Sunday 2 January 2011

Holiday Snaps: Lift

Lift - mechanical

The lift is out of order a guest announced as the reception scrambled to get the maintenance guy out to solve the problem.

In fact, he was already aware; however, it is an inconvenience for guests on higher floors who have to walk an arc to the other side of the hotel to use the lifts if they cannot manage the stairs.

Lift - visage

She with one look provided the elusive bridge of evolution to the homo sapiens sapiens species, the lifts and there must have been quite a few knocked the ages off her as epidermal tissue had been stretched well beyond its elastic capacity the visage had deformed.

Considering all the make-up that goes into make-believe, I probably would serve purgatory for suggesting I thought I had seen that face on Planet of Apes.

Lift as you might, the story is told in the back of the hands where age is that number that could well have put the lady well into her 80s, for an octogenarian, she looked good enough having wantonly abused the elixir of youth by taking the cut and seeking to lift that which should not have been tampered with.

Lift - dysfunction

Octogenarians are many in the hotel but you will be hard-pressed to find anyone looking it, the lift had come to them and before we castigate the womenfolk I remember that men have been given the lift, temporary as it might seem, hours at most; it must work wonders for an octogenarian to be taking his “grand-daughter” in her twenties to the altar. You may be a great-grandfather and still be a play boy.

Lift – not this one

You could get no more lift out of the skirt before it became indecent with the likely old English charge of outraging public decency.

We shall not grow old gracefully was the statement, what a sight it was and surely the day of her nativity would have been before the Second World War.

Lift – three of four

Lift we must ourselves above the fray, that extra few metres to use the working lift; those few cuts, nips and tucks that keep us visually at a distance under 20; the wonder drug that makes erectile dysfunction a third-world problem because octogenarians are edging porn stars out of the way in terms of experience but that skirt must surely have a lower hem.

It destroys the seamstresses’ ideal of a good skirt, it is not long enough to cover the detail and it is too short revealing the damage. Maybe the choice one is left with is to lift a shirt. O!

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