CHELD - A Conversation on Domestic Violence

An Invitation

A Conversation on Domestic Violence

A CHELD & Law Society UNILAG Event

Wednesday, 12th of December, 2012

10:00 - 15:00

Julius Berger Hall

University of Lagos

Please attend

Domestic Violence Resource

CHELD

HELConsulting

Writing for the Daily Times

Witness and dumbfound

Domestic violence is something that appears to be a taboo topic in Nigeria and I have seen my share of it as a child. In the scheme of things my experience looks inconsequential.

My parents never hit at each other but there was enough tension in the house for us to know that the mental and emotional torture was just as palpable.

I was only 5 when my father intent on walking away from a tense situation got into his car and as my uncle held my mother back, he revved out of the garage and unbeknownst to him, he drove over my mother’s shin – almost 42 years on, the event plays back in my mind like a slow-motion horror film.

Raze the bloody altars

Elsewhere, I have seen worse, wives battered beyond recognition and nothing in the community, in society or in the law to actively come to their aid in support and in defence of their right to live in so-called matrimonial bliss.

The preponderance of culture in a majority of cases has had the battered wife return to that atrocious environment as we sacrifice our mothers, sisters, daughters, aunts, nieces and womenfolk on the many bloody altars of tradition, religion, custom, beliefs or just plain male chauvinistic arrogance.

Titi Arowolo

The extreme of which was the alleged literal butchering of Titi Arowolo by her husband, the details were graphic enough to not need corroborative pictures and the case languishes in court a good 18 months after the crime. [My Blog]

The incredulity of it all lies in the many facets of the story, the preparations for a wedding without preparing for marriage, the acquiescence, silence or indifference of their community when the conflict started which culminated in murder, the lackadaisical attitude of the law to issues of domestic violence and the crown it all, a pathologist said the lady was stabbed 76 times whilst the father-in-law professes his son had 17 knife wounds to his view of the daughter having sustained just 3 stab wounds.

We will not go into who is more qualified as a pathologist but we need to talk, we need to talk about Domestic Violence in our society and address the taboo issues head-on.

A Necessary Conversation

Dr Cheluchi Onyemeukwe runs the Centre for Health Ethics Law and Development (CHELD) which is established to employ law, policy, ethics promotion and research, and practical health development projects to improve public health in Nigeria and other African countries.

Writing to me in an email, her words, “I said I would do something after that Titi Arowolo case and this is my keeping my word to myself and God.”

In conjunction with the Law Society of the University of Lagos, CHELD is presenting A Conversation on Domestic Violence – Awareness, Education and Empowerment.

She says, “We discuss the signs of abuse, the myths around domestic violence, what to do in an abusive situation, the law on domestic violence such as the Lagos State law on domestic violence, the human rights aspects of domestic violence, the emotional underpinnings and impact of abuse.

We emphasise that domestic violence is not only physical abuse but also emotional abuse.

We talk about developing a strong sense of self and self-esteem.”

Then she says, “These Conversations are intended to do several things including but not limited to - keep the issue of domestic violence on the front burner and in the consciousness of different parts of society, provide information that is currently lacking, provide an avenue for people in abusive situations to seek help, and create avenues to break down cultural obstacles.

I started with doing counselling and providing material and other support to victims, but I think we need to do more, to do something before people find themselves in tragic situations.”

And she concludes, “We have also set up an Online Resource Centre for Domestic Violence, which will provide information on legal and organisational supports, helplines etc. It is at this Domestic Violence resource website. It is still under development.”

I endorse this

I am quite in support of this event and the many initiatives that will keep the issue of Domestic Violence in the public eye until every similitude of it is eradicated and those who practice it face the full might of the law with prompt justice for the victims.

There should be no excuse for Domestic Violence and it should never be excused by whatever belief system we may adhere to regardless of its provenance.

I implore you to attend this event if you can, share the information with as many as you can and visit the websites for more information on this issue.

Thank you.

A turkey flight between England and Nigeria

Between England and Nigeria

One does not recall finding any note or cause for concern during blog crawls in my regular blog haunt much about the avian flu human death in Lagos, Nigeria.

More so, I can contrast this situation with one currently developing in England where discovery of just one infected turkey in a large poultry in Suffolk has lead to the destruction of about 160 thousand turkeys and quarantine zones ranging from 3 kilometres as a protected zone wherein poultry must be confined indoors and 10 kilometres cordoned off as a surveillance zone and an additional 2,000 square kilometers as a restricted zone.

Despite this rapid response to a situation that would definitely hit the commercial bottom line of Bernard Matthews and possibly affect the livelihoods of workers, Russia and Japan have moved to ban all imports of poultry from the United Kingdom.

This is a well coordinated systemic approach to containing a possible epidemic that could first wipe out poultry and birds, this is made more dangerous if the virus leaps the species barrier and starts to infect humans.

The fact that there have only been 160 deaths worldwide and the commensurate action to contain the virus is almost extreme, it belies the fact that not much is known about the virus and how it could evolve into something even more lethal and contagious leading to an uncontrollable pandemic.

This H5N1 virus has a 60% mortality rate amongst humans, especially from the small sample of humans that have ever been infected.

We deserve better administrators

Back in Nigeria, there is an unbearably easy calm about the issue considering the Minister of Health is Professor Eyitayo Lambo, an absolutely uncompassionate intellectual oaf who could not be moved by the fact that licensed hospitals were administering substandard and sometimes poisonous drugs because he had not been personally informed of the issue.

I am sure, many bloggers would have stories of near death encounters in Nigerian hospitals that people would rather die in pain at home than visit the certainty of a killing field.

Something personal

It must be said that the General Hospital in Lagos shields from justice persons who having taken the Hippocratic Oath are wife batterers most foul [I am coming after you], it does not bear scrutiny; however, I must not digress onto the unprofitably emotional.

As I was saying …

This minister has for his deputy an architect, a major in a discipline of no medical significance who probably helps build and design the health infrastructure that allowed ignorant religious leaders in the North to scare their women off receiving the Polio vaccine a few years ago.

Thereby holding back the eradication of Polio in sub-Saharan Africa – we cannot begin to address the kind of attention that has been paid to HIV/AIDS, basically, Nigeria is in demand of and deserves better than has been afforded their people, we need technocrat who would revolutionise and change our health services for the better not federal character political appointees.

A possible fatal touch of Christmas

As it transpired, two women died over Christmas having been infected with the avian flu virus, what is alarming is that this is a time when humans and poultry would be in close proximity shopping for poultry to cook for their Christmas celebrations. Another young woman of 22 died on the 17^th of January of the disease in the “under-populated” state of Lagos.

Whilst the government has set in motion facilities for the surveillance and monitoring of poultry and human contact as well as ordered and dispatched large quantities of Tamiflu the drug that is supposed to be therapeutic though with expressed doubts about its effectiveness. Developed countries have stockpiled this drug but do not have enough to cover entire populations, I would not prognosticate about covering 140 million people.

I have seen information about a Professor of Virology, H5N1 is a virus, however, I have not seen any reference to epidemiologists, and I would suppose we would rely on the WHO for additional expertise.

Where did it start?

What really bothers me is that I have not heard of any culling or isolation of poultry, many have their livelihoods from rearing poultry in open areas and even if these are culled there might be no express compensation scheme.

This would prevent people from reporting outbreaks when they should, for the fear of loss and those who might get infected might just concoct twigs and herbs that they have used from malarial infections hoping and praying for a recovery.

As many causes of death in Nigeria are attributed to the more pathological brief illness, we may never know the true extent of infection and transmission if it does indeed affect humans. Many would not visit hospitals because the entrance fee before a doctor conducts a passing glance to those racked with illness is prohibitive to the extreme and there is definitely no guarantee of a useful diagnosis leading to effective treatment with drugs that work.

I can only hope that this issue is not being blown out of proportion by my take on the matter and hopefully providence is on our side to ensure that what the government lacks in managing this situation is made up for by the care and attention of the citizenry and whoever they call upon for protection.

References

Q&A on avian flu

No Safe Haven – An Annual Report on Attacks on Women in Nigeria

Batter yourself not your wife

Seeking kindred spirits

Having left Nigeria just over 15 years ago and now effectively spent more than half my life in total in Europe. I find that quite a few elements of my Nigerian heritage are coming to the fore.

Generally, I am not a person given to ethnic community gatherings or associations of common identity, but I find that I have been drawn to the Internet equivalents of these groupings.

Whilst I try to catch up on Nigerian events in the news, blogging is quite an interesting phenomenon because it takes primary opinion out of the hands of paid professionals and puts in arena of general public debate.

Debate however can be interesting as intelligence, common sense, knowledge, wisdom and commendable discourse sometimes contends violently with prejudice, ignorance, intolerance, bigotry and plain stupidity.

The Nigerian Blogs Aggregator does this job beautifully as Nigerians and lovers of Nigeria – home and abroad – congregate to dispense with their perspectives of ideas, events and people.

Vagina Monologues in Nigeria

One topic that got me surfing through links to other blogs and varied comments to an authoritative source was pertaining to the arrival of the Vagina Monologues in Nigeria.

This is a post-feminist analysis of issues developed on the experiences of over 200 women globally related to their sexuality and status in society as they deal with violence, rape, genital mutilation and other customs that border on savagery.

Some countries like Uganda, Malaysia and China have banned the performance of Vagina Monologues because it addresses difficult topics most especially that recurrent masculine pastime of wife battering.

Observation has given me opportunity to write about this for the first time, however, I give credence to those who have tackled this issue in the interview granted by the organizer of the event Hafsat Abiola-Costello and theNaijablog entry that develops the context further.

Personally, it is a raw subject since at one stage, one had to be involved in trying to placate a difficult and complex situation.

Where is the love?

Marriage continues to be a mystery to me, you really never can understand the machinations and intricacies of love and affection between two people who meet and decide to spend their lives together.

It is usually just between those two and what we observe as family and friends is the bond of love, concern and devotion which results in the celebration of marriage.

The world we live in today indicates that this power and quality of love is no more the exclusive preserve of heterosexual relationships, it is chemistry between the hearts of two human beings regardless of sex and pairing permutations.

For the many, the pairing beyond man and woman is a mountain to climb, but the facts are each person to their own chooses what represents the joy in their lives.

What baffles me is how that engine of love falters in the privacy of the environment of that couple leading to domestic violence and probably more.

Marriage should not be an end; it has to be nurtured through expressions of love and affection, sometimes frank talk and disagreement but with mutual respect for what incidentally was supposed to be “till death do us part”.

Total submission

So, an uncle wrote to me to address an issue with a protégé who had to be brought back on to the path of honour, dignity and total submission to her husband.

No, I was not angry, maybe, I was not incensed, but indeed, I was livid with rage, however, I had to temper my eventual response with reason and purpose in the context of the patriarchal setting of Nigerian society.

The matter could not have been more disturbing when it became apparent that the wife battering scoundrel was also a medical doctor. The things we condone in Nigeria.

My father had said years ago that I have always thought like a Westerner, indicating that I sometimes presented a range of views that normally never gets expressed for purposes of deference.

For instance, in Yoruba culture, you cannot accuse an elder of lying directly, rather, one has to be smart about the way the facts are presented for others to deduce and deal with it in closed company.

Basically, the structure of society is built on completely preventing the older generation from losing face or admitting their mistakes to anyone but their peers or an older generation.

The language is pervaded with proverbs which masquerade as frank talk to devastating effect.

I could afford myself the luxury of that political double-speak or basically not mince my words using the privilege of my Western heritage to good advantage.

The path to honour

In general, it appears that many husbands think that their only role in a marriage is provision; that could have been true in times past, there is now a lot more to the role of a husband than that.

I cannot count the number of times my parents quoted the Bible on the issue of my honouring my parents having left out their own responsibilities in achieving that symbiotic relationship. [1]

When the scripture talks of this, it offers the promise of long life to the child – first responsibility, the parent who does not want to bury their child would probably get involved in the process of ensuring the conditions conducive to having the child honour them.

I know, not all issues of the death of child are encompassed in this situation, but it is a sound warning to both child and parent. Further study indicates that the parent school the child in the ways of God and also not provoke the child unto wrath.

There is a fundamental and initial part of care and duty on the part of the parents that sows the seeds for the honouring they would eventually receive off their children.

The path to submission

The previous illustration shows how we select the choice cuts from Scripture to plant our views in domination of other parties.

It is interesting that Ephesians 5 in the Bible helps illustrate the subject of submission all too clearly by comparing the relationship between Jesus Christ and the Church with the relationship between the husband and his wife. [2]

Beyond the fact of the headship of Christ and the husband the issue of the service and servant-hood of Christ looms large.

Whilst, this looks like a religious exercise, it is the context of the relationship that I want to extract for inference.

Christ gave his life in sacrifice for His Church, He teaches, nurtures, encourages, listens, admonishes, enthuses and builds His Church as His body, the full expression of Himself to the world.

Now, if a battered wife is a husband’s idea of sacrifice and the full expression of himself to this wife, the family, and his friends and to the world, we are the poorer for it.

Seen in that context, it appears that the selfless sacrifice and devotion of a man to his woman is the conducive environment for “required” submission.

Submission is then borne out of the respect, admiration and the husband’s humility in relating to his wife rather than the husband’s disrespect and humiliation of his wife. [3] It is a tall order.

Institutions and traditions

The framework of our society allows for marital conflict to be resolved within the extended family network of people we trust and respect. In the West, one might even seek professional advice through marriage counselling.

In some cases, these networks have failed such that the issue is best addressed by temporary or permanent separation; this gets complicated by the presence of offspring – I would not delve into that here.

The concern here is with the traditions which believe that the woman should pay the ultimate price for dishonouring the family.

Thankfully, governments are taking a more strident view of these activities; there is no justification whatsoever for murder, regardless of the event that so infuriates the family and their status in society. [4]

Whilst, I had no easy solution to help resolve my protégé’s circumstances, I had this much to say.

If nobody had a way of resolving this precipitous disagreement, the woman would best to separate from her husband, but I would not sacrifice my protégé on the institution of marriage.

Marriage was made for us, not humans for marriage. If I had to choose between tradition and the people, I would choose the people.

Vagina Monologues would have a good few people shifting in their seats; hopefully, it would get aired before the Nigerian Moral Police stymie issues that really need to be thrashed with the utmost ferocity.

A welcome development indeed.

References

[1] Honour your father and your mother

[2] What are the roles of a husband and wife in a family?

[3] A husband is to love his wife

[4] Honor killing - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia