England's unfounded claims to football supremacy

Croatia – the new enemy

The selection of England and Croatia for the same qualifying group for the South African 2010 World Cup excites a need for a complete root and branch overhaul of English football.

Unfortunately, what we would have is a new enemy like we once had with Germany and Argentina where our inability to perform brilliantly and win crucial games is read back to us as those countries denying us our rightful progress – Bunkum!.

I would hate to see a situation we also have to go to war with Croatia as we have had with the other two nations, but you can expect our tabloids to whip up both a frenzy and a commotion oozing with xenophobic abandon about every historical issue concerning Croatia and no doubt some would have lots to say about Split.

The fact is English football has been in decline since the climax of the 1966 World Cup which we won against Germany when we were hosting the competition; we have achieved little glory in international football since then.

Get real – England

Where we got this bizarre and perverse idea that we are amongst the best in the world escapes me; we are not even has-beens; that fizzled out when we failed to defend the cup in 1970.

The sooner we moved on from this self-conceited hubris and confidence that delivers disappointment and shame, the earlier we can get to fixing English football.

The other missed opportunity is one that should have seen the scalps of every old fart in the Football Association involved in the appointment of Steve McLaren taken – I cannot believe they are having a second bite at the rotten cherry.

Let us put aside national jingoism, the unfounded claims to football supremacy, the unwarranted call to arms that dashes hopes like a shipwreck in turbulent seas, the unnecessary xenophobia that is supposed to fuel the excitement and support of the fans and face the cold and frosty wind of international football realism – it needs to be built from scratch, it needs to have devoted people who recognise the honour and privilege to play for England, it needs to matter more than any league or championship, it needs to be results-based and not rhetoric driven.

The duty or the death

Anyone who has anything to do with English football owes a duty to Queen and country to ensure that not only do we get to South Africa 2010, we should get there having performed well and not on a nail-biting encounter of sheer luck and circumstantial providence.

If they fail, send them to the tower and feed the crows their hearts, lame legs and fat arses. Almost the same can be said of Nigeria's performance too.

The long Sabbath of English football

Crinkled at cricket

One is now sometimes at a loss at describing England as a sporting nation that excels at any team sport.

As we compete in the West Indies in the Cricket World Cup Kevin Petersen is now top of the world rankings of one-day batsmen, but how does that reflect on the performance of the team as a whole?

We started off with results of being beaten by New Zealand then got the better of Canada and then Kenya - hardly world class competition but we scraped through.

The first game became serious when the vice-Captain (the vice of drunkenness) was rescued off a pedallo at sea, having been out drinking like fish with other mates of disrepute, even some coaches were fined for indiscipline, this is no winning team, this is an apology to cricket.

Now, Duncan Fletcher, the England coach believes we can win the Cricket World Cup, well, that would mean that a few teams would have to rollover and play their legs in the air like happily tickled dogs. Sometimes aspiration over reality makes certain commentary just too laughable to hear a second time.

Uninspired to perform

Then football where the last time we won something big, I was just a few months old, that was 1966, people born then would probably have kids just finishing secondary school.

We were away in Israel to redeem the flagging England performance that has left us with no wins for at least 4 matches and third in a table that would only let the first two into the next round.

One could just say that every footballing prowess England had evident in the individuals when they play for their clubs went on Sabbath that we had a goalless draw with Israel.

A boy in a man's job

Steve McLaren who for years was assistant to Sven Goran Erikson before he got promoted to head coach after the German World Cup of 2006 has been unable to fox me with his ever-present smile either with his enthusiasm before matches or his excuses after failure to perform.

The Telegraph has probably been too kind in suggesting that a natural No. 2 has be assigned a No. 1 position or a complimentary drill sergeant now has a general's duties.

The clamour that he should now go is not loud enough in my view, despite the fact that he negotiated a fine deal that would cost the Football Association (FA) GBP 2.5million if the contract is severed before it reaches full term.

This would mean that Steve McLaren would also be leaving with the scalp of the chief executive of the FA - Brian Barwick, both of whom would have done our great footballing country a great service in being voluntarily pensioned off, the money is not too high to pay for our football integrity.

Managing to fail as expected

The rumours that the team manager has fallen out with the star striker Wayne Rooney does not bode well just as despite the jealousy the team had for the currently locked-out David Beckham, he was still able to inspire them to great things - though not great enough to satisfy the dearth of silverware.

To end it all, after the poor showing in Israel, McLaren says of our qualification - "At the end of the day, however you get there, you get there." Methinks Fletcher and McLaren have been drinking from the trough of stupid optimism, if he expects Croatia and Russia to rollover and be walked over, he is in for a rude shock.

England has to go out there to win those games by playing inspired football that yields results and brings back worthy praise, if not, we might as well be supporting another country - guess what - Scotland is top of Group B and Northern Ireland is second in Group F, we could not suffer a fate worse than football death if we end up cheering other good and performing UK teams.

I am beginning to look forward to the European Championships of 2012, and that should not be hard, I had enough practice with the Netherlands out of World Cup 2002 and then Nigeria out of World Cup 2006, England out of Euro 2008 should not hurt too much - get me a pain pill.