Tuesday, 2 August 2011

Thought Picnic: For Childlike One Must Again Be

Looking for my child

There is a lot I need to learn and I am putting myself in that teachable position whilst seeking that childhood spirit of curiosity and adventure to discover new things.

I have spent so much time growing up I have almost become “groan up” and yes, I have groaned, grumbled, been grumpy and been quite grouchy; going into reverse, one now has to ditch the elderly things and try a bit of kindergarten finger-painting exercises as the Message dares to paraphrase Hebrews 6:1 of the bible – the grand work of art one has lavished much brushstrokes on is looking more like Medusa than Mona Lisa.

I am not ready to turn to stone nor do I as Lot’s wife intend turn into a pillar of salt, I need to enter a flow of change and adapt to the new challenges that present themselves in these trying times.

Talk is essential

My fourth session of therapy was interesting, no notes, just talk, much talk and a feeling that my voice was about to crack but that element of English stoicism kept me from crying a river like I once did almost a decade ago.

It is good to talk and talking with the right people helps, not so much that they can be your immediate help but they can bring forth good ideas and pointers where you have been so ensconced in your world of turmoil, literally unable to see beyond yourself.

I also need to talk to myself and speak out some things that occupy my thoughts too much that my rest suffers. I considered I might have been struck dumb, I did not even know how to pray for myself.

Awakening the survivor in me

How is it that a drowning man cannot cry out for help and a man being beaten cannot vocalise the pain? It is really not healthy and the realisation dawning on me is that silence might just lead to a quiet disappearance from view and an end sadly unspoken.

With this professional, much of what I have shared previously was in total recall, the empathy was tangible and certain things I did not know to do before have been described, arranged and helped through but most of all, I need to be reminded, I am a survivor and I will do well.

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