A Spell of Funk
The past few days
have been meh! A total lack of interest or enthusiasm. The usually sunny and
hot weather has done little to brighten any sense of existence. In bed last
night, I felt the tired of tired, but I had to fight off that feeling. It was
not healthy.
I had tried to engage
in some activity, beginning with the Africa Day event on Saturday, which left
me unimpressed. Then at church the following day, I read the notice for the
Whit Walks on Monday and was promptly dissuaded from attending: the preacher invited
to minister was lauded not for her ministry, but more for her celebrity and her
appearance on Gogglebox. I do not care to remember her name.
A Surfeit of Bad News
It does not help
that, with my radio tuned to a BBC news channel, the snippets of interesting
stories came laced with a surfeit of depressing news. Abuses, infractions,
illegalities, and criminality by those who should know better, yet who would
neither be held to account nor held accountable by those who matter, the latter
too afraid to take a moral stand for fear of the blowback.
At times, you would
think you need a holiday from the world, to a place of peaceful reflection on
the beauty around you that you almost always fail to see.
In Search of
Tranquillity
On Monday, I did go
into the country, hoping for that very escape, but the tranquillity and fun I
had expected never quite arrived. Tuesday brought another attempt at
engagement: a men's group billed as a dance session.
In practice, it was
more body movement and the rather boring projection of closing our eyes and
imagining silly things. The only genuine pleasure I drew from it was setting up
the table for food.
It was at that group,
too, that the broader sense of injustice came home in a far more personal way.
A fellow attendee had been attacked, and his assailant had received only a
light prison sentence. I could do little more than commiserate with him and offer
a hug.
The Weight of Work
On the work front,
which brings its own share of excitement, things have been somewhat depressing.
There is no wherewithal to achieve; the hours like the deepest, longest
night of a nightmare, failing to find a conclusion even as the day breaks.
Unease,
dissatisfaction, lethargy, fatigue, and listlessness leave you in recoil from
living to the full. Once again, I find myself striving to escape this state of
funk, and I know it will pass; I just wish it would pass quicker than I can
remember I was ever this disturbed.
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