An Unexpected Enquiry
Just over two years
ago, a man whose history in journalism stretches back more than 45 years
contacted me for a copy of my CV. He had held top editorial positions at four
of the most prominent Nigerian newspapers and magazines, and he still writes
syndicated copy today.
He had come across my
blog and, from a link on the page, requested access to my CV. To satisfy his
curiosity, he wanted to determine whether I had a journalism background that
might explain how I had sustained a blog for 20 years. On reading my CV, he expressed
both shock and surprise that I held no formal qualifications in the humanities;
I am an engineer who has broadly pursued a career in IT.
Recognition and
Striving
Acknowledgement and
recognition come from many places, and I hope I am able to take a compliment
with grace whenever it is offered.
However, even as one
strives for excellence, there are others who observe what you do and for whom
you are not yet performing at your best. There is always that feeling that you
could do better, and that in itself overrides every other concern.
Why I Began
When I started my
blog in 2003, I saw it as an outlet for my views, and I had no intention of
turning it into a commercial venture. I did everything at my own pace and wrote
as I was inspired, usually hoping to bring a fresh perspective to matters that
others tended to cover with a common view.
I do not believe I
ever came to any agreement with anyone that my blog would become a platform for
other activities, such as publishing a book. The idea of writing my story only
took hold after my first bout with cancer and the period following treatment in
2010. Things developed from there, and I also battled prostate cancer in 2024;
today marks two years to the day since I received the diagnosis of
adenocarcinoma of the prostate.
A Loaded Comment
Imagine my surprise,
then, when a comment was left on one of my recent blogs to the following
effect: “When are you going to sit down and assemble relevant topics of your
writings into books for future generations, particularly in Africa, to benefit?
Your use of the English language and construction is superb. Some of your
writings could come under, for example, tourism, based on your experience in
South Africa and Amsterdam, or business management.”
You could take a good
deal from that comment; the commendation and the suggestion were both
gratifying and informative. Yet you could just as easily miss the criticism
buried within it, and I heard it in the voice of the writer, as I have many
times before, whenever their expectations were not met by my application,
rigour, or initiative.
Refusing to Please
One thing I learnt a
long while ago was to jump off the bandwagon of trying to please people. I do
my work to the best of my ability and constantly strive to do better. That is
my conviction, and it is the energy I bring to every endeavour.
It is the phrase “When
are you going to sit down…?” that does the heavy lifting here, implying
that you are not directing your abilities and faculties towards the essential.
In this case, that
means writing books for which I have so far received no commissions. I have no
obligation to write either another blog or a book, but I do have the desire to,
at a time of my own choosing, if and when I convince myself of that need.
Parents and Approval
I still have my
parents, who are octogenarians. I receive the occasional expression of pride in
me, but that can easily be a speck in a bowl of displeasure at one thing or
another. The fact that I am totally estranged from one and barely in
communication with the other is the sum of the difficult relationship we have
had since my childhood.
I was a difficult
child and adolescent; I had my own issues, just as they had theirs. However, I
am so completely past seeking their approbation that the desire fizzled out at
twenty, and, as far as possible, I resolved that their influence on me would be
as minimal as it could be, just as my dear uncle, around that time, shielded me
so that I could flourish in my own way.
Words That Matter
What could it have
cost to word that comment another way? “Your use of the English language and
construction is superb. I can see elements that might lend themselves to books
on your travels to South Africa and Amsterdam. Other topics, such as business management, I have seen in your recent writings, show that you could
benefit future generations, especially in Africa.”
Imagine how warmly I
would have received that version, responding with gratitude and grace whilst
taking the ideas into consideration. The manner and tone of a conversation,
along with the order of the words, do matter. Instead, I am riled, annoyed, and
spitting tacks. It might have been well-intentioned, but it failed to hit the
mark.
I might just have
lost the desire to write a book. The medal for royally pissing off your child
must surely have been awarded in the King’s birthday honours list, released on Friday.