Thursday 31 December 2009

Defiling the sanctum of the crown jewels

Pleasures precede pain

Fortunately, I have not been sworn to secrecy on this one, a friend of mine had been invited to an orgy of questionable practices and let his presumed machismo get the better of him.

A prescription drug on the verge of becoming recreational was injected in his member not so much to ease erectile dysfunction but to allow for erectile over-functioning – apparently what he had to offer could not be allowed to fade after natural use had been exhausted.

Finding me a shoulder to cry on, he was in excruciating pain that one of his balls appeared to be growing into an ostrich egg and that is how under questioning I found out that something called Androskat had been used and this information was necessary for his doctor to diagnose what the cause of this erectile malfunction was.

Boxers, shorts and briefs

I have written in a few blogs about the need for comfortable underwear to prevent widespread gusset anxiety [1] and in discussion once I found there was a generation divide between those who use briefs, those who use fitting shorts and the generation after mine that use boxers – one has to give each generation their dues.

I grew up when it was just not on for your things to show an outline which we called “rough-parking” so everything and the crown jewels went under to present a flatness of sorts – for those who were not anatomically shaped to encourage such decorum one felt great pity, some of us were otherwise blessed to say the least.

The pall of the underwear terrorist

Now, this foray into the realms of undergarments has been brought about by the news of the recent terror attack attempt on Northwest Airlines Flight 253 [2] on Christmas Day from Amsterdam to Detroit, we first heard that the culprit had suffered burns to his legs but the detail afterwards could only have been stranger than fiction or even friction considering what we learnt.

The pictures of the underwear [3] would have had the whole male population of the earth grabbing for their balls, their goolies, their most precious crown jewels and whatever else those priceless elements of manhood might be called – a light hit just has you bent over with pain you cannot only express in grunts, they are tender and need tenderness though there are some who could deign to put them through grotesque CBT (View link with the utmost discretion) exercises – that is all I will say of that.

Self-hate most abhorrent

It would appear our young man was sexually repressed [4] in some way from what has been published of his postings to some Islamic social forum but to have been convinced to carry explosives in your underwear so close to your sexual things is just beyond the pale.

It makes one question how the proverbial 72 virgins would thence have been appeased in the afterlife.

I know my own anatomy and I know I would never be caught dead in underwear like that, maybe that is also a generational thing, but I really cannot find a handle on this matter at all – it can only be the height of self-hate, self-abhorrence and malevolence to want to cause oneself this kind of harm and then in the process bring down an aircraft over a city – it defies every explanation.

Take your pants off

This would definitely lead to our getting our knickers in a twist in a manner of speaking about security, with the shoe bomber we took off our shoes, the time when we would be asked to take off our underwear or be told not to wear them at all looms, I would not even consider how some apparatchik would extrapolate the use of tampons and what else.

Would you take your pants off, Sir? Said the customs officer; that means completely different things to the American as opposed to the British, I hope, I never have to hear that in circumstances I have not willingly placed myself in.

The whole picture of pants on fire does now feel a bit too close for any comfort; the pictures do have a haunting aura about them as one remembers pains once felt in places that take your voice away completely.

This has been nothing short of defiling and invading the sanctity and sanctum of the most tender and noble crown jewels of mankind – what an infidel.


[1] Widespread Gusset Anxiety []

Yes, size does matter []

[2] Northwest Airlines Flight 253 - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[3] Terrorist Umar Farouk Abdul Mutallab underwear photos with PETN go viral

[4] Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab's charred underwear | Mail Online

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