A mars a-whey

Me teeth do meat and leaf

I am what you might call traditional, I have dentition as an omnivore to eat my food - plant and flesh - and digest that to provide nutrients to my body.

When I was a kid, we had such a large expanse of land around our house, cattle grazed on the grass that stretched down to the forbidden paddocks - left behind after tin and columbite had been mined exhaustion.

Many a cow would lie down chewing the cud , a regurgitant of previously eaten grass before it can be digested; they have the dentition for that, they are herbivores - imagine human-beings re-eating throw-up - Oh! YUK! YUK! EUGH!

A bit of animal in my chocolate

You can see where this is going as I did not feel that much sympathy for the fact that Mars was ditching synthetic rennet for whey containing rennet found in the stomach of veal calves.

For me, that was a welcome development considering the amount of food additives and coal tar that enters our food to make it aesthetically pleasing to the eye above all else that matters with food.

Within days, Mars Inc. has reversed this decision - Bah! - profuse groveling apologies and all, because strict vegetarians donned the garb of the Disgruntled of Tunbridge Wells and flooded Mars with 6000 comments in days; 12 times the weekly volume.

How can a minority of people in what a less sympathetic blogger might class as ones with a nutrition-complex less sophisticated than that of a cow's create such a rumpus?

Well, they have and Mars will be hearing from those of us like a little bit of an animal in our chocolate. Meanwhile, I am so distraught; I would be having grass for dinner. (I love vegetarians, honestly!)

Dubbiyew the Delusionary

Headed for the Cosmos

Who writes those lines?

After the infamous "Axis of evil" words of the President Bush's 2002 State of the Union address, one could be forgiven for expecting those delirious prosaic nauseating conjurers to be dropped off at Mount Rushmore with air rails for support.

Though some have gone off to greener pastures where the wolves are bigger; the decision for KLM to accept the use of air marshals on their American-bound flights could only lead one to speculate that there is a booming trade in the best brand of smoke.

Bush unveils Moon and Mars plans

Bush unveils vision for moon and beyond - Jan. 14, 2004

The speech about bouncing man off the moon unto Mars and the world beyond smacked of pogo-stick astronomy egged on by hopscotch astrology.

The speechwriters were definitely on something rare and undiscovered, because it put Arthur C. Clarke's 2001 – A Space Odyssey in the shade, this diatribe being the sequel – for argument sake, the prologue to George Dubbiyew Bush's 2004 – A Space Fantasy.

Kubrick 2001

2001 A Space Odyssey

The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow

The conspiracy junkies have already begun picking out the fault lines in this uncharted Martian terrain. In an election year, with a haemorrhaging budget deficit, a dollar falling like lightning from the heavens and the Nemesis of Iraqi body bags ever hardening the pliable and docile Soccer Mum, Mars in a different orbit can do no harm.

No view of earth was evident when the Hollywood machinery of American genius kicked in with first a speech from space and then a space for weightless jokes attracting vacuous applause.

By the time the landing craft found a solid platform of quicksand, we had found life in the Andromeda galaxy on Planet Zorg, cosmic radiation and hypoxia in a Space Museum could set the imagination alight.

A new International Space Station; American fulfilling its obligations to its 15 partners for this purpose; a commune on the moon and then a weekend break to Mars travelling on a scooter. Bah!

One remembers lines from the current chart topper in the UK – The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I ever had – it is a mad world no doubt. Gary Jules' cover of a Tears for Fears classic.

No ploy so devious

At the risk of sounding cynical, this is Desperately Seeking Re-election, in a shameful Houston to Apollo X dialogue …

Houston: History calling on sentiment, Rover!

Apollo X: Spirit of emotion seeking credibility, we hear you!

This attracts opprobrium so contemptible; shame is now a glowing compliment.

Whilst it is visionary, the cost is unquantifiable, possibly running into billions, mortgaging future Americans to a craze that has no neither purpose nor aim. Life might as well be on the moon but not in ways, our science can detect the life forms.

A simple lesson in invisibility can be either clothed in black in pitch-black darkness or being accelerated beyond the speed of light. We have the science for the first, but not yet for the second. Much as there can be other life forms and civilisations on this earth that, we have not begun to understand.

There is no cash for this dash,

once Americans note how rash

though this idea is flash

would send Dubbiyew's stash

out of the White House with a crash

A last word from Dubbiyew

"This one small step for re-election politics and a great leap for White House politicians."