Thought Picnic: My life really does include my partner

Coming out without fear

I find myself returning to the theme of living your own truth in terms of the things you choose to do in your life and your relationships. I have many times celebrated the coming out of people whilst also touching on other broader topics of discussion on sexuality and expression, as the references show.

Blog - Opinion: Now, a thought for Kenny Badmus' wife

Blog - Opinion: Regardless of our sexuality, our past and future is our whole story

Blog - Opinion: Tom Daley and the pursuit of happiness

Blog - Opinion: When William Haines decided against a sham marriage

The most recent coming out event was by Philip Schofield about whom I have written an extensive but unpublished blog, because the fire of my inspiration was first snuffed out and then, the season for its revelation passed. A few days ago, I could have completed the blog, but the whole exercise felt mechanical than inspired. It might yet be published because there are issues, I discuss at length in it, I have persuaded myself it would have a longer than usual incubation.

Gospels in sound and vision

Having retrieved my audio Bible collection from some old hard disks at the beginning of the week and uploaded them to the cloud, as I was seeking something to watch on my Amazon Fire TV Stick, I happened upon the dramatized Gospel of John which I watched on Amazon Prime, but it is available on YouTube too. [The Gospel of John – YouTube]

As it transpired, I then watched The Gospel of Matthew and a not particularly dramatic The Gospel of Mark on YouTube. Next was the complete reading without an interval of The Gospel of Mark at the St Paul’s Cathedral by Peter Suchet of Agatha Christie’s Poirot fame, his opening remarks before his reading got me. [The Gospel According to Mark read by David Suchet - YouTube]

My life includes my partner

He was dedicating his reading for which he was receiving no remuneration to a friend who had recently passed on, Alec McCowen who died at 91 a few months before. As I am wont to do, I immediately conducted a search to appreciate this new piece of information. I did not know the actor who appeared to have a large body of work, and was well respected in the acting community that he was honoured with a memorial service at St. Paul's Church in Covent Garden (known as "the actors' church"). This according to the Wikipedia entry to his name.

The part to living your own truth that appealed to me out of Alec McCowen’s biography was that he had a partner Geoffrey Burridge who he lost to complications due to AIDS in 1987. In 1989, he was surprised with an appearance on This Is Your Life with the consideration that he had refused to be featured on the show if his partner of many years was not acknowledged. The dissatisfaction was assuaged with voice-over in the closing titles making the relationship known.

Living your truth regardless

I can say coming out in the UK in the 1980s was sensational news, acknowledging a sexuality outside the heteronormative construct could very well end careers, though there were many personalities who were ready to walk that difficult road when others stayed in the closet or contracted lavender marriages. To acknowledge your partner died of AIDS at a time when effective treatments were still being trialled but not definitely known to be as efficacious probably opened you to unmitigated stigma and discrimination.

Alec McCowen was not going to let the memory of his partner die away just because he was being given a public platform on national television to showcase his life and his achievements. This is where he earns my utmost respect, even though I am only finding out about him 3 years after his death.

My life really includes my partner

In my view, the people we share life with must always have a say in things that pertain to us, in our presence, in our absence, and in our passing. My relationship with Brian Jenkins is developing, he is my boyfriend, my partner, my companion, and my lover. My planning, thinking, and decisions are done with consideration to consulting him, understanding how it affects him and obviously how it affects us.

We have been going out together for over a year and we hope to progress this to a formal partnership at the right time. When in South Africa, he is my next of kin and as he gets introduced to my wider family, friends and acquaintances, his prominence in my life and my affairs should be without dispute along with his primacy and involvement in matters that concern me.

I would expect as a consequence that my achievements along with my love life are fully acknowledged without hesitation, because that would be the heart of the matter or it has no heart at all and it isn’t my story being told.

Like Alec McCowen, I hope for a good innings and if I do end up with a Wikipedia page, the option for Partner: must be filled in, and it is Brian Jenkins. Thank you, Brian, for making me a very happy guy.

Thought Picnic: Starting my own story

Many stories to tell

The stories of our lives might be worth telling but you wonder if you are ready to tell stuff that might interest some but shock others more.

Through blogging I have realised that many aspects of my life are in no way ordinary though there are days I wake and wonder why I do not seem to be anywhere near where I ought to be.

The question then becomes where one really should be and in relation to what, measured by whom and to what ends?

Maybe it is just the quest for improvement and perfection, something that compels you to strive to greater things though purpose and aim can so easily become fuzzy.

The many ifs that plague me

As for stories, one should just write what it is, from the beginning and there are many beginnings and many life-changing situations that change your perspectives and also kept you being the same.

Then there are the ifs; the ifs of life; if I had, if I could, if I did, if I heard, if I touched or the negations of all those ifs creating a hydra-headed and hydra-legged river delta of possibilities putting you in parallel universes that take you away from your reality.

The past becomes the story, today becomes the foundation and the future is as deep as you will like it go constrained by certain deeds of the past you hope never catch you too unawares not to have been able to anticipate or regulate.

Not gonna sing that song?

So, my friend thinks I have a story, I know I have a story, I am not sure if I can tell that story because just like Betty Wright’s mother said to her about the song, Tonight is the night [1].

She said, “Uh, I like the music

You know, baby, the melody it’s really nice

But I know you’re not gonna sing that song”

She did sing the song [2] against her mother’s advice and it became one of her biggest records as the story goes.

Many a night has been that night, but maybe not as you might think of it, it was decision time as it was experience time, but one day, I might just write that story and be done with it.

You might like the plot and it might become my biggest story too.

Sources

[1] Betty Wright - Tonight Is The Night Lyrics

[2] YouTube - Betty Wright - Tonight Is The Night

Apes Obey! With very little sense of veracity

The story has many more legs

When I declared that the story I wrote about in my last Apes Obey! Series probably still has legs, little did I know that it was a duo-decapod, in short, it is an octopus and a half with a possibility of growing a few more legs.

The CNN [1] must have read the whole story, seen the news interest but tried very hard to extract the information that would work with an international audience without ending up making it look like a spoof.

Much as I try to look for international and independent sources to corroborate and verify stories I read about Nigeria, in this case, the Nigerian angle of this story reads as the most incredible tale of stupidity, excess, abuse and neopatrimonialism [Refer to my last Apes Obey! blog about this].

A short history of Sam Edem

Mr. Samuel Edem was until recently the Chairman of the Niger Delta Development Commission (NDDC) [2] but was suspected and being investigated for fraudulent practices yet to be presented before a court of law. I have taken the liberty of printing to PDF [I acknowledge the source of the material from which the PDF was created to be from the NDDC website] format his corporate biography [3] from the NDDC site just in case changes in that organisation deprive us of access to this mine of information.

To go by his title, he is Ambassador Sam Edem, holds a Bachelor’s degree in French and a Masters in French Philosophy, he has at various times help two Deputy Director-General positions in the Nigerian Ministry of Foreign Affairs and has held a Special Duties portfolio in the Presidency.

He was also involved in restoring diplomatic relations with Canada – I did not know our relations were that soured except probably during the Sani Abacha [4] era, a task the biography says he performed excellently.

Ambassador to all and sundry

He was once ambassador to the Republics of Senegal, Rwanda and Burundi as well as the High Commissioner to the Republic of Uganda. His diplomatic brief has included liaising or working with diplomatic corps in the Kingdom of Belgium, Grand Duchy of Luxembourg, the European Union and the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (USSR) and he voluntarily retired from service in 2003 before he was called up to head the NDDC in 2005.

He is a Fellow of the National War College which has since been renamed to the National Defence College[5] and he is supposed to have been honoured with over 200 awards, having been selective about the awards his receives which include the l'Ordre du lion du Sénégal as well as being a Friend and Patron of the Yitzhak Rabin Centre [6] in Israel.

A Christian with his name written in gold

In the words of the corporate biography which appear here verbatim – “he has brought his wealth of experience from the public service to bear and undoubtedly proven to be a quintessential administrator, a strategic planner, and a conflict manager. There, his tenure has heralded tremendous improvement in the region. Indeed, his panache at work is common knowledge and has transcended the entire commission”.

This man is well travelled having been to over a hundred countries, is the son of a pastor of African Methodist Episcopal (AME) Zion Church who was also the Chairman, Nsit County Council and his mother was Deaconess of the church and a fashion designer of her time.

Ambassador Edem is a devout Christian who “with modesty, humility, diligence and discipline as his guiding principles; he has written his name in gold!”

A man of achievement, it seems

I could not write a better biography of a man in a corporate setting that reads more like sycophantic praise-singing so obsequious to the point that it could be sick-making.

That is however beside the point; it would appear that this man has an enviable biography that gives him the qualities by merit and experience to hold the brief of Chairman of the NDDC and he really had his work cut out.

But can anyone tell me after reading his biography why as a career diplomat with global experience he could not get on with his managing director that he wanted the man dead?

Recklessly burning money

Ambassador Edem engaged the services of a witch-doctor [7] who went by the name of ‘Dr.’ Perekabowei Ogah who was to ensure the death of the NDDC Managing Director, Timi Alaibe and ensure that he, Edem had a steady flow of contracts from the Akwa Ibom State Governor, Godswill Akpabio.

Ambassador Edem’s offices would have been based in Port-Harcourt and he was concerned with activities in far-away Akwa Ibom for his personal purposes.

Having agreed a contract sum of N570 million ($4.79m), N310 million ($2.60m) was first paid to ‘Dr.’ Ogah with a balance of N260 million ($2.19m), but eventually the ‘Doctor’ was paid N800 million ($6.72m) in total.

Rituals were conducted in a public cemetery and one of the more bizarre activities at the cemetery included bathing in the ashes of N270 million ($2.27m) – read that again, Ambassador Edem set fire to $2.27 million cash, gathered the ashes and had a bath in those ashes in a cemetery – even Stephen King cannot come up with a tale this twisted.

No refunds for failure

Despite this hocus-pocus activity by a devout Christian and Christianly man engaging the services of an accomplished con-man masquerading as a powerful witch doctor, Mr. Timi Alaibe the Managing Director of the NDDC did not keel over and die.

An aggrieved Ambassador Edem then sought a refund of his money and on failing to get anything back filed a complaint with the police accusing ‘Dr.’ Ogah of fraud; that is how the cat was let out of the bag and apparently, Ambassador Edem has not denied any part of the crazy, incredible and seriously amazing story.

In what I would call a first for ThisDayOnline.com a columnist has gone on to try and analyse the whole situation [7] about people employed in public service, the abuse of power, the misappropriation of public funds and the use of fetish practices to settle office squabbles.

Lord Lugard did say then, “In character and temperament, the typical African of this race-type is a happy, thriftless, excitable person; lacking in self-control, discipline, and foresight; naturally courageous, and naturally courteous and polite, full of personal vanity, with little sense of veracity, fond of music and loving weapons as an oriental loves jewellery”.

One is left with a number of questions

How does a seemingly intelligent and accomplished man get all tied up in this kind of nonsense?

Where did the man get all these sums of money considering there is no mention of his being a businessman in the biography, detail that can never be left out of a biography written in Nigeria?

Ambassador was serving a 5-year tenure representing Akwa Ibom State, if he does get removed as the Chairman of the NDDC would this position move to a candidate from the same state for the remaining 2 years of the tenure or would the candidate from Bayelsa State resume early?

With little sense of veracity

The sad tale is how the public persona of an accomplished diplomat who is considered a philanthropist, pillar of society and devout Christian is completely different from a private life of fetish and animistic rituals which defy every form of logic.

A man put in a position of great trust and responsibility, holding such high office who really is a crook, a fraud, lacking in integrity and self-serving selfish megalomaniac – a leader with very little sense of veracity – it is the most damning assessment that can be made of a distinguished career that has come to disrepute, disgrace and naught.

[1] Nigerian official accused of hiring witch doctor - CNN.com

[2] NNDC - Niger Delta Development Commission homepage

[3] The Chairman - Corporate Biography on NNDC

[4] Sani Abacha - Wikipedia, the free encyclopaedia

[5] allAfrica.com: Sourced from Daily Trust - Nigeria: Senate Renames National War College

[6] About the Centre - The Yitzhak Rabin Centre (I cannot find any record of Ambassador Edem being either a friend or patron of the centre and only the American have formed a society of Friends of the Centre.)

[7] allAfrica.com: Sourced from This Day - Nigeria: How Sam Edem Story Mirrors the Country Tragedy