An embrace that has no words

A new embrace

There was a closing scene on CSI: Miami last night where a family had thought they had lost a husband and a father, met up on tarmac about to board a plane to Brazil. The boy on recognising his father cried out Dad! and ran up to meet him, that encounter was short.

The wife was first confused, then came to, realised the man on the gangway was husband first expressed her gratitude with hugging Horatio Caine, before walking towards her heretofore presumed dead husband.

They both came together, no kiss, no words, just an embrace and that triggered both memory and the yearning in me.

The look of love

There is only one person I could give that kind of embrace, in whose grip the intensity would be so passionate, hands over each other almost in a ravenous rage, and when our lips meet, the feeling would be utter bliss. At that moment, my head would sink in the crook of his neck, as I sigh, laugh, and cry, all at the same time. The sounds we make, no one will understand.

What I saw was the look of love, the deepest expression of it, it can only happen between lovers and no words can begin to articulate how we have missed each other and what a miracle we are living to once again be in each other’s arms.

This thing that I appreciate many may never come to understand for all sorts of reasons is a language of hearts meeting hearts, for which everyone has the capacity regardless of the pairing involved. In my case, I found him, and I cannot begin to tell you how much I love him, much as I realise, I have never loved this way before. Maybe, close, but not as deep and committed as I feel and see this love.

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Held like Bernadette would do

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Messy clues to play with

There was a line of a verse from lyrics of a song performed by Bette Midler, the words of which were a mondegreen from a body of song I could not match to anything. I typed in what I had in memory in the hope of finding what I needed without success.

Eventually, some clarity came, still missing some words but it was enough to find what I was looking for, and to my surprise, it wasn’t the song I was expecting. The lyrics however, were very relatable to an experience I had when I was 10 that still makes my hairs stand on end when I remember.

The Song of Bernadette was written by Jennifer Warnes, Leonard Cohen and Bill Elliott about Bernadette Soubirous the girl who saw visions of the Virgin Mary that led to the creation of the shrine of Our Lady of Lourdes.

Enshrined in minstrel calm

When it was revealed no one believed her, yet, there were people who through the experience got miracles from the wellspring the sprung from the revelations she received. I did visit a Marian shrine once when I was in Lisbon, Our Lady of Fatima, my experience there was profound and revelatory. I brought me back to the desire for solemnity, silence, reverence and meditation in worship, well away from the ululating cacophony of environments I sought refuge in.

Blog - Our Lady of Fátima

For what I saw and heard, no one believed me, but it changed me from the day that it happened. I did not see a vision like Bernadette’s for it had no comfort, but terror. I found solace in Psalms and prayers prayed long and hard for a peace that seemed to desert me when I needed it most. Sometimes, it is the minstrel ministry of classical music, gospel worship music or the music of ladies like Anita Baker, Aretha Franklin, Bette Midler, Billie Holliday, or Dionne Warwick that brings a calming influence.

A heart mended in an embrace

From the Song of Bernadette, the lines from the lyrics that were churning in my mind were; “So many hearts I find, broke like yours and mine, torn by what we've done and can't undo. I just wanna hold you. Come on, let me hold you, like Bernadette would do.” [STLyrics]

There is more in the song that talks about human frailties and the way we seek to make amends for things that may have gone wrong. In all that, we find some hope in life and maybe the embrace of someone who has a vision of the miraculous for us. One night in December not so long ago, I fell into the embrace of a miracle, not Bernadette, but Brian and even if my head had not figured it out then, I felt a coolness, calmness, serenity descend on me like my blood pressure came down a good few points.

With it came the end of grief, the mending of the broken heart that did not seem to mend for almost a decade. Though we are apart, our hearts are knit in a relationship I look to last a lifetime for I have been blessed by providence where I could never have expected to find it.