Getting my head examined

As I wrote about South Africa recognising same-sex relationships, there could be people who still think homosexuals should have their heads examined – I say, maybe we should all have our heads examined – the story of the man below shows that some people just have to come to terms with who they are regardless what others think about them or their lifestyles.

Loving yourself

And the story goes and this is not half the whole tale, as he relaxed and settled into the couch chatting to his shrink to help exorcise the demons that have plagued his life since he could ever remember.

How do you get to the greatest love of all? The ability to love yourself for who you are and then go out to the world and help people get beyond where they have limited themselves.

Feelings and men

So, he starts, I have had feelings for men since I was 7, I always wondered why; beyond the sexual abuse by my aunt and other seemingly innocuous bodily tampering by the house servants, something pleasurable about this thing was seemingly not right – I should get my head examined.

Why, bother? I would grow out of it, then in secondary school, the first time I heard the word copulate, it was one boy asking me if we could play, and play we did – I should get my head examined.

So, I had “friends”, not lovers, sex, but not as we all know it, I was a ladies man to everyone, but I had my eyes on men – something inside, so strong, maybe I am going mad – I should get my head examined.

The religion of self-loathing

It did not really become an issue till when I took religion, the animosity, and the uncompromising message of abominable deeds that got preached out to me more than the gospel – so, it was guilt, self-loathing, self-flagellation and the desire to die, then times seemed good before one fell into the self-same quagmire of abominable sin and incessant confession – I should really get my head examined.

We had deliverance, we prayed like the world was at an end, the Bible was my headstone, but my mind sought men. We were told, people had changed, they were gay and now they are married with kids – There must be something wrong with me, must get my head examined.

Secrets that amaze

Then, a leader of one of those self-help groups died and it transpired that neither his wife nor his children knew about his old life, so no one could send condolences to his wife – this is no life – We all should get our heads seriously examined.

The path to marriage beckoned, I will take me a wife and it would all be well, or so it was with the leader of an evangelical movement in America, then it all came tumbling down, he has been canoodling with men in secret whilst condemning gay marriage from the pulpit – Now, that is one head that needs examining.

Born gay or thinks gay

The fear of AIDS could not compel us to change our ways, the mission was to find comfort and solace in the arms of another man, is this thing in the mind or is there more than meets the eye?

They now say, we were probably born gay, who is going to find the gay gene and get it out before we are unleashed on the world, corrupting its values in self-loathing and pride, whichever way you see it.

How much of a minority can you be? Being black, being gay and being told you need to have your head checked out – a benign type of bigotry that portends to live and let live, but pronounces judgment questioning the sanity of homosexuality.

Sometimes, one asks, why would anyone want to go against the grain, against the norms, against the majority and against conforming to what is expected – why take the hard way and still end up being vulnerable, victimised, discriminated against and so on.

Being a homosexual does not make you any less a professional than you should be, it does not make you any less a contributor to society than the other person – they want your money, they want your taxes, but no, they would not recognise who you are.

Accepting who I am

As he got up from the couch, the shrink looking in need of a shrink herself, offered him a cup of tea and as he sipped from the cup, he said – I have won the biggest battle, I think, accepting who I am.

She replied, that is what I have been trying to get to you in all the sessions we have had, you do not need your head examined, rather, whoever is giving that advice might be in need of some re-education on this matter – they just do not know what it is to be a homosexual.

He put on his pink suede shoes and as he stepped out of the door, he took a whiff of the fresh air and knew he would have a gay day.

That afternoon of therapy came about as a comment on my blog advises that homosexuals should have their heads examined – I would have agreed in the 1950s when they were put in sanatoriums, surely, that cannot be the remedy to acceptance.

Somehow, strange sexualities excite Africans

Using Homosexuality as a damaging tool

Having dealt with a number of topics on sexuality on NaijaBlog in the last few days, one concerning homophobia and other a lovers’ spat, it is strange that there are still issues around sex that tend to hammer the dark into the continent of Africa.

In Malaysia years ago, the accusation of sodomy was used to depose the vice president and persecute him into incarceration and ill health, but he survived.

The first black president of Zimbabwe had his legacy completely rubbished as the tyrannical Mugabe allowed charges of homosexuality to thrive to the disgrace of Canaan Banana.

Whilst the accusation of homosexuality in Africa can create a level of revulsion, some have concentrated that response by alluding to the acts rather than just the life. Some people’s lives could be affected by being named homosexuals, but definitely destroyed by being called a Sodomite.

Publish and be damned

In the light of this, it is first interesting to read that a newspaper in Uganda has decided to publish the first names and professions of alleged homosexuals; this atrocious act is defended as exposing people who are cheating on their partners.

One wonders when it became the duty of newspapers to publish private infidelities, if that be their goal, why single out those who have cheated on their partners with a deviation into same-sex liaisons? It really cannot be justified.

Harking back to Victorian times when sodomy was criminalized, it was said that Queen Victoria did not believe there was anything like lesbianism, this paper has not published names of lesbians for so many reasons, but one can really be that men are quite titillated by lesbian sex, it cannot be said that women find pleasure in the converse.

The law should rise to protect

When a publication of names happened in Cameroon earlier in the year, the courts came down heavily on the editor that he did prison time where he might have learnt to pick up the soap; I cannot muster any sympathy for such people.

I would surmise that the publication of full names might attract litigation that could really do more damage to the paper and editor than the aggrieved.

One voice of reason in that news write up does say this is the time for the government to protect rather than persecute and prosecute – unfortunately, the railing against homosexuality has a way of congregating people to a mob of bigots but does nothing to address everyday issues of life and wellbeing – it is a useful primitive political smokescreen that gets abused by any unscrupulous politician in the West and anywhere else.

Read my story

Then a defrauded Nigerian railing against cronyism and nepotism that has allowed the criminals to abscond from justice has labelled the Minister of Federal Capital Territory a homosexual; this smokescreen reveals a more compelling catalogue of woes and corrupt practices.

We might just say, if you want your story to gain maximum interest in Nigeria, accuse the principals of homosexuality and see your story become a best seller, however, it does not guarantee you will get justice, especially if the big man decides to accord you the courtesy of suing the big pants off your backside.

The medicine man

I remember that the most feared medicine man in the town when I went to secondary school had a name in Yoruba that translated to Sodomite. If you really did have a problem you wanted sorted out in the animist traditions, you went to see him – he had not other name than that, and it drummed fear into those who as much as whispered his name.

I cannot say if the name was supposed to be literal or figurative, but whatever it meant, people must have thought he drew more magical strength from the seemingly abominable and bizarre practice – anyone who might have been done by him would definitely not dare go to the press.

A dowry for a goat

And so a house owner in Sudan wakes up in the middle of the night to sort out a kafuffle in his compound only to catch that a man in the act of using “a goat as his wife”. The shame and guilt of it all paralyses the culprit that he gets tied up and reported to the elders.

The smart grey heads decide there is no point involving the police in this, but impose a dowry on the culprit who is then allowed to take the goat home for a wife.

It is strange that the act of bestiality can attract so smart a remediation, but one of sodomy is a beheading if Sharia has a peek into that case.

Sex in Africa though common in terms of population growth, horrible in terms of rape and abuse and also paternalistic in terms of the rights of women, is still a very difficult topic of ambivalent values of traditions, religion and simple village wisdom – somehow, those in the village seem to understand the issues better.

It may also be that some even knew that sodomy long before condoms and pills was a form of contraception as long as it is practised between man and woman.