Holiday Snaps: Lift

Lift - mechanical

The lift is out of order a guest announced as the reception scrambled to get the maintenance guy out to solve the problem.

In fact, he was already aware; however, it is an inconvenience for guests on higher floors who have to walk an arc to the other side of the hotel to use the lifts if they cannot manage the stairs.

Lift - visage

She with one look provided the elusive bridge of evolution to the homo sapiens sapiens species, the lifts and there must have been quite a few knocked the ages off her as epidermal tissue had been stretched well beyond its elastic capacity the visage had deformed.

Considering all the make-up that goes into make-believe, I probably would serve purgatory for suggesting I thought I had seen that face on Planet of Apes.

Lift as you might, the story is told in the back of the hands where age is that number that could well have put the lady well into her 80s, for an octogenarian, she looked good enough having wantonly abused the elixir of youth by taking the cut and seeking to lift that which should not have been tampered with.

Lift - dysfunction

Octogenarians are many in the hotel but you will be hard-pressed to find anyone looking it, the lift had come to them and before we castigate the womenfolk I remember that men have been given the lift, temporary as it might seem, hours at most; it must work wonders for an octogenarian to be taking his “grand-daughter” in her twenties to the altar. You may be a great-grandfather and still be a play boy.

Lift – not this one

You could get no more lift out of the skirt before it became indecent with the likely old English charge of outraging public decency.

We shall not grow old gracefully was the statement, what a sight it was and surely the day of her nativity would have been before the Second World War.

Lift – three of four

Lift we must ourselves above the fray, that extra few metres to use the working lift; those few cuts, nips and tucks that keep us visually at a distance under 20; the wonder drug that makes erectile dysfunction a third-world problem because octogenarians are edging porn stars out of the way in terms of experience but that skirt must surely have a lower hem.

It destroys the seamstresses’ ideal of a good skirt, it is not long enough to cover the detail and it is too short revealing the damage. Maybe the choice one is left with is to lift a shirt. O!

Lift me down

Another email needing some airing

We get all sorts of emails in the office and many just make you want to throw your system out of the window in rage or disgust when you get copied in on stupid power-plays which do everything to increase your stress levels and force you to take sick leave.

Now, the text below came in an email we received from our Facilities Management Department this morning, something to do with our lifts.

The Notice - Elevators

As you all have noticed, the elevators in the main office are regularly 'under repair'.

Partly this is due to intensified heavy-duty use because of the Great Place renovation project: heavy loads are transported via the elevators which has its impact on the machinery.

Another reason of frequent defects is the irregular handling of the elevator doors in order to keep them open. Elevator doors close and open automatically. The doors can also be kept open manually by pushing the <<>> button inside the elevator, or by breaking the infrared door-beam. An automatic door should never be kept open by manual force: doors should not be forcedly kept open, they should not be touched at all.

Finally the increased frequency of the repair of the elevators in the Atrium is related to excessive use (they are even used for one floor up or down), old age and wear & tear. These elevators are operational since 1987 when the building was opened, and without drastic measures we can no longer guarantee a smooth and flawless running for a long period.

For all these reasons it has been decided to completely replace the elevator engines. We are about to start the tender process to select new engines which we hope to have installed in the second half of this year.

Sorry for the inconvenience - although not using the elevators has various environmental, physical and economical benefits.

So this means

The lifts would be out of order for a while whilst they arrange for someone to try and fix it, meanwhile, we can reduce our carbon footprint but using the spiral staircase that has those going up using the thinner part of the steps.

We should however feel good because this means we are becoming green-conscious, and for those of us who use canes, we have just been whipped for trying to make our lives easier.

Meanwhile, here I am pushing the hail button and it looks like I am standing for England.