Is that really me?
Yesterday brought
some issues into stark relief as I attended a men’s group where a recording of
an interview done some months before I commenced radiotherapy had ended up in a
short documentary for the organisation.
Hearing my voice
amplified and played back to my hearing still feels strange, there is a
disembodied otherworldliness about it that leaves me uncomfortable. Having taken
some readings at the cathedral, I am getting used to it, and it
will only get better.
However, with my
voice as it is today, the person I saw and heard looked like I was watching
somebody that I used to know. There are differences I am working hard to bring back to who I once knew.
Managing the limits
For instance, I would
have a brisk walk to the men’s group from my home in twenty or so minutes, that
I was not even contemplating yesterday, I hopped on a bus for the three stops
and on my way back, I did the same.
There is an urge to
do a lot more, but I soon realise it tires me out quite easily, the occasions for
rest are more frequent, and it could be a battle to concentrate. Yet, I do apply
myself quite diligently to the tasks I set out to do from cooking to revising
for a test among other essential activities.
No breaks in
transmission
Earlier in the day
before the men’s group, I was out to take a Microsoft certification test. I put
in a good week of work on the material and in the process, I learnt quite a bit.
By Monday, I
had done enough to tackle the challenge. Distractions impacted my ability to
do a last revision overnight and from then, I decided not to bother myself any
further with last dibs.
I passed the test and gained a new certification. There are vestiges of that
person that I used to know that are still active. The temporary loss of strength and
timbre in my voice does not indicate a loss of expression. I can be as forceful
as I have always been.
After playing back the
documentary, I was invited onto a panel to share views and opinions. Akin is
still there, there is no break in transmission.
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