The Courage to Deviate
I cannot say how it
works for everyone, but eventually, some people must find the courage of their
convictions to deviate from what is considered the norm and set their own
conventions instead.
To them, their norm,
whilst being different, is their existence, their expression, and their life.
To choose to live that life fully as themselves, without having to apologise
for it, is probably what many others might have wished they dared to do.
In my own case, I did
not set out to be unconventional. In the beginning, though I knew my
inclinations were different, I did not understand why, nor whether there were
others so inclined and ready to explore the possibilities that such difference
offered.
A Diverse Humanity
The societies in
which I have grown and lived have met this situation with varying levels of
acceptance or revulsion. I suppose that is the story of our humanity: we are
offered such a range of diversity that keeping track of divergence can be
overwhelming. Yet, we can all belong to one celebrated and richly diverse
humanity.
Behind all this are
stories, very personal and intimate stories of struggle, fear, anxiety,
confusion, guilt, grief, or rejection, all borne without a means of sharing
one's deepest feelings.
We may never get to
narrate those stories if the circumstances do not present the opportunity, but
when such a moment does come, even the things you thought you might never share
come out in ways you could not have anticipated.
Telling Your Story
How anyone reacts to
that story, once told, is left to them. They can listen to the telling or read
the message, then respond in whatever way they have been affected, having been
given a different perspective on the person they had heretofore thought they
knew.
Understandably, we
hold high expectations and too frequently are met with indifference or
ignorance. Yet a few respond with understanding and empathy; they see you, and
that might just be enough to know that everything which became your story is
not meaningless.
A Uniquely Owned
Experience
Even that premise can
be challenged. Why should someone else's viewpoint change your own narrative,
even when they have attempted to walk a hard, long mile in your shoes? Nobody
can live the life you have lived. They can understand, comprehend, appreciate,
embrace, or even endorse it, but your experience will always be uniquely yours.
I started this blog
hoping to say that it is not my responsibility to explain my sexuality to
anyone. I am who I am, as you are who you are. You not understanding or
acknowledging it does not make it insignificant or irrelevant.
Neither is it my
problem if you cannot accept me and the choices I have made, without regret or
second-guessing myself, in trying to live up to the requirements or standards
of others.
Not Your Gayologist
The title of that
blog would have been, "I Am Not Your Gayologist." Forgive the
neologism; there might well be a blog with that title when the words are fully
formed for that range of expression. I guess this is it.
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