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Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts

Tuesday, 14 April 2026

Hajrá Magyarország!

A Nation Saves Itself

On my mind from early Monday morning, I saw a nation that saved itself rather than sacrifice itself to the poverty in the promise of a leadership that had been in power for so long it had run out of ideas.

Hungary was hungry for change, and they went out to get it. The scale of the victory was telling: from the opposition Tisza Party not even contesting parliament at the last election, when the ruling Fidesz Party gained a super-majority and a fourth term for Viktor Orban, to the ruling party suffering such a catastrophic defeat that Mr Orban conceded within minutes of the polls closing.

Power and Its Costs

There are many analyses of these results, and they will probably continue for years with different angles and postulations to the point of exhaustion; it is irrelevant. Mr Orban, a long-serving Prime Minister who had modelled the country after a fashion, could have taken the opportunity, after any one of his electoral victories, to bow out in a blaze of glory, handing the baton to a protégé. But power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely; many men fall prey to that lure.

You could look into the history of Viktor Orban, the people who helped and mentored him, and the exposure he had to liberal democracy before he turned towards illiberal democracy, supporting such conservative causes that antagonised broader Western European values, and wonder how the quest for power and the desire to retain it made the man seem more villainous than respectable.

Hope Over Fear

That reputation for villainy over respectability, however, is precisely what made Peter Magyar's campaign such a masterclass in political messaging. Religious zealotry and Christian nationalism can only do so much when a government has run out of answers to the questions that most urgently trouble ordinary people: the cost of living, wages that do not stretch to the end of the month, a healthcare system groaning under neglect, hospitals short-staffed as doctors and nurses leave for better prospects elsewhere, and the everyday concerns of communities that had long felt invisible to those in power. These were the realities that Magyar took seriously, and that Orban could not convincingly address.

What Orban could offer instead was fear. Enemies were conjured beyond the borders: Brussels encroaching on sovereignty, migrants threatening the national character, foreign financiers orchestrating Hungary's undoing. But fear of the outsider offers little comfort to people struggling inside their own homes, pitted against each other, whilst the ruling party tilts on patronage and patrimonialism, favouring partisans and acolytes against others.

Hope and expectation over fear and trepidation, over the foreign influences of a similar nationalist ilk; an unwillingness to compromise on the fight against corruption; taking Hungary from the isolation and recalcitrance that Europe saw as backsliding to the promise of situating Hungary back in the West for advantage and prosperity, whilst building back the institutions that had lost their independence to cronyism; this was what won the people.

Democracy Always Matters

Those people, and especially the youth among them, saw in Magyar a hope and a future that, had Viktor Orban won again, would have seemed even bleaker. For Viktor Orban to have been electorally humiliated after appearing unassailable and invincible for more than a decade is a message that populism can totally run out of road and find itself at the precipice of a cliff edge, without any possibility of recovery.

Beyond the jubilation for Hungarians and the evidently hard work of fixing things that lies ahead, we all celebrate with them the realisation that democracy matters and that everyone needs to get out to vote, if they really do desire change.

Hajrá Magyarország!

A Google NotebookLM AI Podcast on this blog

Sunday, 28 December 2025

Seven Years of Hope, Faith, and Love

Finding My Own Path

Unconventional would probably define much of what can be said about my perspective on life and living, not out of trying to be different or rebellious, but seeking out what gives me purpose, joy, and fun.

Nothing in my work life resembles what others before me have experienced. I chose a path driven by curiosity, exploring what interests me, and finding opportunities where I was recognised for my abilities and how I might change things. It has been turbulent, successful, and rewarding.

The Pursuit of Happiness

Yet, it is in the pursuit of happiness that I might have been the most misunderstood. It is as though living your own life becomes a challenge to others, through no fault of your own, viewed from cultural or societal perspectives.

However, I do not want to make this a weighty piece of psychological reasoning, as it is a day of celebration. Reflecting on how finding someone special can change your world, that is an undeniable fact.

Seven Years Ago

Seven years ago, I met someone whom I would not have initially approached. They came to say hello, and we started a conversation. As we sat at the bar talking, the world faded away; an undeniable connection between us was established.

We met again for lunch before parting ways, one thinking it was a fleeting holiday encounter, and the other wondering what might develop. I saw a future after nearly a decade of silent grief at the death of someone I loved, but I was too timid to pursue that relationship boldly. In my youth, I saw obstacles, barriers, hurdles, and excuses; we all suffered for it.

A Leap of Faith

When this unexpected turn came, as I was not even actively seeking it, it felt different. It was new. I didn't hesitate; I seized the moment. A long-distance relationship, nurtured against all odds, fulfilling in countless ways, grounded in hopes fuelled by a dreamlike imagination that only living can make real.

Every moment is lived and cherished in the realisation that I am truly, madly, deeply, and wonderfully loved. We have laughed, cried, fought, and made peace; struggled and triumphed, but most importantly, we discovered the power of companionship, trust, love, joy, and the enduring strength of desire in making things happen.

A Happy Anniversary

To all of this, I wish you, Brian, a very happy seventh anniversary. You mean the whole wide world to me. I love you dearly and thank you for your indescribably unconditional love.

Friday, 12 December 2025

Blessed and fortunate is who I am

The Quiet Event

I have been asked several times what I am doing for my birthday, and the honest truth is, I am not doing much; perhaps only if something happens that I probably have no part in. The sense of occasion seems to overwhelm me; I would prefer to withdraw into solitude rather than participate in some celebration.

The last significant event surrounding my birthday was when I turned 49. It was all arranged by a young friend, and there were many guests, most of whom were acquaintances rather than close friends. As the celebration reached its peak at my friend's apartment, I withdrew to rest. I was already in dreamland when the last guest departed.

Yet each revolution around the sun does call for a celebration. I mark each one with thankfulness and gratitude. I am profoundly fortunate and blessed, which I recognise without dispute or argument.

A Dreadful Condition Loomed

When I was diagnosed with prostate cancer in June 2024, I was advised to commence active treatment. I told the doctors I had other plans: I was going on holiday, and it was only after returning that I would begin to consider what lay ahead.

My plan at that time was to spend time with Brian, but it was also a difficult period. I was reading correspondence between doctors about my case, and besides learning of the cancer diagnosis over a week before meeting with the specialist (due to mishandling of my records), I also saw that their chatter suggested the cancer was malignant.

To a layperson like me, I did not realise that all cancers are considered malignant in medical terms. Though in reality, the meaning wasn’t far off: it was evil, malevolent, dangerous, invasive, and possibly aggressive as well.

Batting and Battling in the Mind

Not only was the prospect daunting, but it was also frightening. I had to take control of the thoughts rushing through my mind and fill my listening with sermons about healing and living. Sometimes a creeping cloud would interfere, emboldening thoughts I was trying hard not to entertain: the idea that this cancer, which I could neither see nor feel, had the capacity to kill.

I fought off these invasions of morbidity and mortality, encouraging myself that I would see the better end of this ordeal. I would walk through the valley of the shadow and fog of cancer to emerge into the brilliant light of the sun, into green pastures and beside still waters.

The goodness and mercy of God, along with faith in the same, restored my soul and gave me hope. It was not going to be a journey without support for both the good times and the bad.

Looking to the Best Ahead

As it turned out, after completing radiotherapy, I took an extended sick leave and spent seven weeks in Cape Town with Brian. I had wished to celebrate this occasion with him; my hopes did not turn into concrete plans, but I do not view that as unfortunate. Opportunities once lost can be reclaimed, even after a temporary setback.

We will do more of this, not just in visits and fleeting moments, but also in the near future of living together, where absence would be reserved for the mundane and routine daily matters, such as work and university.

Every morning will begin with a smile, a kiss, and a prayer, and every night with gratitude, a kiss, and joy in our hearts. We live to tell better stories, and my mouth is full of testimonies of such stories.

Saturday, 6 December 2025

It's A Wonderful Life

Help is coming

Sometimes, it is not clear what things people are going through: demands, pressures, trauma, psychological issues, unmet goals, unfulfilled dreams, or just the humdrum of daily life. In all this, one must continue to live and seek to thrive, because that is what living is all about.

I just finished watching an abridged version of the 1946 film, It's A Wonderful Life, on Amazon Prime Video, which would form the themes of our discussions in church during the Advent season that started last Sunday, but was deferred for the silver jubilee of our bishop's enthronement as a bishop in the Church of England.

There were times when I shed a tear while watching the film, which, on its release, barely broke even at the box office, but over the years, has become a Christmas staple of generosity and redemption against the odds. The need for a life partner, for prayer, and knowing you have a guardian angel can make all the difference to an existence bordering on despondency.

“Senior Angel: A man down on Earth needs our help.
Clarence: Splendid. Is he sick?
Senior Angel: No, worse. He's discouraged.” A conversation in heaven from the film.

Under the darkest clouds

The concept of being discouraged stems from various factors, including losing confidence or hope, feeling that one's efforts don't make a difference, or believing goals are out of reach. These issues meet us in different places and affect us to varying degrees.

There may be the kind of resilience that helps one see beyond the present, or sometimes one can get overwhelmed to the point of seeking an outlet. Either way, this represents the fragility of our humanity, which is difficult to explain to people who see us as stalwarts and leaders, in thought and deed.

In the last few months, even as I seem to have powered through a lot of things in health, at work, and in general relationships, I am drawn to the realisation that I might be exhausted. Feeling a lot better after cancer treatment, whilst grateful for the developments and progress, does not make it less impactful. It was a daunting situation, with support coming from just a handful of people.

The safety of withdrawing

Apart from the two weeks' break I had in August and September, I have worked since the first working day of the year, returning from sick leave and hardly structuring the return to work. In terms of family, most just thought it was another headache; only two of my siblings kept engaged from when I was diagnosed through my treatment.

I began to cut down on my social interactions and withdrew into my shell, my engagements mainly limited to my partner, my best friend, my church community, the work environment, and a few friends. I need the time to myself without shouldering responsibilities or fielding issues. I have done enough for the purposes of legacy, if that matters at all.

Even at the emotional low points, I must encourage myself. I see possibility within the flux and the fog, knowing the dark clouds have to shift for the sunshine to give light, warmth, and life.

Most of all, I am truly fortunate, exceedingly grateful, and amazingly blessed. “No man is a failure who has friends.” I am thankful for the friends I have; they pray for me, support me, encourage me, give me hope, and restore my faith, showing me such undeserved, unconditional love. It is indeed a wonderful life, after all.

Related Blogs

Blog - Thought Picnic: Sometimes forgetting cancer is tough living

Blog - A realisation of poorly availing oneself of support systems

Blog - Radio silence as good therapy

Blog - Junk the funk

Wednesday, 15 October 2025

Desert Island Discs: Beyond losing everything

Beyond What You’ve Heard

My journey through the past episodes of Desert Island Discs on BBC Radio 4 continues, and I am just into December 2013. I once took notes on the music and choices made by people who have left footprints in the sands of time. Even some guests who appeared up to two decades ago are now centenarians; I guess I just keep looking up the people and their stories.

Now whenever I finish something I take some photographs and say 'goodbye'. When you lose everything, you realise that the only thing you have is what's in your head.Barbara Hulanicki

She is known for being the co-founder of the London fashion store Biba in the 1960s. A bit of trivia: Anna Wintour became an employee of Biba at the age of 15. However, the latter part of the quote resonated with me.

Amazing Spirit Power

When I lost everything, I had more than just what was in my head in terms of knowledge and experience; I had memories, but most of all, I had hope.

Hope, however, may not be sustainable when it is just in the head, a part of your mind and emotions. I believe, as a matter of faith, that I am sustained by my spirit, and that hope is enlivened by the spirit, giving life to the things you imagine.

The spirit of a man sustains him in sickness, but as for a broken spirit, who can bear it? [Bible Hub: Proverbs 18:14 (Amplified)]

I have encountered much adversity, illness, and misfortune that ordinarily I could never have endured, let alone survived. My spirit, however, like a dynamo, keeps going, giving strength to my soul and body.

That is the story I get to tell. Losing everything is not the end of living; rather, from the inner reaches of your spirit, you find the seeds of new growth: the hope and imagination that create the experience of a new life, purpose, and reasons to be thankful and full of gratitude for the gift of life and the people you get to share it with.

Thursday, 9 October 2025

Photons on the Prostate - XX: A year post-radiotherapy treatment

No crowds on cancer’s road

Each day is a blessed day of gratitude in the joy of living, and it was a year ago today that I rang the bell at the Christie Hospital, signalling the end of hypofractionated radiotherapy treatment for prostate cancer. It was a journey with very few companions, a lover, a friend, a sister, a neighbour, a brother, a few colleagues at work and at church, on a road often travelled to a destination rarely known.

The weeks that followed radiotherapy brought fatigue, pain, and urges, but the reality that dawned on me was I needed to be taken care of as my strength waned even as my will and my spirit held on to the hope that there was a better story ahead of my circumstances.

I embarked on sick leave to recuperate, open-ended about my return from Cape Town and hoping to spend as much precious time with Brian who sometimes helplessly watched from afar how I tackled the diagnosis of prostate cancer and navigated the medical establishment and healthcare system to select what I believed would lead to the best medical outcomes.

My gratitude for care and support

In our daily conversations there was a bulwark of support, strength, and encouragement. Against the protestations of others, I boarded that flight, almost an invalid and with a voice that could barely be heard, knowing that Brian would take care of me.

The improvements in the past year have been quite encouraging, as it was last week that I learnt that my PSA test result had fallen to the lowest level since February 2024, after an uptick in March 2025 that left me wondering about how effective radiotherapy was.

While I do find myself having to wield my Just Can’t Wait card even as recently as three days ago, a lot more has settled down, as I manage from the occasional insomnia, the regular nocturia, and my voice slowly returning to normalcy, the opportunities to spend time with Brian have been a blessing.

I am thankful, grateful, happy, and blessed, each new day is full of grace and mercy. Yet we rise encouraging others to attend to their men’s things, notice the changes and have it all checked out. Catch it early, so you have options and the possibility of looking in the rearview mirror at that once threatening cancer that no longer has a hold on you.

Other related blogs

Blog - Men's things XXV: Prostate cancer under control

Blog - Photons on the Prostate - A year from starting radiotherapy

Blog - A prostate cancer diagnosis, one year on

Blog - Photons on the Prostate - XVIV - I Just Can't Wait

Blog - Men's things - XXIV - A presentation

Blog - Men's things - Prostate Cancer blogs

Friday, 6 June 2025

A prostate cancer diagnosis, one year on

Time always matters.

In the passage of time lies the recognition of many things: living, living well, and the joy of living. This is true despite, and in spite of, other issues such as adversity, disappointment, unfulfilled yearnings, betrayals, and episodes of diagnoses that lay bare our vulnerability and mortality.

I count my blessings and celebrate each day as an opportunity to enjoy and behold the goodness in people, ideas, and places. Having the strength and means to do so places us among the privileged in ways we often fail to appreciate.

I rarely consider myself lucky; I am more inclined to think of myself as fortunate, not by my own doing or ability, but by mercy and grace. I can only express my gratitude that each day brings opportunity and ease, ample ability, and extraordinary capacity.

The extent of our imagination and vision defines our limitations; we can only exceed them through inspiration and revelation. The scope of our influence can be limitless, but until we believe it and are convinced of that possibility, we resemble chickens seeking the perspective of eagles.

Once you know, you know.

A year ago today, I was reading hospital notes from the consultant I had seen the day before, and in an instant, I became a victim of computerization without appropriate human oversight.

A diagnosis that I should never have learnt about before meeting the responsible consultant appeared in my records and was something the consultant I visited the day before should have reviewed before posting.

That is how I unwittingly discovered the diagnosis of adenocarcinoma of the prostate. A year is quite a long time when it comes to a cancer diagnosis, as you are left wondering what it entails, if it is treatable, how you will tolerate the treatment once you have decided on whatever course is available, and the aftereffects of that ordeal.

Giving thanks always.

I was not prepared for a second diagnosis of cancer, but when it came, I encouraged myself with words and sermons about healing and living, seeing beyond adversity, and leaving no room for discouragement, regardless of the prospects ahead.

Obviously, some eight months after completing radical radiotherapy, some lingering side effects remain; my voice is light, high, and sometimes sounds quite tired, but in myself, as Brian would typically enquire, I am doing fine. All thanks to God, my partner, my friends, my colleagues, the teams of medical personnel striving for the best outcomes, and that earnest desire to tell a better story.

This puts everything into perspective; each day is a blessing.

Blog - Photons on the Prostate - XVIV - I Just Can't Wait

Blog - Men's things - XXIV - A presentation

Blog - Men's things - Prostate Cancer blogs

Wednesday, 12 March 2025

Thought Picnic: More than hope in living

We are not hopeless

Our Lenten study began with the question, “Can the dead live again?” It centred on the story of Job, his suffering, and a narrative of man's mortality against the nature of trees that spring up from a seeming hopeless death into new life.

In Christian hope we have a place, a destination, and a promise; death is not the end of the story, but eternal life brings the life of God into our existence and present, not in the bye-and-bye, but from the moment we accept Jesus Christ as our personal lord and saviour, here on earth, in the now.

Hope is an anchor

Comparing optimism to hope, optimism is a feeling, and hope is an anchor; I am optimistic about something, but I hope to do, get, achieve, realise, sometime that has focus, borne of my imagination and what my faith can work on. "For faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." [Bible Hub: Hebrews 11:1]

Giving AI a look-in on my blog, this is an overview. “Hope is the belief that you can make things better, while optimism is the belief that things will get better. Hope is an active process that involves setting and working towards goals, while optimism is a passive thought pattern.

Hope versus Optimism from a Generative AI perspective. (Click to enlarge.)

I can work towards extraordinary goals based on the promises of God from what God has said in His Word, that is why the Bible matters to me and listening to both the Word of God and sermon inspired by the Word of God give me the confidence that life is considerably more than existing like another living thing.

Hope lives for new life

However, as we discussed these topics, I found that certain personal experiences are quite difficult to articulate; with survival or the passage of time, the recounts are raw with deep emotion, that what we left behind still grabs us in ways that memory overwhelms the present as if we are still with that human experience.

Yet, that does not mean optimism is not meaningful, for in all the aspects of adversity I have encountered, I always had one saying in Yoruba that tells me this too will pass, “A ma fi pàtàn ni.” This translates loosely to, “These too will become stories.” I am thankful that my past does not choke me of the gratitude for having some experiences behind me.

Of cancer twice or of deaths of people and close to me, whilst amid the experience, none of it is pleasant, for the hope ahead that these would again become stories to be told in recognition of the amazing human spirit sustained by the mercy, grace, and love of God. We can be full of hope, and I am full of hope. Can the dead live again? Yes!

Tuesday, 4 February 2025

World Cancer Day 2025

Understanding a cancer diagnosis

For so long, I had viewed my story through the prism of my first encounter with cancer in 2009 and the gratitude with thankfulness for not only having survived but thrived when at the time of diagnosis research studies indicated my kind of situation rarely gave survivors another ten years.

This time last year, my request for a routine blood test began another journey to a new cancer diagnosis, over four months through tests and investigations, I learnt in June by an inadvertent medical disclosure of adenocarcinoma of the prostate.

Choosing and curating the people with whom to navigate the journey through the diagnosis and the treatment of cancer is a strange thing, people generally do not understand cancer and the way you present may not essentially indicate how seriously ill you are. Maybe, experience is the best teacher, if the observer is not self-absorbed. [World Cancer Day: What Is Cancer?]

Living a cancer reality

You take each day as it comes, the process of recovery after treatment is long and you can find yourself impatient when you realise you do not have the reserve of energy that deceptively comes in bursts and then deserts you literally abruptly.

Along the way, I have had such amazing support and understanding; the theme of World Cancer Day seeks to “create a world where we look beyond the disease and see the person before the patient.” In general, I have been seen and there are times I have wrestled with the experts to be seen, this has been encapsulated in the assertion that “It’s my body first before it’s your guinea pig.”

When I think of cancer, I think of many who have not been as fortunate, who suffered in ways impossible to articulate, then of those of us who have come out at the other end with our unique stories, and the united effort of medicine aggregating the body of knowledge acquired from all experiences to battle cancer to victory for our humanity.

More importantly, I focus on faith and hope, a future better than today where cancer is caught early and treatable. The best situation would be to avoid cancer completely. My advocacy is getting more black men to talk about Men’s things honestly, freely, confidently, and proactively for our lives and those we love. Here’s to World Cancer Day 2025.

Blog - Men's things - XXII

Monday, 6 January 2025

Thought Picnic: Sometimes forgetting cancer is tough living

Misreading activity in illness

Sometimes, it takes another to bring a clear perspective to situations and things that you are in the middle of, leaving you blindsided to realities around you or impairing your objectivity and sense of judgment.

It is something you really cannot put your finger on, that you lack the mode of expression to convey. Worse still, when you find yourself writing about these issues, people might conclude everything is going well, if you can still write.

This recalls the period in late September into early October 2009, I was gravely ill and admitted to hospital and yet from my hospital bed, I was blogging, my brother assumed, if I was still blogging, I was fine. Little did anyone know that at prognosis, the worst-case scenario was I only had 5 weeks to live.

Looking on the bright side

In my two encounters with cancer, that we have taken the more positive view of a life-threatening situation does not change the fact that life hangs in the balance. Maybe the biggest battle is in the head rather than with cancer, the question being what your outlook is about a cancer diagnosis and what you hope for.

Then, even when people lose their battles with cancer, that does not mean they have not had great positivity through their ordeal, the cancer simply overwhelmed their bodies. I still aver that those of us who survive cancer have been fortunate to still be around to tell our stories, it gives us all some hope amid shifting odds.

It was quite serious

I am still grappling with the notion that in late June last year, after the diagnosis of adenocarcinoma of the prostate, I found in the doctors’ notes to each other that it was malignant. That information was never shared with me, and it took days for me to share the information with Brian. It came with a blank stare into an abyss, I did not know what to expect. I took each day as it came.

There was foreboding that anything could be the last time it was being done, but I had to put that kind of thinking away. The battle raging in my mind needed tools to see the better of things and I worked on bolstering my Christian faith by listening to sermons on faith, healing, and living well. I had to see myself getting better while a killer lurked in my reproductive system.

Just a mechanical switch

Gosh! Thanks to Wikipedia, it all makes sense now, “The prostate is an accessory gland of the male reproductive system and a muscle-driven mechanical switch between urination and ejaculation. It is found in all male mammals.” [Wikipedia: Prostate] The simplicity of a mechanical switch and the trouble I have seen, I am thankful for every great and small mercy.

I chose radiotherapy over surgery because I felt the prognosis and time to regaining the mechanical switching function having possibly lost the ejaculatory part and having little or no control of the urinary part would be long, arduous, and debilitating. Radiation would target the cancer regions, retain the switching mechanism, with varying side effects affecting bowel, bladder, and sexual function managed with medication and some lifestyle changes.

Strength even in illness and recovery

Much as I seemed to power through this experience, very few people saw the real effects and consequences of tackling this cancer apart from my partner, my closest friends, my neighbours, my colleagues as my natural voice became strained - a fatigue-laden expression, and some limited social encounters.

What I have to appreciate for myself is recovery and recuperation will take time, willing myself to do much more to regain a new sense of normalcy, I shy away from the expression, “out of the woods”, I am not in a forest of doom and despair, rather, I find myself on a journey to a wonderland of beauty, strength, and success , all obstacles giving way to a superior vehicle, the power of human faith to thrive in the midst of adversity.

While cancer is a rotten disease and the process of treatment and recovery can be debilitating, energy-sapping, and incapacitating, whatever strength one has can give one the impetus to look ahead, not because one is not ill, but there is much more to look forward to. I will not be defined by cancer; it is just part of a bigger story.

It took one friend to highlight how the last two years have been rather tough when another friend was too absorbed in himself to notice. Another story.

Wednesday, 13 November 2024

Companions in travel

Assistance is quite helpful

Those chance encounters with strangers and their stories. Too often we see people on the surface, with no inkling of who they are. Dare we strike up a conversation with them that leads to deep discoveries of similarities and differences between us?

For instance, I used customer assistance services for my trip to Cape Town. Someone to cater for getting me from the check-in counter to the aircraft and back through customs to the arrival terminal by wheelchair or a motorised buggy.

In Manchester, after the security check, I was left in a waiting area until my gate was shown. Soon, an elderly couple arrived, the husband needing a bit more help than his wife. She was amiable and friendly as he made for the gents.

Everyday interesting people

They had lived in Africa for more than 40 years, mainly in Namibia where he was an engineer, and she was in community development. They were going to Cape Town via Doha, arriving in Cape Town about 4 hours before I do.

As the conversation shifted to why we needed assistance, their son had made all the travel arrangements ensuring both his parents had the assisted service. Two years before she had open heart surgery and was put back together with 4 staples and glue.

She volunteered he had a non-cancerous enlarged prostate along with mobility issues and the onset of dementia. They were looking forward to their holidays, full of life and happiness. As we parted ways when I was picked up for the departure gate, we wistfully thought this might not be our last encounter.

I saw them later as they were being taken to their flight and we waved to each other. It might be a concert or wine estate where we'll drink a toast to good health.

The choices we make

Then sat beside me on my flight to Cape Town, I spoke to a lady, resident in Belgium but returning to South Africa to see her family. Alluding to my just completing treatment for cancer, she said she was going for surgery in a few weeks.

You would never have thought, but behind every facade is a world of stories with a touch of humanity. I used my experience to encourage her. She had made treatment choices to protect her quality of life. Every motivation is valid. I elected for radiotherapy over surgery to preserve urinary and sexual function.

With cancer, it is important to have all the useful information to make informed choices. The more pertinent thing: regardless of what people suffer, they go out and live their lives to the fullest.

Wednesday, 6 November 2024

It is well with my soul

"My Help" - Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir, with lyrics

Knowing the Lord who keeps me

As I saw in the First of January this year from the fellowship of a small church in South Manchester, there is much I could not have planned for in 2024, except for having hope and expectations.

It has been quite an eventful year, and I am reminded of where to place my focus, not in men, not on events, or the vicissitudes of life that serve to both tempt and distract. I woke up one morning some time ago (that was literally four years ago), and I had to find the verse in the Bible that said, “The Lord who keeps me, neither slumbers nor sleeps.” Ps 121:4

Blog - He shall preserve my soul, even forevermore

It was in Psalm 121 of which a rather melodious song derived from the meaningful verses gives a sense that where all seems to go awry around us, there is a place to find all you need to know that when others are losing their heads in despair, despondency, dispute, disease, defeat, death or much worse, you will neither lose your way nor sway.

Beyond the human to the spiritual

I will be the first to say when I faced the prospect of malignant prostate cancer, I did not understand what was happening to me. Sometimes, a thought raced through my mind like I was facing the looming abyss of destruction, a sudden end over which I had become a victim of circumstances beyond my control.

I entered my closet, the confines of my humble abode. I began to playback messages of hope and encouragement, of life and living, of stories and testimonies, of triumph and victory. No, I was not hopeless, the advantages of medical science notwithstanding, the battle had to be won first in between my ears before I knew I could win elsewhere.

Trust in the Lord, always

I feel the same about today for there was another expectation in the human realm that had been dashed by some of the amazing mysteries of how humanity chooses the worse over the better. It is not a new thing. Most of the Israelites of the Bible in Exodus while quite desirous of being freed from Egyptian bondage ended up perishing in the desert because they focused on worsening circumstances over extraordinarily better assurances.

You learn with time that the earth is not on a trajectory to Paradise, it is coming to an end by nature and anthropomorphic abuse, we look to something new, something different, and more exciting than the natural mind can fathom. You are left with one thing to ponder, where is your faith, your assurance, your expectation, and your hope?

In that, I have the fullest confidence that this lies way beyond the reach of the travails of humanity, I meditate in the life-giving sustenance of words inspired by God to spew forth from the lips of men, on which to meditate and find calm in the storms of life, wherefore, I can say without dissimulation, I shall not be moved.

Read, recite, meditate

Psalms 121:1-8 KJV

(1) A Song of degrees. I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.

(2) My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.

(3) He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.

(4) Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.

(5) The LORD is thy keeper: the LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand.

(6) The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.

(7) The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.

(8) The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.

Bible Hub: Psalm 121 (Parallel versions)

Friday, 25 October 2024

Thoughts in prose

Many dreams and brighter hopes

From a distance, he’s held my hand,
I have never felt too far from land,
To know one who can understand,
Quite very much a member of my band.

Whenever I have winced in pain,
As issues leave more than a stain,
Not once did his concern wane,
Nor from care and love abstain.

We have something built on trust,
That no situation can bring to rust,
Where everything else falls to dust,
This meets every test standing robust.

I had to write beyond my back on the ropes,
Even as things only seem like he just copes,
In the journeys of hills, troughs and slopes,
We harbour many dreams and brighter hopes.

Thursday, 24 October 2024

Photons on the Prostate - XI

In fatigues in fatigue

It is now 15 days since the end of my radiotherapy treatment for prostate cancer, I do feel I am well on the recovery path, though the side effects are still screaming in my system in ways that are difficult to ignore.

Two things remain a feature of this situation: fatigue that modulates my voice on a spectrum from the prepubescent choir boy to the softly spoken young adult. I had forgotten the sound of my natural voice before I commenced treatment. My walks to the surgery and the corner shop lack coordination, as do my stumbling, a speedy canter with short strides.

That urge you dread

The waterworks, still frequent and urgent, straining to start and not completely emptying, on rereading the medication leaflet, I should have been prescribed this long before treatment began because an enlarged prostate already constricts the urethra, my IPSS score was 19, and radiotherapy was both going to inflame the prostate gland as much as irritate the inner lining of my urinary tract.

I had unnecessarily suffered for weeks until it was unbearable, and the burning feeling has eased a bit, but every urge to pass water is met with trepidation and discomfort. You have to do what you have to do.

On the voice part, my colleagues suggested I appear in full regalia for a drag show, shoes included, and they do not come cheap. Like honestly? Anyway, how else do you get through this without a lot of humour and hope? A future appointment is just five months hence, I might need a long break soon.

Blog - Men's things - Prostate Cancer blogs

Wednesday, 18 September 2024

Photons on the Prostate - IV

Unhealthy and unwealthy

Visiting the hospital, I wondered if we are not a sick nation even an unhealthy one, too, contributing by choice and inaction to whatever ails us.

I suggested appointments were indicative and that's what I have experienced for my appointments this week. A late call running an hour behind schedule, and then two calls that had me treated before the scheduled time.

How it really works

My fascination with radiotherapy gained pleasure when I found a YouTube video demonstrating how the linear accelerator works. My respect for the engineering behind the linac just left me in glee.

Linear Accelerators (LINAC) | Biomedical Engineers TV

Not me being a nerd, in the nerdish pursuit of understanding the science of radiotherapy. I should not bore you with much apart from something I witnessed twice in five minutes.

At the main waiting area of the radiotherapy department, there is a clanger bell, you are asked to ring it thrice at the end of your treatment course.

Ring my bell

I have been longing for when I could ring that bell, and I am only 20% into my treatment regime. I heard the bell ring for the first time in all my visits, and everyone heartily clapped.

It was a bell of hope and expectation to us, the sound of enduring survival of the human spirit, and the herald of the beginning of the rest of the ringers' lives, free of cancer and thriving after cancer.

The gruelling treatment would eventually end and the opportunity to go out and live in the extravagant celebration of life beckons.

Why we were there

Then I heard my name; I was called into the suite, set up on the automatic gurney and ready for my fifth radiotherapy session.

I knew exactly what was happening, probably a horror tease of science fiction getting irradiated on the prostate as Chaka Khan belted out "I'm every woman," on the radio. I checked at the end, and I'm very much still a man.

Thinking about it, I have never asked for a sick note in a working life of 36 years, I might need to get one now, to fulfil all righteousness. It is at 25% now, each session adds 5% to the tally.

Tomorrow, we are doing the morning shift barely after the sun rises, much help is provided, and all support is appreciated. Shalom!

Blog - Photons on the Prostate - V

Blog - Photons on the Prostate - III

Blog - Men's things

Thursday, 13 June 2024

Thought Picnic: My strength in faith over adversity

And so I learnt

It was information I was already privy to due to indiscretions and the mismanagement of information from departments first and then blamed on computer systems. I suppose, unlike my first encounter with this experience, I was not going to approach it with denial and allow it to take hold to the point of a life-threatening emergency.

At the same time, I contacted the hospital to remonstrate the unfortunate abuse of process, someone should have been proofreading and assessing any communication before the send button was pressed.

I got an apologetic call from the doctor with the offer to have the said indication redacted. Well, how helpful is erasing information you have already read when you are not living in the reality of a “Men In Black” movie?

I know the truth

In any case, I took the information with the view that the battles ahead have been won for me, and my trust in Him will make a way. I will call those things that are not as though they were, rather than call the things that are as if they were not. [BibleHub: Romans 4:17]

This is usually the confusion of faith we need to unlearn, relearn, understand and reaffirm. In matters of life and death, you want to know who and what you believe and be sure that you are believing right.

On the cross of Calvary, He bore our sin and sins. Still, before He was nailed to the cross of agonising death at the hands of the Roman state, He took stripes, a relentless whipping that tore strips of flesh off his body that according to Scripture and observation, he was impossible to behold for the wounds on him. Those wounds represent every manner of disease and illness that visits humankind in its mildness and extremity. [Bible Gateway: Isaiah 53:1-5 (NLT)]

I know I’m healed

Jesus Christ was spoken of by the prophets, and when He came to the world, “He drove out the spirits with a word and healed all the sick.” Matthew 8:16. This fulfilled the word of the Lord through the prophet Isaiah, who said, “He took our sicknesses and removed our diseases.” (NLT) [BibleHub: Matthew 8:17] Healing is present and available as it was then and it will be until He returns, I live in the truth of what Jesus did for me.

That is why I am not afraid but emboldened to face the hours, the days, the weeks, the months, and the years ahead. I will constantly be encouraged by the Word of God, and by the anointed preaching of the Word on faith, healing, living, and prospering in my soul and body.

I will frame my own world by the Word of God [Hebrew 11:3]. This is His will for me, “Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.” (KJV) [BibleHub: 3 John 2]

Saturday, 11 May 2024

Keep on keeping on

The Gift of Today

"Yesterday's the past, tomorrow's the future, but today is a GIFT. That's why it's called the present." Bil Keane

The quote above in full or in part is usually credited to many people, though the consensus suggests it was originally by Bil Keane, who was a cartoonist. This gives life to the idea in a Yoruba saying “Ibi eré la tíí mọ òotọ́ ọ̀rọ̀.” This translated to, it is a play that you get to learn the truth. You wonder how a cartoonist might have come to write something so profound.

The gift of today is a moment of reflection on the journeys completed in the yesterdays of the past, the blessings that I remember today of goodness, mercy, and favour that nothing has been in vain, and the hope that tomorrow brings.

Holding back from doing

A poor anticipation of the future has sometimes impacted my reasoning for things of life and experience, the things I have held back from doing or considered too onerous because I felt such limitations of infirmity and uncertainty, now leave me amazed at how the passage of time has revealed that I need not have been apprehensive. I should have used the opportunity when presented to do what ability and facility offered.

Recently, it has been the spirit of perseverance and tenacity that has undergirded me even if through adversity you feel the pain as any semblance of winning or success seems even more distant as each day passes.

Yet, I had to keep believing and pressing forward using every help and support that I could access to get beyond the struggles that defined the recent past in the loss of confidence, the disappointments, the failures, the rejections, and the nearly-there situations that fell through.

Keep at it, keep on moving

At a conservative estimate, there have been over 600 applications from someone nearly 60 years old, a veteran of my industry who should be considering retirement, but still has the energy and passion for the career that has given me opportunities to walk into places I could never have imagined possible with the trajectory I took.

As you live, you have to continue living, striving to be the best you can be at what you do until those who will appreciate, honour, and respect you come your way and take you on. Having a long-term condition should not be definitive and the conclusion of ambition or goals. I have mostly resisted the tendency to accentuate any vulnerability in the face of the gifts of compelling ability that I possess.

Believe in yourself above all

Something in the example and the observation of my parents has given me that sense of self-esteem and even projection that is a grace in my life opening doors, hearts, and hands. I am blessed. You cannot faint, but you have to chart your own course, working at your own pace, avoiding the pressure of fulfilling the requirements of other apparently vested interests who usually mean well, but are not at particular times helpful.

Keep on doing what you know to do because you are the best at knowing yourself and what you can do. Stretch yourself as best you can to the challenge that presents and believe yourself enough to be up to the task either in the ability to do it or in the facility to find the wherewithal to succeed.

Remember to appreciate your journey

The history of yesterday bears in its passing the gift of today, and cherishing the gift of today prepares you for the mystery that offers the surprise of what that next gift is. 

Never forget those who have carried you on the journey that in its difficult and wilderness times did not falter or sway. The many promises others made but could not keep only come to show how much you had in store without believing in the arm of flesh that fails you when you need it most.

It should not be held against them, for as we know, human beings are of such limited resources and abilities, for me, Almighty God has sustained me and brought people and angels my way, too numerous to number. I am loved, in love, borne in love, and overwhelmed by love. This is my story, and this is my song.

Nothing stays the same, the glorious morning will eventually set the night on its way into the eternal past; the present gift of today lets you know that you have everything to go for, and by pressing on, you are getting on to winning too.