The long Sabbath of English football

Crinkled at cricket

One is now sometimes at a loss at describing England as a sporting nation that excels at any team sport.

As we compete in the West Indies in the Cricket World Cup Kevin Petersen is now top of the world rankings of one-day batsmen, but how does that reflect on the performance of the team as a whole?

We started off with results of being beaten by New Zealand then got the better of Canada and then Kenya - hardly world class competition but we scraped through.

The first game became serious when the vice-Captain (the vice of drunkenness) was rescued off a pedallo at sea, having been out drinking like fish with other mates of disrepute, even some coaches were fined for indiscipline, this is no winning team, this is an apology to cricket.

Now, Duncan Fletcher, the England coach believes we can win the Cricket World Cup, well, that would mean that a few teams would have to rollover and play their legs in the air like happily tickled dogs. Sometimes aspiration over reality makes certain commentary just too laughable to hear a second time.

Uninspired to perform

Then football where the last time we won something big, I was just a few months old, that was 1966, people born then would probably have kids just finishing secondary school.

We were away in Israel to redeem the flagging England performance that has left us with no wins for at least 4 matches and third in a table that would only let the first two into the next round.

One could just say that every footballing prowess England had evident in the individuals when they play for their clubs went on Sabbath that we had a goalless draw with Israel.

A boy in a man's job

Steve McLaren who for years was assistant to Sven Goran Erikson before he got promoted to head coach after the German World Cup of 2006 has been unable to fox me with his ever-present smile either with his enthusiasm before matches or his excuses after failure to perform.

The Telegraph has probably been too kind in suggesting that a natural No. 2 has be assigned a No. 1 position or a complimentary drill sergeant now has a general's duties.

The clamour that he should now go is not loud enough in my view, despite the fact that he negotiated a fine deal that would cost the Football Association (FA) GBP 2.5million if the contract is severed before it reaches full term.

This would mean that Steve McLaren would also be leaving with the scalp of the chief executive of the FA - Brian Barwick, both of whom would have done our great footballing country a great service in being voluntarily pensioned off, the money is not too high to pay for our football integrity.

Managing to fail as expected

The rumours that the team manager has fallen out with the star striker Wayne Rooney does not bode well just as despite the jealousy the team had for the currently locked-out David Beckham, he was still able to inspire them to great things - though not great enough to satisfy the dearth of silverware.

To end it all, after the poor showing in Israel, McLaren says of our qualification - "At the end of the day, however you get there, you get there." Methinks Fletcher and McLaren have been drinking from the trough of stupid optimism, if he expects Croatia and Russia to rollover and be walked over, he is in for a rude shock.

England has to go out there to win those games by playing inspired football that yields results and brings back worthy praise, if not, we might as well be supporting another country - guess what - Scotland is top of Group B and Northern Ireland is second in Group F, we could not suffer a fate worse than football death if we end up cheering other good and performing UK teams.

I am beginning to look forward to the European Championships of 2012, and that should not be hard, I had enough practice with the Netherlands out of World Cup 2002 and then Nigeria out of World Cup 2006, England out of Euro 2008 should not hurt too much - get me a pain pill.

Cricket World Cup 2007 - lbw - Ligature Butchers Woolmer

Making up the numbers

It is an open secret that cricket hardly has the demographic following to truly be a world sport. Beyond the seemingly shared colonial heritage shared with England, we have India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Sri-Lanka, Australia, New Zealand, South Africa, Canada and West Indies - political interference in Zimbabwe cricket left it on the verge of dropping out of the elite - six minnow teams are needed to create a world event.

What is even interesting is that once cannot get a worthy representation from Scotland, Wales or Ireland, I take that back, Ireland has caused ructions in the current World Cup event taking place in the geographical expanse of hop-scotch islands that make up the West Indies.

The Netherlands prepared for the World Cup in the cold winter of the Northern Hemisphere made up of amateurs who probably just like English tea and have graduated to having cucumber sandwiches as a sign of anglophilia demonstrated by swinging a bat must have envied the elite teams that crowded down to the Southern Hemisphere for summer tans and practice where England dumped the ashes back in Australia with a whitewash.

Obfuscating cricket

For many, the rules of cricket are as inscrutable as the rules of American football which rarely sees the foot near the ball; and really, when the scores are toted up, who is Extras and when did he bat and I did not see him run?

However, the danger of the Cricket World Cup 2007 tournament coming and going as a non-event has passed with the death of the English Pakistani coach who was found unconscious on the floor of his hotel room in Jamaica after Pakistan was dumped out of the World Cup by Ireland the previous day.

The passion for cricket in the sub-continent cannot be overstated as effigies of the players were burnt by fans back home, disappointed by the performance of their team, but the death of Bob Woolmer has overshadowed the whole episode.

An English Murder Mystery

Now, the World Cup might just be remembered for being the one in which the coach of a team was asphyxiated by strangulation, though no other person implicated or ligature has yet been found - we have a murder mystery, one that would be a difficult one to solve.

All we now need to complete the Englishness of a game that probably can only be understood in English language is a Miss Marple or the nuisance of an Hetty Wainthropp, whilst a budding novelist might just be penning the first lines of a life as the new Agatha Christie with the Hercule Poirot of 2007 putting clues together for Sherlock Holmes and Dr John H. Watson to unravel.

Who cares about wickets, bowling, googlies, creases, fours, sixes or boundaries when the plot thickens to solve a Murder, most horrid?

Seriously, there is a serious crime to be solved about a nice man who has been tragically murdered for reasons we might yet never know, leaving a family behind in South Africa and a game that would miss a much loved man.

Doing England badly with a cricket whitewash

A whitewash and stumped

After the first test, we could have said the final rites and concluded with ashes to ashes.

It looked evident that England was going to give up The Ashes, but to have given them up by the end of the 3^rd test out of 5 and then not found the resolve to make something to save face from the last 2 is sorry indeed.

Having won the ashes in 2005 after a good undefeated 2004 in Test matches, it is surprising that England performed so badly. Ho hum!

As winners of the Rugby World Cup in 2003, we are to defend that trophy in 2007 in Paris, and from all recent performances; we might just receive a serious drubbing.

However, the cricket should attract a post-mortem about selection, preparedness, team spirit, the management of cricket and the possibility of losing Test cricket status – in sport, we cannot continue to rollover and think of England, this went seriously wrong, it is unbearable.

For rugby, this just would not do – Come on, England – “England expects that everyman will do his duty”. That is our rallying cry; retain the trophy or face the music.

Come October, we should have another moment of glory; hopefully, this is not a pie in the sky.

A World Cup of lost loyalties

The Tebbit Test

If there was ever one thing I would have recommended for next summer, it would be attending at least one game of the 2006 World Cup in Germany.

In less than 10 years the World Cup visits Europe, first in France in 1998 and now next door in Germany.

A debate occupied the headlines about divided loyalties of British-born citizens of non-British parentage, called the Tebbit Test.

Which was, if Britain or particularly England were playing against the ones indigenous nation who would one be waving the flag for? Well, that is a dilemma of divided loyalties, especially when it applied to cricket with the Caribbean nations as opposed to football with the old colonial nations.

The dregs of history

The complexity of historical purpose where Britain left certain colonies with unresolved conflicts to keep them occupied rather than resolve them so that the countries can get on with nation-building is not lost on the Kashmir and Palestinian situation.

This has fed the continued animosity between India and Pakistan that after a major natural disaster they have been lough to accept help from each other. Soldiers who should be occupied in relief and emergency efforts are caught up in keeping the line of control un-breached.

As I have digressed, the point here is that any competition with England no matter how skilled the opposing team is casts that team as the underdog. It is an English trait to love the underdog and hence we all end up failing the Tebbit Test.

The 2006 however, one would not have to take the Tebbit Test because Nigeria would not be attending the World Cup.

Having once won the Under-17 World Cup in 1985 and the Olympic Gold medal in football against Argentina in 1996, it is a shame that Nigerian football has had such promise compromised by the attitude to national service of wealthy footballers based in Europe who are as a law unto themselves have become unanswerable to order, discipline, control and team participation.

The Nigerian problem

We have had more changes of coaches, both foreign and local than the weather in the hurricane season to no avail. Now, for a country of 130 million citizens, countries like Ghana, Togo, Ivory Coast and Angola are going, three of which have had more recent turmoil and instability. All compared to the relative peace and stability of Nigeria.

One is rather piqued by the fact that the discipline problem which has hounded the Nigerian team for years still looms large.

Playing for one’s country should be a privilege and not a right, many of the European-based footballers are so rich they can afford to waive their fees, but end up being the ones calling on disruptions to the organisation.

Playing as one or as a team

We have always had very good players, getting them to work as a team for the glory of the nation rather than individual showmanship has always been an issue, though they dare not misbehave in the European club circuit. It is saddening.

Having shouted myself hoarse when we played Bulgaria in Paris and beat them 1-0 and the orderly way in which we dispersed from the stadium without much altercation but great camaraderie with everyone.

It is clear that I would rather live down that experience again than make myself an English fan, though word is things have improved.

It is however doubtful that even if I passed the Tebbit Test I would get a ticket to watch England play in Germany.

2010 - South Africa? If I could not get a ticket as a countryman, would I get one as a member of the black race?