Pasty Paradise - The Joie of Findin' T'Last Un!

Hasty on the pasty

It is kudos to the last pasty that caused this scene. © Devon Live

My attempt at a Devonshire accent in the title, most likely falls flat, even my Brummie birth accent cultivated in Walsall, barely gets a try.

This is one of those stories that should have ended up as a quip on Twitter or Threads, but it makes for interesting reading just because it is impossible to decide whether to laugh or cry.

It could well feature in the Odd World section of any village rag, but Bideford in North Devon, England with a population of about 15,000 or so, finds notoriety in the actions of one truculent freewheeling pensioner.

The said pensioner had rolled up to a bakery on his mobility scooter only to find that someone had paid for and made off with the last pasty. Devon, which borders Cornwall to the east, is part of the Cornish peninsula and why, I do love a rich and meaty Cornish pasty, and for that love much can happen if you are beaten to the last pasty. [Devon Live: Watch as Devon pensioner runs down man for 'buying last pasty']

A nasty for the pasty

So, waving cane and revving his mobility scooter, as if mounted on horseback and lance in hand like the cavalry of old, the pensioner ran down the man with the last pasty. The clatter and crash left pasty-man on the ground behind a shop sign ‘Kudos’.

I am undecided as to whom should receive the kudos; however, the bigger question is where did the last pasty end up? Other formalities regarding the fracas and the law notwithstanding, the morale of the tale is you are an endangered species if you are aiming for the last pasty.

It is like crossing a busy road, look right, look left, look behind you, and look all around you and far enough to be sure that with prognostication, premonition, and gut instinct and no regard for your hunger, that an old-age pensioner is not nearby ready to break your legs with a mobility scooter. That last pasty might be the last thing you do.