AI, Only for I: When Shared Abundance Becomes Scarcity

A Generous Gesture Meets Reality

When I read earlier today that Uber had burnt through their AI budget for the year 2026 in just four months, I did wonder whether that burn rate had produced commensurate productivity gains to have made it worthwhile. According to the CTO, the headline figure suggests otherwise; else, it might have been less concerning. [Quartz: Uber's COO says the company's AI spending is getting harder to justify]

In the same vein, news has emerged that Microsoft is scaling back internal Claude Code licences, indicating that reliance on this toolset has burnt through budgets and forecasts to become an unsustainable revenue drain. [MSN: Microsoft retreats from Claude Code as AI costs soar]

My Poe Setup

I use Poe as my interface to a broad range of bots, grouped under official, budget-friendly, search, image, video, audio, and programming categories. My monthly subscription comes with 1,000,000 points and, despite my usage, I would consider myself a tad frugal. I barely use 75,000 points before the month is out.

For value, access to premium services across many platforms through one interface is, for me, the best deal you can get in AI access and provision. There might be better offers out there, but I am quite satisfied with what I have been using for over two years.

Sharing the Largesse

In demonstrating the features of Poe a few days ago, I discovered that I could share my points with up to 99 others: family, friends, or colleagues. I assumed such sharing would carry the kind of usage and frugality of one gentle owner of a vintage car, with little mileage on the clock, and much to enjoy if the pleasure of driving were shared with another.

How wrong I was. In the space of three days, an invitee had already burnt through more than half of the monthly allocation. At that rate, there would be no points left to do anything in another two days. I was in shock. People are doing things with AI bots that it seems I am yet to discover, even when I think my own use of this facility is quite involved.

A Cold Blast of Reality

What to do? I shared a graphic illustration of the spending activity with the invitee, along with a note about how the burn rate puts the idea of fair use into precarity. Beyond that, sharing this largesse based on my frugality cannot be representative of its usage in reality.

Poe only shows the daily usage of points of those with whom the points have been shared, and we all have full access to the pool. As the administrator, I have two options: to share or to remove. Whilst I have not opted for the nuclear option, my enthusiasm for generosity has met a cold blast of the actualité.

Weighing the Options

I could purchase add-on points that are usable for one year, and are not refundable, transferable, or redeemable for cash. However, I want to hope we are not at a crisis point, just a spot of bother and concern.

What is not helpful is the sudden realisation that what looked like abundance could easily become scarce, like a swarm of locusts swooping down on a field close to harvest season. That is devastation on a grand scale; it is the kind of mindset one can ill afford to have.

The thought that I must monitor the points I have left, out of concern that my modest subscription will not last the month, is not the prospect I planned for. Then again, I cannot even share this with Brian, my husband, because the service is not available in Zimbabwe. What luck!

A Google NotebookLM AI Podcast on this blog

Food in choice from supply

A rueful and grateful contemplation

There is always someone else whose situation and circumstances are worse than ours and, in the same spirit, one should always be grateful for the goodness and blessing that surround us even if issues tend to cloud our minds as to the relativeness of where we might be.

It is important that in recognising how fortunate one is, we do not go seeking to plumb the depths of destitution and adversity to ascertain the extent to which one should be grateful for being better off. Every lack needs supply, whether great or small.

Exiting the place, we all seem not to go straight home but stand somewhere to contemplate what we have just been through, a new low in a longer story that for many would be impossible to relate. A sense of embarrassment overcome by the realisation of need, a sense of shame bludgeoned through with a daring for survival, a sense of failure reducing you to the generosity and mercy of others.

Yea, I can recount many such situations that have become the broader tapestry of the joy of living, for without life, how can anyone experience the highs, the lows, the changes and consequently the opportunity to speak or write of such in your own words?

Parsnips for yams

On arrival, there was a registration before a helper took a list off me to ascertain what I might or might not need, through stifled giggles, we navigated an alien world into which we for the circumstances need to attempt to fit in for the sake of sustenance and keeping some of that hope alive.

She immediately recognised my heritage and she volunteered that her husband is Nigerian who likes his food fresh before saying one of those many issues with Nigerian men. It got to a point where I simply asked her to filter her list through the palate needs of anyone from West Africa and she immediately said, none of what we were viewing would work. However, we adapt.

Only what you need

The things that could work for me, I chose and left out those that just had no bearing on anything I would consider even in extremis. A box of sandwiches seeking those who hunger, the choices from simple to untenable, like horseradish with beef, horseradish is more than an acquired taste, you need to have been introduced to it under extreme torture for a long period of time to find your Stockholm’s Syndrome comfort in tasting it at will.

We were there because there was not enough and there were people and organisations willing and generous to give to a community effort of helping those who have a season and hopefully a short one of famine in the land. My sister will say to me, food is one essential commodity that should never be lacking in the home. Alas! We have not fallen to the temptation of turning stones to bread.

The food bank is both a humbling and an appreciation of the humanity that still throws an arm of love, consideration, and generosity around others, regardless of who they are.

O to be received into everlasting habitations

What I seemed to lack

When I launched a fundraising drive some 5 weeks ago, I had some reason to believe that my target would not only be reached but also exceeded. Then again, the situation in which I founded the premise could not be termed as dire or desperate, an unfortunate set of circumstances created a situation that I had both hoped and felt the fund drive would help alleviate.

Yet, it is unmistakable that the unmatched generosity of some contributors brought in 36% of my target which was very helpful, but insufficient to attend to the need and purpose of the drive. I appreciate that I did not get much of the support I would have normally relied on from people I trusted and hoped to see what I was trying to achieve.

What I saw happen too

Another issue that seemed obvious, fundraising for yourself is not that easy, for no matter how well you can tell your story, it seems that the more successful drives are achieved by others taking your story and telling it to others. It would seem you need to have some abstraction from that situation, with others finding the more compelling phraseology to provide the narrative.

Then, I am humbled by another thing I saw, I had work colleagues from almost 2 decades ago since we last worked together visiting with largesse, some old schoolmates from time immemorial calling first and then contributing, some concerned friends also pitched in and then strangers who left nothing to identify them contributing too.

What friends I didn’t make

In the recesses of thought, you think about the fact that there is a lot of money out there in the world, moved around for all sorts of reasons. Charitable causes adopt fundraising schemes to get people inclined to see what they are trying to do so that they are generous and supportive of the cause. A charitable cause in your own name, however, sometimes reads like something else.

I do not regret the fundraising activity, if anything, it made a case, probably not as compelling as it ought to be, that I needed some help. There are many ways to read into what Jesus meant when he said, “And I say unto you, Make to yourselves friends of the mammon of unrighteousness; that, when ye fail, they may receive you into everlasting habitations.” [Luke 16:9 (KJV)]

What smarts I’m left needing

Looking back, it would seem I have cultivated many useful and enduring friendships, but I might not have extended the scope enough to ensure that when hard times come, I do not suffer penurious disadvantage from downturns as I have had. In context, what he said came after he talked about a scheme where a wily and crafty servant who had fallen out of favour with his boss, went out to his boss’ debtors and transformed heretofore unserviceable debts to favourable terms for the debtors to immediately address.

Yes, the boss had to commend his disfavoured servant for acting shrewdly, despite his precarious employment situation, for which Jesus then said certain people are better at controlling, making, and managing money than others, most especially those who by terms seem to be religiously inclined.

What everlasting habitations could be

In review, I have possibly made a lot from being a freelance consultant, but I have also not been particularly shrewd with it as I probably should have. If I had an everlasting habitation to draw on, it would have been something along the lines of a wealthy benefactor calling me to say, “Akin, come out to my ranch or hacienda, maybe even use my vacant apartment by the seaside and bring whoever you want along with you. I will see to all your requirements for accommodation and sustenance for the next few months whilst you get yourself sorted.”

Alas, the need for purposeful networking is one that sometimes you learn too late that you need. However, you ruminate over how things are and how things could be, an exit strategy has to exist somewhere, including enduring much to come out to a better story told of a life lived.

As I finished writing this blog, it is Macy Gray’s second single, I Try from her album On How Life Is, that seems to capture the essence of what I feel, strangely, it is about companionship, support, and understanding how best to do certain things of which my GoFundMe effort has not been as successful as I believed it could be.

Blog - I published a GoFundMe appeal

Blog - Let's not stigmatise personal fundraising like GoFundMe

Thought Picnic: Benefitting from the widow's might

The generosity of the widow’s mite

For the many times that I have heard and read the story of the widow’s mite in the Bible, I have been fascinated at the lessons we are asked to draw out of the observation. People were giving offerings to the temple out of the plenty they already had and that would go a long way for the operations of the temple when referenced from the perspective of the temple.

However, in terms of the individual, the giving could be out of duty, obligation, service, or purpose, this is apart from the mindset of the person giving happily or grudgingly, and then the part about generosity, but I am not here to offer an exegesis or hermeneutic comparison of the story apart from the observation that the widow had little, and she gave all she had.

The efficacity of the widow’s might

Trying something in the order of homophones, I suggest another qualification in the possession of a widow, the widow’s might, the power in the person and the circumstances of the widow to change things for the better in her situation and for others.

I have a friend that is a widow in Ireland, we talk every so often about ourselves, life, and a person dear to our hearts even if that person has no concept or idea in their selfish disposition of how much they are loved and considered. This person is both intelligent and capable but has had their productivity arrested by substance abuse that they believe helps the projection of the multiple personalities they desire to portray.

The widows that make a difference

Where professional help and counsel has attempted an intervention, this person believes that they know better as they work themselves to what we fear is ruinous destruction that presages tragedy. Yet, as we conversed, I advised we never give voice to our fears, but rather religiously commit to prayer and supplication for the deliverance of this person. I believe a widow’s heart is seen by God and blessings with favour along with answered prayers would be her testimony.

There is also the widow’s might in selfless giving another like a mother with whom I have regular conversations who bestows love and care with concern for my welfare that I appreciate more and more. There again, in the widow’s might are those who have made extremely generous provisions to my needs, in a time of adversity and infirmity.

God bless the widow’s mite and might

My gratitude is deep and cannot be fully expressed, as they have been my support and strength, my rock and caring shoulder, and most of all, my love. For they have provided sustenance for the days that the storehouse was barren and hold my hand from day to day with encouragement and hope. 

There are times when the widow’s mite is the widow’s might to keep your chin up and know that the circumstances of the present will pass for the prosperity that looms quite presently.

May the grace and blessings of God abide with the many widows who with mite and might have given to my bosom.

We can be angels with and of change

A scarcity of loose change

To the many disadvantaged and destitute in my city, I can only imagine how the pandemic and technological advancements have affected them. For instance, I used to have some change in pound coins or lesser value coins in my pocket somewhere that I could give when asked for some help.

I can think of the many times that I have not been able to give any change nor had the immediate means to collect and handle money physically. Everything is now done electronically either online or through contactless payments.

There was a time I was approached by one man who said he needed something to eat, I was just passing by a fish & chip shop, so, having my mobile phone that could complete a transaction, I put in an order for a meal and drink, paid for it and told him to collect when done. It probably is easier to just ask before I go into a supermarket if someone needs anything, and I get it for them, with a little extra.

Not much change for many

It is the little one can do because even the charities and social services are stretched, they almost always do not have enough places, beds, supplies or the essentials to meet the demands, and even if the supplicants did qualify many have to go through too many hurdles that humiliate and dehumanise them to get the bare necessities, if at all.

Direct help in my view is useful, if anything, it reminds us all, that we have the poor amongst us and that the milk of human kindness and angelic provision still exists in our tough times and tougher, if sometimes, indifferent society. I have purposed not just to give change, but to give money that can do something, to get a meal or a bed for the night, sometimes even more.

Change given without any judgement

Leaving church earlier, I was accosted by someone who wanted money for a meal, I could not even imagine if he had had a meal recently, but I had a monetary note in my wallet and as I was trying to get it, he went on about him only needing it for food, not for drugs or for alcohol. It is that person's prerogative what they use the money I give them for. Obviously, I would rather they applied to use and care rather than abuse, but that is left to them.

As I gave him the money, I told him, I am not here to judge you. It is an evolving lesson of maturing, if I dare, some empathy, that I would constantly entertain, I do not want to stand in judgement because I have means, opportunity, or privilege.

I know what it is to fall on hard times and I am grateful for all those who pulled me through those almost impossible circumstances, I have been blessed abundantly beyond words I can find to express, the much that I have enjoyed.

Give more than just change

Further down the road, a lady smiled at me from under her sleeping bag in the doorway of a building on one of main shopping streets and I determined to do something about that brief encounter, for I smiled back.

I walked up the road to find an automatic teller machine (ATM) and there were none for a good stretch of what is a commercial street. Banks are closing and removing the heretofore ubiquitous ATMs that they are becoming quite scarce to find. I had committed in my intentions to give her something, so, I walked back on myself to find an ATM, even that had a notice that it would be removed in just over 3 weeks.

That would mean that for most of the length of Deansgate in Manchester, there would be no ATMs, how and why that is allowed to happen is perturbing and disconcerting.

We are angels of change

However, I did get some money and walked back up to the lady and gave it to her. I probably should cultivate another thing; the habit of conversation and learning more about the people I have helped, for they all have a human story that I am usually disinterested in.

There is gratitude and uncertainty that crosses their faces, they cannot believe the generosity in the first place and wonder if I am sure I want to give them whatever I have given. I understand their plight, but I assure them, in the worst-case scenario, they have been visited by an angel. That seems to assure them, for whether we acknowledge it or not, we all seem to believe in angels, and that my friends, is a very good thing.

Your member is a big figure in my parliament

A rising member

As he rises to speak, they observe the prominence he wields that puts all other members to shame. Maybe it was the oracles or it was foretold that he was born to represent his city, some say the circumstances of birth alone with the dexterity of the midwives ensured it. Between myth and reality, the truth stretches itself to fill the part.

His maiden speech filled the listeners with respect, it was awesome in its structure, full of colour that language lends to passion and significant for the purpose at hand. Legend has it that his constituents ribbed others saying, “Don’t you wish you had a member this good?”

Obviously, for this secret parliament, most hearings are done in-camera because the matters arising are quite volatile to forestall public anxiety. He is magnanimous and exudes the milk of human kindness for which he must be duly commended. His people love him and very few have begun to tell the story of his parliamentary acumen and generosity of spirit. When the time comes, you will indeed know of this member.

Grateful for the generosity of time, service, and hospitality

Never forget to be thankful

It crossed my mind that for the many acts of generosity I have recently experienced, I have not properly acknowledged and paid gratitude. A few weeks before, having acknowledged my hospital and shortly after my original consultant in Amsterdam and my current consultant in Manchester on Twitter, they both sent their greetings.

In our exchanges, I promised to visit my old consultant in Amsterdam after this Coronavirus pandemic was over to thank him for the decade after we first met. My consultant here then informed me that I would not be meeting her, this time, but the consultation would be done over the phone in early April, a few weeks ahead of the scheduled appointment.

I am grateful for their professional care, the confidence they all have exuded in attending to the critical and general issues to do with my health, I feel I have always been well cared for.

Calling me on the phone

When the call came in early April, we went over results of the consultation in October, checking what might have changed in health and life, both would be registered as considerably improved. Beyond that, they arranged for me to visit the hospital for a phlebotomy and at the same time pick up my prescription. Much consideration had been given to ensure we have a separate area from the common blood room for the blood tests.

On my visit, there were a few administrative issues which would have required going to the common blood room, but the nursing staff ensured that would not be the case, they worked to ensure the arrangement they had made with us was kept, without my insisting on it. They recognised they some might be anxious about being in crowded places in a hospital.

Gifts and swifts

The nurses were interested in my FFP2 respirator mask and asked where I got it from. I noticed I had a more sophisticated mask than what they were wearing. They had plain surgical masks that would offer no little protection from the Coronavirus. Whilst I was waiting to be attended to, I was the only one in the waiting room and I was offered a cup of tea.

Blog - Masking all attempts at convenience

A nurse on finding out how much I had paid for my respirator, was aghast, that we went away and brought me a couple of surgical masks that I could have as spares if needed. Quite helpful and generous they were in time, care, concern and service.

Picking up my 6-month prescription, the paperwork shows the order was put in on the second, filled in and packaged on the sixth even though I was not expected to pick it up until the fourteenth. The pharmacist had my bag of medicine in my hands within two minutes.

Despite the few difficulties during the day, in all, I have much to be grateful for, the NHS, the people who staff it, the consideration and care by everyone I met. I had to make a note of thanks and gratitude for it all.

Thought Picnic: How experience humbles our generosity of spirit

Peeling away at the sores

Experience seems to bring us into close encounter with the core of our humanity. It is in experience that we begin to discover who we really are, if what we can do in comfort can be reflected similarly in the presence of discomfort.

We may deign to understand, dare to sympathise or attain the supreme expression of empathy, but when we are touched, how would our minds change, and how would our concern for others dissolve for the ascendancy of the trumpeting of our self-pity?

How would we attempt to magnify our circumstances almost to the level that suggests we have been ravaged by the greatest disaster ever to overwhelm humanity?

They are questions we must ask ourselves always.

Beyond belief

Yesterday, I heard a sermon where the preacher told a story of a tightrope walker who did his act over the Niagara Falls many times with greater daring-do each new time he attempted the feat.

Charles Blondin did many feats, blindfolded, on stilts, trundling a wheelbarrow and even carrying his manager on his back as well as frying an omelette midway. It got to a point that people believed he could do anything, however, the same people when asked to sit in the wheelbarrow for a tightrope walk balked at the idea.

Experience takes issues to another level just as having to place one’s trust in the death defying feats of Charles Blondin to be a participant called on a new level of trust, a trust in circumstances one would have no control over until the feat is completed, the risk of it going wrong coming to the fore, in their minds.

Disaster comes here

There are many natural disasters around the world, earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, hurricanes, typhoons, tsunamis, droughts, floods, fires and much else. Most of them we would only see on television and are moved to contribute to charity drives to help the victims of those disasters.

It is probably our nature to give as an expression of our innate humanity, and that is a really good thing. However, the natural disasters have come to our land, storms raging, winds so boisterous bringing down heretofore stable things, rains coming down in incessant deluge causing floods and a few sink holes, this is serious and grave.

We are affected, some of us have to stay put, and others can apparently temporarily escape those conditions until things improve. Our attachment to our things might well determine how affected we are about possible loss as a result of a natural disaster.

The aid matters even more now

The UK has a large foreign aid budget, and it goes a long way to improving the lives of the people at the receiving end of our aid in fighting poverty, disease, disenfranchisement and inequality whilst sponsoring health, education, democratic and human rights programs.

We cannot in essence, in principle or in understanding our role in society and the world at large withdraw aid for the expediency of our little local difficulty.

That is why I am saddened that personal disaster has a tendency to expose the deeper selfish human nature where our temporary pain gains ascendancy and greater importance over recognising the broader context of the bigger, deeper and more serious sufferings of others.

It would pass

Indeed, we should help ourselves and find the means to tackle the big natural disaster issues that ravage our lands, but for that to be at the expense of the foreign aid that brings quality to lives, yet nowhere near the comforts we have enjoyed before disaster struck is unacceptable.

The power cuts here would soon be restored, many of those we give foreign aid to do not have that luxury, the flood waters would soon recede, many of those we give foreign aid as a consequence of natural disaster may not have resource or hope for the change that would make our bad experiences become history.

A selfish humanity

When I hear people on television go on about the government addressing our problems first before thinking of foreign aid, or by inference these first world victims of mishap comparing themselves to the poor and destitute of much less fortunate countries and circumstances, you begin to appreciate the shallowness of our humanity and its absurdity.

We are mostly good when things are good, but when things go bad we subconsciously reveal the worst of who we are. Much as man’s capacity for good is well regarded, our capacity for selfish malevolence when we are most affected is unspeakably unprintable and with that our humanity as a whole suffers the more.

Such is life.

Opinion: The Salvation of Full Disclosure from Hypocrisy

And I did

I rarely leave comments on other blogs, not even under duress, but this once I did, because, there was a need to say some pertinent things.

The issue concerned people who I consider friends from Social Media, I love my friends, and I cannot bear to see them warring in public, at the same time, I am rarely sentimental about my desire to have people cut it out and return to a modicum of peace.

I hope that when I view matters brought to my attention, I am able to see things sometimes quite radically different from others, it is a matter of perspective and there are many narratives to any situation all depending on where we observe things.

The spirit of gratitude

Like a popular author once said, we should be careful of the single story, and I rarely reiterate the story told by others if there is another angle of approach.

Broadly, this issue concerned charity, opinion, confrontation, offence, recalcitrance and opportunity for vituperation in the aftermath.

My view of charity is simple; there is only one valid response, it is gratitude. For they who bring succour and respite are angels in disguise for that time of need.

That angels displaying human nature can later on turn out to be obnoxious does not obviate the good previously done, its value for that time, place and setting is immeasurable.

The conflicts of gratitude

Demands can be made by the generous to serve interests inimical to the views of the recipient, but it is for the latter to adapt with reserve, circumspection and wisdom, it tests the patience and resolve. It is not beyond the capacity of all to exercise such.

We all have opinions, but the better part of valour is knowing how to make forceful points without alienating a source of goodwill. Goodwill should not present a sense of enslavement, and it is reprehensible for those who have done a turn of good to make unreasonable demands of those they have helped.

The fundamental, much as it is difficult to understand is that the act of generosity is meant to attract commensurate gratitude. There is no time limit to the expression of gratitude whilst it can accommodate the expression of truth with moderation, consideration and circumspection, which should not contemn the deeds of those who have visited with an outstretched hand.

No hypocrites with full disclosure

That said; there is a wider and broader issue when it comes to having opinions and views you want to share. There is no restriction on the freedom of expression but it is hypocritical to posit forcefully on issues where you have once been a beneficiary of a related cause without declaring an interest.

It is called “Full Disclosure.” This allows people to understand that you have an interest as you have a strong viewpoint, and whilst people might question your objectivity, they cannot question your honesty.

There is a reason why honesty is the best policy, because with it comes transparency, clarity, openness, fairness and truth.

The hypocrite has no refuge

In my opinion, the best way to tackle a festering problem is to determine its root cause, and there is no doubt in my mind that the absence of full disclosure in an original opinion opens that person to the excoriating rebuke of hypocrisy. The form criticism for hypocrisy could take varies, but we would be naïve to think there are parameters of engagement when it comes to condemning hypocrisy – no, there are none.

When seen in that context, it is easy to apportion blame, but it is hoped that people would engage to ameliorate the situation, albeit in the public space.

In closing, I would say, never sequester your freedom of expression, but if you have an interest in the matter or have been a beneficiary of the system that you have a strong opinion about, err on the side of full disclosure and save yourself the ridicule of being called out as a hypocrite.