Sunday, 16 June 2013

Thought Picnic: Keeping Our Secrets and Lies

The way we are
A few weeks ago, I wrote about the issue of choices we end up making by reason of our loss of innocence, this topic is one I chose to write about because I felt a burden, the need to give voice to a matter we rarely deal with.
We however do need to appreciate that our experiences inform the way we interact within our social circles both far and near, more importantly, we must know the things to share from the things to keep secret.
It is unsettling to realise that some people failing to see life from perspectives completely different from theirs think everyone should follow the template of their example in terms of how revealing and open they should be about their private lives.
Off my turf, you militants
It is almost as if they are suggesting others are not entitled to some privacy, secrecy or talk less of confidentiality whilst defining their friendship on the basis of the total revelation of self.
This thinking is taking on a militancy where unpalatable words are bandied around to coerce and bludgeon the non-pliant into a defensiveness with the hope that the affected divest themselves of their self-esteem in the pursuit of the narrow focus of acceptance satisfying the assailant rather than maintaining the status quo of comfortable accommodation that embraces the many – this is an acceptable compromise the majority resides in and it is not unhealthy.
Boxes and labels
People just want to be accepted as human beings and active participants in the global village of humanity without having to be identified by labels some feel others should have by reason of race, gender, ability or sexuality much as it is trendy to identify with all sorts of minority tags to appear hip.
Much as we compartmentalise our lives in the hope that things we reveal and the other things we conceal will retain a modicum of mystique about ourselves, it should always be the prerogative of the individual and that person should not be under pressure to expose themselves beyond what they are comfortable with.
The conceit
I do hope that those who have successfully created boxes and labels for their lives should realise that the perfection they have achieved is not a one-size-fits-all for everyone else, it is utterly pompous to even hazard the thought that your definitions automatically form the full assessment of a subject.
The hubris of those who have not walked in the shoes of others reeks of conceit and in pushing back it is necessary to make it clear to them that it is at first none of their business and then not everyone really wants to be like them, however strongly they feel labels give them the fulfilment they think it brings to them
Mind your own business
Frankly, besides being livid with rage, one is not impressed – they should get on with whatever they want to do with their lives and stories but stop being judgmental of those with a greater sense of discretion and decency, it is no shame to have secrets and fear is a healthy emotion for the assessment of risk.
Just think, the reason why people might not be so open with you might not be because they do not trust you but because you have not earned their confidence – it is a process, it does not come by probing inquisitive intrusion into the inner recesses of a person; that is utterly disrespectful.

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