Sunday 10 July 2011

Thought Picnic: My mind is made up

Avoiding impending danger

The need to grab myself at the scruff of the neck and determine that circumstances will not become the determining force of decisions I end up making to the detriment of my welfare and well-being is paramount.

It has been a long week of events that have left me determined not to be ruled by the expediency of an offer that places me in the bowels of an organisation that is suffering rapid reputational decline and the flight of loyalty.

Large as that enterprise might be the events of the last week where their main readership product was abruptly withdrawn to stem the tide of opprobrium and righteous indignation means that those who were last in have every likelihood to be the first out and those who have not even started need to check their options and prospects before boarding the Titanic after it kissed the iceberg.

Digging in at home

The Netherlands has a greater draw for me than I realise after 11 years of making home and life here, my health is of the utmost importance and I find that the interaction, engagement, empathy and listening makes for helping the recovery process include a good deal of your involvement.

The prospect the UK offers if not all that great, it can meet the immediate issues for recurrent outgoings but cannot mend the breach that has been created by only having had an effective 8 months of employment out of 26 months – all a result of a long bout of illness and the economic situation.

The strain the prospects for this new job puts on oneself is unhealthy, with not relocation assistance one cannot afford to maintain an existence in two countries and really one cannot close down the existence in the current one in a matter of just 2 weeks.

My red lines and no further

The background checks have gone beyond reasonable requests for information to unpalatable intrusions as detail bank accounts and medical prescriptions it has become the classic case of the worship of cows for the providence of a juicy steak – those are my red lines, they will not be negotiated.

It however gave me the confidence to send a final letter of appeal to my old professional network for which I got a few encouraging responses as well as messages of regret that I might depart the Netherlands for an uncertain and uncomfortable return to where I felt I had given the complete heave-ho.

The visit to my medical consultant was quite favourable and that was followed by my first therapy session where the doctor assured me that I was in no way depressed, only anxious and in need of the opportunity to use professional services to help resolve the knotty areas of confusion, uncertainty, indecision and direction.

Ready for good times again

There are prospects for new opportunities and at least one interview for which I must be prepared to show that I know my stuff and can be very useful.

I suppose my mind is more or less made up and that is thanks to friends who gave me hours of listening ears and very useful advice, my future is here and all I can wish, hope and pray for is for the rains to come to water the seeds and make the times of famine a thing of the past and eventually a quite distant memory.

I could hear myself saying – O God! Help me and I smile as my state of mind changes to accommodate the dawning of a different and worthwhile outlook.

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