Monday 28 November 2005

I wear lipstick

Dope testing at the gym
Before you begin to think this is some gender-bending hobby for a weekend on the Rocky-Horror Show, there is a lot to this than meets the eye.
There are a number of automatic payments that leave my account either monthly or yearly for services I have not really utilised as well as I could.
The yearly extraction pertains to a backup Internet Service Provider which I took out over 5 years ago to augment my cable connection through a plain old telephone system land line which I probably used only twice.
The other is a gym subscription which I took out a few months ago and I have sporadically attended expecting to see radical change after just 30 minutes of easy cross-training.
The other day, I stepped out of the gym to be accosted by the doping squad from the national sports body that had come unannounced to check if our athletic prowess had been enhanced through banned substances like nandralone, EPO and the lot.
The quest for muscle tone that rivals the guy that modelled for Michelangelo’s David is a determined exercise especially if you cannot afford the aggrandisement of a tummy tuck.
So, after submitting a number of fluids for analysis, the results were conclusively inconclusive that we ended up with an E sample, because out-of-competition testing for non-professional athletes who are just casual gym goers has to be taken really seriously.
The fabric of society depends on this abject waste of time and purported idea of some Dutch minister which thankfully has been consigned to the bin.
That drug-testing for ordinary gym users ever got discussed in any serious parliamentary forum can only indicate that a government has patently run out of ideas – unfortunately!
Live to excess then cut it out
Now for the tummy tuck, a man-of-the people governor from Nigeria took a 120-day sabbatical from his governorship activities to undertake cosmetic surgery in Germany; a growing past-time of the Nigerian elite which by happenstance and circumstance lead to death of the president’s wife only last month, by misadventure.
As things transpired, on his way back from Germany, he took a detour through London where he was nabbed for money laundering offences and committed to prison. He then hired a team of lawyers of Nigerian origin which included a Queen’s Counsel professor at law who got him out of jail with a number of conditions that included not approaching any ports on the mainland whilst his case was pending.
One unfortunate situation arose when he sacked that legal team for an “all-white” team on the premise that English law would be more justly dispensed on the basis of race representation; an interesting malaise of colonial bondage that cannot be overcome by privilege or acquisition of riches.
Being under guard and house arrest with his travel documents confiscated and under bail to the tune of half a million pounds, an absurd situation that included arguing the Nigerian constitution in a British court arose to determine if a governor of Nigeria has sovereign immunity from prosecution in another sovereign state.
Well, that only really applies to the president, the governor only has immunity within Nigeria, but that was an interesting legal fishing expedition.
The first lady governor in Nigeria
Last Monday, the governor walked into the governor’s house in his home state, having jumped bail from England disguised as a woman with lipstick and all. The circumstances of his escape from pending justice which included his losing faith in the British system of justice would make interesting reading.
These people with dubious provenance and privilege cause no end of embarrassment just as one other governor did the year before.
Whilst he has been expelled from his party and impeachment proceedings have commenced, his supporters have gathered to welcome the hero of corruption who is now a fugitive of British justice.
This is one case in point for the Nigerian government to address even if it includes sending him back to face the music; we need to deal with these scoundrels who make it difficult for honest Nigerians to appear as decent gentlemen on their own recognisance.
Lipstick etymology
Meanwhile, whilst I defer to the fact that my by-line is hardly original but the motto of a young lady in a discussion forum, I can only concur that in many ways; “We all wear lipstick on our foreheads to make up our minds”, just as one wonders why a manicure has anything to do with women.

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