domicile.

I suppose, the question I have not asked is, do they have a relocation package that includes, advice, help, assistance and reintegration programmes for returnees because if I am to be the most productive in my new role the last thing I want and they will want on my mind is the turmoil of settling down enough to settle properly in the job and make a good fist at it.

Somehow, I feel a bit relieved about having thought it through to this and it will be my first email out on Monday, the situation with them will now be if it matters that much to them to help – I should spend the weekend reading the contracts and terms as I hope to find some resolution to this interesting dilemma.

The fact is sometimes; your answers are framed by the questions you ask. As a friend shared, these trials are not beyond the realm of resolution.

Wanting it badly

Expatriate's Expatriate

I cannot say I am the most integrated foreigner in the Netherlands. I have said this so much that it is becoming a kind of affirmation I am not entirely proud of, but one I have to live with.

So, this is even so obvious when I send my CV to certain global organisations in the Netherlands and it get rejected out of hand because my grasp of Dutch makes Double Dutch sound like duck quacks.

Then suddenly, a problem needs to be solved, a solution is required and some brains regardless of language ability are required - my CV resurfaces to do the job, albeit is nominally contract rates rather than the lesser paid permanent roles.

I have now learnt to be content with the fact that where my skills are required my services would eventually be acquired.

Sometimes, I wonder why I get so flustered and worrisome of short terms of unemployment.

I have been fortunate in many ways as I count my blessings and remain grateful for the providence of the great Father who in spite of my faults smiles on me as I find favour with earth and heaven.

Meanwhile, I traipsing round Germany continues as work begins on Monday.

Behind the upfront deal lies a better offer

The Netherlands

The mobile phone operators market in the Netherlands has seen the influx of other European players; this both consolidates and introduces healthy competition in the market.

The customer ends up with a lot of choice, if they have any understanding about what to choose.

Moving to the Netherlands almost four years ago represented a seismic culture shock, which catches every career professional émigré by surprise. These were ones experiences; some have already changed for the better since then.

To be more specific that main thing to have in mind is that Amsterdam to the tourist is a lot different to Amsterdam for the new resident.

The Supermarkets

The supermarkets in the Netherlands were not of the quality seen in the UK. First the shelf arrangements; the only logic one could see was that things were in alphabetic order.

Antiseptics, Apples, Apricots; Tampons, Tomatoes, Towels; Salt, Sweets, Spoons. Apart from the fact that the names were a lot different - Tomato Beans (Baked Beans), SnelKookRijst (Long grain parboiled rice).

The till queues sometimes were so long and then some smart tiller decides to close a needed till anyhow; I just was not prepared for this, and a few times I just put things back on the shelves and walked out in disgust.

The Stores

Rarely do you get a complement, "This is the first time anyone has walked into this store prepared". May one generalise saying, the Dutch do not spend time researching what they require on a shopping trip.

Rather a shopping expedition is made a nightmare for other prepared people by customers who get the tillers to do all the research when they should be taking payments off customers who with goods in hands are about to sling them at that tiresome, undecided customer who might eventually not buy anything.

The compliment came from having researched what new phone one wanted, bringing in ones old mobile phone contract just in case any information needed to be transferred to the renewed contract.

The Queues

Do not even think of it. I once was the only one at a bus stop having just missed the previous bus. When the next one arrived, one could hardly find standing room.

However, once whilst returning from England, the same attitude became evident that I remonstrated. "We do queue in this country" to the surprise but eventual adherence of the miscreants.

Despair and be served

I used to say, the Netherlands is a lovely place to live in until you require service. One issue stands out when one phoned a service company and was kept waiting for 2 hours 20 minutes - by which time one could sing the whole on-hold music by heart.

Eventually, when the call was answered, I was put back in the queue for another 20 minutes because one could not speak Dutch.

The service company has improved considerably with the mission statement "Putting the customer at the heart of everything we do" I see myself served graciously and enthusiastically nowadays.

Estate agents

They made a large profit during the boom years up until the middle of 2001. Having the gall to charge deposits and commissions up to half the short-term lease of 6 months. If the opportunity arises, buy a house.

Europeans and resident permits - British Consulate view

Do I need a residence permit to live in the Netherlands?

We strongly recommend that you apply for a residence permit. As an EU citizen, you are legally exempt from the obligation to apply for a residence permit (verblijfsvergunning).

However, local practice is such that difficulties are likely to arise if you do not have one. For example, banks, health insurance companies and some employers may ask to see your residence document before entering into a contract with you. It is therefore advisable to apply for a residence permit from the Aliens Police Service (Vreemdelingenpolitie).

If one read that correctly, one can do without it, because one is legally exempt; however, it can be useful if one is entering into a contract where the contractor needs more assurance that one is here to stay.

I only wish someone included this in the study packs used for training immigration officers; I still get harassed for not having one anytime I fly into the country. One should intimate that one has obtained all privileges including a mortgage without having the absurd permit.

Road works

My view is the jobless statistics are low because every activity to do with road building, pavements and pedestrian areas is done six times. One does not need to prove this. Just check out any construction works over the period of 6 months and gaze in bewilderment why, they have come back again.

They all speak, surely not English

In general, the Dutch are basic polyglots. Polyglots in the sense that they speak at least two languages, usually three, apart of from the mother tongue, their command of English is rather rudimentary.

There are exceptional cases but it becomes obvious in the use of the following malapropisms.

Bring for bringing here and taking there.

They welcome in rather than welcome to or welcome aboard.

They borrow for borrowing and lending.

Formal email almost always includes hereby for herein or enclosed.

Double Dutch

My view is that the reason why Dutch is a difficult language is, you need to be word perfect for the Dutch to understand whatever you say. If you fall at that hurdle, they immediately switch to English without trying to help you out of the lingual rut.

Do not expect your acquaintances to help, the issue of teaching Dutch requires you go learn it out of sight and return a Dutch person. You learn Dutch through determination against and in spite of the odds, they are a proud people.

The Orange SPV E200 mobile phone

I was offered a deal to renew my mobile phone contract over the phone, but on further research I found, I could get a deal a lot better than the offer.

Therefore, on a new 2-year renewal, one got the Orange SPV E200 SmartPhone and a blue tooth headset all covered in the new contract.

Reviews later.