Thought Picnic: Of the heart and on the head

Of head in heart

Simple is not the matter of the affairs of the heart, for we carry in ourselves the wealth, the burdens and, the baggage of a lifetime, through which we stick to learned ways much as we attempt to unlearn some things and relearn the vicissitudes of altering our lives to accommodate others.

There is no manual to finding how to relate to others to whom a commitment of the heart has been made. I have before recognised a kind of emotional schizophrenia that bound me extensively to someone of whom the love was unrequited that I reminisced in a quiet moment how my heart was stolen when my head battled against the unreasonable impulses driven by that pump in my chest cavity.

Getting by letting

Relationships are a complex art of give and take, the process of negotiation is never as defined as in a contract even if a contract of marriage eventually seals the context of the relationship in the eyes of the law, extending the familial covenant to the partner with whom intimacy begins to metastasise from sight, through lust, to love, and the promise of a life together.

Each brings a lot into the relationship some companionship, some stability, some security, the emotional symbiosis on which each depends as the bond between them strengthens into a union of minds, purpose, and futures. Sometimes, we do ourselves the disservice of not appreciating the invisible yet tangible forces that bring us together.

Individuality, uniqueness and personality traded for a more significant expression of love that words will never fully express even as it is observed by others. I guess it remains a mystery usually never properly unravelled, but it is both fragile and solid, it is why hearts break if the matter is handled with levity. Those whose hearts are in the bosom of others better beware.

The UK: Our democracy is crumbling

This kakistocracy is debilitating

We are coming to a point where the contract of trust between the people and their government is presenting hairline fractures and it will most certainly break. Many of us law-abiding citizens having chosen our representatives in the hope that they will pursue our best interests are learning differently from that prospect.

There are too many things I disagree with the UK government about, but I take it on trust and faith that our democracy is supposed to have safeguards, checks, and balances. Yet, I watch how the House of Commons has become a supine accessory and conspirator against our freedoms, liberties, wellbeing and progress.

An unquestioned authority

For instance, we in England have been in some sort of lockdown since January, the easing of the restrictions with a roadmap announced in February appears to suggest many of these restrictions will remain in place until June. The House of Commons literally gave unchallenged fiat to the executive to act with very little accountability for their actions, all on the premise that we are dealing with the pandemic and it is for our safety.

Then last week, a lady returning home from visiting friends was abducted and murdered, only to find that an elite member of the police was implicated in this dastardly crime. It begs the question if we are endangered by the police force that is supposed to protect us, we are by terms endangered and our trust in institutions will be sorely diminished.

A crumbling democracy

On this matter, the inalienable right to protest at this situation is a fundamental part of our democratic system. Yet, with the pandemic restrictions on gathering in public places, the people who have felt so strongly about the matter have in an act of civil disobedience go out to protest and have clashed with the police, so being arrested and fined.

Whilst indeed the police must enforce COVID restriction laws, to have that in conflict with and superseding the right to protest is inexcusable. That the protesters could have find an accommodation with the police where they could safely protest and have police protection is not only unfortunate, we might as well be the Democratic People’s Republic of England.

I fear, there is going to be a breakdown in law and order, the government can only push our backs onto the wall before the people decide, enough is enough and the tinder of insurrection is lit to inflame the country into an ungovernable mess. If there any wise heads in government or thereabouts, I hope their voices are heard and acted on. There may be trouble ahead.

By unexpected determination

Willing and unable

For weeks, I was concerned for my lack of productivity, self-development somewhat moribund and the firefighting activities going on at work not advancing any knowledge or insight. Things appeared to be stagnant as motivation faded into lethargy.

At other times, I would have tried to gird myself into focusing on achieving something, but there isn’t enough going on for that kind of realignment. However, just after watching the church service on television on Sunday, I decided to read through some documentation I downloaded during the last week to see if there was some information to guide me through linking my home environment to the cloud.

Learning by doing

Pieces of work left unfinished in snatches of time had begun to come together. After finding the chapter that could help me through, I began the process of sorting out the hybrid cloud setup, encountering issues that needed resolution, and learning as each issue got solved. A few missteps, a near catastrophe deftly recovered.

Soon, the basics were done with the essential synchronisation between my home test environment and my personal company cloud environment. The next day, I started on fixing the management components on systems I did not cater that well for as a unit. Having completed that, I continued with the cloud integration process, gaining more insight.

Knowledge all ways

Back at work also, some seemingly intractable problems revealed much more about the root cause in the myriad logs we need to pore through to find a resolution. The breakthrough there was quite good. Just as at home, each day, I was trying something new out for a couple of hours and recording my findings on OneNote.

It would appear that much has been accomplished this week with a good crossover of knowledge elements between work and home. I feel quite happy with this and it means I can move on to the next tranche of experiments and testing. I guess that is how confidence built and expertise is acquired.

A whine on Brexit

It’s off with the wine

A call from Germany, the wine merchant of a number of South African wine estates with the almost cantankerous and affable man at the other end with apologies. Whilst my paid for wine order arrived on Monday, the wine tasting delivery had been returned to sender because of unexplained Brexit-related issues.

I had told a friend or two about joining me for the virtual wine tasting event though yet unsure of whether there will be a delivery. Apart from the first email from UPS indicating an order had been put in motion, there have been no subsequent emails.

The sour taste of air

As I have been regaled with some disappointment, sadly, I have to pass this news on. It does not mean the end of the wine tasting; I am still invited. It will be a social event and we can chat to old friends with the promise of meeting up soon.

It appears we have just acquired a bitter taste of Brexit and no one is either getting drunk or falling into the gutter in apoplectic laughter, talking about it. I will open a bottle of wine because it won’t be fun sipping the air whilst others are quaffing vintage tipple. Helaas!

Thought Picnic: Finding boxes for runaway foxes

Balance on rough paths

Finding a sense for the kind of emotion one feels is hard because it is not as defined as one will expect. One is neither angry nor annoyed, maybe displeased or miffed, it could just be a case of being nonplussed.

You find yourself in the centre of many events and issues you have to deal with, finding an equilibrium of heart and head, spirit and soul, mind and body to attend purposefully to each in ways that you are not overwhelmed.

On productive energies

Then you look through your toolkit and begin to compartmentalise; lay out in order, the things you need to commit resources whilst managing the mental energy sappers away from the core of your being to avoid exhaustion.

I find that I want to be where I am not under the pressure to perform, to present, to pretend, to be policed, or to be expected to practice. I want to participate in something special and amazing knowing that confidence and security are already a feature of something we have built over time. I am still finding my bearings just as we all are, learning how better to make the best of what we have. 

Not to cling when it has clung

String and strung

There are times we want to sing,
Yet have no idea what is to be sung,
Even if we had voices we could fling,
How far could that really be flung?
Everything that makes a good ring,
Is not what put you in the best rung,
For those who we seek not to cling,
They bother as to whom to be clung,
At that point, you hear a loud ding,
It is not the falling of solid dung,
Then you avoid it all with a swing,
And slap into a wall you have swung,
The pain and the cracking does sting,
Your folly and adventure left you stung,
A nurse with a poultice ready to wring,
On the sores and things that went wrong.

If You Could Read My Mind

What are you looking for?

If you could read my mind, what will you do with the thoughts that you find therein? Will you with your knowledge of the predictable and already known seek to change the thought process to suit something else or some other purpose under your own control?

What would you want to influence by knowing what I am thinking long before it is expressed and acted on? Why would you want to pre-empt if not checkmate me at a game of chess having known all my forward moves that you can anticipate them and compensate for each variation in the way I play?

Cheating at the game

The chess analogy brings it to the fore, to seek to rummage through my mind is to cheat at the game, the game of unpredictability, of individuality, of uniqueness and whatever sense of mystery I might have. More so, my thoughts are processed in the confines of mental privacy, I having the choice of what I reveal and what I conceal.

Even with an open book, you can only be on a page or two at a time, you have to flip to other pages, and the order in which you read the book might give you a story or a jumble of incoherent writing. No one reads a book by just reading the last page. You might find out the conclusion from the synopsis on the dust cover, but what is the joy in that, if you have not followed the telling of the whole story.

A poor choice of occupation

In our impatience to unravel and discover we excuse ourselves from the world of mystery and the mystique of the person, we lose the element of surprise and spontaneity, the accident of moments that makes things worth cherishing.

If we were aware that our minds were being read, I do wonder if we would even be rational or out of wanting to thwart or confuse, we become impulsive, disconnecting ourselves from thought to act almost like animals, uninformed of drive, inclination, passion, or intention, we might be groping in the dark and crash shins against the sharp edges of glass-edged coffee tables.

The mind is part of what defines our humanity, to inveigle one’s way into the mind of another is to rob them of agency and dehumanise them. Each person does have enough going on in their minds, I would think that the idea of sitting in the limbo of another’s cranial activity must be an ambition not suffused with elegance or achievement.