#IDAHOT2017: The beliefs that harm us

A welcome picture

Midway through what turned out to be a 4.6 mile (a 7.6 kilometre) walk, at the North Bridge over the Edinburgh Waverley station, a couple I had spotted earlier taking pictures came by and the lady pleasantly welcomed me to their city hoping I was enjoying the views. Somehow, in my curiosity, reading signs and looking at the intricate architectural designs, I had probably exposed myself as a tourist of sorts.

I was attired my usual way that the male partner wielding the camera asked if he could take a picture of me, I willingly obliged and I was thanked for the favour.

An unwelcome digression

With a smile on my face, I had hardly walked another 200 yards when I overheard a man on his mobile phone. “He’s homosexual,” he railed and he went to remonstrate with his friend on the other end of the phone about the men holding hands on the street, that it was the wrong thing to do. The friend probably disagreed with him as he ended the conversation with, “I believe in the bible.”

Whether it was coincidental that a homosexual overheard that snippet of conversation is beside the point, I am writing about it to make an interesting observation. I do not think saying, “I believe in the bible,” is the same as professing Christianity as a follower of Jesus Christ. “I believe in the bible,” rarely has any relationship with the gospel, the good news of Jesus Christ who went about meeting people, helping people, healing people, comforting people, saving people and encouraging people.

There is no place where Jesus Christ went pointing fingers except towards the religious establishment who believed in the holy book of the time and restricted entry to others into the grace and goodness of God. The religious establishment was even against miracles of healing being performed on the Sabbath when the law demanded people take rest, but everyone knows that adversity, illness, infirmity, disease and death do not take a rest on the Sabbath, they work every second of day piling on misery upon misery.

I like your Christ

Jesus Christ came with a message to relieve people of misery at every opportunity he had to do that including on the Sabbath. That was his gospel, not one to condemn or indict, but through goodness bringing people to the realisation of a better existence in spirit, soul, mind, and body. Giving people their full humanity, regardless of who or what they were.

“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” Mahatma Gandhi. If I were persuaded to engage and challenge the man, that is probably what I would have said to him, but I was not part of his conversation.

As the story is told, it was the religious establishment of the day that conspired to have Jesus Christ killed. Many who profess to believe in the bible today would probably in the baying mob hollering at the top of their voices to have Jesus Christ crucified at the behest of their religious leaders.

Embracing our diverse humanity

There but for the grace of God and the preponderance of some modern human civilisation in the lands where some of us exist with a modicum of freedoms, we go. [Wikipedia]

There are other lands where no such good fortune exists, places where that man I overheard would not have the limitation of expressing his displeasure on the phone, but have untrammelled encouragement to join in a mob of like-minded people to lynch other human beings for their difference by race, by tongue, by class, by gender, by sexuality or any other distinguishing feature of diversity that celebrates our amazing humanity.

People who because someone believes a holy tome arrogate to themselves some divine right to judge and condemn fellow human beings in the deluded view that they have an unassailable authority to inflict grievous harm and escape sanction because they are doing God’s work.

They are by terms, a stain on our humanity and no representative of the grace, peace and love that exuded from the founders of the religions they appear to profess. For if they had taken on the teaching, the learning, and the exemplar, they would be radically different, but the mob is an easy crowd in which to find and exploit our basest instincts.

IDAHOBIT

I must however celebrate today, the 17^th of May 2017 which is the International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia (IDAHOT), it is a day to recognise those less fortunate than us who have freedom to be ourselves and the liberty to express ourselves with pride and love. [DayAgainstHomophobia]

There are 81 countries where same-sex expression is criminalised and 10 countries in which the death penalty applies, but the 17^th of May commemorates the day when the World Health Organisation removed homosexuality from its list of mental disorders in 1990. [WHO] This was 17 years after the American Psychiatric Association (APA) voted to remove homosexuality from its list of mental disorders in 1973. [TheJAMANetwork]

The science is clear, homosexuality is NOT a mental illness, and even the Chinese Society of Psychiatry declassified homosexual from being a mental disorder in 2001. [Wikipedia]

Why we still fight for the right to be simply human beings

There is still a lot of work to be done, no one is promoting homosexuality even if it appears that some are a bit public about their sexuality. In the main, most people are private, in rural areas all around the world and just want to be treated as human beings, part of our shared humanity, with rights to be treated with respect and never having to face discrimination for who they happen to be. That is why IDAHOT exists.

Many discover their sexuality in isolation of others, unaware there are others like themselves and they struggle to come to terms with this thing, this same-sex attraction discovery that they are not particularly like others around them. That is why IDAHOT exists.

Those who live in fear of persecution, prosecution or societal stigma, are sheared of their dignity and made less of who they can be as productive and thriving members of their communities and beyond, they are signposts of a world that is less equal than it should be and that is why there is activism, advocacy, protest and demonstration. That is why IDAHOT exists.

We do not intend to impose ourselves on anyone, but we must altogether fight to recognise everyone as human beings first, who regardless of beliefs have every right to exist in our global village, choosing to live and love life without the threat of violence, blackmail or violence. That is why IDAHOT exists.

It requires that leaders lead in the quest for a more equal world of human rights for the child, for gender, for race, for freedom of religion or the absence of it, for disability, for sexual orientation, for age and much else, before the law, in the workplace and in the wider community. Nobody born into this world is a non-person, that is the starting point and each is deserving of being given a chance to just being themselves, within the spectrum heteronormativity to homonormativity and everything including bisexuality, intersexuality, and transsexuality. That is why IDAHOT exists.

These things we may still struggle to understand and find areas of conflict within our narrow or broad worldview, people are people, they may be the same, they may be different, and that is what makes our humanity, making everyone same or different feel at home and safe in our sphere of influence whilst influencing others towards a more accommodating perspective of diversity. That is why IDAHOT exists.

That is why we have international days for many things and today it is the International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia (IDAHOT). That is why IDAHOT exists.

I have all my purple colours ready to celebrate the day, shirt, tie and pocket square.

Essential Media Information Page. 

Courtesy of DayAgainstHomophobia.org

Thought Picnic: Of friendships circumstance will not break

Roles we do not choose

There are roles that come by reason of progeny, others by reason of status, some by reason of quest and there some that fall not by election or commission but just by fate, roles you never chose that others immediately confer on you.

I was thrust into such a role today and I was honoured and blessed to stand in that role. A few weeks ago, I wrote of Dealing with sexuality and HIV stigma, an encounter at work that involved both the sharing of my sexuality and status.

The open-mindedness of my colleague blew me away that the encounter became the episode around which to give context to a statement I saw online a couple of weeks earlier - “In a perfect world, the positive would be open and the negative would be open-minded.”

Openness is a frame of reference

My colleague was presented with a dilemma, a close friend of his after a long regular matrimonial relationship with issue had decided on a different course in life, one the presented literally insurmountable challenges in the area of sexuality and sexual choices. Whilst not radical from a health perspective, it was life-changing for all concerned.

My advice was sought on how to deal with such a situation, on behalf of the friend and my colleague who confessed he had no frame of reference with which to offer counsel and support.

Unbeknownst to my colleague, he probably had the broadest frame of reference in that he was open to understanding and inquiry, accepting of a different situation in which he had no contemplative context and he was determined to continue the long-term friendship that he had with his friend, regardless of the choices the friend had made. He cherished the person over the circumstance.

Presence is humanity

In the broader scheme of things, the friend was facing isolation, ostracism, and rejection, in my view, to have someone like my colleague available to continue to offer support and friendship without judgement or accusation was an exhibition of unparalleled brotherly love and humanity.

In my colleague, I saw an openness that gave me renewed faith in our common humanity and here he was as a person exhibiting it again and having the freedom to ask for insight and advice for both himself and his friend. I suggested the use of support groups, but first and essentially tapping on professional help to review the situation for his friend better.

However, most importantly, I said to my colleague the role he had to play was of the greatest significance to his friend, having an open mind, offering an open door, being a considerate listener and keeping the friendship going strong.

Picking up the broken pieces

And though my colleague said of that the honesty of his friend and the decision to face up to his challenging circumstances by informing his spouse and offspring was one of the most courageous things he had ever seen a man do, offered the choice to maintain the status quo and live a secret double life, the consequences of such a decision are at the very least earth-shattering.

No spouse in a heretofore heterosexual relationship can compete with the situation where their partner opts for a homosexual expression of physical and emotional fulfilment. The spouse will be gravely hurt, resentful, full of questions, guilt, angry, in denial and befuddlement apart from being scandalised in the community amongst other things that could presage depression or worse. The offspring will be left confused and possibly unable to deal with the change in their parent.

It goes without saying that healing for every side of this challenging situation is not around the corner, it would take a long time to come to terms with it and the hope is that professional counsel will help ameliorate the fallout. If every person affected by this had a friend like my colleague, there would be a lot to salvage of the life that went on before and that I think is necessary, though now things are still very raw.

My colleague can also challenge other friends in that circle to see a bigger, tolerant and embracing aspect to our humanity to accommodate difference wherever it might show itself. I commend my colleague for his openness and I was honoured to be called upon to chat about it.

Opinion: Now, a thought for Kenny Badmus' wife

On the one hand, praise

A couple of days ago, I celebrated the coming out of Kenny Badmus on both the matter of his sexuality and HIV status with the hope that his decision will give strength and encouragement to the many who suffer under the societal strictures of conformity and despair.

However, it was impossible for the matter to just end there, because there was one key guiding principle that I had to revisit after a bit of reflection and discussion, one of people who are hurt by the actions we take when we are faced with other difficult options we refuse to choose.

Kenny Badmus said he learnt this from his father: "Die for your own truth, even if it's unpopular, but don't harm others with it.” Indeed, I believe there is a very strong influence of this in his decision to accept who he is, but that lesson has come long after the damage has been done.

On the other hand, however

One cannot ignore the fact Kenny Badmus’ wife currently in the middle of an acrimonious marriage split is painted in a very bad light, even if she was culpable and responsible for the situation, according to Kenny Badmus’ side of the story, for continuing the relationship and contracting a marriage with the view of 'sexing' him into full heterosexuality.

What I did not read from his mea culpa was a clear sense of the personal responsibility he had knowing his sexuality, his condition and the fact that many might get hurt by his actions.

He in my view was a free moral agent, he had the choice not to woo the lady and end up proposing to her before it culminated in a marriage that lasted six years.

Think about her situation

One can only imagine the complexities and turmoil the lady would have faced when Kenny decided to begin a relationship and then she in turn became emotionally invested in that relationship and she was ready to give all and dare all in the hope that it would succeed.

Besides, one cannot begin to understand the whispering campaign that might have gone on behind her back within the Nigerian society, if at any time it was ever suggested that she was at fault for not being able to meet the full spectrum of the sexual needs of her partner.

I am coming very fast to the conclusion that the lady deserved better and a lot more from Kenny Badmus, that she is lashing out furiously in court seeking the full visitation of the anti-gay law on Kenny Badmus simply makes clear the utter sense of betrayal she feels about whatever intentions he had for her in the first instance and how he went through it all as if he had no will or say in the matter.

She, however, as Kenny Badmus gets on with his new life of renewed celebrity and acceptance, will have an uphill task of removing herself from the category of ‘damaged goods’ in a society where once-married and then this intrigue of sexuality and HIV status will always come to play, if she were to start a new relationship.

The harm done

Sadly, her trust in men will also be undermined, to what extent, one can never say. It might well be best to extricate herself from that society and community to build her life again in another country.

Kenny Badmus took his time to fulfil what he called societal pressures in getting married and in doing so, he did not really die for his own truth at that time. He took the popular choice of a society wedding and people have been harmed. Starting with his wife, then if there is any offspring, they are probably confused, his in-laws are probably scandalised, his family are probably embarrassed, friends who would have preferred discretion in association with him, his business, business associates, all have been harmed to some extent, from minimally to quite seriously.

Take some responsibility, man

Apart from the good of coming out, Kenny Badmus is no saint, not by a long hard mile, one must feel the most for his wife, she was never going to be able to compete for Kenny Badmus’ sexual satisfaction and I blame the fact that we have too conservative an understanding of sexuality and its expression in Nigeria. Sexuality is not just sex, it is a whole person, sex being part of the expression of sexuality.

Yet, there are many who have gone the Kenny Badmus way, their wives none the wiser that their men are on the down-low, many are going to get hurt eventually either in the secrecy that brings the unpalatable back to the matrimonial home or in the publicity that might end up destroying everyone involved.

We can make very hard choices and in the process save people from being harmed, I will submit that Kenny Badmus did not make that choice when he should have in the first place. He should share a larger part of the responsibility for the way things have turned out.

“Die for your own truth, even if it's unpopular, but don't harm others with it.”

Kenny Badmus: Thank you for coming out wonderfully

Coming out in Nigeria

Probably, not since Bisi Alimi came out on New Dawn with Funmi Iyanda in 2004 has there been a news story just about as explosive and interesting as Kenny Badmus’ coming out both as gay and HIV-positive. [Pulse.NG]

As usual, one look at the comments that post-fix each news publication of this story, and most especially the one on Linda Ikeji’s Blog, the vitriol out-numbers the support by more than 10-to-1.

However, let us address the fundamental issues in Kenny Badmus’ revealing piece, lest we lose the gravity of the substance from the sensationalism giving room for holier-than-thou sententiousness.

Previously, Kenny Badmus had revealed on World AIDS Day 2014 that he had been living with HIV for 15 years, the results of his tests should suggest clearly to many that being HIV-positive is not necessarily a death sentence, you can live well, be successful and thrive. Some of the comments I read on Linda Ikeji’s Blog were quite uncharacteristically supportive, I did not want to spoil it looking for the vitriolic ones. [Linda Ikeji’s Blog]

The pressure to marry

Kenny Badmus admits he was under societal pressure to fulfil the needs of typical Nigerian society to be married, yet, before marriage he told his prospective wife that he was homosexual and even told ministers in pre-marriage counselling to help dissuade from her quest for marriage to no avail.

The fact is, both young men and women are under pressure to tie the knot after a certain age and then they are supposed to begin to procreate, which in itself to many is proof that the marriage is working – in many cases, nothing can be further from the truth.

Even for a very religious and moralistic society, Nigeria has like many other places in the world a diversity of sexuality and sexual expression, and regardless of religious beliefs and we all do not believe to the same level, from atheist through agnostic and apostate, to relapsed, to committed, and to extremely fanatical, we fill the broad spectrum of beliefs in any religion.

Some will find some accommodation for heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality, transsexuality, marriage, polygamy, celibacy, abstinence, adultery, fornication, lasciviousness, sadomasochism, or any kind of sexual expression – we are essentially sexual beings, at the very basic level.

You can’t ‘sex’ out sexuality

Despite the glaring truth, the unfortunate liaison was contracted because probably Kenny Badmus did not fight hard enough to stop it and also probably because his wife to be believed that she should make him straight, at least, she thought his homosexual predilections were simply a childhood disorder. I could almost laugh, but many do believe homosexuality is just a phase, a temporary outlet in the absence of opposite sex partners, some think it is an abomination.

Kenny Badmus alludes to another interesting fact, the tendency for women or men to think they can change their partners, literally ‘sex’ the other sexuality out of them. There is too much scientific fact out there as better understanding of human physiology and psychology in the last century has revealed that sexuality is a wiring of nature and hardly an adoption of nurture, in most cases.

That is not to say some people are not curious about the other sexuality, but to subscribe to the idea that all are curious, living a lifestyle rather than a life is as myopic as anyone can get. This notion is however, promoted by many religious leaders leading to the atrocious persecution of many who are already living a very difficult and secret life of guilt, pain and despair.

The pressure to conform

The consequence of this societal stance is no doubt why many homosexuals in Nigeria and some other unfriendly culture are living on the down-low; they have very public marriages, consummated with issue and yet find the greater sexual satisfaction in the arms of others of the same sex.

Laws and sanctions are not going to change the nature of man, the matter will be driven underground and become even more insidious. A society cannot forever ignore what it is composed of, that is, it will always be a representation of the broad spectrum of humanity, whether accepted or not.

After six years of marriage, the wife having failed in her silly quest to convert her husband into a single-minded heterosexual, divorce proceedings were instituted where the wife has allegedly perjured herself suggesting she had no knowledge of her husband’s sexuality before the marriage.

You cannot compete for sexuality

She probably is in for a bigger shock, because her vendetta exposes her to unintended consequences in seeking that her now to be ex-husband to be visited with the full force of that odious Nigerian anti-gay law. Kenny Badmus’ status carried some risk, though with an undetectable viral load, this might well have been minimal. She really should move on from this episode in her life than ruin it altogether with the fury of a woman scorned. [NAM AIDSMap]

The competition in the sexuality stakes is just too high, it is one thing for a woman to compete against another woman for a man’s sexual affections, it is a completely different thing for a woman to compete against another man for a man with sexual affections for men too, it works the other way too and it is a battle lost long before it has even started.

Live the truth of your life

A number of things can be learnt from Kenny Badmus’ story and I hope it helps many young Nigerian men and women struggling with their sexuality and being forced by societal pressures to contract marriages they do not have their hearts in.

First, is what Kenny Badmus learnt from his own father, “Die for your own truth, even if it's unpopular, but don't harm others with it.” More pertinently, I will say, live, live for your own truth, whatever the cost.

I hear of many desperate young Nigerians at the point of committing suicide just because of struggles with their sexuality, it ought not be so and I hope Kenny Badmus’ story offers some hope, stormy as the consequences have become, that storm will blow away for the calm.

Live a full life

The pressure to marry will always be great but you are never going to ‘sex’ away your sexuality, if a marriage is entered into with this lingering issue, the blow-back can be unexpectedly nasty. Kenny Badmus had to face the public spectacle and the shame apart from having to reinvent himself as his business contacts fell away after the revelations.

Being HIV-positive is NOT a death sentence, get tested and get on medication that can keep you healthy such that you can literally live a full life; do not suffer in silence.

More importantly, find an understanding support group that can help you through the hardest times, the coming out of Kenny Badmus strengthens him positively, he cannot now be blackmailed for his sexuality, he is free to be who he is, because he has fully accepted who he is.

Accept yourself and live life well

We all have that life’s journey, the journey of acceptance, from the denial of who we are, hoping we were something else, the depression that accompanies the incapacity to change what we have no control over, the anger of things past and present seeding in resentment and bitterness, eating away our innards, the bargaining that comes with rash vows we cannot keep, but the release that comes with acceptance of our humanity, our weaknesses and sexuality is the beginning of a new life. [Kubler-Ross model on the stages of grief.]

And like Kenny Badmus, we can begin to be really proud of who we really are, whatever that might be. We are all, if you allow it, God’s own children, gay, straight, bisexual, lesbian, transsexual and inter-sexual, we are born of fellow human beings and surely this should not be the determinant of character or how we are allowed to thrive in this wonderful world.

Thank you, Kenny Badmus, for coming out and coming out wonderfully.

Opinion: To Be A Homosexual in Africa Today

The freedoms I have

Sometimes I forget that privileges and conveniences I have by reason of birth and location, taking many things for granted that many others desire to see, if they can beyond, the next hour.

The life I have today I cherish, the health I have has been a constant blessing - each day I desire the world is a better place for all people, sadly, for some, each day is a worse hell than the day before.

I have no answers to many of these problems, but I hope for the few I meet, I can seed a word of hope, some encouragement and maybe more to brighten them up towards the things they face.

Justified to do justice

Yet, I have watched as people secure in the sense of who they think they are from their religion, their status, their morality, their identity or their beliefs of superiority bray like an irate mob to consume those who are different.

They have found an easy outlet of convenience, justified in their words and deeds to act in the stead of God and culture to remove from their communities those that do not conform.

The hatred dripping from their fangs like vampires after a feast of bloody abandon, they have whipped up a frenzy of hysteria; we must protect our values from corruption, but the corruption they perceive has always been part of our humanity, from the time there was the opportunity between people to find affection and express that affection as intimately as they dare to care.

Difference and diversity

Before the law that instructs about whether things we right or wrong, we existed almost oblivious of each other yet enjoyed the brotherhood and neighbourliness of our humanity until knowledge came of how different we were.

Some celebrated and embraced our diversity, others exploited and exacerbated our differences, the former was the selfless act of love in the mould of the Good Samaritan, and the latter was the selfish act of hatred giving scope for unimaginable evil.

Yet, we are allowed the courage of our convictions to take the easy path of convenience and follow the crowd of thoughts that would ostracise the other to belong to the many.

We have schooled ourselves to not acquiesce, groomed ourselves never to tolerate, and decided we cannot accommodate those that are to our thinking different, bad, dangerous, evil, degenerate, repulsive, hell-bound and condemned.

A fellow human being

Such is the homosexual to many of us, a fellow human being, who should if we had our way never be fellow, nor dare to be human for their being does not deserve to walk the streets we walk.

But think on this matter; in any population on the face of the earth and the diversity that each unit when compartmentalised might contain, anything from 1% to 10% or more would be so radically different from us – shall we treat them like dogs for their status, their race, their tribe, their handicap, their sexuality, their speech, their beliefs, their views, their culture, their lifestyles, their origin, their mix, their loves, their hates and much else?

Then think on this, if you belonged to any minority where the tyranny of the majority reigned supreme to blackmail, to persecute, to bully, to prosecute, to excoriate, to condemn, to lynch and to put to death.

That is the unbearable existence of the gay African (a fellow human being) in their hostile communities; anything up to and possible more than 80 million* Africans who have always lived in Africa and hardly been exposed to influences outside Africa are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transsexual or intersexual, they have nowhere to go but to live in Africa, where they belong, by birth and by right.

*[The 80 million figure is an estimate of possibly 8% of the total population not being heterosexual. More references appear below the blog.]

Worst examples of leadership

The purpose of leadership in the face of vulnerable minorities is not to accentuate the differences amongst the people they lead that would persecute the few, but to demonstrate the magnanimous virtues of maturity, to offer all the protections of the law possible and to moderate all their expressed views and actions to minorities amongst them.

This is the failure of leadership we have witnessed in politics and governance being demonstrated in pandering to populist demagoguery, for the truth is that homosexuals have always been amongst us in Africa until someone found some political gain in pointing fingers at them.

The almost 80 million African homosexuals are not going to disappear overnight because some law has been promulgated to the glee and satisfaction of the majority.

What are you doing?

The lynching of homosexuals in streets near you, where you have given your support to depriving your own fellow citizen and countryman of life by your words, your actions or your silence would not eliminate them.

By God, if sexuality were a matter of choice like one could change clothes, homosexuals would definitely wear different clothes from what they wear now to conform and be assimilated into your norm.

For all those that debate and contend that homosexuality is a choice and a lifestyle, if you walked a long hard mile in the shoes of a homosexual, your choice and lifestyle would be that of a heterosexual but we have enough science to prove that homosexuality is as set as the colour of your skin – you can tone or tan your skin, but you cannot change your race.

Address your humanity

As we acquiesce to the 21^st Century extermination of the African homosexual, each one of almost 80 million of them, the lives lost in World War I which we celebrate the centenary of this year and those lost in World War II combined, along with the gruesome evil of the Holocaust, would not begin to number close to the task of ridding ourselves of this homosexual menace.

This is not about the West, this is about our own, our own people, fellow human beings, their lives, their livelihoods, their existence, their pursuit of happiness, all quietly seeking to fulfil their potential in their own countries, provinces, states and communities, like any other person born into this world desires, given the opportunity.

If you for a moment were homosexual, what would you do?

Address your humanity and with that see the humanity in others.

Thank you.

Other readings

Blog - Human Rights Day 2011: Gay Rights are Human Rights

Blog - Nigeria: Arrest Him! He's Homosexual!

LGBT rights in Africa - Wikipedia

Gay Men in Africa & HIV/AIDS – AVERT

What Percentage of the Population Is Gay? - Gallup

Populations of Africa - Wikipedia

Human Rights Day 2011: Gay Rights are Human Rights too

All human beings are born free

Today, the 10th of December marks the International Human Rights Day [1] and it is the 63^rd year since the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR) [2] was adopted by the United Nations General Assembly in Paris in 1948.

There are 30 articles in the UDHR divided into 4 columns as described in the second reference but the one of most particular import is Article 1.

“All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.”

Our humanity should come before all else

I believe this article embodies the purpose, reason and sense of our humanity regardless of culture, tradition, religion, creed, race or law – it presents an non-religious concept that draws on our empathy, our compassion, our quest for fairness and justice for ourselves and fellow human-beings.

On the 6^th of December 2011, the US Secretary of State, Hillary Rodham Clinton delivered a speech at the United Nations Human Rights Programmes Headquarters in Geneva in commemoration of Human Rights Day 2011 in which she addressed the next human rights issue that the world faces today.

It pertains to the rights of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transsexual (LGBT) persons all around the world and in it she made five fundamental points in support of the human rights issues with regards to LGBT persons. It is essential to keep the core tenet of Article 1 in mind as you review the themes of her historic speech.

The core points about LGBT rights

Gay rights are human rights; it goes to the heart of being born free and equal in dignity and rights.

Being gay is not a Western invention, it is a human reality; there are gays everywhere in the world including in places where certain leaders and people pretend there isn’t.

Violence to other human-beings is not cultural or religious; it is criminal, it is the duty of our governments to protect first and prosecute the criminals, not the victims.

Laws that discriminate validate other kinds of discrimination; it tends to divide our humanity and gives rise to other inequalities in our societies.

Progress comes from being willing to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes; what if by some circumstance probably unimaginable to some, you found you were in that minority that is being discriminated against, where you had no rights because of who you were?

There is much I can do try and flesh out each theme that she covered but the case she made was clear; it is first about our humanity than anything that distinguishes us; the matter is global; we cannot criminalise people for who are naturally are regardless of your views of those people and if you were by happenstance of those people, what will you fight for?

The shaky ground on which we stand to condemn others

However, in concluding this piece which in some cases will probably have a deeply religious readership from some parts of the globe, I can only conclude with a comment I saw on Facebook because it goes to the core of the matter of rights, of culture, of beliefs and of our fairness to our fellow human beings.

One of the best comments against a supporter of the anti-gay bill (The Nigerian Senate passed a Same-Sex Marriage Prohibition bill recently with even more homophobic sanctions.) I've (This was on Jeremy Weate’s Facebook wall.) read today (re-quoted with permission).

"I don't need to be a homo to respect the freedom of a homo. Your biblical quotes are the same quotes handed to you by invaders as they took your relatives into slavery. You have been freed physically, but not mentally. Weren't your ancestors spiritual people before the missionaries showed up? For an African with a long history, you cling blindly to a religion that was recently handed to you. Simply put, you are a lost cause. Goodluck releasing yourself from yourself devised blindfold." Taken from Jeremy Weate's Facebook status

In all, human rights is about protecting the rights of others in order to ensure ours are protected and enshrined in law despite our differences, disagreements and disputing; the greatest goal of our human existence can only be to appreciate the best in others who we may naturally not find ourselves associating with. There are few for all sorts of reasons who have dared to reach that goal.

Sources

[1] Human Rights Day - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[2] Universal Declaration of Human Rights - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[3] Transcript of Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's on LGBT rights

Thought Picnic: Now if you were in my shoes

Woman to woman

Throughout today that song has been going on in my mind, it contains the Barbara Mandrell lyrics, Woman to woman, now if you were in my shoes, wouldn’t you have done the same thing too.

Like a broken vinyl record player this is replayed again and again, as the other part of the refrain, it says, Woman to woman, if you’ve ever been in love, then you know how I feel – with a greater sense of feeling about many who have never been in my shoes but seem to know exactly where the shoes are pinching my feet.

Their sympathy is patronising, their apathy is based on ignorance and their indifference is borne from the fact that they know no different from their own particular experiences and their assumptions about things they have never partaken of. It extends beyond woman to woman to include man to man and woman to man.

I know my own things

Before I had cancer, I could never fully relate to how people suffered the disease, after I had it and the treatment that followed, I need no new appreciation of the pain of cancer, the rottenness of chemotherapy, the deprivations that come with serious illness and the fight that rises up in you for every ounce of strength that is your life-force, I just know.

However, my knowledge and experience is hardly the embodiment of all occurrences of that kind of circumstance, people go through their battles with different approaches, strategies and outcomes but we can in many ways support each other a lot better than those who look in from the outside with the know-it-all hubris that accompanies their interaction.

Experience is not always needed for understanding, there are genuine people who have deep compassion and empathy, who are reasonable, friendly and wonderful to relate to, this is not about them.

From ancient to modern

In the same vein, there is sexuality and there is faith, there are struggles, conflicts, angst, anxiety and there are desires, if choices could have been made surely, other choices would have been considered and the outcomes might well be different.

I find that I now have to assess the issues of ancient views with modern understanding whilst I run the gauntlet of fundamentalists of different religious persuasions.

Even I, probably irrationally and unreasonably, am not fully persuaded of the whole theory of evolution, from the perspective of man’s creation, I do very well believe the amazing evolution of man’s creativity and the wealth of knowledge that has benefitted mankind to great ends.

The advances in science, medicine and technology which in biblical times would have passed for witchcraft and sorcery, the new understanding of man’s psychological makeup which had every negative connotation until psychologists, psychiatrists, sociologists, anthropologists and economists unravelled the knotty issues.

Incontrovertible fact against fable

It is however convenient for people to suspend their intellect and reason for some norm of times past and use that as a template for modernity with ill-fitting consequences.

It makes one wonder how sexuality is no more codified in terms of mental illness or some psychological disorder, neither is it in professional circles considered a lifestyle choice but a personification of the subject, wholly integral to the identity of the person who might in turn demonstrate the requisite tendencies.

Has new knowledge and learning left the tomes of religious stricture behind or has it evolved into logical conclusions that are reasonable but are challenged by blinkered religiosity masquerading as right, just, moral and true?

The questions are there to challenge the “earth is flat” view of man’s existence, identity, personality and expression, so much has changed about the knowledge of man such that religion and interpretations have adapted, evolved or adjusted to serve the purpose of man because religion exists for the service of humanity and not the other way round.

Rectal fixation

The more contentious topic of sexuality is how many are fixated on the sex and not on the identity. If expressions of love are only seen in terms of the act of sex and the satisfaction it offers, the holders of that view diminish the wide spectrum of human emotions leaving them bereft and wanting in the knowledge of the essence of deep emotional involvement that comes with committed relationships regardless of gender pairing.

It is so amusing how religious heterosexuals are so anally-fixated on matters in which they have no experience and cannot begin to fathom how it affects people who have no qualms on the matter.

The reductionist view that sex is only just for procreation is interesting and it beggars the question whether heterosexuals in relationships with a finite number of children have only had sex a finite number of times just for that particular and primary purpose only, procreation – the truth?

Maybe it would interest the squeamish that anal sex between heterosexuals has existed for time immemorial partly as a contraceptive and partly as a variation to the sex-life, who would however admit to that is a different issue.

Does it affect you that much?

If there is any group of people who probably know about the experiences, it would be bisexuals, heterosexuals probably have no inkling about homosexuals just as homosexuals might not be persuaded of heterosexual affinities and so the matter of conscience comes to the fore in one simple question.

Does homosexuality affect the relationship between heterosexual partners? If it does, they have issues they need to deal with and sort out; if it doesn’t then why all that angst and emotional energy expended in condemning what you are not interested in? What you don’t do is what you cannot contemplate except if there is a latent desire for something you have not yet been brave enough to acquire.

If you’ve ever been in my shoes, then you will feel the same way too, until then, you know nothing, absolutely nothing about it.

Malawi: Steven Monjeza and Tiwonge Chimbalanga are pardoned, but ...

A welcome pardon

I welcome the pardoning [1] of Steven Monjeza, 26, and Tiwonge Chimbalanga, 20, who were given 14-year jail terms after being convicted of gross indecency and unnatural acts in Malawi by President Bingu wa Mutharika.

This was announced during the visit of the Secretary-General Ban ki Moon of the United Nations who probably had this matter on the table for discussion along with other UN matters that he might have discussed with the President.

The President said, “These boys committed a crime against our culture, our religion and our laws, however, as the head of state I hereby pardon them and therefore ask for their immediate release with no conditions.”

Of culture, religion and laws

One might say that just because a majority follows a particular culture it could not be incumbent on the majority to impose with menace and aggression that culture on others who might not be so persuaded – on that point, the case against the young men was unfair.

We have to come to a point where the use of religion to abridge, abort or proscribe the beliefs or adherences of others must be frowned upon and condemned in the sternest terms, again, I am forced to drag up the ruling that presents that argument in the starkest possible words.

Lord Justice Laws said only a few weeks ago and that is the standard by which every society, community and people would be subjected to as our global village becomes smaller and every activity in the social realm receives global scrutiny.

The state’s thinking

“We do not live in a society where all the people share uniform religious beliefs. The precepts of any one religion – any belief system – cannot, by force of their religious origins, sound any louder in the general law than the precepts of any other. If they did, those out in the cold would be less than citizens and our constitution would be on the way to a theocracy, which is of necessity autocratic.”

“The law of a theocracy is dictated without option to the people, not made by their judges and governments. The individual conscience is free to accept such dictated law, but the state, if its people are to be free, has the burdensome duty of thinking for itself.”

In Malawi, it would appear that the state has thought for itself to have had the law that lead to that judgment imposed on the young men, but one does wonder if certain of our laws now pass the muster of respecting the rights of minorities, the different, the uncommon, the alternative and where they appear to do so, if respect also includes protection from menace meted out by people who have strong views against the liberal stance of living and letting live.

A guarantee of safety too?

This is the new chapter in the young men’s lives; having tasted with great opprobrium the almost martyrdom to a cause and a type of life or lifestyle we pretend does not exist in our midst, their release without conditions hopefully would not mean their release into the hands of the lynch mob.

The President’s humanitarian action would only be fully commendable if these young men can live in Malawi as free Malawians able to pursue their dreams and visions without sanction, discrimination or ill-will.

It is a big ask from a very conservative – and I use that word with reluctance – society, because in the true sense what passes for conservatism these days is really intolerance, bigotry, hatred and persecution of the right to free expression of self and the pursuit of happiness.

No prying on any life or lifestyle

I would that societies, cultures, countries or governments do not have to suffer the duress of global pressure to adopt a more liberal stance to accommodating minorities and difference, more so, the repeal of laws that deny the right to existence of minorities no matter the strength of feeling against such minorities has to be the best and correct direction for humanity and civilisation.

There is a public place for scrutiny and there is a private place for activities that have no victims where adults who have consented to entertain mature, meaningful, fulfilling and honourable lives – no state, no public, no religion, no culture, no tradition, no law or view should have the inalienable right to encroach on that private space for the sake of assuaging the sensibilities of the disgusted – Not in Malawi, not in Africa and not anywhere else where humanity has expression of life and purpose.

Source

[1] BBC News - Malawi pardons jailed gay couple

Other references

Malawi: Free Steven Monjeza and Tiwonge Chimbalanga [akin.blog-city.com]

The case for State law over religious guidance [akin.blog-city.com]

Malawi: Free Steven Monjeza and Tiwonge Chimbalanga

People like us

One should be outraged but it is with sadness that I read of the jailing of the Malawian gay couple [1] Steven Monjeza, 26, and Tiwonge Chimbalanga, 20, who are being punished for having dared to conduct a engagement to bless a committed relationship.

I am of the view that everyone should be entitled to the pursuit of happiness in whatever pairing of relationship or absence of partnership that suits them – to deny that happiness on the basis of some moral import that prejudges difference as an abomination is unfortunate at best and savage at worst.

Rather than clamour for justice, let us examine what the judge had to say. At first he said he wanted protect the public from “people like you” – You, probably meaning homosexuals or people in unusual relationships that decide to have an engagement signifying commitment.

People like you

The full statement he made was, “I will give you a scaring sentence so that the public be protected from people like you, so that we are not tempted to emulate this horrendous example.”

Then he said, "We are sitting here to represent the Malawi society, which I do not believe is ready at this point in time to see its sons getting married to other sons or conducting engagement ceremonies."

The mob that witnessed the judgment felt that the sentence was lenient but the facts of the matter are still too difficult for the people to face up to and accept.

Despite all the denials about there being homosexuals in Africa, the truth is homosexuality has been part of humanity ever before recorded history, it is neither Western, Eastern, African, Asian or tribal – it is a part of humanity - it is not alien to any culture, nation or race - it has always been part of every society until religious influences made indigenous traditions and differences from the "norm" inherently evil.

People like them

The other truth is whilst many Africans might not be bold enough to admit that they practice homosexuality there are quite a good many that profess to be bisexual or have entered the convenience of a public heterosexuality and a secretive homosexuality – a concept known as being on the down-low [2].

The sad aspect of this matter is the partners of these people either as wives or husbands who do not know that their beloved ones are loving rivals they cannot compete against on the side.

Enough studies have shown that engaging in heterosexual relationships does not create a permanent conversion from bisexuality or homosexuality – if that were a matter of basic choices, I am sure many would have rather adapted to the “norm” than be chastised for being different.

People like everyone

Here, we find that two young men have made the honest and bold choice not to live deceitful double-lives that could ruin the lives of partners and children alike but decided to celebrate their difference and in the process have been criminalised and penalised for it – it is both a shame and an injustice.

Rather than have the public protected from people like them, these people would go underground with their public and private lives whilst we all jolly on in denial and seemingly justifiable homophobia thinking the right has been done.

However, the most interesting part of the judge’s statement is that he recognises that the society is behind in the times, he opines that it is a matter of readiness and it calls on other people in the Malawian society who do not think their views are represented in this judgment to speak up and be spoken for.

People in love

For some, this engagement was before its time but the truth is same-sex relationship commitments would still take place in Malawi and every other corner of the world where hypocrisy, denial and homophobia appears to thrive – if loving and caring in a same-sex relationship be a crime greater than “loving”, abusing and battering in a heterosexual relationship we have our sense of justice wrong and our hypocrisy exposed with shame.

Free Steven Monjeza and Tiwonge Chimbalanga today, they have wronged no one and committed no crimes, if we cannot tolerate difference then what gives each person a right, an identity and purpose in life is lost along with the basic sense of humanity.

Sources

[1] BBC News - Malawi gay couple get maximum sentence of 14 years

[2] Down-low (sexual slang) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia