Thought Picnic: Try a little tenderness to the children

It ought not to be so

As I came of out the station on Sunday on my way back from church, I heard a raised voice, a curt statement and then some threatening gesturing.

It was a mother to a child, a child probably no older than 7, probably born in England but with parents possibly born in Nigeria of the Yoruba tribe because she spoke almost too unkindly to her son in tones that left disconcerted.

I felt for the boy, she scolded him more like an animal than with intelligible consideration that might have come from learning differently from the way and the environments in which our parents brought us up.

We are not learning

There seems to be no evolution between generations for many parents today who have not integrated into the new societies they now reside in considering their wards are in no way conversant with the foreign cultural settings their parents come from.

I have constantly written about child-parent conflicts that result from this lack of appreciation of the setting, circumstance and situation where we are tempted to think the ghettoised communities we set up in Diaspora in our localities, our religious meeting places and our friendships we have, can substitute for living in our indigenous local communities back home.

Giving some attention

Nothing could be further from the truth, this is most evident in the matter of child rearing, and discipline where age-old methods given significance by scripture lifted out of context allows for the coarse word, the whip hand, and the serving of pain and restraints on freedom as a means to moderate behaviour.

Another thing is an understanding of who our kids are, their personalities and character, their hopes and fears, their emotions, inclinations and desires, most especially, having the ability to recognise when they are suffering.

This is crucial is identifying behavioural traits that probably need professional intervention before things get out of hand from autism through attention deficit disorders to depression and other possible mental illnesses presented as anti-social interaction and much else.

Exasperation beyond words

The point I am trying to make is in Ephesians 6:4

Fathers [and mothers], do not exasperate [irritate intensely; infuriate - to make very angry or impatient; annoy greatly] your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. [NIV]

Yes, parents have the ability to exasperate their kids, irritate them intensely, make them very angry or even impatient whilst annoying them greatly – these kids are human too, with feelings, emotions and the ability to react – they will eventually hit back, one cannot account for how hard they will when they do.

Nurture and care

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture [help grow or develop; cultivate] and admonition of the Lord. [KJV]

There is an element of care, attention, love, accommodate and involvement in nurturing that begs our humanity to respond from the heart, but you are either nurturing or exasperating your child except when you are possibly aping a schizophrenic that the child is unsure of what you are trying to do.

Fathers, do not irritate and provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to resentment], but rear them [tenderly] in the training and discipline and the counsel and admonition of the Lord. [AMP]

Too many times, we have read and heard of tales where there is a complete breakdown in the relationship between parent and child, sometimes to irretrievable circumstances and it might just be that aforetime we missed the opportunity to try a little tenderness.

Social Media Engagement: Attributes observed playing games

Another observation

Obviously, it is unscientific of based a whole set of presumptions on an experience that has hardly lasted 24 hours, but one will be hard-pressed not to draw conclusions already.

As I returned home yesterday from a lovely rendezvous with my growing circle of friends made from social media activities that included the rather usual lunch that had a fine lady exhibit her mastery of Nigerian cuisine, she not being remotely African, I reminisced about the many people I have met in person through blogging, tweeting and on Facebook.

Scrabble in motion

The train journey back to Amsterdam was uneventful until at one of the stops a passenger boarded and as he was fiddling with his phone as everyone who has a smartphone does nowadays, out of the corner of my eye I saw he was playing a game that looked like Scrabble.

A few days ago, I did a search on the Android Marketplace for Scrabble and I ended up with a word puzzle – Word Game – which had some addictive qualities working against the clock but nothing like the tradition game.

Rather than be a peeping Tom, I asked the man if the game was Scrabble, it wasn’t but it was a Scrabble clone of sorts called Wordfeud.

Handling the little things

He said he was playing multiple games using different dictionaries with friends all around that world and I thought, when I get home, I will try it out.

Wordfeud is available for use with mainly European languages on the iPhone, Android and Windows 7.5+ platforms with the programmers having the good sense to differentiate between English (US) and English (International) – they deserve the Nobel Peace Prize for just that alone.

There is a premium version that removes all advertisements whilst introducing other features. The board and game is intuitive enough and each language has a different alphabet set with weights and frequencies differing according to the selected language.

A really good imitation

It was not long before I saw the dissimilarities between Wordfeud and Scrabble, the scoring on the board is different with the premium squares allowing for more interesting play, the ratings on the latters also differ – it is amazing how much trivial information one can recall from years of playing traditional Scrabble.

It offers the basic moves as play, swap or miss with the shuffle function that allows for rearranging the letters to form new words but no penalties for wrong words, you are alerted and allowed to reply your turn. There are helpers like Wordfeud Helper and Word Fraud, yes, you can get help without your opponent knowing – such dishonesty, alarming indeed.

Tardy responsiveness

However, the reason for this blog is to highlight an interesting trait I have found which I do believe is a pervasive social media problem.

Apart from Skype calls, most interactive engagement systems are asynchronous, very much like email, you send a message and you cannot pre-determine when a response will be received. In a phone call, there is usually an unstated length of a pause before either party enquires of the other is still in that conversation – that is usually not available for Instant Messaging, Twitter, Facebook or games that are played online.

For this purpose, Wordfeud has given each player 72 hours to respond in play before that player automatically forfeits the game.

Appreciating the situation

My question is why start a game you will not conclude and why is there is no sense of commitment to complete a game you have started, albeit with strangers?

In 8 games that I have started since yesterday, only one has been completed, 2 resigned before 10 tiles had hit the board and one gave up before placing anything.

The other four have been in play for as much as 17 hours, one of which is quite near conclusion. I have decided I will rather be beaten than resign the game and I will most definitely avoid a default.

Wordfeud has options to alert, remind and prompt when it is my turn and I have switched all those options on.

The interesting thing is in a short chat session with one of the tardy, she; yes, she has a female username said she was still in the game but was simultaneously playing multiple games – in other words, I had to be patient.

I would not know if the trick is to win but drawing out the game interminably, I am however glad that Wordfeud does not allow you to resign if it is not your turn.

Playing vulture

If anything, besides the addictive qualities Wordfeud might bring to bear, it allows people to divide their attention in such a way that they are not committed, attentive or engaged to the chagrin of some.

It could also be that the players will rather default than resign or hope that the game is forgotten especially when they are performing badly in the game so as to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat – not with me.

This vulture is a patient bird and regardless of the social media construct, I will ensure I am courteous and responsive to all players that have been randomly selected – niceness should be pervasive, regardless of level of acquaintance, though, I do recognise in certain forums, some people just seek to expose your evils.