Mastering the interest in interesting

Interestingly Misunderstood

I have always been fascinated by how the English are viewed by others. There are websites and social media pages devoted to the fact that we are frequently misunderstood: what we have said may not necessarily represent the truth of what we mean.

One such word comes to mind: “interesting”. It does not essentially mean I am interested; it could readily mean I am bored and disengaged.

Then, on the matter of interest, I have had people who have shown interest in me, but their interest in me does not automatically become mutual. Whilst I am entertaining your interest, I would rather you were also engaging and developing my interest in you too.

Interestingly Selfish

What irks me most about these kinds of interactions is that they ask all the questions and volunteer nothing about themselves. I notice this quite easily and urge them to engage in a form of information exchange, hoping that self-awareness would prompt and convict them of selfishness, so they relent without further persuasion.

My patience, however, begins to wear thin, because dialogue is always better than being the cynosure. At least I hope I am not so vain as to need the klieg lights focused on my façade and bearing.

Interestingly Boring

In one such encounter where their interest was overbearing, but after all the exchanges I had learnt nothing about them, I combined the polite with the direct and asked, “What really makes you interesting?” Their answer was, “I like you.”

That kind of flattery might work for most, but if my question were to be properly interpreted and translated to the understanding of the person who was very much an Englishman as I, what I meant was, “You are boring me; please make an attempt to make this conversation worthwhile before I make my excuses.”

Fortunately for me, they failed to grasp the import of my veiled impertinence. When I made my excuses, I also intimated that I had better things to do with my time. In resignation, they said, “Okay!” as I rescued myself from an untenably excruciating and forgettable encounter.

Interesting, you might say, but I was so uninterested I was driven to the arms of disinterest, and it could not have happened to a nicer interlocutor, as they find someone else to bore to death.

Essential Snobbery 101: Between an escort and a chaperone

An industry getting worse

Much as I would hate to observe that recruitment agents have become lazier and more unprofessional, even with the benefits of AI they do not seem to care what they do. It is like they sling shit in every direction with the hope that something sticks somewhere and out of that comes the reward commission for placing a hapless recruit.

For instance, I have had more than a decade-long interaction with this major recruitment agency, they would at least have an old CV of mine that anyone would hope provides some background and history to inform of whether I should be contacted by anyone from the said agency about an opportunity.

That is if the recruitment agent concerned had done any research before using my email address for their scatter-gun activity. I am even surprised I was addressed by name; these emails are usually discourteously impersonal.

Subject: Escort Needed! Apply now [I was first shocked by the email header as the resolved email identity was unfamiliar, that was besides wondering why I would be contacted for any lewd activity as a sex worker which is work that I would hardly qualify for, at this age and not after my prostate gland had been zapped by radioactivity to rid it of cancer. On reading the detail of role, would chaperone have been a better word?]

The email I received yesterday afternoon

[The emphases in the email are as contained in the original with nowt taken out.]

Dear Akin,

Your new company

An exciting and challenging opportunity has become available to join HMP [His Majesty’s Prison nearby] as a contractor escort working as part of a third-party company. This company looks after all maintenance work within this prison.

Your new role

Your new role as a Contractor Escort at HMP [nearby] will consist of 39 hours working Monday – Friday and will involve escorting a variety of contractors and visitors around site, ensuring the strict policies in place are followed. You will be responsible for the protection of inmates, staff and visitors by ensuring these policies are adhered to. Other aspects of the job involve booking in contractor’s tools and supervising them once escorted to their designated working area. This is an ongoing temporary position.

What you'll need to succeed

In order to be successful in this role you will need to pass an enhanced background check conducted by the prison service. This is something we will facilitate upon registration. You will also need to be level-headed, well organised and hardworking person. A security background is beneficial but in not essential for the role.

What you'll get in return

For this job you will receive a competitive hourly rate of £13.68 with 33 days holiday a year. All uniform will be provided. There is a chance for permanent offer. [On the rate alone, I have resisted paying any attention to the derisory offer. The holidays seem generous for the role though.]

Kind regards,

[Recruitment agent name removed]

Recruitment expert in Construction & Property [Their expertise is questionable, at best.]

In all consideration

I could not get this out of my mind, the much I tried as I was both irritated and annoyed, it deserved some sort of response as I did not want my mailbox to be cluttered with such nonsense ever again.

I did consider a very curt reply with a clear rebuke expressing the depth of my indignation, but it probably would have been binned, and though I do not expect a response because such recruitment agents would never have been schooled in the kind of decorum that should make their communication a sign of their professionalism, I tried a different tack in my response, this morning.

With gratitude for the thought

Dear [Name withheld],

I am totally at a loss how any information you might have of me might have inspired my receipt of this job opportunity.

I have a 36-year career in IT, your explanation of how this role relates to my experience would be welcome and helpful.

Otherwise, it is better to first acquire some knowledge of a person's background before filling their mailboxes with irrelevant prospects. That would be the least professional course to take. 

However, thank you for having me in mind for this role, I regret it is unsuitable as I have no appreciation of how useful it is for me.

With kind regards,

[Signed]

The less said beyond this response, the better. However, if the agent does respond, I might update this blog.

Nigeria: The Age of Irreverence Is Upon Us Like A Rash

Culture shocks

It took reading a rather long blog full of very interesting snippets of history titled the Culture of Disrespect for it to occur to me that a seismic shift in values and customs had happened in our society that many had not noticed.

Over the last few months, anyone caught in the amber of some bygone age of interaction between the powerful and the self-important erudite set has lamented the spate of uncomfortable feedback emanating from social media forums.

That time is going fast

Those used to riding rough shod over the masses who had never had to be accountable to anyone and could with impunity be criminal without consequence having never been questioned or withstood by those they term lesser in status and influence have run the gauntlet of abuse, ridicule, rudeness, discourtesy and disrespect – the mystique and mystery that once redounded unearned adulation by reason of sycophancy and fawning had been torn away.

The age-old niceties of deep courtesy and obsequiousness that allowed for patriarchal and sometimes feudal systems of control and subservience had been consigned to the bin of the unnecessary, ushering in what I would call the Age of Irreverence.

Not by default anymore

What the Age of Irreverence meant was that people no more earned respect by default by reason of status, age, wealth, connection or position but by reason of what you did to affect your community for the better.

Much more is demanded of leadership and even more is expected of them to perform with people ready to call out bluster, bombast and bull shit. The people, many though not all, quite well informed today and poised to pounce on any sign of weakness or hypocrisy, do not have the patience to be taken for a ride.

The expression of the angry young Nigerian

It appears leaders are in for a rude shock, they engage to their peril and disengage to even greater opprobrium and that is just what has become the times – only their paid sycophants have sold their consciences for a lie in the face of manifestly undeniable facts.

That is not to say courtesy, respect and reverence no more matters but leaders will just have to work harder for it and carry their audience honestly and truthfully with them to be offered such adulation.

Like another blog suggests, the young Nigerian is angry and social media offers the forum to vent their spleen and join cause with others in what might look like an onslaught or barrage of abuse. It will take more sophisticated skills of communication to placate the passionately angry and they are increasing in numbers in what might become a formidable movement.

Taking no prisoners

Those who portend to take themselves too seriously will be cut down to side, the haughty will be belittled and the proud are in for a crashing and catastrophic fall.

It is all coming together now and only the savvy will be able to withstand those they label the opposition or as one Presidential adviser put it in his risible and lamentable Jeremiad - the cynics, the pestle-wielding critics, the unrelenting, self-appointed activists, the idle and idling, twittering, collective children of anger, the distracted crowd of Facebook addicts, the BBM-pinging soap opera gossips of Nigeria – have arrived to be the Kings and the Queens of the Age of Irreverence.

The art of the good insult

They will not suffer fools gladly and will use smarts, wit, abuse, insults, irony, sarcasm, satire and much else including data, facts or rumour in their arsenal to express their displeasure in ways that will make even the slightly old-fashioned like myself flinch – I hope for myself, I have not misread the signs of the times.

The sophisticated might well attempt to elevate the art and the finesse of a polite put-down, maybe a Shakespearean insult or even the subtlety of damning with praise – God knows, many are really deserving of what they see on Social Media and long may it continue until things are set to rights; for the highly fed and lowly taught need to experience a comeuppance that will clip their wings.

We have come upon by accident or by design the glowing Age of Irreverence and it will soon reach a street near you.

Thought Picnic: The Importance of Being Distinguished

The element of dress

I was on a mission yesterday, a mission to appear and say very little, in what was a basic exercise in the importance of being distinguished.

Indeed, I have been called a dandy but there is really nothing to it, wear a shirt but don’t forget to don a day cravat, don’t wear jeans, chinos are the bare minimum otherwise wear a suit.

If you are not wearing a suit, at least have a jacket on, remember never to do up all your buttons, if you have more than one on the jacket, leave the lowest one undone.

Never forget the pocket square, have a good hat and if you are using a cane, I use one because of my back, it should have the bearing that belies your sophistication and footwear can never be trainers, good leather possibly black and side buckles than laces are more to my fancy.

The presence of presence

We were visiting an estate agent's whose reputation for unprofessionalism, rudeness and abuse was second to none as if the agency chain had trained their staff to frustrate tenants at every turn, making rules on the fly and always threatening to levy costs at the slightest opportunity.

What I had heard of them made my blood boil, what I had read of the agency chain on the Internet showed that they had form. I was ready to be present and present a presence of utter disapproval with all the gravitas I could muster – I know why I do not suffer fools gladly and I know why I can say to any customer service person I am not a vexatious customer, only one with a particular requirement that I expect to be met.

Demeanour matters, always

One does not need to raise one’s voice, slow measured tones delivered almost with a lockjaw buccal movement is as deliberate and effective as it comes – presence is an art, never a science.

We arrived at the estate agents, they shook hands, I had taken a seat before I stood up to be introduced and then observed the proceedings from a distance.

The estate agent was unusually nice, constantly seeking validation for which I would nod or sometimes interject, corroborate or elucidate.

My job was done and my friends left quite happy with the fact that they were offered the courtesies, dignity and respect a paying customer should expect. Obviously, by rights, it should be unnecessary to bring in a cavalry of dandies to impress and impress upon, but if needs must, then must one be offered on the pedestal of the importance of being distinguished – clothes, whether you like it or not do make a man and the way you wear them says a lot more than you will ever know.

Brawlers with keyboards

Those rotten comments

Hardly three months ago, had I written about how the blogging world was getting infiltrated by brawlers with keyboards and now I have had to entertain some on my blog.

These are people who usually have no blogs of their own but squat in the comment areas of other people’s blogs placing comments that are strongly worded, poorly delivered and generally incoherent.

What grates me is not that they disagree with the main thrust of the blog, but rather than deal with the ideas expressed like intelligent and reasoning people they use personal attacks to try and convey they points.

Don’t get me wrong, these people probably do have good thinking heads; it is only that they lack good writing skills such that their “so-called” reasoned ideas are lost under a cloud of diatribe, vitriol, abuse and disconnected generalisations.

Such people are also fouling up the blog space that the freedom to express ideas is suffering aspects of censorship lightly called moderation; I have seen at least three blogs I visit consider moderation, two of which have already introduced it.

Communication for the globe

I can understand that language like “I respectfully disagree” or “With all due respect” may sound archaic, but even when we meet strangers we do try to present ourselves in the best light and not like riff-raff; why should that be different when you comment in other people’s blog space?

I live and work in an international community with people from all around the globe and where my language of communication is English; expression, tone and delivery play a great part in communication, persuasion and convincing people of your point of view – for me, shouting out expletives would not bull-doze walls and boulders, rather, that would close all doors and I speedily lose respect for that person.

Let us have a good time

When, months ago, Tom Peters had to introduce moderation on his blog because brawlers with keyboards were having a field day, the guide to placing comments could well become the gold standard for accepting comments on any blog space.

I quote verbatim from Tom Peters’ blog those points for clarity sake.

Are there ground rules for posting comments?

We want to have our community commenting on our posts. We like your comments. We want your comments. But we ask you to please follow a few basic rules so that we all can have a good time here.

No personal attacks, please. Disagree with ideas, but don't attack people.

Please keep the foul language to a minimum. Damn is okay. If you must be more graphic than that, please make liberal use of asterisks.

Please refrain from going on at length. Succinct is a good word to keep in mind. Please don't cut and paste posts from your or someone else's site into our comments. If you feel others would like to read something you've posted/read elsewhere, please link to it.

We will edit out comments that run afoul of these rules, though we'll let you know by email if you've done us the courtesy of leaving a valid email address. If you prefer to keep your email address private, and we support your right to do so, then, sorry, you'll be edited without notice.

Thanks for visiting our site. (We really do like having you here.)

The polite challenge

I have highlighted in bold-italics the most important part of the advisory, “so that we can all have a good time here”; it might be a challenge for some to try and place their comments in that light, but when writing for what might be a global audience, it is not too much to ask.

He does accept that foul language might manifest itself, but damn is the limit, beyond which asterisks make the point quite clearly, he has not used the word polite or temperate where people like me will find that quite important.

I generally do not receive that much comment traffic, so, I have not reached the point where moderation might yet be necessary, but NaijaBlog who introduced moderation very recently could only be commended for having endured so much before some brawlers forced his hand.

My challenge to those people is, launch your own blog and let us see if you are capable of inspired originality rather than common fare and heckling.