From Compote to Coulis

The Value of Cooking

Being able to cook, or at least understanding the processes of cooking, not only informs you about quality and taste, but it also helps you appreciate the kind of labour involved in bringing a dish to the table.

Sometimes, we allow convenience to trump the need to slave over a cooker or an oven, or, in these times, a crockpot or slow cooker, a steamer, and an air fryer. Well, a rice cooker has now joined the appliances in my cramped kitchen. Utility meets facility, and the rest is the memory of the palatable.

Convenience Versus Craft

Supermarkets tend to offer convenience at the expense of kitchen activity; the onions come ready-chopped in a pack when I could use a mandolin and store them in a Ziplock bag in the freezer. When I could not get Agege bread in Cape Town, I began to bake my own; now that it is sold here, I simply buy it in the shops.

One time, whilst mixing the dough, one of the mixing hooks broke. It should have been an easy replacement, but by then the novelty of baking had worn off.

I can make most of what I like; it is the lack of time, patience, or will that militates against the creative process, so you reach instead for the processed food shortcuts in supermarket packs or obtain takeaways from restaurants.

Experiments with Yoghurt

For a while, I stopped buying yoghurt with fruit servings. Instead, I would get Greek yoghurt and add it to a fruit salad drizzled with honey, but I wanted something different. I made a compote of blueberries and raspberries, cooking the fruits with a little water and lemon juice, though I did not have any vanilla essence.

I liked the first result with Greek yoghurt and honey, but I left the compote too long in the fridge and it was developing a culture, so I had to throw it away. I soon made another portion, which I never used. I warmed it up in the microwave and it bubbled out of the container, filling the microwave plate with red juice. That was annoying to clean up.

From Compote to Coulis

When I went out shopping yesterday, I bought a pack of wonky raspberries and one of blueberries. Something about the chunky feel of the compote did not appeal to me, so this time, after cooking the fruits and mashing them in the pot, I decided to try something else. What about blending the compote, I thought?

Well, that changes a compote into a coulis. I did not pass the blended compote through a sieve, but I think the NutriBullet blender did a good enough job, and this time I added some Madagascan vanilla essence. I might also add a splash of brandy to give it longevity, which is what you would expect in a compote rather than a coulis.

The knowledge of cookery does not just give you the ability to follow a recipe, even though much of one's expertise comes from learning, experience, practice, and memory. The recipe, like rules, can be broken to suit your own requirements and taste, and you would be neither persecuted nor prosecuted for it. That, my friends, is the joy of knowing how to cook.

A Google NotebookLM AI Podcast on this blog

When You Are Not Sure if It Is Serious

A Night of Unease

My sleep was a bit disturbed, as I had a dull ache in my chest on the left side throughout the night. At one point, the pain spread into my arm, giving the impression I had lain on it, but every adjustment I made brought no relief.

By 5:00 AM, I was in two minds: get up and go for a walk to wear away the discomfort, or acknowledge that this might be something serious and seek medical attention.

AI to the Rescue

The more I thought about it and keyed the symptoms into my AI app, the more I was persuaded to plump for the latter.

I opened my door, set the secure door on the latch, and called 999 for an ambulance, but I was exhausted by the questions and almost felt I'd be gone before we were done.

In the meantime, I had packed a bag with the essentials: a mobile phone charger adapter, a power bank, a notepad, and a pen. Critically, you need to be able to communicate with loved ones and next of kin; Brian and Kola first, then my manager at work.

On the emergency call, I was told an ambulance might take 45 minutes or thereabouts, to which I suggested I'd rather get an Uber to A&E and be seen promptly, and that is what I did.

Into A&E

I checked in, had my blood pressure taken, and was then called back for bloods and an ECG. The waiting began in the Emergency Room, and when the results were sent to me by email, neither the website nor the app was working, so I could not check what I was about to be told.

Hours later, a doctor called me into a consultation cordon and assured me there was nothing serious to worry about from the ECG and the test for Troponin T, which indicates damage to the heart muscle, but she needed to rule out the presence of blood clots.

Blood and Bedside Manner

Her attempt to draw blood was unsuccessful, and she quickly realised it might be fatigue from five twelve-hour shifts in a row. You can imagine junior and emergency room doctors are seriously overworked; the NHS is somewhat strained, and let's not visit the quality and standard of service from people doing their very best under duress, pressure, and the circumstances.

She immediately invited a nurse to draw blood; that also failed on the arm, so a further attempt was made from the back of the hand, bringing the total to four puncture wounds, whilst my left arm was already sore from the earlier abuse.

The Vampire Association

The D-dimer test result was normal. Another doctor then invited me to relate the symptoms again before ordering a second troponin test, which he said should be at least three hours from the first.

I had been in hospital for four hours by this point, so I was ready for another vampire feast. I probably should cut down on my sugar intake; three blood draws in one morning is one draw short of a venesection.

Another nurse arrived with a phlebotomy trolley, and I asked if she was from the Vampire Association. She smiled and drew blood from the already sore left arm without much fuss.

Waiting for the All-Clear

One new development that has arrived at our NHS, already standard practice in the Netherlands health service, is the use of a tube between the needle and syringe. This puts less pressure on the entry point, and I am glad for it.

Once the second Troponin T test result arrives as normal, I should be on my way home. Meanwhile, the wait continues, and the concerns are being allayed.

The doctor came to speak to me in the waiting room to confirm that the second Troponin T was fine. I already knew, as the website was working in the Ambulatory Care Unit by then; the result had fallen one unit within the middle of the normal range.

I was sent on my way, called an Uber, and settled back into bed.

A Google NotebookLM AI Podcast on this blog

The ordeal of another Microsoft certification test

Sorely tested to the testicles

By the time I clicked on the submit button, I was all shook up in an Elvis Presley kind of way. I had no time for filling out feedback forms, I had been stripped of every dignity and confidence suggesting passing this Microsoft test, I was expecting some bad news.

It was 57 questions in 100 minutes, I barely had 90 seconds to spare at the end. Then, I rarely mark questions for review, my first answer or gut feel response is usually my final answer, no point scraping over sores left by finding out that you’re not as sure as you thought you were.

It is just over three weeks ago that I passed another test with barely a week of preparation.

The preparation never ends

I had painstakingly gone through the theoretical stuff for this one, and attended courses from both Udemy and Coursera, I could even run the latter at 1.5x and keep up with what was being said. Practice, practice tests, even AI producing flashcards for revision. It could easily have been 48 hours of serious study in just over 2 weeks.

What other tips I could get from people who had passed or failed the test were best viewed from Reddit, everything filled the spectrum from a full gloat to despondency at multiple attempts without success. You had to feel bad for them and there was a moment I thought I would be returning as a glutton for punishment in a few days to revisit the site of my drubbing.

My initial plan was to try for Tuesday, but I had a health progress meeting in the afternoon. It wasn’t until Wednesday afternoon that I decided I had done enough, and I booked the test for Friday with hardly any leeway for postponing or rescheduling the test.

Time is not as kind

One new feature of the test is the open book facility, useful for getting exact details, but it could be a time-consuming trap when looking for ideas or processes. I fixated on the documentation section where I needed to and pored through the search results page for clues before clicking on links to dig further. It is helpful, but time suddenly plays like an hourglass; given girth to let the sand through without constraint.

The most important thing is not to panic, get to the direct question asked then walk back to the scenario or setting presented, especially when you are running out of time. Things click better when you know what you are looking for having had a glimpse of the suggested answers.

When the final screen came up, I had not done that well in one section and did much better than average in the three other sections. The most important thing, I had exceeded the passing score, I passed. Amid the shaking and trembling, as I tried to catch my breath, I signed out, collected the printout and called Brian. What a relief and well, it is preparations in earnest for the next certification test.

Thought Picnic: In showing is the shown showed

Preparing enough for things

Preparation can easily become the excuse we use for not getting some things done. Decisions on what needs to be done and how to get it done whilst trying to ensure once the process has started, it is not impeded by some unintended issue or circumstances.

How this can so quickly exacerbate procrastination is another thing we rarely acknowledge. A task suddenly seems onerous and the path to accomplishment literally insurmountable. The journey of a thousand miles never gets started because we see the thousand miles ahead rather than begin with the first step and see how each step brings us closer to our destination.

Indeed, we must prepare for the obvious even as the clichéd saying sounds in my ear as I write, “Those who fail to prepare, prepare to fail.” Some knowledge and insight is useful, experience gained from different sources can help too.

Accomplishment must be the goal

The direction of travel should be towards some achievement or accomplishment, bringing things to conclusion or completion would show that whatever effort has been applied to something has something tangible at the end.

Our thoughts are vehicles of many ideas that may never see reality, yet it is our ability to imagine that gives the foundations to the things we build or produce.

The power of the imagination to create worlds of fantasy that become fantastic worlds lived in, is one feature of humanity we fail to exploit and even when we know how the divine can bring to pass the apparently impossible, we limit ourselves to the perfunctory, lost in dreamland with wishes rather than faith.

Showing shows completed activity

The other day, I saw someone with such big ears. I was afraid my thoughts about the ears might be heard by them. I tried not to consider that possibility even if it could be scripted into a science fiction fantasy film with interesting or thrilling storylines.

Then, the many stories or things we have written that never left the draft stage, they are in an incomplete state, they represent activity without accomplishment. We can be satisfied something was done but there is nothing to show others that we have done anything. It is like an assignment done but not submitted for scoring. You cannot get grades for work not given up for vetting.

Likewise, a blog not published is well, not a blog, because no one knows what you have done until it is shown for others to see. So many lights hidden under a bushel, talents buried instead of flourishing makes the reticence to show what you have the gift of not entirely one of shyness that we assume we have but it could also be seen as in the parable of the talents in terms of the unprofitable servant too. {Bible Gateway: Matthew 25:14-30 (NKJV)]

Preso dall'angoscia del panino

Sunk into panini despair

I saw her again this afternoon and my heart sank, her colleague was preoccupied with her mobile phone, and she was left to take my order. How hard can it be to make a panini?

A simple toasted Italian sandwich with fillings inside and keeping that together enough to cut it in half and wrap it up. So, for the third time, I was placing a basic order.

Cajun chicken, chorizo, jalapenos, and cheese in a ciabatta, cut through, lengthwise. I had the lowest expectations considering this could have the professional quality in the preparation and presentation she had twice failed to achieve.

Her accent belied my reticence to comment on what she was doing, I just felt it would all be lost in translation, and I did not want to make her feel bad even if I half hated the almost rubbish of their stated menu I was presented with.

A dimmer on panini

Usually, the first part of putting in the fillings survives any apparent mishap, but by the time she gets it into the tray to put in the oven, a slow train crash happens before your eyes. The interregnum between placement in the oven and retrieval at the beeps is a time to draw a deep breath hoping that clumsy would not overcome practice.

Fat chance! At retrieval, this basic heated thing that should have been held together by melted cheese is already falling apart as she lifts it to place on wrapping paper, I am surprised she is not already picking some of the chicken and chorizo off the floor.

A second stage of reparative preparation begins and the whole wrapping ends up like the ciabatta was running away from its fillings but forced to coexist. Utterly unbelievable!

You better believe it when I get my order which is everything it says it is on the board but nothing it appears to be. I am totally exasperated but find a way to get the thing into my mouth without ending up with bits in my hair or on my back.

The trials of panini

That was my thinking at lunchtime, and clumsy did happen as she could not find the tongs to put the tray in the oven and never deigned to ask her colleague where they might be. A dishcloth stood in for the tongs for placement and for retrieval. I thought it was totally wrecked that seagulls would come from the coast just for the chicken in my panini going for free like Saint Francis of Assisi loved to feed the birds of the field.

I had no hopes for a reprieve, I was stuck with what I was given and a bag of crisps for comfort until I opened the wrapping and to my surprise, I had a panini all together like it should have been presented and made by any of her other colleagues. Whether that was a fluke, I cannot tell, but if the panini trials are over, the tribulation of clumsy looms for the next time I venture down there.

The title translates to ‘Caught up in the anguish of the sandwich’ and that’s just Italian for starters.

Thought Picnic: What really is the purpose of the interview?

Between the means and the end

Interviews as one would expect are a means of engagement to ascertain if a candidate for a role is first able to do what is contained in the job specification and beyond and to determine if the said person is a good fit for the team, department, and organisation into which they are being assessed and invited.

In general, I would think a curriculum vitae should speak for itself in terms of what was done, achieved and how that activity benefitted that setting. In my case, because the general rule especially in the UK is to have a 3-page or shorter CV, a wealth of experience and expertise running decades is difficult to encapsulate in such a short space. For that reason, I have a link to a much longer resume in the narrative, quite detailed for anyone interested.

Against the odds of poor preparation

Expertise is knowhow and would by inference be recent and attending to the role applied for, experience brings in a long more over time, by observation, involvement, practice, understanding, and even the ability to explain in some appreciable detail the hows and whys of things.

The question then is, how to set up an interview in such a way that the engagement allows the interviewer to tighten their enquiry to gain the best indication of ability, agility, and compatibility meeting their requirements. I am now concluding that no preparation on the part of the interviewee can prepare them for a poorly planned interview.

I have received commendations after attending interviews where the feedback has been, that I am likeable and knowledgeable, but I did not address the interview questions to the detail required. Also, the additional feedback has suggested that the roles have been readvertised because none of the tranches of interviewees were selected for the role. We probably can agree that this is a problem with the interview than the interviewees.

Ask concise and relevant questions

The quality of the answers you get from an interviewee have to be related to the standard of questions asked. It goes without saying that the quality of search results for a standard search request is dependent on how well and unambiguous the search terms are phrased. In these times of generative AI, the same principle follows, a well-crafted prompt will elicit good responses close to what the inquirer requires.

How this fundamental principle does not filter into interviews does baffle me. Again, I have probably interviewed better when I have had to give a presentation from a range of selected topics or dealt with scenarios proffered that would assess my quality of thinking, problem-resolution ability, and general perspective on issues. Sadly, very few interviewers adopt this line of enquiry.

In a lake of mysterious misery

For instance, you would probably get an interview question that is worded along the lines of, ‘Cross the lake.’ You are then left wondering where is the lake? Are there crossing points along the lake shore and from what crossing point to the other? Does the lake have bridges, pontoons, and boats, or do you have to consider swimming, if you cannot swim? How long do you have to cross the lake? Is the lake infested with crocodiles or other dangerous animals?

Let me paint the scenario in this analogy, a lake where the supposed interviewer is a fisherman, with apparently extensive knowledge of the lake, the best times to fish and what types of fish thrive therein, where the water source is, the weather and seasons to expect at what times, maybe even has done night rescues of people in distress and the question he asks a visiting fisherman interviewee reads like he doesn’t know anything about bodies of water.

So many scenarios can be built around crossing the lake with additional information to help the interviewee address the issues or thinking that would help the best lake crossing, if just for themselves or in consideration of others where probably a bridge would suffice rather than a boat as someone would have to row the boat back to the crossing point.

Poor questions won’t yield good prospects

Indeed, I am aghast with the quality of the technical questions I face, they are general, rudimentary, elementary, fundamental, and broad. When asked by the supposedly highly technical person, you are left wondering why they are not asking questions built around scenarios and issues they have encountered with the guardrails to refine the responses with follow-up questions?

It is incumbent on interviewers to prepare for interviews just as much as interviewees prepare with some kind of interview preparation. What seems to be happening is the interviewer seems to be winging it, in the end, they never really determine suitability because they have been lazy and the waste of time on both sides is not compensated for, with disappointment on the side of the interviewee and self-created disappointment on the side of the interviewer.

What really is the purpose of the interview? I am left unsure of whether that very basic idea is known.

Thought Picnic: Self-doubt, a teacher of humility

The humbling of the present

The unfortunate sacking of Kwasi Kwarteng, the erstwhile Chancellor of the Exchequer gave me something to ponder about my situation. I wrote in a tweet, “Sometimes, a dramatic humbling can be quite life-affirming, do not take every setback as the end of purpose, ambition, or prospect.”

The reason why I can relate is I was invited for an interview on Monday and just before we had the meeting, the agency called to say that the client had realised they had a budget shortfall and whether I would consider lobbing off about 40% from what we had agreed on Friday.

I politely declined as I reflected on the disrespectfulness and insult apart from the unprofessionalism that enabled that kind of feedback that should have been better relayed as the position had been filled by other personnel. You see a lot in 27 years of dealing with contract agencies, and then some.

Beyond the travails we see

Soon afterwards, I got a phone call from another agency offering the prospect of a re-engagement with a client I had worked with before. I was keen and so my details were put forward and they expressed an interest in offering an opportunity.

However, I was to attend an interview on Microsoft Teams scheduled for Friday and I had only hours before reserved to collect my new passport in Liverpool. I did not want to postpone the interview and so that meant planning to be in Liverpool to both attend the interview and collect my passport.

Meanwhile, I was also to give a presentation as part of the interview process with the choice from 5 topics that looked quite distinct yet from my experience were intricately interrelated. I found myself in a similar brain fog as I was 5 years ago, trying to decide which topic to present, though then I chose one and wrapped the considerations of the other 3 topics into how they relate with the one I chose.

In doubt and unsure

It would have been easy and lazy to rehash the old document, but I had to do better, and I gathered the material and began to construct the elements of my presentation. In my head, I had a good idea of what I wanted to say, but how to fit that into an acceptable presentation became a challenge.

For all the expertise and experience I do have, others probably do believe in my abilities more than I dare to believe I am. There are jobs I should apply for that reticence and doubt persuades me otherwise. My friends constantly urge me to step up, their perspective of me way ahead of my apparent insecurities.

My presentation almost became existential in its import, for it would have been the crux upon which the decision to hire me would have been based amongst other considerations. I found myself wondering how I could quite easily scupper my chances given what might be a golden opportunity. Then I would whisper to myself, that everything would be fine, take breathing exercises and try to calm myself down.

The trial of adequacy

My friends would suggest I am not lacking in confidence, I have my doubts about that assessment, and then maybe I am beating myself up too hard. My presentation was only about 75% finished by the time I went to bed, and I was so sleep-deprived thinking about how I had not closed the activity. Something was missing from giving the presentation the necessary feel of a proposal made to a C-suite executive.

A few ideas wandered into my mind overnight and on getting up, I showered and went for breakfast that I could hardly finish before giving Brian a call. My best friend had sent me a message of encouragement during the night too, which I acknowledged. I went for a walk to the River Mersey and returned to complete my presentation with just an hour left to the interview.

Things seemed to fall into place and with just about 20 minutes to spare, there was nothing more I could do about what I was about to present. Unsure and nervous, we began a discussion when I realised that my 9 slides of PowerPoint presentation were to be delivered in 10 minutes, there was no point panicking, I went for it with mannerisms and tics, all forgiven with the verdict that it was a good presentation.

Self-doubt, the measure of strength

This was something I would never have been able to pull off without the support of my friend, and my partner, they were constantly encouraging me even as it was increasingly difficult to believe them. Then I need to find the positive in my ordeal, maybe self-doubt is a good check on hubris too, it works for me even if it stresses me out too.

There is a humbling that teaches you the truth of your vulnerability not to strip you of agency but to equip you with the human need to seek support and encouragement to empower you through when your strength appears to fail.

It is like what Apostle Paul said in II Corinthians 1v9-11“Yes, we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves but in God who raises the dead, who delivered us from so great a death, and does deliver us; in whom we trust that He will still deliver us, you also helping together in prayer for us, that thanks may be given by many persons on our behalf for the gift granted to us through many.”

It speaks for itself, that our vulnerabilities or the humbling of the present only allows us to appreciate that we can do a lot more in the context of our humanity by relying on others.

In preparation

Looking ahead

The mind is in a state of preparation and anticipation of several things, events, and expectations, that you begin to set your sights upon aims, goals, and milestones as the passage of time brings things closer to the activity and the fulfilment.

On the professional front, there is something scheduled and the other undefined that might determine the action to take which has been in consideration for a while. For the scheduled, study and exercise are required that one has not been able to focus on until now, whilst the other needs to run the gauntlet of extensive bureaucracies before a decision is made.

Scripting life

Personally, the things of the heart are ringing in a countdown that brings a smile, warmth, and that sense of companionship that is limited by circumstances we hope to assail in due course. Then broadly, we are involved in the preparations that others have for their futures as we hope to secure and assure the fortunes of others.

I guess this is what the story of life is all about, the situation, the preparation, the execution or participation, the fulfilment that opens the vista to the new, the possible, the achievable and the attainable. It is a blessing and a thing of gratitude that one can plan without being caught up in the immediacy of the present as both a distraction and impediment. We are as it happens; a story being written.

Walking is not just a good pair of shoes

Equip yourself for the walk

When I stepped out for my walk this morning, I first checked the weather forecast, it was not going to rain, but it was 2⁰ Celsius, I knew by the time I got back home, the tips of my fingers would feel like I had been rearranging and poking red hot coals in a fireplace.

Then I put into consideration the range of paraphernalia that goes into the simple act of walking as a form of exercise and it reads like an interesting acquisition of trinkets and baubles, but we must not be deluded into thinking they are not both essential and necessary.

First, my trainers, a trusty pair of wonderfully cushioned running shoes for someone who cannot run, but needs the support that takes the strain off shin splints whilst making allowances for the softening effects on the feet, the ankles, the knees, the thighs and the hips. For someone who has over time suffered back pain and uses a cane, they are a miraculous workmanship in footwear – Brooks Ghost 10, now completing their 3^rd year of wear and tear.

I did get the Brooks Ghost 11, 2 years ago, they are the ones I wear out in South Africa, I ventured the possibility of the latest version a few months ago, they just did not have my colour.

In the rain and the dark

As the weather began to change with rain, I first got a waterproof poncho with high visibility bands, but after 3 uses, it was not as comfortable as it seemed that I had to shell out for a Patagonia all-weather jacket with hood and zippered side vents.

The driving rain blowing into my face and obscuring my sight through my eyeglasses meant the hood did not suffice that I donned a baseball cap to shield my glasses until the rising heat from my scalp made that uncomfortable. So, I found I could get a run visor.

The shorter days as we moved into autumn along with scheduling my walks for early mornings before dawn broke left me a vulnerable target a few times. A cyclist almost ran into me and swore he did not see 6-foot of I. I was taking no risks, so I got LED armbands, a high visibility vest with useful pockets, and high visibility clips to wear round the wrist or ankles. I might well be lit up like a Christmas tree than be run down by unaware cyclists or inconsiderate electric scooter users and they are a growing menace on our roads.

From the cold of ice

With experience comes the need for possible remediation. I do have a good pair of leather gloves, but they are no match for the biting cold that I have now ordered a pair of Yobenki thermal gloves able to handle the freezing cold, with cuffs to go under the arms of my jacket so the rain and wet does not get to my hands, with the added luxury of an index finger for the touch screen of my phone.

I could not help but notice an accident this morning, a car had run into a tree, most likely because it had slipped on black ice, with the drop in temperature and no gritting of the roads, the pavements or pathways yet, I have on occasion felt that absence of grip between my shoes and the surface I am walking on. It is a scary prospect that calls for a solution, anti-slip spikes or what I found to be Yaktrax Walk, come snow, I will be all prepared and ready for any eventuality. One very important point read the instructions too.

Thought Picnic: Patience is a place of calm

Process is patient

We learn the work of patience as a continuous experience in life. There are things that need to begin, grow, and mature, they require a timeframe that in our knowledge will allow us to reap the best harvest of a situation.

You want fruits to grow to a size and ripen, you’ll be suspicious of fruit that instantly grows like air being blown into a balloon and ripens like flicking the switch of a lightbulb. Yes, there are people with a snake-oil remedy disposition that would love to pass off fruit like that in the market for a quick buck. They will do so and disappear.

Destination travels patient

Those who intend to return to the market time and again, will let patience do its work because it builds reputation, shows character, reveals integrity and espouses humanity, because they do unto others what they expect others to do unto them. They are in their souls, the good neighbour, the Good Samaritan, the people of whom we learn by example, who we can trust with the reins of power to do right.

We must be patient, because no matter how fast you are going, you will not be going beyond your destination and those caught in the slow lane will eventually get there. We should just be wary of those who have no destination, wandering in the wilderness with a path or direction who might soon wander into the path of predators to be consumed.

Preparation grows patience

Patience is a virtue we can so easily run out of, yet, it gives a different sense of calm when you know that what is coming will come because things are in motion by reason of activities in place to make it happen. It is borne in quiet contemplation away from the noise of the madding crowds and the maddening situations.

Give patience its place and anxiety will have no hold. It is taking so long to reach the decision, what we no more fear is regardless of how long drawn out it becomes, the general idea of what is expected will take its incontrovertible and tangible form that no realities from alternate universes can dispute.

Thought Picnic: As Runner-Up Miss Congeniality, I Didn't Quite Make It

For beauty for desire

The modelling agency called to say they found my portfolio online and they were interested in entering me for a contest since I had the figure, the charm and the statistics that will suit the collection that was soon to be shown.

At first, a viewing and photo-shoot was to take place in a few days, but the agent who made the original arrangement had gone on a scouting mission, leaving me in the hands of another who did not seem to know the difference between a bustier and a corset, I was quite patient as we arranged another photo-shoot two days hence.

Looking good on the catwalk

Regaling myself in a shimmering evening gown having spent hours waxing, making-up, having my manicure and pedicure done, with a change of apparel to do a swimsuit, casual and formal showing, I arrived at the catwalk a good half an hour early.

Somehow, the couturier could not be found as messages were left for him to come to receive his guest.

With hardly a minute to the appointed time, he appeared with the director in charge of design and fashion procurement and we got down to the session and the changes.

Somehow, it was a half fitting contest and a half beauty contest, with the other contestant in the running doing her own thing too.

Tearing my hair out

I was to hear soon whether I had been selected but this decision did not come for a week, meanwhile, the modelling agent and the other were displaying levels of unprofessionalism that beggared belief even though I made no point of highlighting that fact, I tried to be less concerned about it, the session with the couturier was very good, I did feel confident.

So, finally with my patience running out, I made a last enquiry for two reasons, to get an assessment of the session and hopefully to also get a nod about having won the contest.

Congratulations! You’re the runner-up

It was then that I heard that the couturier was quite impressed with my showing but with regrets that it was difficult for him to decide and in the end the decision came down to this, ‘the other model was slightly more suitable from a personality perspective.’

In a two-person beauty contest I was runner-up for Miss Congeniality, I guess I do need a makeover, now where do I start?

Thought Picnic: I am no super-human, I know that much

After I’m done

A very personal letter to some of my closest friends ended with a simple message, “if anything does happen to me by reason of the circumstances I have encountered, I will want be seen by friends and be rested in the land of my birth.”

Despite my sometimes outward stoicism and the somewhat vaunted ‘stiff upper lip’ that the English are purported to have, maybe the more traditional English than the contemporaries, there is a part of my humanity that recognises that I am both vulnerable and fragile.

I have to be careful that my vulnerability and fragility do not complicate my circumstances that I can no more function anymore.

Capacity beyond ourselves

However, one also has to be realistic, all that we experience has a payload and consequence, it changes the countenance, might affect one's metabolism, could impact on one’s health and the dial either veers to the positive or the negative depending on those circumstances.

Amazingly, some human beings have spare capacity, the amazing capacity to stay affirmative, positive, hopeful and encouraged that it is not over until it is really over. This must come from the spirit because the five senses and mental processing are usually occupied by the immediacy of pain, of shame, of inability, of ineffectuality, and of failure.

Forgiven and praised

One has to prepare and set things in order. If one has been blessed with friends one can trust to rise when it is done and over. At least, the account books can be neatly closed and the era will be recorded in the chronicles of those who think it matters.

We have only one life to live, we assume the identities we are most comfortable with and ultimately espouse the affinities that come to define us. How we end up different is not the topic for today.

The times of reckoning are near, be they measured in days or decades; the hope is that we will be forgiven our foolishness and be mercifully praised.

Thought Picnic: Stood Up

Messing with my agenda

Calmly and without much emotion the conversation on the phone ended the plan to meet up for an afternoon that had been arranged and anticipated.

For one who flees the country at a whim, there was some expectation for the weekend; guests and friends require preparations and lots of it.

The mind in overdrive about what to serve for drinks and what to cook for food, have a set menu or prepare for choices and a marathon cooking session to sate nostalgic palates.

Choosing the latter, the fridge door could hardly close for its load to be lightened in hours; all was set for the afternoon.

What to serve

In the bush, cauldrons would have been set on tripods with the firewood lit underneath ready for the first condiments and ingredients. A sixth sense intervened to exercise caution, these guests could be choosy and everything laid out might go to waste.

At the liturgical none when the doors to the humble abode would have greeted the arrival of the honoured and esteemed, there was none to greet for they had not arrived.

Halfway towards the 10^th hour, came the notice, a surprise situation had happened leading to a cancellation and yours truly at a very loose end.

Not again in dreams or reality

It makes you wonder if you can lay any stock to such arrangements and the accompanying inconvenience with the unexpressed annoyance at terminating a rendezvous without notice and selfishly on my part without consideration.

Just when I thought my scales were tipping at the wrong side of heavy, the nightmare of heavier looms.

One must not boast of being the best host but the prospect of a new date is as good as toast.

Oh! It must have been a nightmare, my banquet laid out for invisible guests was a dream, a deep yearning for company, and surely, I cannot have in reality been stood up. Surely, not!