Annoying annoyances

What they see they see

What people’s impressions of me vary to the extent that I mustn't allow those viewpoints to influence or constitute my mode of expression. To be viewed as truculent, easily annoyed, and quick to take offence can only be a failure to invest in knowing me rather than one indicative of who I am.

I know the people I have intentionally given the cold shoulder and I have more fingers to count on one hand after I have accounted for them. I endured years of drunken opinions of seething disdain he became one of whom it was expedient to ensure any future dealings were terminated, after an unequal and trying friendship of just over two decades.

A gardener weeding engagements

I am not a difficult person to get along with, I however actively curate liaisons, acquaintances, friendships, and engagements, knowing what to cultivate and what to leave to lie fallow and allow to be reduced to insignificance. Frequently, it is not a reflection on them but a realisation that nothing worthwhile is to be gained from the continued relationship after inadequacy and frustration.

Maybe as an individual, I am quirky and strange, probably funny in a certain way, the things I allow to bother me are looking to be a better person and I am beginning to understand I need grace more than discipline. I might even consider counselling and therapy for some things, but those are personal journeys that anyone else might well find some profitable development for themselves.

Mirrors of keen expression

What I find insightful is and this might come as a surprise because, in this same blog post, I have suggested one aspect is not a reflection in terms of the choices of engagement, but a clear reflection if reviewed with introspection is the way people think about you might well be something about themselves too, their needs, their interests, perish the thought about their neediness or their insecurities which they then project on you as unfulfilling of a certain expectation.

How you maintain your composure when confronted with such situations becomes part of the development of character. It can be overlooked or ignored though there are times when a frankness of opinion might be bruising but immensely helpful, daily, I seek wisdom in knowing when either is right. One can argue that discernment may not be present in the state of inebriation which I never indulge or when aroused from a state of the soporific that is required in typical circadian rhythms.

Gun control of tempers frayed

Invariably, I am usually not annoyed when people think I am annoyed, I am usually annoyed because people assume I am, out of some work in their relationship that they need to work on, and then project that onto me as some inadequacy, I guess that is a trigger as much as a gun needs one along with good gun keeping by ensuring the safety is always on, just in case the gun falls into the hands of a two-year-old, of whom you cannot easily demand they give you back the gun as you would a harmless thing.

Why am I writing this blog? Just a few thoughts about the fact that making some allowances for everyone might help in understanding better rather than misunderstanding leading to bizarre conclusions. This month marks 4 decades of many things including a very cherished friendship if my memory serves me right. Anyway, like Pontius Pilate did say, I have written that I have written.

Thought Picnic: Leaving footprints of lasting impressions

Impressions are footprints in the mind

Looking through your professional life you begin to realise the importance of both making a good impression and leaving a lasting impression. This is something you visit each time you require a reference for a new posting.

A new engagement having decided they want to use your services would as a matter of course and probably due diligence, seek to determine whether other places where you have worked before might if the opportunity presented itself with adequate resources and the requisite demand for your skills, engage you again.

Obviously, this is not to suggest that one wants the same old things, progress and time can change perspectives or prospects, but this is part of what could set you on for your next opportunity. As a matter of courtesy, one should inform and seek the permission of prospective referees to present their names for that purpose.

Good is good is good

Remembering a visit to an office almost 3 years after leaving, just catching up with colleagues and acquaintances, when one of the directors walks by, sees you, greets you warmly and then parts with words to the effect, the solution you created for them stands the test of time.

When references require you mine contacts going back 3 to 5 years, you really want to be sure you not only did a good job, but you also got on well with others and contracting is probably more a test of your adaptability amongst other important abilities. To contact references and receive enthusiastic responses with indications that your work remains commendable even if it was foundational and built upon by others, leaves you with a good feeling.

You need to do good, keep good, live good and never burn your bridges, even if you do not intend to use the bridge again, someone from your past might need that bridge to cross over to you. Be the bridge on which good and favour choose to travel to places that give you access and opportunity. You are your own testimonial long before you need to check it.

Thought Picnic: For once and forever

Just once

Once is experience and informative with hopefully enough learnt to decide whether it is worth another try or not.

Many things I have tried or done once and never tried again because I have in the common saying been once bitten and twice shy.

This does not mean I do not have a sense of adventure, it just means I am reticent about being divorced from the mountain of experiential trophies I have acquired in my lifetime.

Not again?

First impressions of people that has stopped me from reengagement, bad customer service, unnecessary rudeness, selfish attitudes completely inconsiderate of others, places that have no welcoming atmosphere, food that has once made me ill, the list is almost inexhaustible.

One must however not be curmudgeonly, circumstance and situation may have made the first time bad experience inadvertent and unfortunate.

For once

If I am tempted to relive beyond the once, it is hoped enough is there to change one's mind after the last time failing which, it is never again.

Then, in a lifetime there are still many things we hope to experience at least once, love, beauty, fun, happiness, awesomeness, wonder and excitement in events, places, people and ideas and long may that zest for life live, for once, for many times and forever.

Thought Picnic: The old-fashioned that works

From before time

There are traditional old-fashioned things that still matter and allow for the utmost courtesies and respect to be dispensed without reluctance.

As a man, my tastes are neither ostentatious nor vulgar, I am not given to trendy fads or trends, and I stick to the tried and tested things.

Politeness and courtesy are rarely reciprocated with rudeness, be it in speech or in writing, such comportment mellows the aggressive or the unfriendly; it costs nothing but it can do a lot.

Formal is normal

When attending anything remotely business-like, I always err on the side of being formal. Appearance should not be the judge of character or personality, but it always offers the first impression that could determine the tone and tenor of engagement.

Many times, I have seen people raise their game and put up the very best of manners when approached by the formal and sophisticated, though at the same time understated.

I have seen the readiness to help and respond to an enquiry besides the compliments that come with appreciating that a one has taken the time to turn out well and look the part that conveys an air of good bearing, self-assuredness and confidence.

First impressions

In Latin, we are told, Barba non facit philosophum - A beard does not constitute a philosopher, but the beard is a first impression that makes one approach to determine if a philosopher has been encountered. The variant in common parlance is “The clothes do not make the man,” but the clothes may create enough interest to find out about the man.

A man must needs have substance to back up the appearance; the clothes remove some of the prejudicial assessment that might accompany first interactions. No doubt, people like to be pleasantly surprised just as they do not want to be shocked, but if there is a way to prevent the unnecessary sway of emotions that could elicit either praise or rebuke, that is the better part of valour.

If you can, do it well. Work on both the substance and the appearance and do not leave any to chance or sloppiness. It works for me all the time.

Can I be easily impressed?

Experience dampens first impressions

Sometimes, I do wonder if the tendency to sarcasm laced with informed cynicism has lead to the point that one is not easily impressed.

Then I think to myself and surmise, a lot of things I am involved in end up in a sort of drama in which I hold the starring role.

So, I arrived in Berlin yesterday, a few days before the World Cup just to see how the city has been spruced up, for the global visitors who would invade Germany for just over one month of soccer madness.

It is a shame that we have Roland Garros (Tennis French Open) running into the second week but completely overshadowed by the expectancy of beautiful game. One is not impressed.

Not worthy of getting impressed about

In fact, I would have visited Berlin last week, but the frustration that accompanied trying to book a ticket on the Netherlands Railway (NS) website condemned me to the Humbug trip.

The reason being, until the 28th of May, the main railway station in Berlin was Berlin Zoologischer Garten Hbf (Berlin Zoo) and from the 28th the new station which was heretofore Berlin Lerhter Bahnhof was to become Berlin HauptBahnhof (Berlin Hbf) - the main station - moving it a few kilometres East. One is mildly impressed.

So, the knowledgeable programmers at NS could not effect a flexibility that allowed you a return trip to Berlin - arriving at Berlin Zoo before the 28th May and departing from Berlin Hbf on the 28th of May which happened to be the last day of a long weekend holiday. One was not impressed, not at all.

Banking on getting impressed

So, we arrived at Berlin Hbf, a station on at least 5 levels with shops a-plenty and a palpable atmosphere of readiness for the World Cup.

Finally, found signs to the taxi rank which eventually turned out to be on three sides of the station - a station hardly a week old - some escalators not working - so I heave my lightly packed luggage for two nights, down the stationary escalator towards the exit.

I need a bank - impressionistic antenna in over-drive - beginning to feel seriously unimpressed.

Saw a sign about banks and went in that direction only to realise it was a big advert of 0% rates, fine, there are at least two of those. So, I check the floor directory, no banks two of those levels - I suppose the station intends on run on a cashless basis.

Then, on looking up to the 4th level from the second, I see the sign of the Reise Bank - the Travel Bank is on to a nice little earner; we can pay up to 4% for using their automatic teller machines. Resisting the urge to be utterly unimpressed.

So, I get to the bank and it looks like the ATM is in with the currency counter in the bank shop, so I grab hold of the door handle which runs the length of the door - more or less a pole - as I pull, it yields, but I have no open door, the handle had not been attached properly.

Here I am with handle to the door of the bank in hand, looking like a vandal, when it fact, that was utterly shoddy work. Impressed with myself - people laugh - unimpressed - how many more botched jobs are being fancied up the World Cup?

My impression banked wildly

So, I apologise for my lack of intuition regarding the handle and then find that the ATM is really next to the bank, my powers of keen observation seem to be failing me.

So, I get there and finally I am able to withdraw some money, I would hate to think there is only one ATM in the whole of that station. Have to impress myself with the architecture.

Not really, the station is full of locals who have come to admire the edifice, we tourists and travellers hardly have space to move around - Good Grief!

I finally, got my taxi, and we traversed a tunnel that went as far as Potsdammer Platz - about 2 to 3 kilometres long - even I, did not know there was such a construction taking place under the Tiergarten (Animal Park - zoo to others). I am impressed.

The twins called unimpressed and impressed

As I check-in at the hotel, the lady confuses my AmEx credit card for a guest card, I had to re-present it making the fact known and then it dawned on her, but I get booked into a room with twin beds. That is a no-no.

Next minute, I am back at the reception, but in the lift one of the staff notices I have a problem, I only use double rooms, so goes ahead to effect a correction. Mildly impressed, this is supposed to be a 4* hotel, though as a holder of the Accor Favourite Guest Card, you can get deals that are a steal.

Then, he comes back, the only rooms left have twin beds, I would be offered a drink in compensation; they wished they could do something for me. Well, they could, I would not be fobbed off with a paltry drink, I can buy my own drinks - Unimpressed, definitely.

Put me into another Mercure Hotel of the same standard elsewhere in Berlin - that would be expensive - thankfully, my patience is not tested, he accompanies me to another room, it has a double bed and I also have the free drink to assuage my inconvenience. That is what impressions are made of.

I am not by any stretch of the imagination a vexatious customer, I am just one with a requirement - when you book into a hotel with at least 4 stars, and you can expect that requirement to be met, without fuss.

I was almost impressed upon, but I ended up being impressed.