Nigeria: The aftermath of "She Belongs In My Kitchen"

Politics takes in the family

Politics is a very engaging business for both the individual and their immediate family. It is almost impossible to divorce the immediate family from the effects and consequences of an individual entering politics.

The politician will almost definitely have a public life, it is usually unlikely except in a scandal for anyone to see into the home life and how the dynamic in that setting dictates, controls or affects how a politician operates.

However, we have gotten used to seeing the politician’s spouse espouse causes dear to their hearts on the one hand and sometimes to soften the hard politician’s stance to the wider world.

In many places, politicians do not seek public office without the consent and support of spouse and family, it is hopefully in recognition of the reality that seeking office does cause some sort of upheaval in their close-knit setup. Some have on the advice of their families withdrawn from politics to cater to their immediate family and renew bonds.

A politician’s wife with views

In Nigeria, we have had our share of the politician’s spouse, some uppity, some intrusive, some menacing and an atrocious assault on our democratic values, arrogating to themselves power to the status of their spouses and abusing their position peddling influence with reckless abandon, yet, this does not apply to all spouses, many who go by the moniker of ‘first lady’, to decline to licence for titles less commendable.

It is in view of this that one can understand when Aisha Buhari the spouse of the President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria gave an interview to the BBC. She expressed concern about how the political maelstrom around her husband manned by people they neither knew nor could trust was making her husband’s political agenda ineffective.

To which end, she suggested that if things continued in this manner, she will not support if her husband chooses to contest, a re-election quest. [Aisha Buhari – BBC]

On a global stage

In the Nigerian society, these are strong views, yet, in my first comment about this, I suggested it appeared pillow talk was no more effective to bringing an obdurate man to understand concerns the family had, that the media might well be acquainted with that frustration.

Yesterday, as the news media took its soundbites from Aisha Buhari’s forcefully independent opinions Muhammadu Buhari was on a state visit to Germany. He could not have been oblivious of his spouse’s interview and I would have expected that his media team and advisers would have intimated that the world press in Germany might well broach the subject.

If Muhammadu Buhari were visiting Germany for a purpose, it would have been incumbent on them not to let any other issue overshadow that purpose and be on the trajectory to a successful state visit with the world press concentrating on that. They fell at the first hurdle.

The joke in the other room

With Muhammadu Buhari standing beside the foremost female politician in the world, Angela Merkel, he was asked about his wife’s views in that BBC interview. Given a global stage, President Buhari mustered all the patriarchy and chauvinism he could at the expense of wit, tact, diplomacy or even common-sense and let rip an anachronistic embarrassment of verbiage.

“I don't know which party my wife belongs to, but she belongs to my kitchen and my living room and the other room.” He said, amongst other things about his political struggles, his losses, his victory and his opponents. Angela Merkel, if we could have read her mind might have been thinking in German, “Warum habe ich stimme diesen Chauvinistenschwein zu treffen?” [Muhammadu Buhari – BBC]

A very sad analysis

For me, there are many angles from which to view Muhammadu Buhari’s comments, but I see a wider consequence of expressing such views on a global stage and it led me to ask a few questions on Twitter, because I already knew that the main takeaway from this Nigeria-Germany summit would be, “She belongs to my kitchen.”

When a leader of a nation says a spouse of 27 years belongs in the kitchen, what do you expect the girls of that generation to aspire to?

— Akin Akíntáyọ̀ (@forakin) October 14, 2016

Let's get it straight, if a spouse of 27 years cannot express independent views without being sent back to the kitchen, what gives?

— Akin Akíntáyọ̀ (@forakin) October 14, 2016

What does President Buhari have an entourage of advisers for if none of the lot anticipated he would be asked about his wife's views?

— Akin Akíntáyọ̀ (@forakin) October 14, 2016

I know there are men who would excuse the inexcusable belittlement of Aisha Buhari on the world stage, I will not.

— Akin Akíntáyọ̀ (@forakin) October 14, 2016

Just imagine if Bill Clinton suggested Hillary Clinton belonged in the kitchen, just because she had the audacity to have an opinion.

— Akin Akíntáyọ̀ (@forakin) October 14, 2016

The undercurrent of "she belongs to my kitchen" is probably a religiously heartfelt desire to have a woman in purdah in 2016 Nigeria.

— Akin Akíntáyọ̀ (@forakin) October 14, 2016

The widest implication and consequence of Muhammadu Buhari’s comment can only be encapsulated in the next tweet.

I hate to think of the consequences of Buhari's 'she belongs in my kitchen' view on an unfortunate girl-child needing to go to school.

— Akin Akíntáyọ̀ (@forakin) October 14, 2016

The deeper ramifications

Nigeria has many girl-child disadvantages and challenges, we still have almost 200 Chibok Girls abducted by Boko Haram in captivity for over 2 years, girls are getting abducted, religiously converted and pressed into matrimony by paedophiles and there is no criminality imputed. [Premium Times]

The problem here is this septuagenarian in a changing world failed to lead and chose to follow patrimony and by his pronouncement that some have dismissed as a jocular retort, some men will decide there is no need to invest in their girls if the leader of the 7^th most populous nation in the world believes the woman belongs in the kitchen, the living room, and the other room.

The attempt at a joke here was the use of ‘the other room’ instead of ‘bedroom’, but the ramifications are deeper than that and that is why there is no excuse that can excuse what Muhammadu Buhari said in Germany.

Our culture expects the elderly to be smart, wise, wily and tactful, let us not let fealty to the man obscure the grave errors of the man.

Let’s do better

Now, I am not advocating that there should be no gender roles in the home, but a home life is only part of the total makeup of both the man and the woman. A lot is lost in the wealth of nations when only the patriarchy can decide who has opinions and whether they can be expressed so independently in public.

We must emancipate ourselves beyond this and give equal opportunity to a fulfilled life of achievement to everyone regardless of status, gender, beliefs, culture, traditions and unfortunate anachronistic views expressed by visionless leaders.

Decade Blogs - Jesse Oguntimehin - On Gender Equality

Decade Blogs

Then, another mobile phone propeller head like Mister Mobility, Jesse Oguntimehin is probably one of three people I follow on Twitter that I would go to for advice about mobile phones, mobile telephony, apps and accessories.

He comes across as soft-spoken, knowledgeable, quite engaging and fun, yet, he mostly keeps to his core expertise with the occasional foray into life topics that would always attract interaction.

From my observation, he has probably made virtual friends in as many places as the Internet would allow freedom of access, he should hopefully travel the world.

Jesse Oguntimehin blogs at jesse.com.ng and his Twitter handle is @jesseoguns.

In his piece for my #YourBlogOnMyBlog Series commemorating my Decade of Blogging, Jesse tackles gender equality and the changing perspectives of the issue in Nigeria, in the face of a learned and practiced history of unrestrained patriarchy.

Blog - To Celebrate My Decade of Blogging

The changing roles of men and women in Africa has been a hard lesson for the dominant patriarchy with a tendency to male chauvinism to appreciate. As we discuss the issues, some highlighted in this article, we probably can begin to grasp what amazing talent and ability we have left untapped, unused and wasted where the need for such is critical and expedient.

What I have learnt about gender equality; ongoing discussion

It is easier for me these days to compose my thoughts in a series of tweets, than to open my laptop and compose my thoughts in a full article. In writing an article to be featured on Uncle Akin’s Blog, I have ruminated over different topics; and after seeing several awesome articles already written on his blog, I wondered if mine would stand.

The inter webs has shaped my life in the last few years—starting from 2010 when I got my first personal laptop and a USB Internet dongle. I got the laptop and Internet dongle after finishing my National Youth Service Corps (N.Y.S.C) posting with the intent of making money on the Internet as a blogger. I’m making the money now, and I have also been able to get a job through my blogging. What more, my thinking has been greatly influenced through the interactions I’ve been having through blogs, blog comments and on Twitter.

How I use to view Women

I grew up in Lagos, Nigeria. It is customary for women to be looked down upon and treated as a lesser human—this is what I have been exposed to. I have always thought the woman to be the lesser of a man. The man calls the shot and decrees over the woman at home, in the office, in the community and at religious gatherings—while I am going to leave that of religious gathering out of it, I will talk about how my thinking changed in the other areas.

It was my habit if someone was driving sluggishly I’ll say: it must be a woman driving. If she drives well and smartly, I’ll assume it’s a man that’s behind the wheel. Men have dominated the women for long, but women never stood up to challenge themselves until in the recent times.

Things have since changed. There are women bosses that do very great work and help businesses succeed; women are the breadwinners of some homes; women pay their own bill and live independently.

If a woman decided to rent her own apartment and live alone, leaving the home of her parents, it is frowned upon that she’s likely to start prostituting, or she’ll not get a man who’ll be interested in her.

If a woman is earning a good salary and living comfortably, men become scared as if that is going to make the woman head over them and they won’t be able to subdue her.

How my views have morphed

I started hearing about feminists and feminism when I became active on the inter webs. At first, I was often irritated by them and the ideas—women who do not want to subject themselves unto the headship of a man; that’s how I used to think about them.

Today, I’m seeing women who have risen to the challenge, accepted more responsibilities and build businesses, families, economy and societies. Women are contributing a lot to the conversation and the development of our societies.

I am now in support of equality of the sexes. How do I mean? A woman shouldn’t be stopped from aspiring to a certain height just because she’s a woman. If a woman wants to be a bus driver, allow her; if she wants to fly a plane—now they do—allow her; if a woman wants to work a nine to five job, allow her. Never say: because she’s a woman, she shouldn’t be allowed to do this or that.

What I am not changing yet

A man is the head of the woman—in the home/marriage setting. She’s to accept the man as the head of the family. A husband and his wife should therefore have an agreement about the role of a man and a woman in marriage before agreeing to be yoked together.

It will be a lot of stress on their marriage if a man who believes women are lesser men, gets married to a woman with can-do spirit; a woman who can make a lot of things happen by participating in many of the tasks that have once been reserved for only men—managers in big organisations, pilots, earning better salaries than many men, a woman who believes women should be treated fairly and equally with men—she’s not asking to be the head of the house, but to be given opportunity to do as much as the man.

Is there a man (married) among us, who will refuse the woman (wife) the opportunity to contribute to the upkeep of the house financially just because you think that will make you less of a man? Are you as a man of the opinion that the woman should not work, just because you do not want her to earn more than you and then have more power than you around the house?

The coming together of a man and woman as husband and wife means that two different people are coming together. They may share similar views in some areas and have different views in others. They must be ready to sacrifice and know how to make things work out for the two of them—be ready to be partners and not rivals.

In concluding, I am for women being allowed to do things that used to be reserved to only men without calling them women or judging them—that they’ve succeeded at it or failed at it because they’re women. The next times a woman drives poorly, try not to say: after all she’s a woman. There are men who are poor drivers as well.

Women too should stop looking down on other women. While should you as a woman say: he’s so slow, when he’s not a woman. Are women expected to be slow? Is slowness a function of gender?

While women should be allowed to pursue their interests—to include the one once reserved for me—we should not forget that the women still carry the babies; it is the women that menstruate; and there are many things different in the physiological make up of both gender...

Questions and further discussions:

• If we thus want equality of both gender socially, economically, and politically, why don’t we advocate for men to have paternity leave when their wives are pregnant too? Are we saying we should let the women go on maternity leave while the men can’t? Is that being fair to the men?
• A man is expected to open the door and draw the seat for a woman. Is a woman expected to do the same for a man?
• A man proposes to a woman. Are we going to change that too and ask that a woman should be allowed to propose to a man?

Obviously, there are things we can’t change. We can’t ask the man to choose to carry the baby during pregnancy: except there’s a culture somewhere that I do not yet know of. The woman doesn’t engage herself to a man; it is the other way round.

What are your thoughts?

Nigeria: What Rape Victims Face in Court

Caught my eye

The headline was what got me as it appeared on one of my Twitter lists - Ex-Corp Member Weeps in Court When Asked to Show Her Private Part [1] – it was irresistible to my curiosity I had to view the circumstances of such an outrageous request.

A prominent traditional ruler had been accused of the rape of a 23-year old lady who was in youth service within the domain of the ruler.

The lady must have been caught in circumstances beyond her control when the lecherous ruler first attempted to gain carnal knowledge of her through the belittlement of throwing money at her which she rejected before he allegedly forced himself on her raping her.

Seeking justice

When she made a case of it, he offered her money not to make a scandal of it and considering the high thresholds of credibility needed to bring rape cases to court against quite influential members of the public, it must have been an ordeal to have gotten this far.

The story does not say when she was raped and the time that had elapsed between the alleged incident and when the case was heard in court but that is beside the point.

Beyond belief

What is quite shocking and brazen in its effrontery and insensitivity as the news story portends is that it says the monarch himself asked the victim to show her allegedly bruised private parts to confirm to the court that she had been raped.

It goes on to say the counsel for the respondent did on cross-examination of the witness demand, NOT ask, but demand that she expose her privates for the scrutiny of the judge, the present counsel and prosecution to ascertain the veracity of her claim.

Now, even if the court doubled as a gynaecological unit and the all the learned purveyors of the ways and means of the law were certified consultant gynaecologists, this request would have been utterly improper at best.

This direction of questioning after being overruled should have had the counsel sanctioned with the risk of contempt by reason of deliberately outraging public decency.

If the monarch had also spoken out in initiating this line of questioning, he should have been sternly cautioned but the news story offers no such detail.

Bad handling of a sensitive situation

In my opinion, the purpose of that line of questioning was no doubt geared towards first embarrassing the victim, then humiliating her in her quest for justice before seriously upsetting her that she might lose all her composure to the advantage of the defence.

I am concerned that the judge appeared to be a tad lackadaisical in dealing firmly with this affront to polite proceedings where the counsel should have for bringing the legal profession into disrepute risked disbarment.

However, the sadder picture exemplified in this case is the lack of courtesy and sensitivity to victims of rape in open court and the effrontery and brazenness of patriarchy at the plight of victimised women.

What victims face

Men of power and influence behave as if they have right and authority to demand and obtain sexual favours whilst being unable handle rejection or negation of their desires.

They believe if they have the physical means to overpower the woman, then they can have their way without consequence.

They expect that the shock and shame of being raped presents a barrier to prosecution as the victim has to wade through hurdles of location, situation, opportunity, motive, circumstance, believability and influence to start off the process of justice.

As society will probably first find fault with the victim before it considers the egregious criminality of the perpetrator.

What to do

There is every need to have stronger support networks for rape victims regardless of the probable cause and the availability of evidence necessary to prosecute to the fullest extent of the law, all those accused of rape.

As another human-being and sadly of the male species, I have the fullest sympathy for the victim and I hope that those involved in this contemptible show of chauvinism too vile for expression are visited with opprobrium, shame, disgrace and obloquy as a deterrent to any other counsel who might think sailing close to the wind in rude discourse can be done with impunity and without dire consequences.

Source

[1] Ex-Corp Member Weeps in Court When Asked to Show Her Private Part - Nigeria DailyPost