I’ll have that boy

No face in this race

From the moment I saw the byline in an email message, I had a feeling something was not quite right with the proposal. In fact, everything seemed wrong about it, but at the very least, I needed to humour them by sincerely reading the story before commenting.

The teen founder turning male fertility into a sport

The Hustle - Jay Fuchs

At the questionable border of sports entertainment and male fertility is Sperm Racing, a startup that recently closed a $10m seed round.

As the propinquity of perspicacity and perspective grants permission, the author of the piece in The Hustle, which is the sales blog of Hubspot, not to be confused with Hustler Magazine, could not have had a more unfortunate name, if pronounced in a certain way, in his role as the managing editor, Jay Fuchs.

Moving on, Eric Zhu is the 18-year-old entrepreneur and founder of Sperm Racing, an outfit set up to address the issue of seemingly declining male fertility in a rather novel way, while promoting a dialogue on the matter too, and everything you think it is, is probably all it is and more, from the name of the company.

The straight-faced debate

To determine the best swimmers on a microscopic racetrack with high-resolution cameras capturing the event, think of the desert camel races of the UAE with robot jockeys, but the sperm will run under their own steam.

Apparently, the viewership of these race events is in the high six-figure range, and the venture has closed a $10m seed round.

This almost Onanist leap from mobility to motility suggests many questions difficult to articulate, but I can see an end in sight, with a visit to a sperm bank or considering a competition between these depositories of human propagation for an open race to all comers.

Equipment set up for the race to save manhood and humanity, Guinness World Records adjudicators ensuring no underhand tactics, spectators jockeying for position, urging their colours forward, until one breasts the tape and she says, “I’ll have that boy.”

One artificial insemination later, if the winner has not been stripped of all dignity to learn of their secret of triumph, a stud farm, humans, horses, bulls, and chickens, and the business of reproduction becomes the survival of the fittest sperm, with happy endings following even more happy endings.

In the ideas market, let’s just agree, more is to come.

See Also

ABC 7 News: Bay Area student organises 1st-of-its-kind sperm race to raise men's health awareness

Fathers for the laws of human gravity

Gravity rules again

I was standing in the bathtub having a hot wash being supervised by my father when he approached me and felt that undercarriage in what I soon learnt was to determine if my balls had descended. I believe I was around 7 years old and that might have been the only time I think my dad took interest in my sexual health and probably allayed of the fears that the boy who barely fit in the palm of his hands at birth, might well, grow up to be a man.

In the news, there is some alarm, as a doctor has found that phthalates are causing human babies to be born with deformed genitals. That would suggest it is not enough to check that the balls have descended, but to ascertain that there is an appendage, it has some function of endowment and the absence of deformity, after which we need to address the matter of low sperm counts. [Sky News: Human penises are shrinking because of pollution, warns scientist]

It is a serious problem

The question is what we are going to do about this existential crisis, whether we are going to allow this to become an evolutionary process of the decline of reproductive health leading to a possible extinction of the human race in the worst-case scenario, or begin to act decisively to tackle all forms of global pollution, global warming and a refocusing of reproductive health from the regulation and abuse of female genitalia, their sexual expression, and the decision matrix around birth rate and abortion.

Meanwhile for the babies who have presented the issues observed in Dr Shanna Shaw’s report, there opens a possible new branch of genitourinary medicine with an essential component of plastic surgery as pioneered by André van der Merwe, otherwise known as Dr Dick, from South Africa where the aesthetic and reparative will include the corrective and interventionist to ensure that the demonstration of certain prowess is maintained and probably enhanced for these unfortunate people afflicted innocently by the world they have been born into.

Blog: Hello Dr Dick, my friends need a ...

Get interested and involved

The medical profession having highlighted an issue that should engage us all, engendering activism, informing policy, should fully persuade politicians locally and globally to act in the interests of humanity.

Fathers and the male folk whilst on the one hand feeling for irregularities that presage prostate or testicular cancer might as well be ready to be involved enough to be fully interested in the development of their scions to observe the forces of gravity and the thriving of the organs of reproductivity.