#IDAHOBIT 2021: Together we heal

Reflecting on the day

Quietly, I celebrated the International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia, and Biphobia (IDAHOT / IDAHOBIT) which falls on the 17^th of May annually. The theme for this year is, “Together: Resisting, Supporting, Healing!” [Wikipedia]

Many of us freedoms and voices, the freedom to be who we are, and the voice to speak out first on who we are and what we represent, then to speak against oppression, injustice, bullying, aggression and all kinds of phobia expressed against sexuality.

Fleshing out the theme

Resisting, as we agitate against the conservative and illiberal forces rolling back our freedoms by feigning the loss of theirs in malevolence and the desire to homogenise communities when our humanity is too diverse to be pigeonholed.

Supporting, ourselves, and with our allies in the fight for human rights, the institutions and establishments that seek to regulate life and livelihood in extreme fundamentalist ways of control, submission, and abuse. We need to be there to ensure we can rise together to be our best selves and be valued and respected members of our respective communities.

Healing, what abuse we have suffered from the denial of our identity, conversion therapy, physical abuse, intemperate and inhuman laws, a biased justice system, and much else. We need to heal, to recuperate, recover, rehabilitate, reconstruct, and rejuvenate ourselves to come into the fulness of life, the joy of living, and even dare the pursuit of happiness for love, comfort, and fulfilment.

Knowing the deal

I wore a purple shirt, the colour of IDAHOBIT, when I sent a video message to Brian, during our conversation after work, he noticed and realised, it is a day to celebrate what we are all about, the freedom to be ourselves.

Blog - #IDAHOBIT 2020: Breaking the silence

Blog - #IDAHOT 2018: Of allies and acceptance

Blog - #IDAHOT2017: The beliefs that harm us

#IDAHOBIT 2020: Breaking the silence

A first attack

For the International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia #IDAHOBIT celebrated every May the 17^th, I was between thoughts about what to write. [Wikipedia]

In my many encounters with homophobia, I remember two specific events in the early 1990s, I had met this lovely guy at Bang! disco and we decided to go back to my place. We got the bus from the London West End and alighted at a bus stop some 300 metres from my apartment around 2:00 AM.

As we walked back to my place, two men called after us, we ignored them, then they began to shout and hurl abuse at us, we knew we were in danger and so took flight, but they were already upon us, tackled us and relieved us of our possessions. We came to no harm and soon after getting home we called the police who visited but offered no support, it was 1991. Shaken we were, we lived, and beyond that had a 4-month relationship before we broke up.

A fearful existence

A few years after, I was having a walk in Finsbury Park, it is was quiet and calm, two guys approached me; I saw the glint of a knife blade as he motioned towards me. ‘Give me your wallet,’ he said, ‘And we’ll let you go.’ There was no hesitation, I emptied my pockets, and they left over a bridge into a labyrinth of alleyways. By the time, I found a beefcake to tell of my ordeal, they had long gone.

These were times when a lot of what was called ‘Queer bashing’ happened around London, I was fortunate not to suffer any injuries in my encounters, times I have had to run for dear life because a group of men with the intent to inflict grievous bodily harm set out to find gays and beat them up, even kill them.

My local librarian, who resourcefully and progressively stocked our library with LGBTQ+ literature, Christopher Dunn, lost his life at the hands of a serial killer who targeted gays. Hardly two weeks before, on holiday with my partner in a Brighton Bed & Breakfast, he was a fellow guest. On noticing him one evening, we wondered about why anyone would wear such tight Lycra shorts, we were just being sententious.

Breaking the silence

The theme for IDAHOBIT 2020 is Breaking The Silence; I would have preferred to talk more about other LGBTQ+ people in places, circumstances, and environments unlike mine today, where I have the freedom to express myself, a long way from the experiences of the 1990s. I can visit South Africa to rendezvous with my partner Brian, and not be ashamed to demand that we have a double bed rather than twin beds or separate rooms.

This is the first time I have written about my queer-bashing experience, yet, I must appreciate how long we have travelled from those times, acknowledging there is still more to do here and abroad.

For the past 5 IDAHOBIT anniversaries, I have donned the colour of the day, purple, and today, I went for a walk before taking a celebratory picture at Whitworth Park. [May17]

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A post shared by Akin Akintayo (@instaforakin) on May 17, 2019 at 1:10am PDT

From old IDAHOBIT Days

I commend this day to all, for the freedom to live, to express, to celebrate, to our allies, to the voices that are yet to be heard, the lives that are hidden from fulfilment, to the victims, to the powerless, to those who think they are alone, and to the souls sadly departed. We will rise.

IDAHOBIT 2020 at Whitworth Park today

Blog - #IDAHOT2017: The beliefs that harm us

Blog - #IDAHOT 2018: Of allies and acceptance

#IDAHOT 2018: Of allies and acceptance

At Cologne Central Station on my way to work.

A workplace joy

I have come to see the 17^th of May each year as a day to celebrate and remember in my own little way. It is the day that has been designated the International Day against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia (IDAHOT). [IDAHOT Website]

I became aware of this day when I was working at Barclays Bank, the organisation unfurled a big rainbow flag from the tower in the campus and with that were a number of events in branches all around the world to commemorate the day.

As an institution, Barclays Bank has been amazingly supportive of the LGBTI community, sponsoring and hosting functions within and outside the company on matters of inclusiveness and expression that I have not seen paralleled in any other place where I have worked. You had both a sense of belonging and safety in the work environment, that was just right.

Out and proud at work

Personally, I think I have always been out in the workplace since the early 1990s. I have been fortunate to have friends and allies who have not only been understanding and supporting who and what I am. They have in many ways been part of the network of confidence in expression and identity that has allowed me to thrive.

Whilst, I have never worn my sexuality on my sleeve, a direct question has always elicited an honest answer. I have had managers who have sought to learn and understand how and why we are wired so differently. Where homophobia has appeared to emerge overtly or covertly, I have seen managers call out such infractions and demand that profuse apologise with undertakings to be better behaved to be made to me.

To those as fortunate

In that, I have been blessed and fortunate, then I have to appreciate many others who have never had the opportunity to be themselves at work or at play, out of fear of persecution and prosecution, it is the reason we have an International Day against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia. To remind people of the inequalities and the dehumanisation of diversity and difference that still pervades in many societies and communities.

For that reason, the struggle continues, the recognition is needed, and the stories need to be told of those of us who have had it good and of those of us who suffer under laws and states that make them insignificant non-persons because of their sexuality. The violence must end, the persecution must end, and we must come to realise that difference is part of our humanity deserving of equality, respect and dignity.

It is for that reason that I celebrate the International Day against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia, where the colours of the day, shades of purple, for the freedom to be who you are, what you are, wherever you are without fear, loathing or hate to contend with.

Happy IDAHOT!!!

Postscript: When I wrote this, I did not realise that the theme for 2018 was “Alliances for Solidarity”, but that is the truth, I have had alliances and allies for solidarity through most of my working life and I am thankful and grateful for the many friends and colleagues who have accepted me for who I am without reservation or question.