Tuesday, 29 January 2013

Thought Picnic: The other complements and compliments

The significant others
I have had two significant relationships amongst the many others altogether coming to just about 11 years. The first which was for love lasted 7 years, the second, some 6 years later was out of necessity for companionship.
In chatting to a friend just over a week ago, I reviewed elements of mine in relation to his. In his case, a one-time quite fervent partnership suddenly took an unfortunate turn that in terms affected most of us that knew them, maybe not as much as the parties involved but nonetheless it was quite unsettling.
A love unmade
Then there was one other in-between those two that was intense in its spark but never ignited a fire, it was one where my head was never engaged in the affairs of the heart that it brought much hurt and heartache, we made plans we never saw through, we made promises we never kept and in the end we parted company too long that when I thought to rekindle it, the kindling had gone – death had whisked my love away.
Somehow, that break-up of a relationship that barely existed over a span of 6 years of somewhat unrequited love affected me the most, I had to get well before I had the time to grieve and that took the best part of a year before I made peace with myself and my loss, but for the memories that could have been if we did work at it.
The foibles we suffer
That last relationship was as unequal as they come in background, means and status but it brought with it amazing insight, exposure to things I never before considered important and adventure that brought a smile every time.
We parted company in the pique of unnecessary jealousy, I might have been a tad insensitive but everything I did to convey assurances where the offence was more of the other than myself just seemed to accentuate a sense of lower self-esteem in the other – there wasn’t much we could do.
I have striven to keep the friendship of all those I have met, but it is their prerogative to withdraw their friendship if they so wish, I will not hold it against them – life is just too short to live it in grudge.
Just like that
A year after that break-up, the friendship was rekindled, not for a relationship but just for that good company we once had and it came in very useful when in my greatest time of need, there was help, there was company and there was presence.
However, one evening without notice, the door slammed and it was 8 months before we saw each other again, people can only be what they want to be. I am not perfect and though I have lived a good deal of my life a single man, the much I have learnt about relationships, the need for them and the lack of need for them leaves me with the conviction that they are needed and needed so much.
Definitely maybe
There will be a time when the stories of each relationship will be told in the detail that each deserves from the fleeting to the involved, the ones that connected and the others that brought me to people I will rather not be in company of, all ensconced in my memory where every time we’ve said goodbye I have either died a little or lived a little more.
In the midst of learning much of what I do not want in the next relationship that the list has literally obliterated what I should need in a relationship, the bigger lesson of relationships and companionships that matters to all social beings and has been studied in primates that it got me even more concerned about my singleness is – all good companionships have a complementing and complimenting effect that you can never create for yourself out of singular means or access.
Therein comes my desire to cultivate something new, the reality is, it is not you might think, even I should be allowed an element of mystique whilst matchmakers can keep their matches in the matchbox, I know the kind of fires I want to light. Thank you.

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